One More Try
by McDimplesBaby
Summary: Eliza Minnick is finding university life a little harder than any other regular student. She is capable and she is driven, but she is quickly becoming aware of the fact that one new addition in her life can totally crush everything. Ariliza. Rated M for future content. ***COMPLETE***
1. Chapter 1

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter One

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ELIZA'S POV

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Have you ever had that feeling? That undeniable feeling when you find someone extremely attractive but you know it's wrong? So wrong that they could lose their job? It's how I feel right now. It's how I've felt for the past six weeks since I started university. I was a latecomer. Moving here towards the middle of the last semester, and not knowing what I wanted to do, I guess I'm a mature student. _Pathetic, I know._ Who hangs back so long that they're the oldest in class, seriously? I'm twenty-one. Just turned, last week. I had a pretty crap time of late, but I pulled myself out of that void I was once in, and now I'm thriving. I'm living alone, and I'm doing amazing. I have a job at a local bar, and even though it's not ideal, it helps to pay the rent. It helps to keep me busy when I'm not studying. It helps to take my mind off of things back home. Mom isn't so good right now, but she is doing better than she was. At least, that is what I'm told. I want to be there for her, but she always told me I had to get an education, so that is what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be the daughter who she can be proud of…even though she doesn't know what day it is most of the time.

It was hard going at first but after a while…I found my feet. I figured out what I wanted and how hard I had to work. I can figure this out by myself, right? I can make my mom proud. It can't be that hard to do. She may not be with it half of the time, but when she is, she's amazing. We lost dad four years ago. We lost him to cancer, and it killed me at the time. Since then, she has sunk into a major depression and I tried my best to get her out of it…to no avail. So, I find myself here…in Seattle, and studying for a degree.

"Miss Minnick!" A familiar voice calls out and pulls me from my thoughts. "Are we interrupting your thoughts?"

"N-No, Professor Robbins." I clear my throat. "I'm here."

"Good." She smiles. _God, she makes me melt._ "See me after class."

"Sure, no problem." I give her an awkward smile. Not only does my professor turn me on unnecessarily, she is all I've thought about since I arrived here. She is all I think about as soon as Monday comes around, and until Friday ends. Okay, that's a lie…I think about her 24/7. I know I shouldn't, and I know it's totally wrong, but I can't help it. She just invades my thoughts. _My every thought._ I want to make conversation with her, but what will that achieve? I want to be close to her, but it's best that I don't.

I mean, I see her leaving every day in her sports car, and I'm sure she has a husband and kids at home…but still, I think about her. Constantly. It's beginning to become a problem. I can't focus on my work. I can't focus on what I'm supposed to be doing. She just distracts me. I've thought about asking for a transfer to a different timetable, but this isn't her fault. If I go to the Dean and ask for a transfer, he will want to know why. He will want to know what the problem is. I can't exactly tell him that I fantasize about my professor, can I?

This is all just so messed up, and honestly…I don't know how to fix it. I've tried to forget about her, but it's kinda hard when I see her four days a week. It's hard, and it's killing me. That woman is killing me. Glancing up, I find her watching me and I drop my gaze. I drop my gaze to exactly where I shouldn't. All I can see is a pair of heels poking out from under the desk and it only makes me more aroused than I was before. _Fuck, Eliza. You messed this one up big time._ Closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths, my professor is talking but I'm not taking any of it in. People around me are standing and packing away their crap, but I'm stuck in my seat. I'm stuck because if I look up at her…I'll die. If I speak to her…I'll die. Anything that concerns her causes my heart rate to speed up ridiculously, and I can't do this. I'm not prepared to be alone in this class with her.

People filtering out one by one, I shake myself from my thoughts and stand. Not lifting my head, I pack away my biology books and try to busy myself. My professor wears the most amazing perfume, and it's all I can smell right now. I know she is approaching me…I can hear her heels clicking against the floor. I can feel her moving into my personal space. I'm not generally one for allowing people to get too close to me, but with Professor Robbins, I'll always make an exception. "Miss Minnick?" Her soft voice pulling me from my thoughts, I slowly lift my head and she gives me an adorable smile.

"Y-Yeah?" I clear my throat.

"You seem very distant lately. Is everything okay?" Her brow slightly furrowed, she rests back against a nearby desk and folds her arms over her chest. "Is something wrong?"

"No." I smile. "Just…things on my mind."

"Okay, but it's affecting your classes. The quality of your work."

"It is?" I ask, slight confusion on my face. "Didn't I just get the highest grade last week?"

"You did, but if this continues…it _will_ affect your work." She gives me a knowing look. "Look, if something is wrong, there are people you can talk to. If you need help, it's always available."

"Help with what?" I ask.

"Whatever is going on with you." She smiles. "Don't struggle alone, okay?" _God, just when I'm trying to dislike her…she only becomes sweeter._ "If you need to talk, come and see me."

"I'm okay, but thank you." Pulling my rucksack up onto my shoulder, I straighten myself out a little give her a small smile. "I'll try harder. Be better, okay?"

"I just want the best grades for you, Miss Minnick. If that means that you need to figure some stuff out, that's okay. Just don't keep me in the dark."

"I-I should go." I round the opposite side of my desk to avoid brushing past her gorgeous legs. "Meeting friends."

"Sure." She pushes off the desk and heads back to the front of the class. "Thank you for waiting back a few minutes."

"Bye, Professor Robbins."

* * *

"Oh my god." Sitting down beside my friend on the steps of the old building, I place my head in my hands and sigh. "April, this is killing me."

"Oh, come on…not again." She rolls her eyes. "She is your professor. That fact alone should deter you and your unnecessary thoughts, Eliza. She is there to help you. Carve out your future with you."

"I know." I scoff. "That's why this is all so fucking hard to do." Taken back a little by my choice of language, April shakes her head and drops her gaze. "Sorry, I just…I know what I have to do."

"And what is that?"

"Leave," I state. "I'll go back home. Do something else. Become something else."

"You're going to leave university because you have feelings for your professor?" She asks, her tone lowered. "Maybe you could just _stop_ having those feelings instead and get on with your life."

"Easier said than done." I smile. "Have you seen her? She is beautiful, April."

"Yeah...and she's your professor." April is right. Why am I worrying about this? It's not as though anything would ever happen between us. It's not like she would even find me attractive. I mean, she's way older than me and she is professional and gorgeous and totally not even gay. "Eliza?"

"You know, you're right." I smile. "Professor Robbins is just that. My professor." Standing, I pull my bag up onto my shoulder and sigh. "I need to get to the library."

"Okay." She smiles. "Sasha is having a party tomorrow night. You coming?"

"I don't know yet." I shrug. "I'm at the bar until eleven."

"So, come by after its finished?"

"Yeah, maybe." I give her a half smile. "Thanks for being awesome, April. I'll call you, okay?"

"And I will wait for that call." She smiles. "Bye, Eliza." Leaving my friend alone, I head for the building across the lawn and try to calm myself. Steady myself. I've worked so hard to get here, and it would be a shame to allow all of it to go to waste. It would be a shame to end this because I have feelings for a woman who wouldn't even look at me twice. _Pull yourself together, Eliza. You've got this._

Stepping inside the library, I drop my bag down beside a nearby table and pull out my laptop. I have two hours before my next class, and I could use a little alone time to study right now. I know Professor Robbins is worried about my quality of work, but I'd never hand in a crappy piece. I'd never give her anything but my best. She's an amazing help, and I want that to reflect in my work. I want it to reflect if and when she is assessed as a teacher. She really is awesome…I just have to remember that she is here to be my help and nothing more. I just have to remember that she is a professional and she is nothing more than that to me.

Opening up my emails, I find one from the woman I cannot get off of my mind. It's addressed to more than one person so I know it isn't directly for me, but it's not often that she sends out emails. It's not often that I find her name in my inbox. _God, I wish that happened more often._

 _Guys,_

 _You have a pretty important exam coming up in less than two weeks. I suspect some of you may need a little help so I will be hanging back tonight after classes are over. If you wish to come along, you can find me in our usual class. Take this opportunity to come and discuss any worries you have. Take this chance to use me for wherever you are going wrong. I don't expect more than a handful of you, but my door is always open and I'm always here to help you._

 _Professor Robbins._

Ugh, could she be any more adorable? Like, seriously? I know I don't need any help where my grades are concerned, but I'm finding myself drawn to the fact that I could possibly have the opportunity to see her again before this day is out. I'm drawn to the fact that I know I want to see her. Even if I shouldn't. Even if it is a huge mistake. April will kick my ass when she finds out what I've done, but I just like being around Professor Robbins. She just has a good feeling about her. You know, the positivity. The smile. The warm presence she seems to have. _Yeah, I'm totally going to that class._

* * *

Rushing down the corridor, my last class of the day overran. Not only does my professor think that I'm lacking in concentration, she is now going to think that I'm showing up late because I'm not interested. _Damn it._ Rounding the corner, my class comes into view and the door is open. I don't hear any voices or movement, and I know that I've missed my chance to see the woman who invades my every thought. Maybe this was supposed to happen. Maybe this was the universe telling me to back off. My feet hitting the floor harder than usual as I run towards the classroom, I come to a halt when I find Professor Robbins stepping out of the classroom.

"Miss Minnick." She smiles as I almost knock her to the floor. "In a rush?"

"Damn it." I breathe out, my chest heaving. "I missed the class."

"The class I sent the email about?" She asks and I simply nod. I have no oxygen left right now. "I didn't expect you to take me up on my offer. You have the best grades in the class."

"I know, but you said it would start affecting my grades if I didn't concentrate so I was just trying to do the right thing."

"I appreciate that." She nods. "And no, you haven't missed the class. You may be the only one here, but class is still on."

"But you were headed out." I furrow my brow.

"I was actually grabbing myself a fresh coffee." She motions for me to head inside. "If you can wait a few minutes, I'll be right back."

"Yes, sure. Of course, no problem." _Okay, get a grip! No need to become a rambling mess._ "I'll just hang out here." I smile, awkwardly.

"Excellent." She gives me a huge smile and my heart melts into my body. "Can I get you some coffee?"

"Oh, no thank you." I shake my head. "I've had enough today." Waving off her offer, I drop my bag down and slump down into a seat closest to her desk. Watching her disappear, this is the perfect opportunity to gather my thoughts and stop this silly stuttering and rambling I have going on. It's the perfect opportunity to rid my mind of any stupid thoughts I have floating about. My professor is here to help me. The least I can do is stop staring at her gorgeous body for five minutes and accept that help. Even if I don't need it. Even if I'm more than capable and thriving with my grades.

A few minutes later and I find her reappearing and the class door closing behind her. Nobody else has shown up for the class she is providing and it makes me a little angry. I know a lot of them are struggling with their work right now, and she is giving her free time to try and help so yeah…I'm a little pissed at those people. She could be home right now and relaxing, but instead, she is here and wanting to better her class. She is here and willing to work with those people who cannot be bothered to get out of bed for their class on a Monday morning. It's infuriating. "So…" Pulling up a chair, she takes a seat next to me and places her coffee down on my desk. "What can I help you with?" Catching sight of the most amazing wedding ring I've ever seen, my mouth hangs open a little and I'm frozen. _How have I never seen that before? Fuck!_

"I, uh…" Shaking myself from my daze, I drop my head and clear my throat. "I honestly don't know."

"You don't know why you are here?" She asks, her voice laced with confusion.

"Yeah, I mean…just you made that comment earlier about how I would suffer if I didn't pick myself up in class so I guess I was just showing an interest. You know, I turned up because I thought it was the right thing to do."

"Your grades aren't the problem, Eliza." _Wow._ Hearing my name fall from her lips feels kinda strange. I'm not sure she has ever addressed me by my first name before, but I'd like to hear her doing that more often. "Your concentration is the problem."

"Yeah…" I give her a sad smile and realize just how close she is to me right now. My heart is pounding in my ears and my mouth suddenly feels drier than ever. "Um…" Clearing my throat, I shift away from her a little. "You know, I'm just wasting your time here. You can't help with my concentration so I should just go."

"Eliza, if you need help…talk to me. It's what I'm here for."

"Yeah, I think I'll be okay." I smile. "I just have to focus on my work."

"You do, but if something is going on, I'm a great listener." She studies my face and her piercing blue eyes make me shudder. "Or I can put you in touch with someone else…"

"No!"

"O...kay." She draws out. "So, something is going on?"

"No, I'm sorry." I roll my eyes. "I just meant that you don't need to put me in touch with anyone else. I know what I have to do and I know how to do it, so just…give me a chance to show you that I'm all in. That I'm here and everything you say, I'm taking it in."

"Okay." She agrees. "If you're sure?"

"I am," I reply. "I should go. I have to work tonight and I want to study before I leave."

"You work?" She raises her eyebrow.

"Yeah, it's just a few hours a week, but it helps me to get by."

"Impressive." She nods. "Okay, well if you are sure that you don't need any help with anything, I'll let you go."

"Thanks, Professor Robbins." Standing, I grab my bag and head for the door. "You know, this is kind of you to do this. Even if the other students can't be bothered to show up when they need help…I appreciate it."

"That's sweet." She smiles. "Thank you for showing an interest." _If only she knew I was showing an interest in her and not the class._ "I'll see you in class tomorrow."

"You will." I agree. "Bye." Heading out and down the corridor, my heart settles in my stomach and I feel a little sadness. _She's married._ I mean, I knew she was. Someone like her could never be single. Or gay.

 _Move on, Minnick. You have a chance to do well here. A chance to make something of yourself…_

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Two

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ARIZONA'S POV

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God, I'm so thankful that today is Friday. It's been a long week, and my students have been an absolute nightmare. I know they'd sooner sit at home doing nothing, but they didn't enroll in university for nothing. They didn't pay for my help for nothing. Sometimes I wonder if they knew what they were getting into when they chose the university life. I mean, I did it myself. I figured I could drink and party all night long and my work wouldn't suffer, but it did. It suffered, and in my first year, I paid for it big time. Luckily, I realized my mistakes before it was too late and now I'm working my dream job, but these kids don't realize just how much work they have to put in if they want to get the best from life. If they want their desired career. I care about all of my students, but right now…I have just one on my mind. The only one I know can truly fulfill her potential and the only one I know is good enough to be anything she wants to be. Eliza Minnick.

Something about her worries me. Like, she's extremely bright and she knows exactly what she is doing, but she's distant. In class. Outside of class. She has something on her mind, and I have to figure her out before it's too late for her. I have to figure her out before she throws her life away and fails my class. I don't want that for her. I don't want it for any of my students. Eliza, though…she's got it. She's got everything I'm looking for in the ideal student. I figured maybe she could be my new project, but she just won't let me in. She won't talk to me or give me anything. I know she wants to say something, but there is a reason she is holding back from me. A reason she is losing concentration in class. Maybe it's her home life. Maybe it's her personal life. I'm pretty certain she is dealing with something, but she just won't give me a single thing.

I mean, I may be her professor, but I try to be a friend wherever possible. It was all I wanted in university and I've always told myself that I would be that person in my professional life. This isn't high school. This isn't a case of telling off my students if they don't do what is asked of them. They're adults now. They have to fight for what they want. If they don't, that is their own problem. I'm not here to be hated or disliked. I'm here to do my job, but I get the impression that Eliza doesn't like me very much. She tries to avoid me. She tries to get out of class before the words have even left my mouth. I hate the thought of someone not liking me because honestly, I've tried hard to be as lenient as possible where all of my students are concerned.

Hearing footsteps behind me, I glance over my shoulder and find my wife approaching me. She has an early morning case today and she won't be home until later this evening. I've tried to discuss her plans with her, but she's also giving me nothing. _Seems nobody wants to talk to me lately._ "Hey, beautiful." Her lips pressed below my ear, I smile into my coffee cup and set the newspaper down. "Busy day today?" She asks.

"God, I hope not." I breathe out. "You still on for a late one?"

"Yeah." She sighs as she places her bag down on the kitchen counter and pulls herself up onto a stool. "You're only half day today, right?"

"I am, but I'm thinking of staying back a little longer. I have some stuff to catch up on."

"Sounds like a good idea." She nods. "No use sitting home alone." Handing over her credit card, I furrow my brow. "I saw the most amazing pair of heels downtown yesterday. Go and treat yourself." I don't need my wife's cash, but she is forever handing over her credit card. She says she wants me to have the best, but I really don't need it. "Take it, Arizona. Head into town after work. Treat yourself. Have lunch on me."

"Abbie…" I give her a sad smile. "I don't need new heels. I have enough to last me a lifetime."

"Oh, these heels?" She raises her eyebrow. "You are going to want them."

"You say this about _every_ pair of heels you see." I roll my eyes playfully. "But I'll check them out. If I don't need them, I ain't buying them."

"Yeah...just, take some time for yourself. Make an afternoon of it." She climbs down from her stool and brushes her gorgeous black hair from her shoulder. "I love you, and I will see you tonight. I don't want you back in this house before you treat yourself."

"Sure." I smile.

"And you know I'll know." She gives me a knowing look.

"Yeah, yeah." I wave her off as she places a kiss on top of my head. "You can feel it or whatever."

"I can." She shrugs. "Bye, gorgeous."

"See you tonight, Abbie." I give her a small smile. "I love you."

Watching my wife leave our home, I settle back in my seat and return to my crossword. I do it every morning. It gets my mind going for the day ahead. Problem is, my mind is anywhere but focused on this paper right now. It's taken me straight back to my student. Eliza. I know I should just let it go, but I want to help her. She's new to the city, I know that much, so maybe she is a little out of place. Maybe she doesn't really have anyone that she can talk to. I don't know if she is living at home with her parents, but I feel like I should get to know her a little better. I mean, I'm usually a good judge of character and she seems like a great student, but it's the eyes. The eyes are what keep telling me to get to know her. She has the most intense green eyes I've ever seen. Like, they draw you in. It made me feel a little uncomfortable when I first realized how much I was watching her, but I know that it's just my nature. It's my nature to want to help people. That is all this is…helping. If she would just allow me to do that, I can get back to my job and she can stop entering my head at every freaking opportunity.

* * *

"Okay, guys." I stand and round my desk. Resting back against it, I study their faces. "Get out of here. Study. Work hard. Behave." Friday afternoon fast approaching, I cannot wait to get out of here. I'd thought about taking Abbie up on her offer of new shoes, but right now…I want to head home, change into my sweats, and not move for the rest of the day. A slight headache has been teasing me since I arrived on campus, and right now I don't feel much like shopping. Or having lunch alone. I don't feel like doing anything at all to be totally honest. It's Friday. The work I have to do can wait until tomorrow. My wife will be working anyway. She usually is. It's rare that we get the entire weekend to ourselves, but I knew what I was getting into when I married her, and I wouldn't change a thing. I'm proud of how hard she works and I love her. I love her tremendously.

Grabbing my bag, I store my laptop away for the rest of the day and shrug my blazer over my shoulders. The slight clearing of a throat behind me, I turn to find Eliza standing on the other side of my desk. "Miss Minnick, hi."

"I just wanted to thank you for the offer of help." She smiles.

"It's no problem." I wave off her thanks. "I told you. It's why I'm here."

"I know, but I feel like I may have been a little off with you, so I apologize for that."

"Really, there is no apology needed." I smile. "Just keep doing what you are doing. I could see the difference in you today."

"Yeah?" Her smile widening, I suspect she thrives off of praise. "Really?"

"Mmhmm." I nod. "Enjoy your weekend okay? Monday is the beginning of a new week. A week where you will once again show me how hard you can work."

"Yeah." She sighs, a slight blush creeping up her neck. "Thanks, Professor. Enjoy your weekend." Watching my student walk away, she seems a little different than she did yesterday and I'm happy that I got to speak with her. Something about her makes me feel calm. I don't know what, or why, but she has a great vibe about her. _Maybe she will thrive under me after all._ Okay, that sounded totally wrong, but I know what I meant.

Grabbing my belongings, I head out of my class for the final time this week and lock the door behind me. I can still see my student slowly heading down the corridor, but I have to get home. Quickening my pace, I pass by her and give her a small wave. "See you, Eliza."

"Y-Yeah." She smiles as I turn the corner and head towards the main entrance. I don't know why she is such a nervous person. She seems confident at times, but I have noticed that her nerves tend to get the better of her. _Weird._ My feet hitting concrete, I head to my car and the sound of it unlocking makes me smile. _Time to relax and do nothing._ Slipping into the driver's seat, I fire up the engine and make my way out of the parking lot. Passing by the main entrance and towards the exit, I catch sight of Eliza sitting on the steps with her friend, her head thrown back and laughing. It stirs something inside of me, but I don't know what. I don't know why I'm so drawn to her, but I am…and I don't like it.

Shaking myself from my thoughts, I hit the main road and head for home. Home where I can lock myself away and get this student off of my mind. Home…where my wife snuggles down beside me every night. Regardless of how late she works, she always comes home and she always makes me feel like the only woman in the world. The only woman that will ever have her heart.

Ten minutes later, I furrow my brow as I pull up the drive and find my wife's car already here. Maybe her case took a turn for the better? Maybe she isn't feeling good? Who knows. I don't care, though. It means I get to spend the rest of the afternoon with her. Cutting the engine, I step out of my car and head for the porch. Slipping my key into the lock, I can hear her talking, but I can't quite make out where she is. She's likely to be in her office and taking a conference call, so I'll give her a few minutes before I make my presence known. Kicking off my heels, I approach the staircase and take them slowly. A headache I've felt coming on all day is finally making itself known, and right now I could use a nap. Maybe Abbie will join me for that nap.

Hitting the landing, I furrow my brow when I hear a loud bang and it causes me to rush towards my wife's office. The door open ever so slightly, I can hear whispering and mumbling and right now I don't know what the hell is going on. "Baby?" I call out. "You home?" Pushing her office door open a little more, my heart drops into my stomach when I find my wife spread out on her desk, a head of blonde hair between her legs. "What the fuck!"

"A-Arizona…" Grabbing her blouse, she covers her body with it and pushes the unknown woman away. "Baby, I."

"Get out." My voice now a little raised, she furrows her brow and the blonde turns to face me. "Y-You?" My eyes widening, I'm horrified to find my colleague naked in my home, my wife's arousal covering her mouth. "Her?" I switch my gaze back to Abbie.

"I-I…" Her head dropping between her shoulders, she climbs from her desk and covers her body up as best as she can. "I just…"

"You just what?" I scoff. "You just thought you could fuck another woman in our home?" My own words causing my voice to break, she shakes her head slightly and I step back out of her office. "I think you should leave," I say, barely above a whisper. "Both of you."

"Arizona, wait!" Trying to stop me from leaving, she rushes out of her office and follows me down the staircase. "Please?" Her hand gripping my wrist, I shrug her off of me and turn to face her.

"Don't you fucking dare touch me." I spit. "Get your shit and get out!"

"But this is our home." She gives me a sad smile.

"And _I'm_ your wife." I counter. "Seems you just lose us both in one go."

* * *

Sitting on my couch, my head has been in my hands for what feels like forever. How the hell did this day end like this? How the hell did I manage to be single, and wifeless on this Friday evening? I mean, I'm not a bad person. I love with my whole heart. Just…why? Abbie has just totally turned my world upside down, and I don't understand why. I don't know where I went wrong. Was I not a good enough wife for her? Was I not a good enough woman for her? I have all kinds of thoughts running through my head and right now I don't even know which way is up. I don't know where my life is even at right now.

The sound of luggage wheels hitting the lower level, I glance up and find Abbie staring back at me. She makes me sick. She makes me want to actually throw up in my mouth. Last night we spent the entire night in bed together, and now she's leaving. I've just asked her to leave. I'm not entirely sure she realizes how serious this is, but I'm done with her. I cannot and I will not live my life with a woman who has cheated on me. In our own home, too. I just…I can't. I was raised better than that. I was raised so much better than that. "Arizona…" Her voice childlike, she approaches me and I hold up my hand. "I just…I'm sorry, okay?"

"I don't care." I scoff. "I don't care for anything you have to say to me."

"I'm not giving up on us." She states. "I may have made a mistake and I know that you hate me, but I'm not giving up on us."

"A mistake?" I laugh. "How do you mistakenly allow another woman to fuck you?"

"Please, don't say that." She drops her gaze. Embarrassment is written all over her face. "It shouldn't have happened."

"How long?" I ask.

"It doesn't matter." She shakes her head.

"How long Abbie?" I ask again. "If you want this to work out, you will tell me the truth. How long? How many times? Just once…"

"A y-year." She admits, her voice breaking.

"You can leave now." I smile. _A year?_ Wow! "You can really leave now."

"I'll call you…" She breathes out.

"Don't bother." I counter. "I'll be blocking your number. The only call you will receive is from my lawyer for a divorce."

"But I'm your lawyer." She gives me a sad smile.

"Not anymore. You're nothing to me, Abbie." Approaching the door, I unlock it and open it. "You became nothing when you ruined our marriage. You became nothing when you started fucking my colleague. Please, just leave."

My heart actually breaking as the words fall from my mouth, I can't believe how this day is ending. I'm completely shattered inside, but I don't know what the solution is. I can't possibly let her stay. I can't possibly even begin to forgive her. She has broken me into pieces and now I have to rebuild myself. I'm a professional and I have a job to do. I cannot sit around here and think about the wife I was married to for eight years. I just can't. If I do, I'll fall apart and I don't have time to fall apart. My students need me. Eliza needs me. _There I go again with that freaking girl._ Closing my front door, I glance around and my home feels like it no longer belongs to me. It feels like no matter what…I'll ever feel at peace here again. Grabbing my cell from the kitchen counter, I block Abbie's number and pull up my messages.

 ** _Are you around tonight? I need someone…_**

 ** _Sure. Come by. I'm here until 2 am. Alex_**

 ** _Thanks. I'll come by in a little while. Have a large drink ready for me x_**

Locking my cell, I move towards the window and watch my wife pull away from our drive. _My drive._ This has always been my place, but I don't even want to touch anything right now. I mean, has she fucked Jane everywhere in this house? My couch? My bed? My shower? I don't know the answers to any of those questions and honestly, I'm not sure I want to find out.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Three

* * *

ELIZA'S POV

* * *

I'm feeling kinda bad this evening. I know I apologized to Professor Robbins today, but I feel like she may not believe what I'm saying. I did concentrate my attention on my work today, but she did catch me watching her once or twice. I don't know why I do it to myself. I don't know why I'm putting myself through this. It's torture. I can feel that loss as soon as I leave her class, and I shouldn't even be feeling it. I shouldn't be acting like there would ever be something between us because it's just not ever going to happen. Like, I was jealous when I realized that she was married. Who am I to be jealous of that? Who am I to even think about the fact that she is married? I'm her student. She is my teacher. There really is nothing more to it. There never will be. _Just get a grip, Eliza._ I have to before this turns to shit and I do something stupid or something I will live to regret. I've even felt the urge to kiss her before today. Who does that? Who thinks about kissing their professor? Not only have I thought about kissing her, I've pretty much undressed her with my eyes. God, this is just bad overall. Everything about the way I'm feeling is bad. Pathetic, even.

Coming from out back, I head behind the bar and my boss catches my attention. "Hey, Minnick!" Waving me over, he turns his back on his customers and leans in a little closer. "Everything okay with you?" He asks.

"Sure, Alex." I smile.

"Just...you seem out of it, lately." He shrugs.

"Just some stuff on my mind." He gives me a knowing look and I drop my gaze. "It's nothing."

"Minnick, you are my best staff. I need it to stay that way." He wraps his arm around my shoulder. "It's a woman, isn't it?"

"W-Woman?" I furrow my brow.

"Oh, come on." He laughs. "I haven't once seen you checking out a single guy in this bar."

"Yeah…" I give him an awkward smile as I sigh. "But I'm okay. I'm dealing with it."

"You know the best way to deal with it, right?" He raises his eyebrow. "Get under her…"

"Yeah, that's never going to happen." I laugh. "She's married, and totally out of my league."

"Oh." He gives me a sad smile. "Well, most of my customers are hot, so I'm sure you can find something in here to take your mind off of things."

"Maybe." I shrug. "I just…I'll get back to work."

"Good call." He smiles. "You know where I am if you wanna talk…or drink, whatever."

"Thanks, boss." Heading towards a group of waiting customers, I take their drinks order and busy myself behind the bar. It's Friday night so it should go by pretty quickly. I'd sooner be busy than standing around, so I always take the Friday shift if I can. Alex would rather have me than some of the other staff so I guess I'm lucky in that he gives me whatever shifts I want.

Setting a round of drinks down on the counter, I take payment from the customers and turn my back, sighing as my mind takes me back to my professor. Arizona. Her name is Arizona. Kinda hot, really. I never imagined she would have just your usual run of the mill name, and I wasn't wrong. I've had to stop myself more than once when it has almost slipped from my mouth, and thankfully, I haven't said it yet. _Imagine moaning that name…_ Okay, I seriously have to stop this. I have to stop imagining anything where she is concerned. It's not healthy. It's only making this all so much harder than it needs to be. Then it has to be.

Turning back to face the next crowd of customers, my eyes focus on the woman now sitting at the end of the bar. The woman I'm trying not to think about. _Oh god._ She looks amazing, but she looks…sad? Yeah, she looks really sad. How can she look that way when she has just finished work for the weekend? How can she feel that way when she doesn't have to look at our faces for two whole days? Well, now she has to look at mine but I kinda can't help where I work. I want to approach her and take her order, but it looks like Alex has beaten me to it. Placing his hand over her own, a slight hint of jealousy courses through my veins and I don't know why I'm feeling like this. _Wait! She's married._ Is Alex, my boss, Arizona's husband?

Surely not. I'd have seen her in here before today if they were married. Besides, he lives above the bar and I've never once seen her or her car here so no, it can't be his wife. He also doesn't wear a wedding ring. Watching their interaction, my eyes focus on her gorgeous hands and my breath catches in my throat when I discover that _she_ isn't wearing a wedding ring, either. Okay, what the hell is going on here? Her head in her hands, Alex places his hand on her shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze. Glancing back, he finds me watching and gives me a smile. "Minnick, get me a large whiskey over here."

"S-Sure." I nod. _Shit, she's going to see me._ I'm sure that will happen at some point anyway, but I'm not prepared for it. I'm not prepared for any encounter with my professor lately. I'm just a mess around her every time. _Okay, you've got this._ I'm outside of campus. I'm hot. I just have to be myself. Anything less and I'll be a mess on the floor. Pouring a large measure of whiskey into a glass, I approach my boss and my professor and clear my throat. "Thanks, Eliza."

Arizona's eyes shooting up, she furrows her brow and glances up and down my body. "What are you doing here?" She asks, her tone cold. She's definitely drunk.

"I work here," I reply. A slight smile forming on my lips. "Good to see you."

"Whatever." She shrugs as she knocks back the contents of the glass I've handed her. _Wow, rude much?_ Furrowing my brow, I raise an eyebrow and step away from her. "Is she even old enough to work here, Karev?"

"Of course, she is." He laughs. "You think I'd have minors in my bar?"

"Probably." She scoffs. "How long have you been banging her?"

"Excuse me?" I turn back to face her and her mouth drops when she realizes I've heard what she said. "Did you just…"

"Sorry." She holds up her hands. "I didn't mean that."

"Uh, I think you did." I shake my head in disappointment. "But you are wrong. I work so I can live here alone, Professor Robbins. I'd appreciate it if you didn't accuse my boss of sleeping with me."

"I'm sorry." She sighs. "That was uncalled for."

"Yeah, it was." I shrug. "But whatever." Leaving the space I'm currently sharing with my boss and my professor, I fight back my emotions and slip off into the back. I'm shocked more than anything right now, but yeah…I'm also hurt.

Bracing myself against one of the shelving units housing the hundreds of bottles of wine in front of me, Alex appears next to me and gives my shoulder a squeeze. "Hey, don't listen to her. She's drunk."

"I don't care what she is, Alex. She is my professor and she has just accused you of sleeping with me. Aren't you offended?"

"Not really." He shrugs. "She's my best friend so she knows exactly what I'm like."

"Well, good for you." I scoff. "She may have stuff going on right now, but so do I." I sigh. "And it's all her fucking fault, anyway."

"What is?" He furrows his brow and stops me from heading back to the bar.

"Nothing." Realising I shouldn't have said what I just did, I drop my gaze and my shoulders slump.

"Wait!" He holds up his hands. "H-Her." He asks. "Arizona Robbins is who you are in deep with?"

"I wish." I smile. "Just leave it, Alex." Pushing past him, he stumbles back and sighs. "And do me a favour…don't tell her. She doesn't need to know that she is all that I think about."

* * *

Wiping down the bar, Arizona is nowhere to be seen, and I'm kinda thankful for that right now. I've gone from desperately wanting to see her, to being unable to look at her in just a few minutes. I can't believe she said what she did. I mean, I know she's drunk and she clearly has issues right now, but that isn't my problem. I'd have loved nothing more than to be her problem, but thankfully, she has totally made me dislike her right now, and it's helping me to get over her already. I mean, do I look like someone who would sleep with their boss? Sure, she doesn't know I'm gay, but that doesn't give her the right to accuse me like she did. She may have only been joking around with her friend, but to me...she sounded like she was being serious. To me, that accusation was as real as the woman sitting before me a little over an hour ago.

I'd like to think that I could have held a conversation with her tonight. You know, outside of campus. Outside of the professional role she often has around me. I guess it's a good thing that nothing came of that, though. I guess the universe is telling me to steer clear of that kinda situation. Maybe it's for the best. I mean, I know it's for the best…but it doesn't hurt any less and it doesn't make it any easier.

"Hey, I'm grabbing some glasses before I head off, okay?" Rounding the bar, Alex gives me a nod and a slight smile. I can see him working things over in his head, but I trust that he can keep my secret to himself. He had probably gained a lot of secrets being a bar owner, so yeah…he can keep it to himself. Collecting some glasses from the empty tables around me, I make my way back and forth to the bar. Moving further through the room, I catch sight of Arizona sitting at a window table and figure it's best to avoid her right now. She looks like she is drinking a glass of water, but I can't be sure.

"Eliza!" Her voice piercing through the emptying bar, I close my eyes and stop in my spot. _Just ignore her._ Placing some more glasses down on the end of the bar, I return to the other tables and she stands, before making her way over to me. "Eliza, please?"

"Go away, Professor Robbins."

"It's Arizona." She clears her throat.

"Oh, I know what your name is." I give her a small smile. "I know exactly what your name is."

"O...kay." She furrows her brow. "Look, I didn't mean what I said before. I'm so sorry. I just…I'm having a bad time tonight."

"Yeah, I can see that." I shrug. "That has nothing to do with me, though."

"I know." She takes my hand in her own and my heart pounds out of my chest. "Just please believe that I'm sorry."

"Okay." I nod. "You should really head home. Sleep this off."

"I have no home." She blurts out. Her eyes widening when she realizes what she has just said, I furrow my brow and step a little closer to her. "Sorry, I just…" Stepping away from me, she heads back to her table and slumps down in her seat.

 _She has no home?_ I don't understand. Why would she have no home? I'd like to believe that I could be a friend for her, but it would only end up worse for me in the long run. Debating with myself on whether I should approach her and talk to her, I glance back and find Alex watching me. He gives me a smile and motions for me to go to Arizona. I want to, but why would she want me to be the one she talks to? Why would she want her student to hold a conversation with her? _Maybe she needs a friend, I don't know._

"Hey, um…" Pulling up a seat beside my professor, she glances up at me with unshed tears in her gorgeous blue eyes. "I know this is probably inappropriate, but if you need to talk, you know…"

"Thanks, but I've just offended you, Eliza." She gives me a sad smile. "I don't think you want to be here with me right now." _If only she knew the truth._

"Just…are you okay?" I ask.

"I will be." She nods. "My marriage ended tonight, but yeah…I will be okay."

"I'm so sorry." I give her an apologetic smile. "Your husband doesn't know what he's lost." _It's all I can think of to say right now._ I'm not sure what else she wants me to give her.

"My wife…" She sighs. "My wife doesn't know what she's lost."

"O-Oh." I clear my throat. _No freaking way._ There is no way the hottest woman I've ever seen is into the ladies. Just…no. "Do you have someplace to stay?"

"Yeah, I'm going to crash with Alex."

"Is she still in your house?" I ask.

"No, the house was mine long before we got married. I just…I can't go back there. You know?"

"Why?" I furrow my brow. "It belongs to you…you should totally be there."

"Because it's where she cheated." My professor admits. "Right in front of me."

"Shit." The word falling from my lips, I place my hand over my mouth and she gives me a sad smile.

"It's fine." She waves me off. "No professor or student here right now. We are outside of campus." _Yeah, she really shouldn't say that._ It only makes me want her even more. "But thanks for listening." She smiles. "Maybe one day I can return the favor and you can tell me what's going on in that head of yours?" _If only, huh?_

"You don't have to worry about me, Arizona." I give her hand a reassuring squeeze and she grips it as I'm about to pull away.

"I am sorry for what I said, Eliza." Her eyes studying my face, her hand feels so good in my own. Her skin is so soft. It's amazing, but this shouldn't be happening. Pulling away, she drops her gaze and shrugs. "Yeah, I messed this up, huh?"

"Messed what up?" I ask.

"Trying to be your friend. You know, helping you out with class and anything else you had going on. I know you are new here, but you will be okay. You will find your place and you will be great."

"It's not about being here alone." I give her a sad smile. "It's so much bigger than that."

"Wanna talk about it?" She asks, her eyebrow raised.

"No, I really shouldn't." Pushing my seat back, I stand and she glances up at me. "I'll see you Monday, okay?"

"Sure." She agrees. "Are you okay getting home?" She asks. _Could she be any more adorable?_ "I can walk you if you wanted me to?"

"N-No, I'm good." I smile. "But thank you for the offer."

"Just want you to get home safe, is all."

"I'll be okay. I do the walk three nights a week alone." Heading back towards the bar, I glance over my shoulder and she is still watching me. Catching Alex's attention, he approaches me and gives me a questioning look. "I'm headed home."

"Sure." He smiles. "She going with you, or?"

"Oh, I wish." I roll my eyes. "She's my professor, Alex. That is how it will stay."

"What if she knew you had a thing for her?"

"Don't even think about it." I give him a knowing look. "This can't happen. It's against all kinds of rules."

"Arizona likes a little rule breaking. I've known her long enough, trust me." Throwing me a wink, a slight smirk forms on my face and I drop my gaze. "Think about it, okay?"

"There is nothing to think about, boss." Grabbing my purse, I shrug my jacket on. "I'm leaving, and this is staying between us. Got it?"

"Sure." He shrugs. That weird glint in his eye is telling me that I shouldn't trust a word he is saying. "See you tomorrow night, Minnick." Making my way to the door, I give Arizona one final smile and she watches me as I leave. I know she is, I can feel her eyes on my back. I'd like to believe that she is looking at me because she finds me attractive, but I know that isn't the case. She is trying to figure me out. She has made a point of that more than once. All I can hope for…is her inability to read people. Since she is a professor, though, I don't imagine that is going to be a problem for her. It's her job to know about people. It's her job to know when her students are feeding her complete bullshit. _Maybe she will just forget about all of this and move on with her life._

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcomed and appreciated as always.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Four

* * *

ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

Waking with a pounding headache, I squint my eyes and groan as I turn on my side. _God, I feel awful._ I'm not sure I've felt this way since my college days when I stole my fathers bottle of scotch. I think I learned my lesson then, but right now…that lesson clearly wasn't good enough. Right now, I feel like I'm slowly dying. Not only did I drink far too much last night, I spoke to Eliza like complete crap. That's not me. I'm not that kind of person. I'm happy, and smiley, and caring. At least, I was until my wife ripped out my heart and stomped all over it. I was until everything crumbled around me yesterday afternoon. I don't know at what point I realized my marriage was actually over, but it is. I don't see any way back right now, and I'm not sure I want to fight for it. Why would I want to fight for a relationship with a woman who is a cheat? A woman who allowed another woman's hands on her body? That body that has belonged to me for near on ten years. She's all I've known. She's all I wanted. I was so fucking in love with her that I never suspected anything. I mean, am I completely stupid? Shouldn't I have seen this coming? Isn't there usually some sort of suspicion? I always thought that's how it would be. I always thought that I'd know if my wife was giving her attention to someone other than me. Clearly, I was wrong. So very _very_ wrong.

Climbing from my best friend's couch, I stretch my body out and glance down at myself. I'm still in the clothes I wore last night, and right now I feel like anything but a successful professor in one of the top universities. Right now I feel like the ultimate failure. _I am the ultimate failure._ How am I supposed to tell my family and friends that my wife cheated on me? That my marriage is over? Abbie and I have been dating since we were in university so she's always been there. Birthdays. Thanksgiving. Christmas. She may be all I've known, but she's all my family has known, too. They loved her just as much as I do. _As much as I did._ I don't love her anymore. Any love I had completely disappeared from within me when I walked into her office yesterday. I just…I'm hurting beyond belief right now and the alcohol hasn't lessened that pain any. I'm not sure anything could lessen this pain.

The scent of fresh coffee hitting my nose, I turn around and find Alex resting against his kitchen counter, staring me down. "What are you looking at?" I spit as I pull my hair up into a messy bun.

"The mess you are in." He snorts. "Look at the state of you…"

"How did I end up on your couch?"

"I carried you up here last night when I locked up." He shrugs. "Your drinking resumed once Eliza had left and you realized what a bitch you'd been."

"God, Eliza." I drop my gaze. "Shit!"

"What?" He furrows his brow.

"I was awful to her." I sigh. "I-I, oh god…I accused her of sleeping with you."

"Yeah, you did." He laughs. "Way to go, asshole."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." He gives me a smug grin and knocks back his cup of coffee. "You want one before you get out of here?"

"Uh, yeah." I deadpan. "But what do you mean?"

"Nothing, Robbins." He shakes his head. "I do think you owe your student an apology, though."

"Yeah." I give him a slight nod in agreement. "It will have to wait until Monday."

"Why?" He asks as he hands me a cup of coffee. "Why can't you just go over to her place?"

"Because I don't know where she lives and I'm sure she can do without seeing me today." I laugh as I drop back down onto the couch I've just spent the night on. "What am I going to do, Alex? I can't go back to my place. I just…god, I can see her fucking that woman on my couch and it's unbearable."

"She's a whore." He scoffs. "You deserve better."

"That doesn't explain what I'm supposed to do, though."

"Just…go home and take back your place." He takes a seat beside me. "She came on in here and took over everything anyway. You need to take your life back."

"She didn't take over everything." I furrow my brow. "Whatever she wanted, I wanted, too. We agreed on everything we did."

"Except you didn't agree to sleep with other women." He shakes his head. "I could kill her."

"Steady on, Karev. I can deal with this myself." Placing my hand on his own, I give it a firm squeeze and he gives me a slight smile. "She's gone and I'm moving on with my life."

"God, I hope you mean that." He replies. "I swear if I see you with her, I'll kill you, too."

"Not going to happen." I smile. "It's going to be weird without her, but I've got you, right?"

"You better believe it." He scoffs. "And you've got Eliza, too."

"Come again…" I furrow my brow.

"I just mean that she seems like a nice girl. You know, she could become your friend." His voice suggests that he's backtracking on his words, but I don't know why he would. I barely even know Eliza. "You know?"

"No, I don't know." I shake my head. "She can't be my friend, Alex. She's my student."

"But you guys can be friends, right?"

"Unfortunately not." I give him a sad smile. "She's mysterious and I'm desperate to get to know her, but it's best if I don't. I'm her professor and I have a job to do. Besides, she must easily be ten years younger than me. So, no…professional is how it remains. She has her own friends, she doesn't need me to tag along."

"Mm…" He gives me a slight shrug as he settles back on the couch. "Guess you're right."

"Look, thanks for the couch…but I should go." I stand. "Check out a few hotels or something."

"You know you're welcome to crash here as long as you need to."

"I know." I smile. "But I can't sleep on a couch for the foreseeable. Thanks, though." Standing, he pulls me into a hug and tightens his grip a little.

"Her address is on the kitchen counter." Pulling back, I furrow my brow and give him a look of confusion. "Grab a bottle of my best red on the way out and go and apologize…sober."

"You mean Eliza?" I ask.

"Well, I'm not talking about Abbie, dick!" Rolling his eyes, he shoves me away and I give a thankful smile. "Maybe you should freshen up first, though." He wrinkles his nose.

"Like she cares what I look like."

"Oh, she does." He laughs. "She really does."

"What?" I narrow my eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing. Just apologize and take it from there."

"You really talk so much shit sometimes. You know that, right?" Punching him in the arm, I shake my head and grab the slip of paper from the counter. "I'll call you tonight."

"Sure." He nods. "Later, Robbins."

* * *

So, I've just been back to my home. Well, the home I shared with my wife…and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I know it's going to take a little getting used to, but if I give it some time, everything will be okay. I will be okay. I mean, I have to be, right? I cannot slump my shoulders and spend my days miserable, so yeah…I have to be okay. There is no other way to go about this. I have to pick myself up. My students are relying on me. Hell, even _I'm_ relying on me. Pulling my jacket tighter around myself, I head down an unfamiliar street and glance down at the piece of paper in my hand. I probably shouldn't be doing this, and I probably shouldn't be thinking too hard about it, but I feel like my student deserves an apology. One hell of an apology. She didn't deserve to be spoken to like that last night. She didn't deserve any of it. How I managed to get a conversation out of her after it, though, I'll never know. I mean, anyone else and they'd have just flipped the finger and walked away. Eliza stayed, though. She listened to my problems and I appreciate that more than she will ever probably realize.

The door to her apartment block wedged open a little, I push it and slip inside. I don't feel overly safe heading in here knowing how terrible the security seems to be, but I'm not here to judge. I'm here to apologize and leave my student to get on with her life. I don't know how she affords to live off of campus, but she does and that tells me that she is so much more mature than the other students I teach. I mean, I'm not entirely sure they even do their own laundry. I'm not sure they even know what laundry is. Taking the stairs to the first floor, I'm actually thinking about turning around and heading back home. I mean, what do I even say to my student? Am I even allowed to be in this building? I don't know why I'm so worried about it, but I get a bad feeling from being here. Like, it's against some sort of rule.

It's not like there is anything going on here that shouldn't be going on. I'm just apologizing and then I'm out of here. Don't get me wrong, Eliza is beautiful…but so are most of the women these days. I've never thought about any of my students in any sort of inappropriate way, but I'm beginning to wonder why I still feel so drawn to this woman. I'm beginning to wonder why she has caught my attention like she has. There is something about her that makes my heart pick up speed ever so slightly, but maybe I'm just looking for a little attention right now. I'm totally looking in the wrong place if that's what this is, but no…it's not. Eliza is a friend, in some weird way, and I'm simply both apologizing and thanking her for being a friend yesterday when she didn't have to do that for me.

Checking the number on the slip of paper I have in my hand, I approach her door and I can hear music playing out. Knocking loudly, I grip the flowers I picked up on my way here in one hand, and the bottle of red I stole from Alex is under my left arm. A little movement behind the door settling me ever so slightly, I take a deep breath and the door opens. "A-Arizona?" She furrows her brow, her eyes red and puffy.

"Sorry, I know I shouldn't even be here and I know you probably don't want to see me…but I wanted to apologize for last night." I clear my throat. "I also wanted to thank you for allowing me to vent to you. You didn't have to do that, but I appreciate it. I really do." Handing over the flowers and the bottle of wine, she gives me a sad smile and fresh tears fall from her eyes. "Hey, please don't cry. I really am so very very sorry, Eliza."

"N-No, it's not you." She smiles. "Just…thanks."

"I should go." I throw my thumb over my shoulder. "Have to sort out my home. You know?"

"Yeah…" She sighs. "I'm sorry about what happened to you yesterday, Arizona. _Nobody_ deserves that."

"Me too." I give her a slight nod. "If um, if you could keep it to yourself…"

"Of course." She nods. "It isn't any of my business." _Okay, that's super sweet._ Any other student would have my gossip around the campus within five minutes.

"Thank you. I appreciate it." Taking a step back, she seems way too upset for my liking right now. "I'll see you Monday, okay?"

"N-No." She shakes her head. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

"L-Leaving?" I furrow my brow. "I don't understand. Where are you going?"

"Back home." She gives me a sad smile. "Seattle isn't the right place for me. I'll enroll somewhere else next year."

"I-Is it me?" I ask, worry settling inside of me. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Arizona." She replies. "You are perfect." _P-Perfect? What does that even mean…_

"You've totally lost me." I shove my hands in my back pockets and her gorgeous green eyes bore into my soul.

"I just can't be here." She sighs. "I'd explain but it's complicated and honestly, I'm not sure I want the conversation to even happen. That's when it becomes real."

"Again…I'm lost," I admit. "Did something happen? Are you okay?"

"I will be fine." She nods. "I just have to leave before I make things any worse than I already feel like they are."

"Did someone hurt you, Eliza?" My mind in overdrive, she has gotten me all kinds of worried right now. "Is it anything I can help with?"

"No, nobody has hurt me." She shakes her head. "I hurt myself, but no…nobody else is involved in this." I feel like she wants to blurt out her issues, but she is holding back. She is holding back from me and I don't know how to feel about it. I mean, I know she has only been my student for what…seven weeks, but I'm always here to listen and be supportive when they need it. Maybe I should have tried harder to get to know her. Maybe I shouldn't have backed down when she was struggling. I don't know what to do, but I don't want to leave her like this. She is upset right now.

"Can I come inside?" I ask, fully expecting her to shoot me down.

"That's not a good idea." She shakes her head. "You shouldn't…"

"Wait…" I furrow my brow. "Is this because of last night?"

"What do you mean?"

"You found out I'm gay and your family is super religious and you cant be around me…" I study her face. "I mean, I know some people cannot accept who I am, but I don't bring it to work with me. Your family has nothing to worry about. I'm not a predator."

"What?" Her eyes widen. "It's nothing like that. My family is very supportive of who I am. They don't care who people love."

"S-Supportive of you?" I give her a look of confusion. "You mean, y-you're um…"

"Yeah, Arizona. I'm gay." She rolls her eyes. "I just…you shouldn't be here."

"I know I shouldn't, but I'm worried about you." The door about to close, I wedge my foot against it and Eliza sighs. "Talk to me, please?"

"About what?" She groans.

"Why you are leaving…" I give her a sad smile. "You have so much potential Eliza. I'd hate it to go to waste."

"It won't go to waste. I just…it will be shelved for a little while longer." Trying to figure her out, my mind takes me back to Alex's place this morning. He kept making smart ass comments about Eliza and how she cares about how I look. How she cares…about me. _Oh god! I'm her problem. Fuck!_ "Thank you for all of your support since I arrived, Professor Robbins."

"Don't leave." I rush out. "Don't leave because of _me_ …I'm not worth it."

"I-I…" She furrows her brow. "What do you mean?"

"It makes sense now." I sigh. "You being distant in class. Avoiding me. Taking what I said last night to heart. Alex just…he should have said something."

"He told you." She laughs. "I should have known he would tell you."

"No, he didn't tell me anything." I defend my best friend. "Just…I get it now. You not wanting to open up to me. You not wanting me here. I'm sorry, Eliza. I had no idea."

"It's okay…" She smiles. "Why would you?"

"Because I should have known." I drop my gaze. "I just…I've never had a student feel that way about me before. I've never had _anyone_ other than my wife feel that way about me before."

"I'm sure that's not true." She laughs.

"It is." I nod. "At least, none have ever said anything about it."

"Now do you see why I have to leave?" She asks, her voice breaking. "I can't just switch off my feelings Arizona. I'd love to…but I can't."

"Can we not figure something out?" Giving her a pleading look, she simply shrugs. "I don't know what…but surely we can be adult about this?"

"I've tried." She admits. "I've tried and the more I'm around you…the more I want you." _She wants me? Wow!_ "So, it's best if I just leave. It really is."

"B-But I don't want you to leave." I furrow my brow. "I want you here, in Seattle."

"Why?"

"I just do." I sigh. I shouldn't be having these thoughts, but yeah…I've noticed Eliza. I haven't noticed how she feels about me, but I definitely noticed her when she arrived. Now I know why I had a reason to worry. My offer of help was clearly because I find her attractive. It all makes sense now. I'd like to believe that it was all simply me doing my job, but the more I think about it, the more I'm beginning to think that that's not true. This cant happen, but that doesn't mean she has to leave. She can't leave because of me. I'll never forgive myself.

"Arizona…do you want me to be completely honest with you? Before I leave, do you want the truth from me?" Studying her face, I can see the honesty in her eyes and I simply nod. I guess if she is going to leave, I should know how I make her feel first. "You…God, I've never felt how I feel around anyone the way I feel around you. You just make me feel at ease. Everything about you…it makes me feel like I'm the only one who has your attention. I just…I noticed you the day I walked into your class, and it's not that usual teacher crush thing like people have…I'm genuinely attracted to you. So attracted that I've thought about you basically every minute of every day. I know we can never happen, and I know you wouldn't _ever_ even want that with me, but once I knew you were married, it wasn't so bad. You know, I'd never wreck someones home. I'd never take advantage of anyone in that position. Then you came to the bar and you told me what had happened and all I could think about was the fact that you deserve to be with someone who appreciates you and gives you their full attention. How you deserve to be with someone who won't have their head turned. Because you are incredibly beautiful and if I stay, I'll kiss you…and I really cant kiss you. It will mess everything up and I'd never risk your job like that. You mean too much to me to ever even risk that. So, I have to leave. I have to allow you to get on with your life." A tear slipping down my cheek, I brush it away and clench my jaw. I cannot break down right now. I just can't. "What your wife did to you was awful, abhorrent…but I know that you will find someone else. You and I could never be together. I mean, I'm just a student and I don't even know why I ever thought that you would find me attractive, but yeah…my mind works like that, I guess. You know, wanting the person you know you can never have? I may only be young, and you may have way more experience in all of this than I do, but I know what I want in my life, Arizona, and the longer I stay here…the more I'm around you, the more I will see you in my every thought. I can't do it anymore. I can't be the person in the background who craves your attention. I can't be the person who wakes each morning and hopes that you will look my way in class and give me one of your gorgeous smiles. I just can't. It's too hard, and quite frankly, it hurts."

"Eliza…" I breathe out, my voice filled with emotion.

"No, don't say anything." She gives me a sad smile. "I know I'm in way deeper than I ever should have been, but that's just who I am. It may be my biggest downfall, but yeah…I'm sorry, and I never meant to make you cry. You have a lot of stuff to deal with right now, but I figured you should at least know how I felt. I figured you should know just how much of an impact you have had on my life in the past six weeks or so. I could quite happily spend the rest of my life watching you, but that wouldn't be fair to me. It wouldn't be fair to my education."

"I'm so sorry." It's all I can give her. This woman has just poured out her heart to me, and I cannot even begin to process it. Not here. Not like this. "I'm so sorry I made you feel that way."

"I'm not." She gives me a genuine smile. "You have made me feel _incredibly_ happy, Arizona. Even if you didn't know it. Even if I did spend my nights tossing and turning thinking about you. Don't be sorry…it felt good. So good." Stepping back, I remove my foot from the door and my shoulder slump a little. "Take care, Professor Robbins."

"G-Goodbye, Eliza." My voice breaking, I step back a little more and my body connects with the wall behind me.

"I hope you will find someone who truly wants you. Someone who truly sees your _absolute_ beauty and never plays around behind your back." Her door closing a little, she leans against it and gives me a sad smile. "Because if I had my way…I'd never let those beautiful blue eyes go. _Never_."

Her door closing completely, all breath leaves my body and I'm struggling to hold myself up right now. I cannot be here. I cannot allow her words to influence how I truly feel about her. I'm not stupid. I felt that spark when her skin touched my own last night. If I didn't feel for her, I wouldn't have been so devastated by my behavior this morning. I'd have simply left it and made a comment about my behavior the next time I saw her. I wouldn't have come to her apartment, and I certainly wouldn't have brought gifts. No matter how sorry I am, I'm not stupid. Even I know when I feel something more for another woman. _Is it complete coincidence that Abbie cheated right when Eliza felt so strongly about me?_

 _Maybe it was a blessing in disguise…_

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always. Massive response to the first few chapters. Glad you are enjoying this fic.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Five

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ELIZA'S POV

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God, what the hell did I do today? I mean, Arizona never should have been at my apartment, but she was…and I pretty much confessed my undying love for her. Who the hell does that? Who tells the woman they cannot stop thinking about how much they mean to them when it will all be for nothing? I swear I've lost my mind. I swear I need to get out of this town. I don't even know why I'm here anymore. It's only brought me heartache and devastation, and that isn't even because Arizona turned me down. It's all my own doing. She is perfect and beautiful, and I just...I can't anymore. I can't think straight when she is around. Nothing makes sense. My life doesn't make sense. She's a drug and it's one I have to kick. I cannot become addicted to her...so, I'll finish my shift at the bar tonight, and then I'm gone. I already feel pathetic for ever telling her how I feel, so yeah…it's time to pack up and leave this sorry city behind. Arizona included. It breaks my heart knowing I'll never see her again, but it's the right thing to do. It makes sense. No matter how I feel, I cannot act on it. It wouldn't be fair to anyone. Least of all, me.

Everything I said to her, I meant. Every word that fell from my mouth was the complete truth. I know it may have been a little soon for me to say it, but I had to…and honestly, I feel better for it. I feel like my mind is now clear. Sure, it may be out in the open, but I only have to finish this shift and I won't have to ever worry about bumping into the gorgeous blonde professor ever again. I'm doing the right thing, I know I am. Arizona would never be attracted to someone like me. I'm a student. She is a thirty-something successful professor, and she wants someone who she can share a home with. A life with. It would never work between us. I'm way too young for her. Besides, if she felt the same way…she would have told me last night. She seems like an honest person, so yeah…she would have told me if she felt the same way. All I got was an 'I'm sorry'. What is she sorry for? Being so unbelievably beautiful? Making me feel awesome? I don't know what she was apologizing for, but it doesn't matter now. It doesn't matter because nothing can, and nothing will happen.

Setting a round of drinks down on the bar in front of me, I glance to my left and find Alex watching me _again._ It's all he has done since my shift started two hours ago. Maybe Arizona has told him what I said. I'd hope she hasn't since it's personal, but I guess that's what best friends are there for, right? To listen and not judge. Maybe he is just concerned about me. About us and what could happen if anyone even knew that Arizona was at my apartment earlier. Like, she really shouldn't have done that. If anyone had seen her, she could have gotten herself into trouble. I'd hate for her to lose her job after she has just lost her wife. I'm actually sad about it. I mean, if I knew that I was about to take the place of her cheating wife, I wouldn't be sad at all, but I'm not, and Arizona is devastated.

"Eliza, you got a minute?" Alex pulls me from my thoughts and motions for me to join him at an empty table. "The others can take care of the customers."

"Sure." I sigh. I know where this is going. I know he is going to have something to say about everything. Dropping down into the seat beside him, I toy with a beer mat and fix my eyes on the table in front of me. "What's up?"

"You are the best I have." He dips his head a little and my eyes find his own. "And I really don't want to lose you."

"I've got to go." I give him a sad smile. "I'm sure you can find someone to replace me."

"I don't want to replace you." He states. "You know, she turned up at my place a few hours ago."

"So?" I shrug, nonchalantly. "She's your best friend Alex, and I really don't want to do this whole discussion thing."

"So, she was devastated." He admits. "I'm pretty sure she was crying more than she was when she told me her wife had been fucking that professor."

"What professor?" I furrow my brow.

"No, forget I said that." He realizes his mistake. "Just…she cares about you, Eliza. I think maybe more than she realized herself."

"I know she cares about me. She has made that clear on more than one occasion. She isn't the problem here, boss. It's me. Arizona has been the perfect professor. The perfect woman. She has always remained professional and she has always offered her help to me, but I can't do this. I can't stay and watch her during class. Especially not now that she knows how I feel. I mean, imagine how awkward she would feel seeing me most days? Imagine the atmosphere? I couldn't and I wouldn't do it to her."

"Don't you want to see her before you leave?"

"No." I wipe away the tear that has escaped and is now trailing down my cheek. "It will only make me want her and miss her more than I already do."

"So, stay." He pleads. "Come on, Eliza."

"It's not happening, boss." I shake my head. "You've been awesome and I'll miss you more than most, but I have to do this, Alex. I have to leave and start again because if I stay, I will ruin Arizona's career. I'll kiss her and it will ruin _everything._ " I'm trying to be honest about how I feel and how I see things going if I did stay, but Alex is a guy. I'm pretty sure he only cares if his friend is getting laid or not. "Can I finish my shift so I can get out of here?"

"Guess so." He sighs, disappointment evident in his voice."Just…" Gripping my wrist when I stand, I furrow my brow and glance down at him. "She likes you more than you think, okay?"

"Thanks for trying to help, but Arizona thinks of me as her student, Alex. Nothing more. But I'm okay with that." I smile. "Look after her, though. She's going to really need it, I think."

"I've always got her back. Don't worry about that." Giving me a smile, he stands and disappears back behind the bar. _God, I wish this could have gone so much differently._ I wish I'd never told him or Arizona how I feel. It would have been easier to just walk away and never look back.

* * *

Glancing at the clock, I have around thirty minutes of my shift left and I'm beginning to feel a little sad about it. I've loved working here. I've loved getting to know Alex and I've loved meeting all kinds of different customers. Every one of them has been welcoming and friendly. I never imagined myself working in a bar, but yeah…it's been good. It's been fun. Maybe one day I'll come back. Even just to visit. Seattle is pretty awesome so yeah…a visit back here with some friends from back home would be nice. It would be good to see Alex again. You know, maybe have some drinks with him down the line. I think if I'd have stayed, he would have become a good friend as well as my boss, but that isn't happening, so I'll say my goodbyes and I'll get to remember Seattle for the good and not the bad.

Wiping down the same spot I have been for the past ten minutes, my cheeks feel a little damp, and yeah…I'm crying. I don't even know why. I didn't even know I was. Thankfully, the bar is quieter than usual right now, though, so I don't have to worry too much about any of the customers seeing me in the state I'm in. Clearing my throat, I shake myself from my thoughts and wipe away the tears that have gathered on my jawline. Turning, Alex gives me a sad smile and I approach him. "Would you mind if I worked out back for the rest of my shift? I'll get some stock sorted before I go."

"Sure, Minnick." He nods. "You know, I'm really going to miss you around here."

"Yeah, it's been good, boss." Squeezing his shoulder, I step around him and make myself scarce. I don't feel much like being on this side of the bar right now. I just want to get out of here so I can sleep before I leave in the morning. Early morning would be the best time to head off. That way I don't have to see anyone as I go.

Shifting some boxes around, I move further into the stock room and check that everything is as it should be. Alex hates fixing up the stock but I find it therapeutic. I don't know why, but I guess I'm kinda weird like that. I guess it's one of my strange traits that I have. _We all have them right?_ Taking a seat on an empty keg, I place my head in my hands and take a few minutes to gather my thoughts. My emotions. I hate that I'm leaving, but I don't see any other way out of this. If I stay, it will crush me. It will crush me because Arizona will eventually move on, and I'll have to watch her being all happy and in love again. I can't do that. It would break my heart. The sound of movement close to the door, I roll my eyes and shake my head. "Alex, if you have come in here to try to convince me to stay again, I'm going to kick your ass."

 _Nothing._

Furrowing my brow, I stand and move around one of the shelving units. "Alex?" I call out. "This isn't funny." My heart rate picking up speed a little, I move into a section of the room that is better lit and my heart breaks when I find Arizona standing in the doorway. "Arizona…"

"Hey." She gives me a sad smile, tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"That's okay." I shrug. "Figured it was your asshole best friend playing games."

"Nope." She shakes her head. "Just this asshole here…"

"Hey, don't say that about yourself." I furrow my brow. "Are you here with friends?" I ask as I lean against one of the units.

"No." She drops her gaze. "I just…I wanted to see you again."

"Why?"

"Because this can't be it, Eliza." She steps a little closer to me and I back away. "You can't just say what you did and walk away. You can't just expect me to be okay with that."

"I'm walking away because it's the right thing to do, Arizona. Not because I want to." I have to be honest with her. What's the point in any of this if we can't be honest. "You are in a bad place right now and I should never have said what I did."

"Y-You didn't mean any of it?"

"Oh, no." I shake my head. "I meant every word. You just didn't need to hear it."

"But it's how you feel…" She closes the distance again and now I have nowhere to go. There is a wall behind me, and I feel stuck. I feel like this room is closing in on me. "So, yeah…you should have said it. You did the right thing."

"How did I do the right thing?" I scoff. "I don't know anything about you. I don't know who you are as a person, but I said that stuff. You make me feel like I've known you my entire life, but really…I know nothing. Nothing whatsoever."

"I do care about you, Eliza." She takes my hand in her own and my heart pounds out of my chest. "You have to know that."

"I know you do." I smile. "You're kind of awesome like that." Her grip on my hand tightens. "You are caring with all of your students."

"That isn't what I mean." She narrows her eyes a little and studies my reaction to what she is saying. Yes, I'm shocked, but I suspect she just needs someone right now. I'd like to believe that I could be that person for her, but I can't. I can't be her rebound. "I saw you the first day you walked into my class…"

"Sure." I roll my eyes.

"I did, Eliza." She gives me a look of certainty. "I more than saw you. I just…I'm married." She sighs. "I couldn't act on anything, and you are my student."

"I know what I am, Arizona. You don't have to remind me." I drop my gaze. "I know exactly what I am and I know exactly how fucking messed up this is. You really don't have to stand here and remind me."

"But right now…" She breathes out, her body pressing against my own. "I'm just me, and you are just you."

"Arizona…" My knees trembling, my back connects with the wall.

"If you are about to walk out of here…I need to kiss you." Her gaze switching to my lips, she licks her own and I feel like I'm about to pass out. "If I'm never going to see you again, and you truly meant everything you said, then yeah…I need to kiss you. I need to know what is walking away from me."

"D-Don't." I drop my gaze. "Don't do this."

"It's what we both want, Eliza."

"No." I place my hand on her shoulder. "You are only doing this because it's what I want. I want you more than anything, but not like this. Not when I know I can never have you and then the kiss would be for nothing. I can't kiss you and know that I'll never see you again. It would kill me inside…" My voice breaking, she runs her thumb across my cheek and gives me a sad smile. "Arizona, please don't do this."

"So, stay." She whispers as her lips graze my own. "Stay, and just kiss me, Eliza." Her teeth tugging at my bottom lip, her hand settles on my hip beneath my shirt. All breath leaving my body, she presses her lips to my own and smiles against my mouth. "Please, stay." She mumbles before slipping her tongue into my mouth. _Oh god. This is how it actually feels to kiss Arizona Robbins._ My body feels like it is floating right now. I mean, I've had my fair share of kisses, but this? This one has stolen all oxygen from my body. This one has me pinned to my spot and I'm not sure I'll ever move again. I'm not sure I'll ever breathe again.

Pulling back for air, I gasp and bite down on my own bottom lip. I have to remember this taste. I have to memorize how her lips felt against my own. I have to remember the sensations she was creating. "Arizona, I-" Cut off when her lips press softly against my own, she pulls back again and her eyes tell me that she wanted that. She needed it. "W-What the hell are we doing?"

"I'm sorry." She sighs. "I just…I couldn't let you leave without kissing you first."

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always. Another massive response to the last chapter. I appreciate all of the time you take out of your day to read and review my fics. I really do.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Six

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ARIZONA'S POV

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Oh God! I kissed her. I kissed my student. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ I should leave. I should let her go. She doesn't need me messing her life up, and she's right…I'm totally in a bad place. I just, I had to kiss her. I don't know why, and I know this is all totally wrong, but I had to do it. The things she said to me earlier broke my heart. The way she spoke about how I made her feel absolutely crushed me. I've never imagined I made anyone feel that way. Not even my wife. I'm just me. Arizona Robbins. Lady lover. That doesn't mean I think that the ladies love me, though. I've never looked. I've never noticed anything like that before. Maybe it was because I was led to believe that my marriage was perfect and happy…but now that it's turned to shit, I'm noticing. I'm noticing the way I used to watch Eliza. I'm noticing how she made my heart speed up when she looked at me. How she was nervous when we were alone together. Just like she is right now. I don't feel nervous, though. I know that this is all wrong and it cannot happen, but no…I don't feel nervous about any of this. I didn't feel nervous when I kissed her. I felt…good. _It_ felt good. Studying her face, I cant quite make out how she is feeling. I cant figure out what she is thinking. I need her to say something. I need her to tell me that she is going to stay, even though in my heart I know she won't. Even though in my heart I know it was wrong, I don't want her to leave. "Eliza?"

"You should go." She whispers. Her voice breaking. "You should go before this gets any worse."

"It can't be any worse." I give her a sad smile. "You are hurting, and it's me that has caused it, so I really need you to say something to me. Anything."

"I don't have anything to say to you, Arizona. I've said all there is to say…you should go and figure everything out yourself. We cannot be together, we both know that."

"I don't want you to go." My voice filled with emotion, she furrows her brow.

"Y-You wanted that to happen?" She asks. "You wanted that kiss to happen?"

"I wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't want it to happen…" I admit. "But I've made this worse for you, haven't I?" My heart sinking into my stomach when she simply nods, I step away from her and shake my head. "I'm sorry. I'll go…" Backing away, my body connects with one of the shelving units and it breaks me from my thoughts. "I just…forget about me, Eliza. Please?"

"Kinda hard to do…" She smiles as she pulls her hair up into a messy bun and removes her name badge. "You are unforgettable." _Oh, God. Her words. They just do everything to me._ Brushing past me, she heads back to the bar and I make my way out into the crowd. Alex pulls me to one side and furrows his brow.

"You okay, Robbins?"

"No." I give him a sad smile. "Can I get a large scotch?"

"Sure." He nods. "Help yourself." Heading back behind the bar, I grab myself a glass and head for the expensive scotch. I shouldn't be drinking right now, but I'm a mess. Everything about my life is a mess. Everything. Giving Eliza one final glance, I drop my gaze and head for Alex. "Go and take five upstairs."

"S-She's leaving, Alex." Unshed tears in my eyes, he gives me a slight nod and I head for the staircase that will lead to his apartment. I don't even know how I feel about this right now. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about any of this. I'd like to believe that I would simply forget about what has happened when my student leaves, but I'm not so sure I will. I'm not sure I could ever forget her beautiful words or her sweet smile. I just…I don't know what to do.

Closing the door behind me, I head straight to the couch I slept on last night and drop down, my scotch firmly in my grip. I know Alex has another bottle around here somewhere, but I'm not sure alcohol is a good idea right now. I'm not sure even breathing the same air as Eliza is a good idea right now. I can still taste her on my lips. I can still feel her soft skin on my fingertips. When did things get so messed up in my life? I don't understand. Yesterday, I was happily married…and today? Today, I'm not and I've just kissed my unbelievably beautiful student. This is all kinds of wrong but it really did feel so right. I'm not sure anything has ever felt as right as that moment did with Eliza. I'm not sure anything will ever again. Maybe I should take a leave of absence. Maybe I should take a vacation and just be for a week or so. You know, let this all blow over.

 _Yeah, right!_ This is never going to blow over. I'm never going to be able to remove my student from my thoughts. I mean, my body responded. It responded in a way I never expected. I knew I wanted to kiss her, but I found myself never wanting to stop. I found myself craving her touch. Her hands on my skin. Naked. _So very very naked._ God, I have to stop torturing myself. I have to stop thinking about this. About her. It's only going to make things worse if I don't stop this. She is right, nothing can come of that kiss. It just…it had to happen. I had to feel her lips against my own. I'd have lived to regret it if I hadn't done what I just did. That, I know for sure.

* * *

My feet tapping against the floor, I chew on the inside of my mouth and stare down the bottle of scotch in front of me. Just like I've been doing for the past twenty minutes. I never use alcohol to solve my problems, but looking back, I've never needed to. I've never really had any problems that required the need to feel totally out of it. This though? This is one of those times when I need to forget. This is one of those times when I need to feel like anyone but myself, and scotch can do that for me. I want nothing more than to hear Eliza tell me that she isn't going to leave, but her mind is made up. I could see it in her eyes. I could see that determination to follow through with her plan. If only I wasn't so determined to follow through with my own plan when I kissed her. If only I hadn't done that.

I'm torn. Totally torn. I mean, on the one hand…I loved every second of it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. On the other, it has only messed her up even more than she already felt where I am concerned. I was selfish. That's what this is. I'm a selfish bitch and I didn't care if I hurt her by doing what I did. At least, not in the moment. Not when I knew it was going to happen. I could have stopped myself, but I didn't. Look at me now? I feel even worse than I did when I left her place this afternoon. I feel even worse than I did when Abbie cheated on me. To be honest, I haven't thought about my wife since Eliza came clean about her feelings. She hasn't once entered my thoughts. Surely that tells me something. Surely that tells me that in the back of my mind, I knew we wouldn't last. I can't recall any one time that I ever felt that way about my marriage, but certain things are beginning to make sense. Certain pieces of the puzzle are beginning to fit perfectly. _Why didn't I see it before?_ Maybe I was just so in love that I didn't want to see it, I don't know. Maybe I didn't want to believe it.

She was always trying to get me out of the house for one reason or another. She was always coming home late from work. I just put the late hours down to her job. She has always been a late worker, so yeah…I never thought that she would have had an ulterior motive. I never thought that she would have had any other reason for her late hours other than work. God, I'm so fucking stupid. I should have known. If I'd have opened my eyes to that, I wouldn't have walked in to find her fucking my colleague. I wouldn't have had my heart ripped from my chest the way that I did. I would have ended it. I would have walked away a long time ago had I known what was going on. _Fucking pathetic, is what you are._

A light knocking on the door pulling me from my thoughts, I glance over my shoulder and find Alex standing in the doorway. "I brought you a bottle but it seems you found my stash."

"I'm sorry." I sigh. "I'll replace it."

"I don't want you to replace it." He shrugs. "I just wanted to check in on you…"

"I'm okay, Alex. You should get back down to the bar. You don't need to be around me and my mood."

"Yeah, I can't stay long." He sighs. "But you guys should really talk."

"Kinda hard to talk to someone when you have hurt them and they've left the city because of you."

"She didn't leave because you hurt her, Arizona. She's leaving to protect you." He replies. It only makes me even more fond of her, though. "You get that, right?'

"I don't need protecting." I cry. "I just want to be fucking happy. Is that too much to ask for, really?"

"She's still here." He admits. "In the bar."

"Why?" My heart pounding in my ears, I turn to face my best friend. "Why is she still here, Alex?"

"Well, the last time I asked…she was trying to decide whether or not to come and speak to you." He shrugs. "So?"

"So, ask her to come up here." I raise an eyebrow. "If you wouldn't mind."

"I'll see what I can do…" He throws me a wink. "Give me a little time, okay?" Leaving his apartment, the door closes again and I rest my head back, my eyes closing. My cell vibrating in my pocket, I furrow my brow and take it out. An unfamiliar number on my screen, I open the message and roll my eyes.

 ** _Please forgive me. I love you x_**

 ** _Fuck off, Abbie._**

A slight laugh leaving my throat, some people are fucking unbelievable. They really are. I mean, does she think I will just take her back? Does she think that I'll forgive her and climb into bed with her? I can't even bear that thought right now. The thought of even seeing her makes me feel nauseous. Everything about her is so off-putting right now that it makes me wonder if she ever loved me. If she ever saw our marriage how I did. Tears slipping down my face, my cell buzzes in my hand and I glance down at it.

 ** _It was a mistake. I love you. I'll only ever love you, Arizona. Please…just think about it? X_**

Locking my cell, I throw it down on the coffee table and shake my head. I can't hold a conversation with her right now. I can't even text her back right now. I just…I have far too much going on in my head to have Abbie enter my thoughts right now. Alex's apartment door opening, my breath catches in my throat when I find Eliza staring back at me. "Hey, um…Alex said it was okay to come up?"

"Of course, it's okay." I give her a small smile. "If you want to be here?"

"I don't know what I want right now…" She admits. "But I figured I should at least say goodbye properly. I mean, you've been a huge support to me since I arrived, and I'm not the kind of person who would just walk away without saying goodbye."

"So, you're still leaving…" My voice breaks.

"Yeah." She gives me a slight nod as she closes the distance between us. "Would you mind if I sit for five?" Shaking my head, I want nothing more than to be in her presence right now. "Are you okay?" She asks, her voice soft.

"I don't know." I sigh. "This isn't about me, though. This is about you and how you are feeling."

"Weird, I guess." She shifts a little closer to me and her scent invades my every sense. She is all I can feel, all I can see. "But we can move on, right?"

"We have no choice but to move on." I give her a sad smile. "You're leaving, and I'm a mess, so?"

"You won't be a mess forever, Arizona." She takes my hand in her own and squeezes it. Running her thumb over my knuckles, my eyes find hers. "I can't be this person." She sighs. "I can't be the one who stays and watches you get on with your life. I can't watch you potentially return to your wife or find someone new. Not when I want nothing more than to be the one you turn to. Even though I know we cannot do that, it's still all I want, Arizona."

"What if I want you in my life, though?" I chance.

"You don't want that." She smiles. "Your marriage ended yesterday, and right now…I would be nothing more than a rebound. We both know that."

"That's not true." I sigh. "That's not how I see you at all, Eliza. You mean so much more than that."

"Before this afternoon, you had no idea how I felt. You didn't even know you had any feelings for me. Forgive me if I believe that I'm in this deeper than you are."

"I get that, and I appreciate that is how you must feel, but I like you, Eliza. I like you more than I care to admit. More than I ever wanted to admit." I'm trying to be honest with her. I need her to know that I'm not in this for a quick lay. "Look, I don't even know why I'm hoping that we can be something because I know it is totally wrong, but I'm struggling right now. I'm struggling to know what the right thing to do is."

"Yeah, me too." She smiles. "But you have a marriage to fix and I cannot be the one you fall back on when you need someone. When you need a night to let go. I can't be that person."

"I wouldn't expect you to be that person." I shake my head. "But I'd like you to hang around. Stay on at the university."

"For what?" She sighs. "So I can torture myself every day when you walk into the room? I can't bear it, Arizona. I can't bear to see you looking completely gorgeous knowing there is nothing I can do about it."

"M-Maybe we could see each other outside of campus? Like, here or something?" I suggest. I'll give her anything right now if it means that she will stay. She can't leave because of me, I won't allow it. "I don't know…"

"So, you're saying…do this in secret?" She scoffs. "Real classy."

"I don't know any other alternative right now." I shrug. I'm trying to tell her that I want to spend my time with her, but I don't know how to just say it. I don't know how to just admit that I want her. Maybe it's because I know it's too soon. Maybe it's because of the comment she has just made about rebounding. Maybe…because I know that this is wrong.

"You want a secret relationship with me?" She laughs. "Even that sounds hilarious. I mean, why would you want that? Why would you even want to spend time with me?"

"Uh, why wouldn't I?" I counter. "I've just kissed you, Eliza. Doesn't that tell you that I'm attracted to you?"

"I've been kissed by many people who said that…yet, here I am. Single."

"Those people are assholes." I shrug. "And yeah, I may not be any better than them for what I've just suggested, but I don't know what else to do. All I do know is that I want to spend some time with you. Get to know you. Learn about you as a person."

"Wow." She breathes out. "H-How old are you?"

"Why does that matter?" I ask.

"Come on…" She rolls her eyes. "I'm a student, Arizona. Sure, I may be older than most of them, but still…"

"32." I clear my throat. Her eyes widening, she removes her hand from my own and backs off a little. "What?" I furrow my brow. "I'm not _that_ old."

"There are more than ten years between us…" She shakes her head. "You'll soon see that I'm not good enough for you. I know it. We should just quit whilst we can."

"Don't tell me what I do and don't want, Eliza. I don't care if there are a few years between us. I just care about you."

"Hardly a few, though, is it?" She laughs. "It's _a lot_ of years between us."

"Fine." I shrug. "Maybe it is, but you are mature. You know what you want. Did you not think about the age difference when you first saw me? When you first thought about me in whatever way you thought about me?"

"N-No." She drops her gaze and blushes a little. "I didn't."

"Exactly. So, why think about it now?" I raise an eyebrow. "You saw me as a person. You saw me as me. Not my age. Not my job. You were attracted to me, regardless of those things."

"You know, for someone who is so sure that this is wrong and shouldn't be happening...you aren't putting up much of a fight."

"Because I like you," I reply. "And I cannot help that, no matter how much I've tried."

"Thank you for being honest." She gives me a genuine full smile. "I guess I'm just struggling to know what the right thing to do is. You know?"

"I do, and I agree." I nod. "Just…stay. Think about it. I'll back off. If you have to change things up at the university, that's okay. If you have to avoid me for a little while, I can totally be invisible."

"No, I don't want you to be invisible. I like seeing you." She blushes again. "Just…now you know why my concentration was so off. Like, on campus." I furrow my brow and wait for a little more from her. "It's the whole skirt and heels thing." She rolls her eyes.

"So, I'll stop doing that," I suggest. "Trousers…I can work with that."

"No!" She blurts out. "I mean, don't change anything for me."

"You mean, you want to see me in them?" I narrow my eyes, a slight smirk appearing on my face.

"Y-Yeah." She clears her throat. "It's very um…professional."

"Sure it is." Taking her hand in my own, I pull her a little closer to me and she focuses her eyes on my lips. "I know I have to back off and give you space to figure out what you want, but I'd really like to kiss you one last time." This has to be what she wants. If I had my way, I'd kiss her without a second thought, but I'm her professor and I don't want her to feel pressured or uncomfortable around me at any point. "If that would be okay?"

Without giving me a single word, her lips connect with my own and it feels just as incredible as the first time. It feels like it happened a lifetime ago, but incredible, nonetheless. Her hand coming to rest on my thigh, she gives it a slight squeeze and I smile against her mouth. I know we have a lot to figure out, and I know that we are probably rushing into this, but kissing her feels so right. Kissing her feels like all of my worries have totally disappeared. Her hand pushing my shoulder, I find myself being forced down on my best friends couch, and Eliza is now straddling my legs. "This is going to break one or both of us, but I cannot pull myself away from you, Arizona. I cannot bear the thought of never seeing you again."

"So, you'll stay?" I ask, my dimples popping.

"For now, yes." _That's good enough for me._ "Just, slowly. Slowly, and secretly if that's how it has to be." She nods. "I know you have a lot to figure out, and I know that we are way off of anything I've ever imagined, but knowing that you may one day want this too is good enough for me right now." Her lips pressing against my own again, my tongue slips into her mouth and my heart rate picks up a little more. I know that we cannot go any further than a little making out right now, but that's okay. I wouldn't ever expect anymore than this if I'm being totally honest. Eliza is in a bad place, just like I am, so yeah…this has to be thought out properly. Properly, and with minimum damage.

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always. That's all from me tonight.**

 **Also, there is so much more to come before these two get together. So much more…**


	7. Chapter 7

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Seven

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ELIZA'S POV

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That was one hell of a weekend. Crazy doesn't even come close. I didn't imagine I would ever tell Arizona how I felt about her, but it did…and it's somehow worked in my favor. Well, so far anyway. I don't expect much to change between us, but she kissed me. She kissed me and Jesus Christ, it felt amazing. Everything about it felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. I still haven't quite come to terms with the fact that she had her hands on my body. Her lips on my own. I haven't come to terms with the fact that she knows how I feel, and she feels the same. It's hard to think about it if I'm being totally honest. It's crazy to think that I've spent six weeks fantasizing about her, and just two nights ago, I was kissing her. I was on top of her. Nothing happened other than the kiss, but I was still in her space. I was still straddling her legs. I'd like to believe that I'm the kind of person who can control herself, but so far…that hasn't happened. Like, on Saturday night, I went to Alex's apartment to say goodbye to her, but it ended with us kissing and me agreeing to stay in Seattle. Whether that is still the case in a few months time, I don't know…but in this moment, I'm okay. In this moment, I feel a lot more settled than I did on Friday before I left campus for the day.

Focused on the biology book in front of me, I've avoided any and all eye contact with Arizona since class began forty minutes ago. I don't want to put myself through the thoughts I have right now. Not when I know that she is willing to see me outside of campus. I have to do the right thing, and I would never put her in any sort of uncomfortable situation. Well, that and the fact that I can't look up because of her clothing choice. Yeah…the heels and skirt are on. I'd like to think that she is wearing them because I told her not to change anything for me, but I have a sneaky suspicion that she is doing it for other reasons. Other reasons being that she knows what it does to me. _I should never have told her that little piece of information._

The thought of how she is dressed right now only reminds me that we have things to talk about. Things she doesn't know about me. I'm hoping it won't make any difference to anything, but I know it will. I know it will probably put her right off of me and this will be over faster than anything even starts. _Yeah, she isn't going to like what I have to tell her._ I know she won't. It's one thing to have such a big age gap between us…but it's something else entirely when she discovers that I'm a virgin. Yeah, that's me. Twenty-one and a virgin. It's not something I've ever thought about or worried about, but Arizona has a world of experience. Me? I have none. None whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, I've had relationships and things have got close on more than one occasion, but for whatever reason…nothing has ever come from it, and I'm okay with that. I'm not the kind of person who just puts myself out there. I have respect for myself, and my body so no, I'm not just going to jump into bed with the first person who shows me any interest.

I've stopped it many times when I've met people throughout college and what not. I've stopped it because I've known that it's all they wanted. Why would I do that to myself? Why would I give someone what they want when I'll never see them again when it's over? Some people may enjoy that lifestyle but not me. I've always been a firm believer in saving myself for the right person, and I know that she is the right person. I know that Arizona is the only one I would ever want to take anything from me. _That doesn't mean she wants me like this._ I mean, she's been there. She's been there many many times. She may not want a relationship with someone who has never had sex before. I wouldn't blame her. It's bad enough that I'm her student. Imagine how she will feel when she knows that I'm a virgin. That might just tip us over the edge.

Lifting my gaze a little, I furrow my brow and find Arizona leaning against her desk, the rest of the class disappearing from around me. "Uh…" Swallowing hard, I give her an awkward smile and she raises her eyebrow. "Sorry, I was reading."

"Sure you were." She laughs. "Is everything okay?"

"Of course." I clear my throat and stand. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Because at one point, I wondered if you were even still in this classroom." She pushes off the desk and approaches me. "And you've been reading the same page since you sat down."

"Sorry, just had some things on my mind." I wave her off. "You know, I have a lot of work to get through."

"Did you want some help?" She asks. "Since I'm the reason you didn't get any done this weekend…"

"No, I think I'll manage." I smile. "But thank you."

"Eliza." She gives me a knowing look. "I know you are trying to avoid me, and I agreed to that, but I don't want you to fail this exam. You can't…"

"I know, I just need to put a little extra work in for the rest of the week."

"Do you even know what you need to be working on?" She asks. "Did you hear anything I said in class? Honestly…"

"N-No." I drop my gaze. "I'm sorry, Arizona."

"Don't be sorry." She sighs. "This is all my fault anyway."

"That's not true." I give her a sad smile. "Maybe you could just go over what was discussed today and I'll get home so I can study. I'm not working tonight so I can focus on my work."

"Are you sure?" She asks, and I give her a nod. "Come on then…coffee?"

"Coffee would be good." I agree as I follow her to her desk and wait for her to grab her belongings. Heading out into the corridor, I fall into step with her but I keep my distance. Right now, I'm simply a student who is meeting with her professor.

"Are you okay with my office after we've got coffee, or?"

"Your office is fine, Arizona." I roll my eyes and lower my tone. "I'm not going to attack you."

"Wasn't sure." She shrugs. "You know, the whole heel thing…"

"That isn't even funny." I give her a knowing look. "I knew I shouldn't have told you about that. Just…pretend I never said anything."

"Oh, if only I could do that." She throws me a wink. It's kinda nice to be flirted with, but we have to be careful. Nobody can see us like this. Especially when we are supposed to be keeping our distance. I mean, I'm all for a little flirting, but I'm not sure Arizona is in the right frame of mind right now. It's only been three days since she left her wife.

"You doing okay?" I ask as I glance around and check that no one is around us right now. "You know, with everything that's going on?"

"I am." She gives me a sad smile. "Thank you."

"You know I'm here if you need to talk," I reply. "I know I'm probably not the kind of person you'd want to talk to about it all, but I don't mind. I know this must be hard for you."

"No, I appreciate that." She gives me a genuine smile. Reaching the cafeteria, we head for the coffee cart and she places an order for our coffee. It's pretty empty in here right now, but some students are still in class. Arizona always allows us head out a little earlier than usual, so it's nice not having the noise and the bustle of the students around us. _Even though I am one of those students._

Taking our coffee, we head out of the cafeteria and towards the corridor that leads to Arizona's office. Rounding the corner, she stops dead in her spot and suddenly I'm not sure what is happening. "Professor Robbins." Another professor clears her throat. "I was hoping I'd catch you."

"I'm busy." Her tone cold, I resume my footsteps and give the two of them a little space. I'm not totally out of earshot, but I don't want Arizona to think that I'm interfering.

"If we could arrange to speak?" Professor Janson asks.

"No, I don't want to meet with you, Jane." Arizona spits. "Do me a favor and don't bother trying to find me again." Hearing heels clicking behind me, I slow my pace and wait for my professor to catch up with me. "Fucking bitch!" She mutters under her breath.

"Excuse me?" I glance her way and she gives me a smile.

"Sorry. Not you…"

"It was her wasn't it." I clear my throat. "Who did, well…you know."

"Who fucked my wife?" She asks, her eyebrow raised. "Yep, that's the one."

"Wow." I breathe out. "I'm so sorry, Arizona." A silence falling between us, I know she is working things over in her head. I don't blame her. I'm not sure how I'd be feeling if I'd just bumped into the woman who ruined my marriage. _Thank god I didn't beat her to it._ Stepping into her office, I take a seat across from her desk and she closes the door behind her. "You okay?" I ask when I feel like I've given her enough time to think.

"Yeah…" She sighs. "Just hard, you know?"

"I don't even know what to say, Arizona." I give her a sad smile. "But I'm here for you, okay?"

"That's sweet." She squeezes my shoulder as she passes by me. Grabbing a few sheets of paper, she rests her gorgeous ass against the edge of the desk I'm sitting at and my eyes trail her gorgeous legs. _Holy shit!_ I'm not sure I've ever felt so aroused in my entire life. "This is my lesson plan for the day. It has everything in that we discussed earlier. Just…take a look when you get home, okay?"

"Thanks. I appreciate it." I nod. "And that won't happen again, okay?"

"I know." She gives me a smile. "Things will even themselves out eventually."

"God, I hope so." I laugh. "Just…could you maybe go for the trouser option tomorrow?"

"No problem." She smiles and gives me a nod in agreement. "Did you want to hang out here for a little while, or?"

"I shouldn't." I shake my head and stand. "I'm meeting my friend at the library, and I don't want anyone to question why I'm here."

"Thank you for understanding." Her fingertips trail my hand that is dropped at my side and my body shudders. "It means a lot to me, Eliza."

"Well…" I clear my throat. "This has been nice but I should go."

"Yeah, um...did you think maybe it would be okay for me to get your number? Just in case you need anything?"

"I don't see why not." I shrug before scribbling my cell down on a post it. "Just text me and I'll store yours, okay?"

"Sure will." Her eyes lighting up like she has just won millions, my heart flutters and I back up a little, my body hitting the frame of the door. "See you tomorrow, Eliza." She smiles, her dimples popping.

"G-Goodbye, Arizona."

* * *

I've been home for a few hours now, and honestly…I've worked harder than I thought I would. I know I have to keep my grades up, but I guess knowing that Arizona is interested in me has settled my mind. Sure, we have a way to go and we have to be super careful about everything, but I don't feel as distracted as I have done since I arrived here. I always wondered how it would feel to kiss her, and now that I know, I don't have to daydream all day every day. I can concentrate on my work, on my life in Seattle. A life that will hopefully one day include Arizona. The sound of my cell buzzing on the floor beside me, I glance down and furrow my brow. The number I added to my contacts a little while ago is flashing on my screen, and yeah…my professor is texting me. _Wow, I always wished she would one day show up in my inbox._

 ** _Hey…can you be a friend for five minutes? A x_**

 ** _Sure. What's up? x_**

 ** _Well, I'm kinda outside your place, so? A x_**

She's here? She's at my place? Oh, god! What do I even do with that information? I mean, I want her here…and I'll always want her here, but is it a good idea? I don't want one thing to lead to another and she is disappointed in me. I don't want to allow things to go too far just yet, not if I'm going to lose her. It has to be nice and smiley for a little while longer. It just has to.

 ** _Oh. So, you want to come up? x_**

 ** _If that would be okay? A x_**

 ** _I guess it would be. Come on up x_**

Rushing from my spot on the floor, I hit the intercom and allow my professor access to my building. It's times like this when I'm thankful that I don't live in any sort of student accommodation or housing. I knew I would hate it, and my dad had saved up every dollar he earned so I could get a good education. It's just a shame he isn't here to see it.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do right now. I mean, is she really coming here so I can be her friend? I know I offered my listening skills to her, but is she really here for that? I'd like to think that I could have an impartial opinion on anything she has to say regarding her wife, but I don't think I can. I mean, why would I want to help her through this if the end result is for their marriage to resume? Why would I want to guide her in that direction? I feel kinda bad now because I told her that she can speak to me. I feel bad because honestly, I want her wife and her problems to disappear so I can have Arizona to myself. Of course, that is what I want. Who wouldn't?

A light knocking on my door, I clear my mind, followed by my throat, and open the hardwood that is separating us. Those killer blue eyes staring back at me…she looks upset. "Hey, is everything okay?"

"N-No." She sighs. "Can I come in?"

"Of course, yes." I step aside and she brushes past me. "Have you been crying?"

"Isn't that all I do lately?" She gives me a sad smile as she turns to face me. "Abbie came by our house a little while ago." _She said 'our' house._ I don't like that she has just referred to her home as belonging to the both of them. I really don't. "She was saying all the right things and she was apologizing, begging even, and I don't know what to do."

"Do you want to hear those things from her?" Closing the door, I turn my back on Arizona for a split second and close my eyes. "The apology and how she wants to fix it?"

"I guess in a way I do." She shrugs. "I mean, everyone wants an apology when they've been hurt, right?" _Uh, no…_ Come on, Eliza. You have to be supportive. Even if it hurts.

"Depends." I sigh as I move further into my apartment and take a seat on the couch. "On how much they hurt you and whether you believe the apology."

"I think I believed it." She furrows her brow and stares at nothing. "Like, I felt like she was sorry. You know?"

"No." I smile. "I don't know…"

"I felt like she was sorry when she kissed me…I just-" Cutting herself off, she releases a deep breath and my heart drops into my stomach. I cant do this. I cant be this person for her. I cant sit here and listen to how her wife kissed her and she is unsure about them. I just can't. "Alex would kill me if I went back to her."

"Alex is the one who matters in all of this?" I raise an eyebrow. "What about you?" _What about me?_ Clearly, I'm just a friend to her. Maybe that is how she always saw it and she needed something to take her mind off of things, I don't know. "What about how you see your future? Do you see her in it?"

"I always did." She smiles. I don't like that smile. That smile tells me she is reminiscing right now. That smile tells me she is thinking about the woman I'm supposed to compete with. "You know, we discussed having a baby a few months ago. She was just waiting for her work to settle down and we were going to do it. No hesitation."

"Wow." I breathe out. "Sounds to me like you've made your mind up." My voice breaking slightly, I internally chastise myself for allowing my emotions to get the better of me. "I don't think you need my help, Professor Robbins."

"I've told you not to call me that off of campus." She gives me a genuine smile. "Arizona is fine."

"N-No." I shake my head. "It's not. None of this is fine."

"I don't follow…" She furrows her brow.

"I can't do this, Arizona." I stand and hold up my hands. "I can't sit here and help you through this when I feel how I feel. I know I told you that you could talk to me, but I can't do it."

"Oh…" Her eyes widen. "I'm so sorry…"

"You and me both." I scoff as I move away from her. "You see me as a friend." I give her a sad smile.

"Of course, I see you as a friend." She agrees. "We are friends."

"But I-I don't want to be your friend." I stutter. "I want to be your everything…" Those words falling from my lips faster than I have time to process them, I clench my fists either side of my body and head for my kitchen. I need to busy myself. I need to not be looking at her.

"Eliza…" She approaches me and places her hand on the small of my back. "…look at me?"

"I can't." I breathe out. "Y-You should go."

"I backed off because we agreed to that." She replies.

"Yeah, because I was trying to do the right thing." I counter. "I wanted you to take the time to truly know whether it was me who you wanted, but this won't work. It cant work. You are already thinking about going back to her, so no…you have to leave."

Turning me in her arms, the tears are slipping down my face and I can't stop them. "Please don't cry." She whispers as she runs her thumb over my cheek. "I'm sorry…"

"It would be best if you went back to her." I clear my throat. "She has so much more experience than I do…in every way possible."

"It's not about what she has or what she doesn't have." She sighs. "I just don't know what to do."

"And that is all I need to know." I nod. "You don't want me like I want you, Arizona. That's okay, though. You had a life with her. A home. The prospect of kids. I wouldn't expect you to give all of that up for me. I wouldn't expect you to give anything up for me."

"I haven't said I'm going back to her." She furrows her brow.

"But you are thinking about it." I give her a sad smile. "That tells me that you aren't serious about us."

"My head is a mess, Eliza…"

"I know." I agree. "That is why we cant see each other anymore. We cant do this. The texts. You coming over. _I_ cant do it."

"We have to see each other." She furrows her brow. "I want to be around you."

"You don't get it, do you?" I scoff as I push her away from me. "I'll never be enough for you. If you are coming to me for advice about your marriage?" I shake my head. "No, I won't be enough for you. I'm _just_ the student, Arizona. I'm _just_ the twenty-one year old who doesn't know what she wants…at least, to you I am. Go home. Work things out with your wife. Be my professor…but nothing more."

"I-If that's what you want?"

"It is." I nod. _It's totally not what I want, but I cant do this with her._ "I want you to be happy, and you would never be happy with me. I can promise you that."

"You're making a mistake, but okay." She sighs. "I'll leave you alone. I'll work on myself. Try to get on with my life. Be your professor, or whatever."

"Okay." I shrug. I have to be nonchalant right now. If I don't act like I don't care…I'll fall to pieces. She cant see me that way. If she does, this will only continue. "I'll see you in class tomorrow."

"S-Sure." She furrows her brow. "Goodnight then."

"Yeah…goodnight."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always. Hoping to get another chapter out tonight if I can.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Eight

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ARIZONA'S POV

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This has been one of the hardest months of my life. Not only did I lose my wife, but I hurt Eliza. I hurt her and I never wanted to do that. I should never have gone to her place that night. I should never have said the things I did. She didn't need to hear it. She didn't need to know that I was being ridiculous and contemplating taking Abbie back. Why would she? Why would she want to know any of those things? Hell, by the end of the night...even I didn't want to know those things. Those thoughts actually ended as quickly as they started. I had every intention of telling Eliza I didn't want my wife back, but she had to know that she had kissed me. Like, if she had found out down the line, how would she have felt? Would she have lost trust in me? If I'd have hung back and not told her, I wouldn't have spent the past four weeks avoiding eye contact with my student. I wouldn't have spent the past four weeks going over everything I could have done differently in my head. I hate this. I hate not being able to speak to her and apologize to her. I hate not seeing that gorgeous smile she used to have for me. But I'm doing as she asked, and I'm being her professor. I'm doing as she asked, and getting out of her life. Okay, she didn't actually say that…but she may as well have. She may as well have punched me in the stomach and laughed as I dropped to my knees. She isn't a nasty person, but the way she looked at me as I left her apartment was enough to turn anyone's blood cold. If she had just heard me out, this could have ended differently.

I get it, though. I hurt her and I told her I wouldn't. I hurt her, and now she is moving on. I'm happy for her and judging by the way she has been holding a particular students hand around campus, I'd say she was pretty happy. Maybe this was all for the best. Maybe ending it when we did was always going to be the right thing to do. No matter how much it may have hurt at the time, I'm happy that Eliza has found someone here in Seattle. It doesn't make any difference to my situation, though. I'm still asking Abbie for a divorce. I'm still packing her shit up a little more each day and I'm still moving on with my life. Where I'm headed, I don't know…

I'd thought about calling Eliza after I'd called my lawyer and got the ball rolling, but what would it have achieved? What difference would it have made? She told me she just wanted a student/professor relationship, and that is what I'm doing. I'd never push for anything more. I'm the one in authority here, and I'm the one who would seem like the predator should I ever do that. Sure, Eliza is old enough to know who and what she wants, but I'd never put myself in that position. I'd never force her to be around me. I'd never force her to choose me over anyone else. She is her own person, and she is headstrong. She is perfect.

She made a comment that night about how she had less experience than my soon to be ex-wife, and it's played on my mind ever since. At one point, it actually kept me awake at night. At one point, I almost called her to tell her that experience had nothing to do with anything. I know she is young and she probably hasn't had many relationships, but she knows what she wants. She doesn't seem like the type to just flaunt herself around. She seems respectable. Of herself, and the people around her. I like that in a woman. Don't get me wrong, I love and live for the hot nights of passion, but more than anything, I love a woman who can be honest about who she is. What she is. There is nothing more attractive than honesty. _Nothing._

Finishing my crossword for the day, I set my newspaper down and finish the remainder of my coffee. I'm feeling a little nervous today. One, because I have to meet my lawyer after class is done, and two…because I've been thinking about Eliza all morning and I'm worried that I may say or do something that I shouldn't. I know she is done where I'm concerned, and I fully accept that…but it doesn't mean that I don't struggle to be around her. It doesn't mean that I don't want to take her in my arms and kiss those gorgeous soft lips. It's all I've thought about for the past few days, and honestly, it's becoming a little worrying. I'm scared to be alone with her. Not that it happens often. I'm scared to even catch her scent for fear of it stirring something inside of me. Because I know that the moment I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach…its game over for me. It's game over because I will have done the one thing that she asked me not to do. _I will hurt her again._

Not intentionally, no. Just…because of my selfish ways. Because I'd say things to her that she wouldn't want to hear. I'd touch her hand, or her face, or stare into those intense eyes…and I can't do any of that. I can't get close enough to do any of that. She's asked me not to, and I respect her wishes. I respect everything that she is. Not only has she kept her distance, but she hasn't once tried to instigate anything. She hasn't flirted or given me any kind of look that could lead me on, and I appreciate that. Maybe she just hates me now, but I think it's more to do with the fact that she wants me to feel clear about my intentions. She wants me to concentrate on me. The problem is, I'm done concentrating on me. It's all I've done for the past month, and I'm kinda over it already.

I don't know if there is any hope for us, but I cannot get that look out of my mind. That look as I was leaving her apartment. The one that said 'I'll never be good enough'. That's not true. She is good enough. Maybe she's too good for me. She has been nothing but honest with me, and then I go and talk to her about Abbie. That was so wrong of me to do. So wrong. Grabbing my things from the table beside the door, I slip my blazer on and head out towards my car. Here goes another day of avoidance. Another day of wanting to hear Eliza's voice. Another day of heading home alone.

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My class about to end, I've never been so thankful for a day to pass so quickly. Eliza has been a little off with me today, but I can't really call her out on it. Not in front of the class. I feel like I should speak with her, but what's the point? She will probably just simply nod and walk away. It's all I seem to get from her nowadays. I guess I only have myself to blame, though. I told her I wanted to spend time with her, but then I sit and discuss the things she really doesn't need to know about. Instead, I messed up and now she can't even look at me. _Yeah, I'm totally to blame for the way I'm feeling._

Dismissing my class, Eliza shifts from her seat a little quicker than usual and I furrow my brow. "A word, Miss Minnick."

"Sorry, I don't have time." She shrugs. "Somewhere to be."

"Make time," I state. My tone a little more harsh than usual.

"Uh, okay…" She gives me a look of confusion. Watching the rest of the students leave, I pull my blazer tighter around my body and rest back on the edge of my desk. "What's up?" She asks.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't speak to me with an attitude," I reply. "More so when you are in class."

"Is that it?" She shrugs her bag up onto her shoulder.

"Yeah." I shake my head and push off my desk. "I don't know why I even bothered calling you back."

"No, me neither." She laughs.

"Eliza, you may have a problem with me…and yeah, you have every right to, but can you not bring it to class with you? I still have a job to do regardless of how much you hate me."

"Sure." She shrugs.

"Maybe if being around me is such a hardship for you, you should look at changing your timetable."

"Yeah, I'm in the process of doing that." She gives me a sarcastic smile and it breaks my heart. I don't want her to change classes, but she clearly feels like she needs to. "I need to discuss some stuff with you but once I have, I'll be out of your way."

"I don't want you out of my way." I sigh. "I just want you to get good grades."

"And I can do that on another timetable." She states. "Can I arrange to meet with you?" She asks.

"Sure." I nod. "When is best for you?"

"Today…at 3?"

"Today doesn't work for me." I disagree. "It's looking like Monday now."

"How convenient." She rolls her eyes. "Let me guess, you are going to be available when I'm not."

"No, I'm just not available today." I furrow my brow. "You think I'd lie to you?"

"Probably, yeah." She shrugs and heads for the door. I'm actually furious with her right now. We may have had a thing, but I'm her professor first and foremost. I don't appreciate being spoken to like this. "Hot date with your cheating wife, huh? Maybe you guys are meeting with the woman in question and having a late lunch…awesome little threesome." _Okay, enough!_

"Actually, I'm headed to my lawyer's office to finalize my divorce." Shaking myself from my impending emotions, I clear my throat and drop my gaze. "You can leave now. Any meetings can be scheduled via email."

"O-Oh." Her eyes widening, I scoff and turn my back on her. "Uh, I just…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"But you did, so?" Grabbing my bag, I push past her and head down the corridor towards my office. I'm so angry with her right now that I can't even look at her. How dare she assume to know what I'm doing with my life. How dare she even speak to me like that. I may be in deeper than I thought with her, and yeah…I've hurt her, but really? She really feels it appropriate to speak to me the way she just has? Like something she has just stepped in? _Wow…she isn't who I thought she was._

Heading into my office, I slam the door shut and throw my bag down on the floor beside my desk. Slumping down in my seat, I pinch the bridge of my nose and try to fight back the tears already forming in my eyes. _God, I hate this. I hate everything about this._ Maybe I should leave. Start fresh somewhere else. I don't have anything here for me, anyway.

Allowing my emotions to get the better of me, sobs wrack my body but I don't care. I can't hold this feeling in any longer. I can't pretend like a hug from my student wouldn't make everything better, because right now…it totally would. Just breathing the same air as her sometimes makes me feel better. She hates me, though. I could see it in her eyes only moments ago. That's the first time we have really spoken more than two words to one another, and I wish it had gone differently. If that's the only kind of conversation I'm going to get from her from now on, then count me out. I don't want to talk to her. I can just look instead. That way, I'm not opening myself up to be hurt by her words. That way, she can get on with her life and never have to speak to me.

My door opening, I wipe the tears from my face and glance up to find the woman who is the cause of them standing in my doorway. I don't even have any words for her right now. They all kinda disappeared when she was rude to me. "I'm sorry…" Her voice totally different to before, I give her a sad smile and drop my gaze. "Arizona?"

"Just…forget about it." I shake my head. "It's not important."

"It is." She moves further into the room and closes the door. "I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. You are my professor and I have to remember that." _Yeah, and that's all I'll ever be._

"Eliza, it's okay." I sigh. "Just go and do whatever it is you have to do."

"That's not important right now." She takes a seat in the chair facing me.

"Well, it seemed pretty important before."

"I was just avoiding you." She shrugs.

"No." I glance up at her and study her face. "You were going to meet with your girlfriend. Like you do every day after my class. Go and be with her."

"H-How did you know?" She stutters.

"Because I see you." I smile. "You look really happy."

"Yeah, I guess so." She clears her throat. "But are you okay?"

"Me and my life are none of your concern." I make myself look a little more professional. "I have some work to do here before I head off, so…"

"So, you want me to leave." She breathes out.

"Well, yeah." I agree. "Unless you needed to discuss your change of class right now?"

"I just...I think it's for the best." She admits. "Especially after what has just happened. I don't want to upset you, so I should just change things up."

"If you feel that my ability as a professor isn't fulfilling your needs then yeah, you should totally do that." I give her a nod in agreement. "I don't want you to lose out on a good education because I'm not doing my job, so if you feel that you can benefit elsewhere, I won't stop you. I won't try to convince you to stay."

"It's not about your abilities." She furrows her brow. "It's about us."

"There is no us." I laugh. "There hasn't been since you asked me to leave your apartment a month ago."

"B-But…" She sighs. "I had good reason to do so."

"Yeah." I smile as I focus my eyes on the paperwork in front of me. "You didn't want to listen to what I had to say, and you believed you were making the right choice, so that is a good enough reason, I guess."

"Oh, I heard what you had to say." She replies. "I heard every word you had to say about your wife and how you wondered if you wanted her back."

"Don't do that." I glance up at her. "Don't dare assume to know what was going through my mind in that moment because you have no idea."

"Why don't you break it down for me then?" She shrugs as she sits back in her seat. "Why don't you explain exactly how you were feeling…and then I'll tell _you_ exactly how I felt?"

"Because it doesn't matter anymore."

"No?" She raises her eyebrow. "Because it matters to me. It matters that you made me feel incapable of being the one to hold you and see you through the pain. You made me feel incapable of ever being good enough for you. You called me your friend, Arizona. You said that you'd always seen a future with her."

"Because I had always seen a future with her," I admit. "I had until three days previous when she cheated on me in my own home. I had until she broke my heart and truly opened my eyes to how I felt about you. Because I did you know...I felt so much for you. So much that I was scared to admit. That I was scared to think. I felt so much that I came to _you_ so I could remind myself that I was making the right decision in walking away from my marriage."

"Y-You what?"

"Yeah…" I give her a sad smile. "I may have asked you to be my friend, but it was the only way I could be sure you would allow me into your apartment. I wanted to spend some time with you. I wanted to sit with you and watch you and smile at you because it's how you made me feel. She had just come into my home and kissed me, and my head was a mess. I just wanted to go through it and say it out loud so that I could remind myself of what I had…but also so I could potentially see what I could have with you. Which was a lot. So much more than this. Whatever the hell this is, anyway. You just…you told me no. You told me you couldn't be that person without even hearing me out. I came to your apartment that night because I felt bad for allowing her to kiss me. Like, I felt as though I was cheating on you. I came to tell you that even though she had done that and I didn't know what to do…I still wanted you. That I was going to choose you over her. You just wouldn't give me the opportunity to explain myself."

"I-I…"

"You don't have to say anything, Eliza." I stand and grab the manilla envelope from my desk. "You made your decision and I'm okay with that. I mean, I've spent the past two weeks watching you kiss your girlfriend on the steps of the library, so yeah…" I smile. "You really don't have to say anything. Your actions have spoken for you. You wanted me to be your professor and that is what I've been doing. Just let me get on with my job and you get on with your life."

"Arizona, wait…"

"I can't," I reply. "I'm about to take the final step in walking away from my wife, and I really don't need you in my head at the same time. Take care. Figure out what you are doing. Just…leave me alone." Motioning for her to leave my office, she drops her head on her shoulders and heads off down the corridor. I never wanted to have this conversation with her, but I think it was needed. It was needed so that she can leave me to my own devices, and it was needed so that I can finally move on with my life. A life that doesn't include Eliza.

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Nine

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ELIZA'S POV

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My head is a mess. My life is a mess. Right now, I don't know how to feel about anything that Arizona told me today. I'd stopped thinking about her. I'd tried to allow her to be happy, and I was moving forward with my own life. I actually truly was. Sasha and I started dating, and yeah…it took my mind off of my professor. That has all been done for nothing now, though. She is all I've thought about since I went to her office a few hours ago. She was all I thought about as I canceled my plans with Sasha and told her that we should just be friends. She doesn't need this. She is a great girl and she is going to make someone happy, but she was just a band-aid for me. At least, that's how I'm beginning to see it. I'm sure I've probably hurt her by stopping what was starting, but Arizona is the one who I want. She always will be. No amount of women coming into my life could ever change that. Even ten years from now, if I'm marrying someone else, Arizona will still be the one I think about as I'm walking down the aisle. She just has that about her. When I told her she was unforgettable, I meant it. I didn't say it for the sake of it. I just…I feel like I can never do the right thing. I feel like we are always going to go around in circles, and that isn't what I want for us. It's never been what I wanted for us.

I should have listened, though. That night when I asked her to leave my apartment, I should have listened and gone from there. It would have been the sensible thing to do, I know that, but in the moment I wasn't prepared for the things she was saying to me. All I heard was that she had kissed her wife and that she was torn. That spoke volumes to me. In that moment when I was thinking that Arizona and I would probably spend the night kissing and just getting to know each other, I was shocked by what I was hearing. I didn't know that she was coming to see me so she could tell me that she chose me over her wife. I didn't know that she had to get all of that off of her mind before she got to the good stuff. I've never done this before. I've never been in so deep that I didn't know which way was up. But now I've hurt her, and I know that we cannot be fixed. I still feel like I have to try, though. I still feel like I should see her and speak to her and tell her how very sorry I am for the way I've treated her the past few weeks. I mean, she did as I asked. She left me alone, and that shows that she respects what I want…except now, it's not what I want. Not at all. I thought it was for the best. I thought I was doing the right thing. Clearly, I was wrong. So very wrong.

I don't know how I've come to be here, but right now I'm standing on Arizona's street and I desperately want to see her. I need to see her. She will probably laugh at me and close the door in my face, but I have to try. I have to try and tell her how sorry I am for how I spoke to her earlier. I also want to make sure that she is okay. I may have been avoiding her, but she still means a lot to me. More than I care to admit right now. I may have gotten on with my life, but she has always been there in the back of my mind. How could she not be? She is the only woman I've ever thought about how I do. She is the only one I've ever fantasized about and imagined my first time with. Sure, I'm worried about that all coming to light, but I have to stop being so scared of what could happen…and just go with it. If I don't, I will live to regret it, and Arizona is someone that I never want to have any regrets about.

Reaching her home, I clear my throat and straighten myself out. A dim illumination coming from her window, I know she is home. Although, I don't imagine she would be anywhere else right now since she has just been to see her lawyer. I wouldn't imagine she felt much like being around people today. I'm supposed to be at the bar tonight but I spoke to Alex and he told me to come here instead. He gave me the address, but I won't lie…I already knew it. It may be a little stalkerish and creepy, but that's how much I thought about her. So much that I may or may not have followed her home one night. Thankfully, she doesn't live anywhere near campus, so the chances of me being seen here are slim to none. _I think._ Well, I hope.

 _Come on, Eliza. Knock on the damn door._ Curling my hand into a fist, I knock gently and hope that she hasn't even heard it. My stomach is somersaulting right now and yeah…I think I'm about to throw up. Her porch light flickering on to the right of my head, I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. _Don't mess this up, Eliza._ I just have to be honest with her. I'm sure it's all she would want from me anyway. Honesty is always the best place to start, right? The door between us opening a little, my stomach flutters when she furrows her brow and opens it wider. "What can I do for you?" She asks, her voice gravelly and tired.

Closing my eyes momentarily, I have to remove the thoughts I'm having from my head. My professor is standing before me in nothing but a pair of grey yoga pants and a white tank top. A white tank top that shows she clearly isn't wearing a bra. Her hair is pulled up and in some sort of messy bun on the top of her head, with black thick rim glasses surrounding her gorgeous eyes. "I-I…"

"You what?" She sighs.

"Can we talk?" I ask, my voice low and pathetic. "If you have a minute to spare…"

"I don't." She replies. "I'm catching up on some work."

"Oh, right." I nod. "That's okay." Stepping back a little, her door opens more so than before and she folds her arms over her chest. "Enjoy your weekend…" Turning, I internally chastise myself for ever even coming here. She doesn't want me here. The sooner I realize that the sooner I can stop being ridiculous and leave her alone.

"Eliza, wait." She sighs. "I have a couple of minutes."

"N-No, it's okay." I turn back and give her a sad smile. "You're busy…"

"Get yourself inside and do it fast." She rolls her eyes. "It's freezing out here." _Mm, maybe if you put some actual clothes on, you wouldn't be so cold._ Deciding to just do as she asks, I move a little closer to her and drop my gaze as I brush past her. _God, she looks incredible._ Finally, inside her home, I glance around and it makes me smile. This place is so comforting and warm, I never want to leave. It's homely. Beautiful. It's…Arizona. Well, what I imagined her home would be like, at least. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, thank you." I smile. "I won't stay long." Seeing that she has a stack of paperwork on the coffee table next to a glass of red, I figure I should just say what I need to say and then leave. I've already taken up enough of her time since we met. "Just, um…how are you?"

"Fine, why?" She furrows her brow and rounds the coffee table, returning to her seat. "Have a seat." Dropping down at the opposite end of her couch, I try not to get too comfortable.

"Just with what happened today." I shrug. "You know, the lawyers and that…"

"I told you, Eliza…you don't have to be concerned about my life. I'm okay. I'm not your problem. So long as you are happy, so am I."

"But I'm not." I furrow my brow. "I'm not happy." Maybe I shouldn't have said that and maybe she doesn't need to know that, but she has to know that I'm not happy. She has to know that _she_ is the one who makes me happy. "Sorry, I just…"

"What?" She sits forward in her seat a little.

"I wanted to be honest with you," I admit. "I know you have no reason to even speak to me anymore, but I'm sorry for everything, okay? I'm sorry I ever told you how I felt and I'm sorry I hurt you by asking you to leave my apartment. I just didn't know what to make of it."

"Thank you." She gives me a sad smile. "I only ever wanted your honesty, and you have always given me that. I just feel like this is all a bad idea."

"Yeah, you're probably right." I shrug. "I don't hate you, though." She furrows her brow. "You said today that I hate you, but I don't. I could never hate you, Arizona."

"I'm sure you did at one point." She raises her eyebrow.

"Actually, I never," I answer honestly. "Not once. I didn't like the way I was feeling, but it was my own fault for ever telling you how I felt about you. If I'd kept quiet and just left Seattle, none of this would have happened. The hurt. The painful words. Me worrying and you trying to give me space. None of it would have happened and you would be happy living your life."

"I'd have found you." She shrugs. "Once I knew you'd left, I'd have found you."

"Why? You wouldn't have known how I felt. What would you have been looking for?"

"There is a reason I never wanted you to leave, Eliza. That reason was still a reason way before you told me you planned to leave."

"W-What reason?" I ask, shyly.

"Because I liked you. I always have." She admits. "I'm pretty good at keeping my thoughts and my feelings to myself when I have to, and this time was no different. I guess once you finally told me how you felt, I couldn't hold my feelings back any longer. You had to know. I had to kiss you."

"And now…" I raise an eyebrow.

"Now none of it matters." She sighs. "I'm doing what you asked and I'm being your professor. I mean, I probably shouldn't have said what I just have, but you are being honest enough with me, so I should do the same, right?" Dropping my gaze, a tear slips down my face and I wipe it away before it has time to gather on my jawline. "Hey, don't cry." She shifts a little closer to me. "This is what you wanted and I'm okay with that. Don't feel bad." She gives me a genuine smile and takes my hand in her own. "I'll be okay, Eliza…and so will you."

"I-It's not that." I shake my head slightly.

"Then what is it? Why are you crying?"

"I don't want you to be my professor," I admit.

"I know you don't, and I've told you I'm okay with you changing whatever you need to…" _Okay, she really isn't hearing me right now._ "Just do whatever you think is best, okay?"

"So…" I lift my gaze a little and clear my throat. "I-If I wanted to kiss you, that would be okay? If I think that is best?"

"No, because it isn't what you want." She tilts her head a little and studies my face, a sad smile settling on her face. "You have made that clear, Eliza."

"But it is what I want." I push her back against the couch and straddle her legs. "You _are_ who I want…"

"W-Wha-" Cut off when I remove her glasses from her face and give her a genuine smile, she swallows hard and rests her hands on my thighs. _God, her touch. It's everything._ "E-Eliza, what are you doing?"

"Kissing you, Arizona." Pressing my lips to her own, all breath leaves my body just like the first time this happened. Only this time, I don't want it to be the last. I don't want to ever stop kissing her. My hands slipping beneath her tank top, she gasps into my mouth and wraps her arms around my waist, pulling my body into her own. _This is the most incredible feeling in the world._ My hands slipping a little further up her tank, I'm feeling a little braver than I probably am. I mean, I know this will soon stop, but I'm enjoying the feeling of her skin beneath my hands. I'm enjoying feeling her for the first time. I'm not entirely sure how I expected it to be, but this is like nothing I've ever experienced before. "God…" I pull back and rest my forehead against her own. "You just…"

"Don't stop." She whispers, her eyes closed. "Please don't stop, and please don't leave…" A pleading in her tone, I give her a small smile and press my lips against her own again. A low moan rumbling in the back of her throat, it sets my body on fire. It makes me feel like I've never felt before. Every time I've imagined this moment, it has made me beyond aroused, but this is so much more. This feels totally different to everything I've thought about.

Her grip loosening from around my waist, she slips one hand up the back of my tee and goosebumps trail her every movement. My body shivering with her touch, I feel my shirt being lifted up and over my body and I don't stop. I can't stop. Not yet. "Oh god…" She bites down on her bottom lip when she pulls back and my hair falls around my shoulders. "Y-You, wow…" She breathes out. "You are so fucking beautiful." _Okay, so Arizona cursing may be the most arousing thing in all of this._ My jeans still hugging my hips, her lips crush back into my own and she slips her tongue into my mouth. Working against my own, I brush my thumb below her nipple and she smiles against my mouth. "Do it, Eliza…" She whimpers. Fresh arousal flooding from my center, I swear I'm soaked. I know I'm soaked. My right-hand moves further up before taking a handful of her breast and she bites down on my bottom lip. Taking her painfully hard nipple between my finger and thumb, I gently tug at it before removing my hand from her tank and curling my fingers beneath the hem of it. Pulling it up and over her head, my mind is now in overdrive. How can any one person be so absolutely beautiful? How can any woman make me feel how I'm feeling right now? Right in this moment?

"Wow…" My eyes closing, she runs her thumb over my bottom lip and catches my attention.

"Stay with me…" She smiles. "Stay the night with me, Eliza."

"I-I, I can't." I shake my head a little. My body may want this right now, but I don't feel prepared. I don't feel like I can take that step right now. Not because of Arizona, but because I just didn't expect any of this when I came by. I'd stay and hope that nothing happened, but she can't know about me yet. She can't know that I'm probably the most inexperienced woman she will ever be with. It's not like I don't have experience of making other women feel good, but I'm scared to mess this up. I'm scared to say the words before she may be ready to hear them. I mean, who wants to find out that the woman they are about to sleep with is a virgin? Surely, no one. Surely, everyone wants someone who isn't scared of what is about to come. I mean, I'm not actually scared, but I'm worried. I'm worried about her seeing my body and my reaction and my experience as I experience it myself for the first time. I just need a little longer and I hope that she will understand.

Realising that I've been thinking a little harder than I expected to, she curls her fingers beneath my chin and pulls me in for another kiss. Soft…unsure, this time. "Talk to me, Eliza. I know you have something on your mind."

"Nothing." I smile and wave off her comment. "I just can't stay."

"Why? Do you have someplace to be?" Her fingertips trailing up my stomach, it contracts and tightens, causing her to smile when she sees the effect she has on me. "Because wherever it is…here is _so much_ better."

"Maybe next time, okay?"

"Sure." She nods. "But you'll stay a little while at least?"

"I thought you had work to do." My eyes narrowing, she drops her gaze and smirks. "Mm, that was a lie, wasn't it?"

"No, but this is so much more fun." Her hand wrapping around my neck, she smiles against my mouth and we begin round two. This all feels so right and so perfect…I just hope it doesn't all end because I can't give her what she wants right now. I know I want it, just…not yet.

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**

 **Heading out this evening but I will have another chapter up tonight when I get home.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Ten

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ARIZONA'S POV

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This moment is all I could have hoped for. Eliza in my lap. Her naked stomach against my own. God, this feels like every emotion I have all rolled into one. She has something on her mind and she seems a little hesitant, but she is here with me right now so I don't care about anything else. I don't care about anything other than this woman staying against me for as long I can possibly keep her here. She is making my head spin with every swipe of her tongue, and honestly, I'm not sure I've ever been kissed like this. I'm not sure I've ever felt so aroused by anyone before. My ex-wife included. Don't get me wrong…it was amazing with Abbie, but this? Eliza? I can barely control myself right now. I have to, though. She has to be the one to initiate this. I feel like that is the right thing to do. I could be wrong, and we could be waiting forever if she is waiting for me to start something, but as her professor, my mind is telling me to hold back. If she wasn't my student, she would be in my bed totally naked right now. She would be screaming my name and I would be taking her like there was no tomorrow. She is my student, though, and even though I trust her…I feel like I have to protect myself in some way. I feel like I have to have some sort of defense should this crumble around me. Around us.

Her lips working my neck, her tongue runs up the shell of my ear and her breath is all I can feel right now. "Do you have any idea how long I've thought about this moment?"

"I-I think I do." I breathe out. "It's all I've thought about, too."

"Yeah?" She takes my earlobe between her teeth and tugs a little. "What did you think about?"

"This." I moan as she sucks on the sweet spot below my ear. "Us. You against me." Her fingertips grazing my nipple, a slight gasp leaves my mouth. "You touching me…making me feel good."

"Where was I touching you, Arizona?" She whispers. "Here?" Tugging at my nipple, I simply moan in appreciation. "Or here…" Her hand ghosting down my stomach, it tightens and I swear I'm soaked right through my pants. "Not close enough, huh?" Smiling against the skin of my neck, she pushes her hand past the waistband of my yoga pants and my eyes close. _Oh, god…this is finally happening._ It's actually happening, and I'm not sure I can stop it. I'm not sure I'd ever want to anyway. "How about now?" She drops her head on my shoulder.

"O-Oh God." I breathe out. Her perfect fingertips connecting with my throbbing clit, she applies a little pressure and my head spins. It's actually spinning. I'm seeing nothing right now. Just darkness. Black. Taking a deep breath, my body completely relaxes on my couch and I swear this woman is about to make me feel the best I've ever felt.

"I've wanted to touch you for so long, Arizona…" Her words lingering in the air around us, I spread my legs a little wider and it gives her all of the answers she will ever need. "It's all I've wanted." Dipping her fingers a little lower, she gathers my arousal and teases my entrance. Shifting, I find myself flat on my back, and her knee slips between my legs. Two fingers pushing deep inside of me, all breath leaves my body and I find myself gripping the edge of my couch. One hand of hers braced behind my head, she dips her own head and our lips connect. Slowly massaging my walls, I can feel my stomach tightening way sooner than I want it to. I can feel my body defying me, and I hate it. This has to last longer…so much longer. Her tongue working the inside of my mouth incredibly, I'm pretty certain I could die happy right now. "God, you feel amazing…" She moans as she pulls back and her green eyes stare intently. I'm not sure I've ever seen them so dark. It only adds to her hotness, though. It only adds to everything I love about her.

"Fuck…" My hand coming to rest on my forehead, she gives me a smile and her thrusts pick up in speed. "O-Oh, god." Hitting that spot, I grit my teeth and try to hold off on my impending orgasm. "I-I…Eliza, shit."

"I swear you cursing is the hottest thing I've ever heard." She smiles against my mouth before trailing soft kisses along my jawline.

"You make me do it." I smile. Groaning when she sinks deeper than before, her thumb rests on my clit and she draws soft circles. "O-Oh, wow." Holding my breath, my eyes slam shut and she watches my every reaction. I can feel her eyes on me, and it only makes me want to come harder than ever before. "Eliza, I-I can't…" Applying a little more pressure to my throbbing bundle of nerves, she rests her forehead against my own and gives me a nod.

"Let go, Arizona." She smiles. "For me…"

"Jesus Christ…" I moan as my orgasm approaches faster than ever before. "F-Fuck, oh god…I-I." My nails digging into her naked back, she doesn't let up with her movements and my body stiffens beneath her. "Wow…" Her movements barely slowing, she presses her lips to my own and pulls back to give me the chance to catch my breath. Although, the way I feel right now…I'm not sure I'll ever catch my breath. "E-Eliza…" I moan as she settles her body on top of me and brushes a few stray hairs from my face. "Wow…"

"Okay, I'm going to need some other descriptive words…" She smiles and runs her thumb across my cheek. Slowly slipping out of me, I groan at the loss of contact but she doesn't move. She doesn't climb off of me. _God, I need to touch her. I need to feel her come undone beneath me._

"Maybe we could take this to the bedroom…" I raise an eyebrow. Her features changing slightly, I study her face but she drops her gaze. "Unless you don't want to." I backtrack. "That would be totally fine."

"It's not that I don't want to." She gives me a small smile. "I just don't think that we should…"

"Okay, you've totally lost me." She shifts a little and lies her body beside my own, her elbow propping her up. "Eliza, is there something I need to know?" I ask. I don't know what there is that I could possibly need to know, but she's beginning to worry me a little. "Anything at all?"

"Yeah, kinda." She shrugs. "Just, do we really have to do this now?" Okay, that doesn't sound good. I've got a really bad feeling about this.

"I think we should, yeah." I nod. "We should do this now because you are making no sense."

"Okay, you don't have to look so freaked out." She furrows her brow. "What is it that you think is the problem?"

"Honestly, I don't know," I admit. "But you keep telling me no, and it's making me feel a little uncomfortable. I mean, we just, or rather you just…you know, and if that isn't what you wanted, I'm so sorry."

"It is what I wanted." She tries to reassure me, her lips meeting my own. "I've wanted that for so long…"

"Then I don't know what the problem is…"

"It's nothing you've done, I swear." She replies. "It's just me…"

"Wait, you are who you say you are, right? I mean, you are twenty-one?"

"Of course, I am." She laughs. "Do you really think I'd lie to you?"

"Well, no." I shake my head. "At least, I don't think you would. I just…talk to me, please? Tell me what it is on your mind?"

"I'm a virgin." She drops her gaze, and I'm sensing a little embarrassment from her. "I just…I should have told you way before now. I should have told you so you could decide if you wanted to be with me or not. I mean, why would you?" She scoffs. "Why would you want someone like me when there is so much more out there?"

"Hey…" I curl my fingers beneath her chin and lift her head a little. "Don't ever worry about that." I smile. "Don't ever think that it would be a problem." I won't lie, it's not what I expected to hear from her. I didn't expect her to say that when she has just totally blown my mind. She seems pretty experienced to me. "We take this at your pace, okay? I'd never take something like that from you. Not if it isn't what you want…"

"No." She stops me. "That's not what I'm worried about. I've never worried about the night that it happens with you. It's all I've thought about, Arizona. I guess I'm just scared. Worried. Nervous that I can't be what you want."

"You want the truth?" I raise my eyebrow and she gives me a slight nod. "It's kinda hot." I shrug. "Knowing that nobody else has had their hands on you. Knowing that I'll be your first…Mm, it's all kinda of hot."

"R-Really?" She stutters and wrinkles her nose. "You aren't just saying that to make me feel better?"

"God, no." I close my eyes and my mind instantly takes me to the moment Eliza will be writhing beneath me. "And for the record, you seem experienced enough to me."

"It's not like I haven't been in any relationships…I have." She admits. "I just never felt that connection with any of them. You know? I didn't want to give myself to them because society says that it's how it should be. I've had plenty of _encounters,_ shall we say…and I've had plenty of women scream my name, but no, I can safely say that you, Arizona, will be my first."

"You've no idea how much I want it to be me…" I smile. I can't say I've ever really thought about anything like this. It definitely isn't a problem, though. It's nice to meet someone who doesn't just put their body out there. It's nice to know that not every woman sees herself as being a sexual object. "Now that I know, will you stay the night?" I ask. "I wouldn't ever put you in a position where you weren't ready, but I'd really like you to stay the night."

"I don't know." She sighs. "I'd like to…love to, actually, but I'm not sure I can keep my hands off of you all night." Her words sending me crazy, I pull her back down on top of me and smile against her mouth.

"And who said I wanted you to keep your hands off of me?" I raise an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"Oh, it's just a feeling I get." She smirks. "Figured you'd had enough before."

"From you?" I raise an eyebrow. "I could never get enough from you." Her half-naked body resting on my own, I take in her absolute beauty and I'm not sure how long I can hold off on making her mine. Because she will, she will become mine one day, and yeah…I cannot wait for that moment between us. Maybe the fact that she is a virgin is a good thing. I mean, it tells me that she takes relationships seriously. It tells me that she doesn't just sleep with people for a little fun. It tells me that she cares enough to be honest and open about it with me, and knowing that she wants me to be the one who takes something so precious, it's only made me fall harder for her. It really has. It may be hot, and the idea of watching her come undone beneath me may be sending me crazy right now, but she is so beautiful inside and out, and if I have to wait a lifetime for her to be ready to take that next step, that is what I'll do. I will wait until she decides that she wants it. She wants me. I will wait until she feels confident enough and comfortable enough around me before I even suggest that we take things further. I want her to be okay with it. I don't want her to think that it's anything I want if she isn't ready. _A little touching never hurt anyone, though, right?_

"I'll stay." She pulls back and finds my eyes. "I'll stay the night."

"Yeah?" My smile widening, she gives me a nod and climbs off of me. "Where are you going?"

"You wanted to take this to the bedroom didn't you?"

"Only if you are okay with that…"

"Let's go." She pulls me up to my feet and smiles. "I may be a virgin, Arizona, but _you're_ not."

* * *

Waking to the sound of soft breathing beside me, I glance up at the ceiling above me and yeah, I'm just as wet this morning as I was when we fell asleep last night. Eliza sends me absolutely crazy with want, and god…she knows exactly how to make me feel good. _So good._ Not only did she give me complete honesty last night, she gave me four orgasms, too. I guess the back and forth from us both has totally made the wait worth it. I mean, she craves me and I crave her. She wants me like I've never experienced before. Even my own wife never made me feel as good as Eliza did last night. Never. I can't recall a single moment where I felt that intense rush like I did last night. Like, I never wanted it to end. I never wanted her to stop. I never wanted to close my eyes and sleep ever again. I think she may be a little worn out this morning, but god, my girl did good. _Better than ever._

I'd like to think that we can continue this way for as long as she wants to, but I'm not sure that will happen. I mean, I love that she wants to give me the things she already has, but I don't want to just take from her. I want to be the one who makes her feel just as good. I don't want her to think that she has to touch me. It isn't like that, not at all. Running my fingers up her naked back, her sleeping form shivers a little and it makes me smile. I may have ended the night totally naked and screaming beneath her, but she is still wearing her panties. Her very enticing black lace panties. _God, she makes me crazy._ Biting down on my own bottom lip, I shift a little closer to her and press my body against her back. "Wake up, beautiful." Breathing against her ear, she mumbles and glances back over her shoulder. "Hey…" I smile. It's kinda weird waking beside her, but it feels right. Nothing about this feels wrong or like it shouldn't be happening.

"Mm, morning." She smiles as a yawn slips from her mouth. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Better than ever before," I admit. "Did you?"

"I did." She turns and lies flat on her back. Her gorgeous breasts coming into full view. _God, if I could just take one between my teeth._ Squeezing my own thighs together at the thoughts I'm creating in my head, I close my eyes and give myself a moment. "What's up?" She asks.

"Nothing." I breathe out. "Just...did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are?"

"No." She admits. _Ugh, that breaks my heart._

"Well, you are." I place a kiss below her ear and shift until my body is on top of her own. "And I will tell you that every single day."

"God…" She closes her eyes and a slight smile appears. "You've no idea how amazing you feel against me."

"I want to do something for you…" I suggest. "Don't worry, I won't even touch you…but you deserve to feel good, too."

"A-Arizona, you don't have to do that." She blushes. "I'm okay with how things are right now."

"You don't even want to feel a little bit good?" I raise my eyebrow and straddle her legs. "My hands will stay here," I state as I plant them firmly either side of her head. "I promise."

"Okay…" She nods. Studying her face, I find no signs of hesitation from her and it settles me a little. "What are you going to do?" She asks, her brow furrowed.

"Can I use my mouth?" I ask.

"W-Where?" She stutters.

"Above the waist only…" She gives me a nod. "Are you sure? We don't have to do this, but I'd really like to…"

"Do it." She smiles. "Now!"

"Well, okay then," I smirk. Dipping my head, I capture her lips and she smiles against my mouth. I love kissing her. It's my favorite thing about her. Her lips are the softest I've ever felt. She puts her all into our kisses, I know that. Working the skin of her neck, she releases a low moan as I suck on that sweet spot below her ear. It drives me wild, and I'm pretty sure it does the same to her. "I just want you to feel good, Eliza." The tip of my tongue trailing down between her breasts, my center grinds down against her own and her breath catches in her throat. "But if at any point you want me to stop, just say the words and I'll stop, okay?" Glancing up at her, she gives me a nod and her eyes close, her hands fisting in the sheet either side of her. Taking a nipple between my lips, I suck gently and she tangles one hand in my hair, forcing my head against her. Rolling my tongue over the hardening bud, she gives me a moan of appreciation and I know she is okay with this right now.

"That feels amazing." She whispers.

"I know." I smile against her skin as I palm her other nipple. " _You_ feel amazing." I release her nipple with a pop and smile. "Everything about you is amazing, Eliza." My tongue trailing down her stomach, I moan as it contracts and tightens and I'm finding it harder and harder to keep my hands where they are right now. It's absolute torture, but I promised her this. I promised her I wouldn't touch her. Until she says otherwise, that is how it will stay.

"A-Arizona…" She groans as her lips lift from the bed a little. "I-I think my panties need to go."

"Eliza, you don't have to do that." I give her a sad smile.

"I want to, though." She gives me a look of certainty and I raise my eyebrow.

"May I?" I ask. "I promise I won't touch you…"

"Yes." She smiles as I climb off of her and curl my fingers beneath the waistband of the black lace material covering her gorgeous body. Giving her a questioning look, she gives me a nod of approval and I slip them over her thighs. Her legs are incredible, but they look even better totally naked. Biting down on my bottom lip as I take in her naked body, she clears her throat and my eyes shoot back up to her face.

"S-Sorry." I shake my head. "I was just admiring the view."

"That's okay." Giving me a slight shrug, I climb back on top of her and our centers connect. "Oh god." She closes her eyes and I freeze above her.

"Do you want me to stop?" I ask.

"No!" Pulling me down against her, she takes my bottom lip between her teeth and smiles. "Please don't stop." My hands returning to their position either side of her head, she lifts her hips and I know she is wet. Soaked, even. I'd say it is my own arousal, but no…that is totally Eliza. "That feels incredible." She moans as I drop my head to her shoulder.

Shifting a little, I know exactly what I'm doing right now. I'm going to make her come without even touching her. Without entering her. I want nothing more than to take her in my bed, but I don't need to right now. I don't need to do anything whatsoever with my hands. Right now, I'm taking nothing from her…and that is what she wants. Now in a better position, my clit brushes against her own and her nails dig into my back. "Feel good?" I ask.

"Amazing…" She breathes out as I roll my hips into her own. "Fuck." _Oh, god. That's hot. That is so fucking hot._ Repeating my movements, she bites down on my shoulder and I'm pretty sure I've just come. I don't know how she does it, but she makes me so aroused that I'm not sure it's even normal behavior. My hips picking up speed a little, she matches my movements and I know that she is loving this. I know that I'm making her feel good. I don't know how far she has gone in the past, but this is good enough for me right now. Our bodies molded together, this is the perfect start to our day.

My own hands gripping the sheet either side of her body, I dip my head and take a nipple into my mouth as my hips increase in strength. "You feel so good against me…" I moan before sucking and tugging at the bud. "Mm, so good." Her grip on my back tightening, I know she is close. I know she is about to come. Maybe not in the way that I'd like her to, but still…she's going to come and I'm going to be the one who does that to her. Me. My body. My words. Nobody else.

"Arizona, oh god…I-I." Her breathing becoming a little labored, I lift my head from her shoulder and find her eyes. "I-I think, I just…oh god, yes." Bracing myself on my hands, I grind my hips harder against her soaked sex and she closes her eyes. Her bottom lip firmly between her teeth. "I-I, fuck…don't stop."

"Never." I smile as my lips work her jawline. Reaching her ear, I lower my tone painfully and brush my lips against the shell. "I think you should come for me, beautiful. You know you want to." My words pushing her over the edge, her nails in my skin cause a slight hiss from me but I don't care. I've always liked a little pain with my pleasure. Shaking and writhing beneath me, I don't let up with my movements. I want her to feel this. I want her to know that I can make her feel truly amazing when the time comes. "Relax your body, Eliza." Her hips resuming their own movements, the moan she releases sends my own body over the edge and I'm not sure I've ever come so hard. Her throbbing clit pushing against my own, all breath leaves my body, and I stiffen above her. "F-Fuck." My chest heaving, I drop down against her and she wraps her arms around my waist. "Wow…" I breathe out, my oxygen levels pretty low right now.

"That was incredible." She places a kiss on my shoulder and I prop myself up on my forearms. "Thank you."

"No." I shake my head. "Thank you…for trusting me."

"I'm not sure I ever want to leave this bed." She admits. "Can we stay here a little while longer?"

"We can stay here as long as you like…" I smile as I press a kiss to her lips. "As long as you like."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Eleven

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ELIZA'S POV

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I have just spent the most incredible weekend of my life with Arizona, and I'm a little depressed that it's over. I mean, I know normal life has to resume, but I kinda didn't want it to. I wanted to stay in that bubble with her for the rest of my life. Everything is out in the open now, and she doesn't hate me. I don't know what I expected really when I knew those words were about to come out of my mouth, but it worked out okay, and thank god it did. It worked out, and Arizona has been nothing short of amazing about it. I shouldn't have expected anything less, though. I mean, she's perfect. She is everything I ever imagined she would be…only more. So much more. She is supportive and she is caring, so yeah…she is my kind of woman. Those moans, though? God, those moans. It's all I've thought about all morning. How she breathlessly moaned my name over and over again all weekend. Yeah, it's totally all I've thought about. Even when I was sitting in her class just a little while ago. She knew what I was thinking. Every time she looked at me, she blushed. I love knowing I have that effect on her…it's super hot. _Super._ At one point, I'm pretty sure she was squeezing her thighs together, and given half the chance, I would have made her squirm in her seat. We cant bring this into the classroom, though. It wouldn't be fair to her, and its only a matter of time before someone notices.

No matter how much we want each other, I cannot and I will not cause any problems for her. We can see each other off of campus, so we have to control ourselves. We have to remember that it will be so much hotter if we wait. We both know it will. Heading off down the corridor towards the cafeteria, April falls into step with me and nudges my shoulder. "Hey, everything okay?"

"Sure." I smile. "Just taking five to myself before I head home."

"No class?" She furrows her brow.

"No." I shake my head. "Slight change up for the next few weeks or something. How was your weekend?"

"Good." She shrugs. "It would have been better if my best friend had bothered to contact me, though."

"Sorry, I was studying."

"But you're okay?" She raises her eyebrow as we round the corner and head through the double doors. "I mean, those other issues you were having have settled down?"

"Oh, yeah." I wave off her comment. "Totally disappeared."

"I'm glad you realized that it was a bad idea." She smiles. April doesn't know that Arizona and I have anything going on at all, and I have to keep it that way. I love my new best friend, but I'm not sure I could trust her to keep this quiet. Well, she would…but I'd be judged every time she looked at me. She's kinda like that, but she would have every right to judge, I guess.

Heading for the coffee cart, I catch Arizona's scent and I furrow my brow. Glancing up and looking around, I find her walking towards me, a little extra sway in her hips. _God, that fucking skirt._ Clearing my throat, I give her a smile and a nod. "Professor Robbins."

"Good work today, Miss Minnick." She smiles. "I think you studied pretty hard over the weekend."

"I did." I shrug. " _So_ hard." Realising that April isn't even in the same room as me right now, I narrow my eyes and lick my lips ever so slightly. "Enjoy the rest of your day."

"You too." She blushes. Her blue eyes turning darker by the second. "If you need any help with _anything_ at all…you know where to find me." Walking away, I watch her heels hit the floor and my heart pounds in my ears. _Was that an invitation to head to her office?_ No, we cant do that. We shouldn't. It would become a regular thing, and people would talk. Or notice, at least. Realising that I'm watching her too much, I clear my throat and head towards my friend who is already at the coffee cart.

"Seems your hard work paid off, huh?" April clears her throat. "You know, she seems pretty happy with you…"

"Yeah, well if you put in the hard work, she has no reason to be concerned about my grades."

"Mm, pretty sure that's not what she is concerned about." My friend mumbling beside me, I give her a look of confusion but she totally sees right through me.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, come on." April laughs and lowers her tone. "You think I didn't just see how she was looking at you?"

"Okay, you've totally lost me." I hold up my hands. "She was congratulating me on my hard work…"

"Sure she was." My friend nods. "Hard work where? In the classroom?"

"What does that even mean?" I scoff. "She is my professor, April."

"And you should really make sure it stays that way." She gives me a knowing look and I roll my eyes. "You said you have forgotten about her, but I'm not so sure about that."

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but you don't have to worry about anything going on between us. She is married, April. She is my professor and that is all there is to it."

"If that's what you believe, okay…" She perks up. "Maybe we could get coffee before you leave for the day?"

"Yeah, I'd like that." I agree. "Did you have any plans this evening?"

"Not really." She shakes her head. "Did you want to hang out or are you busy _studying_?"

"No, hanging out sounds good." I make plans with my friend. I guess we have to keep our distance at times, and that includes outside of campus. April already suspects something is going on, so I'm sure Arizona would understand. I mean, neither of us will like that we cannot see each other tonight, but it's for the best. I really couldn't bear the thought of us getting caught. It would be the end of Arizona's career.

* * *

I said goodbye to April a little over ten minutes ago, and now I'm debating with myself whether to go to Arizona's office or not. I want to see her because I know that tonight is off the table, but I don't know how she feels about me dropping by unexpectedly. I don't know how she feels about anything where the campus is concerned. I mean, I could pretend that I need her help with something, but she isn't stupid, and it would only make me look desperate. Shaking myself from my thoughts, I grab my cell from the side of my bag and pull up a new message.

 ** _Do you have five minutes? x_**

 ** _Sure. What's up? A x_**

 ** _Can I come and see you? x_**

 ** _I'm in my office. A x_**

 ** _On my way x_**

Shoving my cell back into its space in my bag, I glance around and find the corridors pretty quiet right now. I will literally stay with her for five minutes, and then I'm gone. I'll head home and I will spend the evening with my best friend. Rounding the corner, I pick up my pace a little and Arizona's office door comes into view. It's currently closed, but I'm assuming she doesn't have anyone in there. She has just told me that it's okay to come by…so I'm guessing it's still okay to do so. Slowing my pace and catching my breath, I give myself a moment to collect my thoughts and prepare myself to see the gorgeous blonde I've been thinking about all day. Curling my hand into a fist, I knock lightly and her voice pulls me in. Opening the door, I find her sitting on the edge of her desk, her arms folded over her chest. "Hey…" I smile.

"Come in and close the door." She states, her glasses slowly being removed from her face. Doing as she asks, I step inside and push her door closed. "Lock it!"

"W-What? Why?" I furrow my brow.

"Why do you think?" She raises her eyebrow and my body immediately responds. "Just lock it, Eliza…" Turning the lock, it clicks in the frame of the door and she stands from her desk. Approaching me, she flicks off the light and it sends the room a little darker. "You have been teasing me all day." She hooks her fingers beneath the waistband of my jeans and pulls me into her body. "I thought we agreed to none of that on campus?"

"Did we?" I furrow my brow. "I'm sorry…I didn't realize."

"Sure you didn't." She rolls her eyes playfully and pulls me away from the door. My back connecting with the wall when she turns me, she traps my body and gives me a smile. "I missed you…" Running her tongue across my bottom lip, my eyes close and I settle my hands on her hips. "You know, this really shouldn't be happening here…"

"I know." I give her a nod in agreement as I push her away from me and her thighs connect with the edge of her desk. Resting between her legs as she settles down on the hardwood, I run my thumb across her cheek and she gives me a sad smile. "I just came by to tell you that I can't see you tonight."

"What? Why?" She asks, disappointment evident in her voice. "You said yesterday that you would come over to my place."

"I know I did, but I can't. April suspects something and if I didn't offer to hang with her tonight, she would have been weirded out by it. She already wanted to know where I was this weekend."

"Uh, tell her to mind her own business." Arizona scoffs. "So, you are hanging out with her instead of me?"

"Looks that way." I sigh. "I'm so sorry, but I can see you tomorrow?"

"I work late on Tuesday's." She drops her gaze. "I couldn't even begin to give you an idea of what time I'd be home." My fingertips running up the side of her knee, they disappear beneath her skirt and her eyes close, a small smile forming on her face.

"Maybe I just have to remind you of what you could be getting tomorrow night and then you will suddenly remember what time you need to be home…"

"Eliza…" She breathes out, her teeth tugging on her bottom lip. "Don't do this. Not here."

"Oh, I'm not doing anything," I smirk. "That was just my way of saying I'll miss you tonight, is all."

"I'll miss you too." She sighs. "A lot." Squeezing her thigh, I step back a little and place a soft kiss on her lips. "Maybe there will be a change of plans, who knows?"

"Yeah, maybe." I try to leave her with a little bit of hope. It isn't likely to happen, but if she needs something to hold onto, I can do that for her. "I'll call you when April leaves and we will talk for a little while, okay?"

"That would be nice." She agrees. "Just…never mind." She waves off her own comment. "Have a nice night, okay?"

"What is it?" I ask, my brow furrowed.

"Just…was the weekend okay for you?" She tilts her head a little. "It wasn't too much too soon?"

"No, not at all." I take her hands in my own and give her a genuine smile. "The weekend was perfect, and I never wanted it to end."

"Okay, if you're sure?"

"I am, I promise." Dipping my head a little, I give her one final kiss before dropping her hands and moving towards the door. "I'll call you, okay?"

"Okay." She nods. Unlocking the door, I head out into the corridor and release a deep sigh. I hate that I'm not going to see her tonight, but I have to keep this quiet. I cannot have anyone suspecting anything. I'm really not worth Arizona losing her job over. My cell buzzing in my bag, I take it out and glance at the screen.

 ** _Can we really not see each other later? A x_**

 ** _I wish we could, but I'm doing the right thing. It won't be every night x_**

 ** _Okay. I will miss you, though. A x_**

 ** _I know, and I will miss you too. I was looking forward to spending the night with you x_**

* * *

April has been hanging at my place for the past few hours and the only thing I can think about is Arizona. I know it was my decision to cancel our plans for the night, but it's the right thing to do. If I keep brushing off my best friend, she is going to be even more suspicious than she already is and I don't want that. She isn't stupid. She knows something is going on, but I can't exactly ask Arizona to not look at me how she does, or to avoid me completely. I mean, that would make her look even more suspicious. I guess it's a lose-lose situation we are both in. I don't know how to fix it, though. I'd love my friend to know what was going on, but she would hit the roof. She would disapprove and I don't want anyone to disapprove. So, it's easier to lie and say that nothing is going on. It's easier to _not_ spend the night with Arizona.

"So, did you want to grab a movie, or?" April pulls me from my thoughts and I glance over at her.

"I don't think I feel up to it." I shrug. "I'm not feeling too good right now."

"No?" She raises her eyebrow. "You seemed fine a little while ago."

"Yeah. Just…time of the month." I lie. "Feeling a little up and down right now."

"O-Oh." Her eyes widen. "Sorry, I didn't realize."

"Why would you?" I laugh. "Jeez, we aren't _that_ close, April." Rolling her eyes playfully, she shakes her head and stands. "Where are you going?"

"Maybe you should take a bath or something." She shrugs. "I'll get out of your way."

"You don't have to do that." I give her a sad smile. _Okay, my plan totally worked._ Maybe she isn't as suspicious as I thought she was. I don't know. "We said we would hang."

"And we have." She smiles. "I've been here a while now. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." I stand and walk her to the door. "You're a good friend, April."

"I know." She shrugs. "The best."

Saying goodbye to my friend, I watch her disappear down the corridor and I close my door. Releasing a deep breath, I smile when the idea of catching a few hours with Arizona pops into my head. _She probably won't come over right now._ I mean, it's after nine at night so I'd imagine she is settled and ready to head off to bed soon. I guess a text message wouldn't hurt. Grabbing my cell from the kitchen counter, I pull up a familiar number and hit the screen.

 ** _You doing much? X_**

 ** _No. Just watching a movie before I turn in for the night. A x_**

 ** _Okay. I miss you x_**

 ** _I miss you too but you are the one who canceled our evening. A x_**

 ** _Because I thought it was the right thing to do x_**

 ** _I know and I appreciate that. A x_**

 ** _So, can I see you? X_**

 ** _When? A x_**

 ** _Now. April left already x_**

 ** _I can't drive over. Had some wine to drown my sorrows. A x_**

 ** _I'll come to you? X_**

 ** _You'd do that? A x_**

 ** _Of course, I would. I'll head over now… x_**

 ** _I'll be waiting for you… X_**

Smiling, I shove my cell into my back pocket and grab my keys. I won't stay the night so the fact that I don't need to pack a bag means I can leave right now. Honestly, I've wanted to leave my place since I got here after classes, and now that the opportunity is here…I'd happily run to Arizona. Maybe I will. The sooner I'm in her arms, the better.

* * *

Reaching Arizona's place, I'm not sure I have any oxygen left in my lungs. I mean, I know I rushed here, but I didn't think I was so unfit. I didn't think I'd ever imagine passing out like this. I'll be okay once I see that beautiful face, though. I'll be okay once I'm in her arms and the rest of the world has disappeared. Making my way up her porch, I find her standing in the window waiting for me, and it makes me smile. I didn't think she would be this desperate to see me, but I guess I was wrong. So very wrong. Not even bothering to knock on the door, she disappears from the window and her door opens only seconds later. "God, I thought you'd never get here." She sighs as she fists her hand in my jacket and pulls me inside. The door slamming shut, she pins me against the back of it and her lips connect with my own. _Okay, so this is what I actually live for._ Someone who wants me. Someone who cannot bear to be away from me. Someone like Arizona. Well, just Arizona in general if I'm being perfectly honest. "I missed you…" Her lips trailing down my neck, I smile and groan in appreciation.

"Mm, I missed you, too." Pulling back, her eyes find mine and she studies my face. I've missed her so much, but right now, I'd be happy to just sit with her. Hold her. Feel her presence consume me. "Are you okay?" I ask.

"I am now, yes." She nods. "How was your evening?"

"Terrible." I roll my eyes playfully. "Yours?"

"The worst." She smiles. "Are you staying the night?"

"No." I guide her through the room and push her down onto the couch. "I should head to campus from my place."

"But I don't want you to…" She furrows her brow. "I want to wake up next to you."

"And I want that too, but don't you think it's best?"

"Honestly?" She sighs. "I don't care what is best right now. I just know that I want you in my bed beside me."

"You know I'd love nothing more." I give her a sad smile as I drop down beside her. "I'm just worried about your job, is all."

"I know you are." She breathes out. "And sometimes I am…but, I missed out on spending the night with you, and it hurt more than I expected."

"Oh, come on." I laugh. "I'm not _that_ addictive."

"Uh, yeah you are." She deadpans. "But I get it."

"You get what?" I ask as I make myself a little more comfortable.

"This. Us." She shrugs. "Maybe things are moving too fast, I don't know."

"That's not true, Arizona." I take her hand in my own and run my thumb across her knuckles. "I just want what is best for you. You have to understand that."

"I know, but if we are careful…" She raises her eyebrow. "If we do this really discreetly?"

"I don't want to have to do it discreetly, but yeah…I know we have to." Shrugging, I'm done with talking right now. I'm done with this conversation. Pressing my lips to her own, she smiles against my mouth and wraps her hand around my neck. "Sorry, I just…" Pulling back, my eyes find her own. "I had to stop you from rambling."

"Thank you." She smiles.

"For what?"

"Being okay with this. You know…being secretive and what not. I don't imagine you moved to Seattle with this kind of plan in mind."

"Well, no." I laugh. "But I also didn't move to Seattle with the intention of meeting someone like you, so?"

"Someone like me?" She furrows her brow.

"Yep." Resting my head back on the couch, I release a deep sigh. "Someone who makes me feel like you do."

"It's a good feeling, though, right?"

"Most of the time, yeah," I admit. "When I'm with you, it's the best feeling in the world. When I'm not…I hate it. I hate not being able to just see you whenever I want. Kiss you whenever I want. You know?"

"Yeah, I hate that too." She drops her gaze. "But-"

"You don't have to say it." I smile. "I know it has to be this way. Sure, it makes this all so much hotter, but I wish we didn't have to hide."

"I'm sorry." She glances back up at me with unshed tears in her eyes. "This isn't fair to you."

"Please don't be upset, Arizona." I squeeze her hand and try to reassure her. "I know this is how we have to do it."

"Just…" Sighing, she shakes her head. "I don't expect this to last forever and if at any point you want to leave, or you decide that you can't do this…I'd understand."

"What won't last forever?" I give her a look of complete confusion.

"This. Us." She gives me a sad smile. "I know it's probably just a little fun for you…maybe for me, too, but I feel like it's so much more than that on my part."

"This isn't just some fun for me, Arizona," I state, my tone a little cold. "I didn't tell you how I felt so we could fuck each other's brains out and then call it a day. That's not what this is."

"You say that now, but what happens when you meet someone younger? What happens when some student catches your attention and you can be in a relationship with her that doesn't require you to hide. That doesn't require you to lie to your friends or your family?"

"I chose you despite the fact that we have to hide, Arizona. You are the one who I'm attracted to. You are the one I want to spend my time with."

"For now, yes." She agrees. "Look, all I'm saying is that when the time comes and you realize this was a mistake, it will be okay. _I_ will be okay."

"Wow." I breathe out. "For someone who is so confident and sure of themselves outside of these four walls, you really should give yourself a little more credit where your relationships are concerned."

"It's easier this way." She shrugs. "Then, it doesn't hurt as much when the time comes."

"So, you're saying that you are going to enjoy this, but you will always be waiting for the day when I leave? You'll always be waiting for the day when I come here and tell you I don't want to see you anymore?"

"I guess so, yeah." She admits.

"Well, I can't live like that." I shake my head and sit forward in my seat a little. "I can't be in a relationship where you are never giving me 100% because you think that one day I'm going to walk away…"

"I guess it's just how I'm feeling because of everything else that happened." I appreciate her honesty, and I can understand why she feels the way she does, but I'm not her ex-wife. I'm not going to be caught sleeping with someone else one day. It's not who I am. "I'll try harder, though, okay?"

"I just want you to be yourself…" I smile. "It's who I found attractive so just be that person, okay? Be the person who caught my attention the day I walked into your class."

"I fear that person has gone." She drops her gaze. "She disappeared the day my marriage ended." _Okay, I don't like that comment._ I do worry that Arizona still loves her wife, but I guess I should just be happy that I'm here with her. I should just appreciate the fact that I'm the one who gets to spend time with this woman. "Can I see you tomorrow night?"

"I, uh…I haven't even left yet." I laugh. I don't know what else to say to her right now. I want to try this with her and I want to be her everything, but I don't think she feels the same. Well, she's just admitted that she doesn't feel the same. I'm just not sure I can be the one who is left hurt when she decides that this isn't for her. Sure, it's fun and hot right now so she wants this, but what happens if it gets a little close one day and someone catches us? Would she stick by me? Would she deny me? That is all stuff I have to seriously think about and decide on. We have to do this properly if we are going to do it at all. I can't be all in but only getting 90% of Arizona. I need all of her. All of her attention. All of her effort. Maybe one day, all of her love. If I'm in, I'm in…but she has to be all in, too.

"No, but I need to know if I can see you tomorrow night?"

"I don't know yet." I shrug. "I will see what work I have to do and then let you know?"

"Oh, okay." She sighs. "I guess that could work."

"Is there a particular reason you want to see me tomorrow night?" I ask.

"Well, I want to see you every night, but I thought I could cook dinner. You know, maybe even like a date?" _A date is not something I ever thought I'd do with her._ I mean, I'd love to, but it's kinda hard when you are doing this in secret. This could be good for us, though. Maybe we can talk properly. You know, be open and honest about how we both want this to be. I should come by tomorrow.

"Okay." I nod. "Dinner would be nice."

"Promise you won't blow me off like you did today?"

"I didn't do it intentionally." I give her a sad smile. "But yes, I promise." My head coming to rest on her shoulder, I relax a little and figure I'll stay a little while longer. I don't have a class until ten tomorrow, so I don't need as much sleep tonight as I usually would. A soft kiss placed on my head, I glance up at Arizona and she gives me a small smile. "What?" I furrow my brow.

"Thanks for coming by tonight."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always. I'll have another chapter out for you in a few hours if you want one?**


	12. Chapter 12

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Twelve

* * *

ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

God, I'm so nervous right now. I don't know why…Eliza is happy to come over tonight. I just feel like I'm going to mess this up. I said some things last night that I don't think she was very happy with, but I was just trying to be honest with her. I mean, it is how I feel. I do think that one day she will drop me and find someone new. That isn't a criticism about her, though…it's just how I expect it to be. I mean, I'm eleven years older than her. In ten or so years time, she will be who I am now, and she will probably find other women attractive. Other women her age. It's only normal. It's only natural. When that day comes, how am I supposed to compete with some hot twenty-something? How am I supposed to keep a hold of Eliza when it is her natural reaction to find other women attractive? Like, I'll be over forty, and she will have only just hit thirty. I may be thinking way too much into it right now, but yeah…it's what I fully expect will happen. I wouldn't ever expect her to stay with me if and when that time comes, but I'm struggling with the idea of it happening. I want to go all in where she is concerned, but I'm scared. I'm scared of having my heart broken all over again. It hurts too much. It hurt enough when my ex-wife cheated, and I already have pretty strong feelings for Eliza, so imagine how much that will hurt. Imagine how heartbreaking it will be if she ever decides that she doesn't want to be with me?

I probably shouldn't worry about it too much right now, but it's all I've thought about today. It was all I thought about last night as I climbed into bed alone, and yeah…it's still firmly on my mind right now. I don't think the fact that I haven't seen her today is helping much, but she is due here in the next twenty minutes, and I'm worried that this dinner won't go how I'd like it to. I'm worried that she is going to come here and say some things I don't want to hear, and then all this worry I have will be for nothing anyway because she is probably going to tell me that she doesn't want to do this. Us. I'd understand, but it would be a little painful. I know it would. Right now, though, I'm trying to push it from my mind. I'm trying, but I'm failing fucking miserably. I just want tonight to be perfect. Beautiful, even. I want us to enjoy dinner and talk about the most random stuff. I want her to feel safe and comfortable with me. I just want Eliza to be happy, but I don't think she is very happy with me.

I guess she has every right to be pissed. I don't know how I manage to do it, but it seems my words get tangled when I'm trying to explain how I feel. Like, I know what I want to say in my head…but they fall from my mouth totally differently. I don't want her to think that I'm not all in because honestly, I'm trying so hard to be. I'm trying to be the person I want to be, but Abbie and her actions are constantly in the back of my mind. Every time I sit and imagine how happy Eliza makes me feel…that sinking feeling settles within me and that idea of happiness disappears. I mean, why did she cheat on me? Was I not making her happy? Was I not good enough for her? Was the sex bad or not often enough? I don't know, but I feel like I need to find out her reasons for doing what she did. She's never actually told me why she did it, and it's constantly on my mind. So much so, that it is affecting my new relationship. It's affecting my ability to totally give myself to Eliza. If her cheating was because of something I did, I need to know so I can fix it and prevent it from happening again.

I don't feel like I did anything wrong in our relationship, but I also can't be sure that I haven't. Sometimes things happen when you don't realize it or you think nothing of it. Maybe I hurt Abbie in some way and it was her way of retaliating. I don't know. I'd like to discuss it with Eliza, but I'm not sure it's a good idea. I'm not sure anything regarding my ex-wife is a good topic of conversation. The last time I spoke about it, she kicked me out of her apartment and we spent the next month avoiding each other. Sure, it was a mix up in communication, or the lack of, even, but still…she didn't want to hear anything about it. About her. I totally understand why she wouldn't want to discuss my marriage with me, but I need to talk about it with someone. I need to figure out how I can be a better person, a better girlfriend…when that time comes. I need to know how to not mess this up because the thought of Eliza not being in my life absolutely kills me inside.

Grabbing my cell from the counter, I glance at the time and it's almost 5:45 in the afternoon. I've asked Eliza to be here for six, and honestly, I'd hoped she would be here sooner. I'd hoped she would come straight from campus but she must be busy. Either that, or she really is so mad at me that she doesn't want to be here any longer than she has to. _Probably the latter._ Hitting a familiar number, my anxiety levels rise a little and I try to settle myself a little.

"Sup, Robbins?"

"Alex, thank god you answered." I breathe out. "I just…tell me I'm doing the right thing. I mean, with Eliza. Tell me I'm doing the right thing, please?"

"Um, you're doing the right thing…" He mumbles.

"You could sound a little more enthusiastic." I scoff.

"Sorry, dude. I don't know what you want me to say." He admits. "She doesn't stop freaking talking about you, though. I know that much."

"She doesn't?" I furrow my brow.

"No. She's just been here, too. Wanted one of my awesome coffees."

"And…" I draw out.

"And she had some weird grin on her face." He laughs. "Kinda creeped me out, to be honest."

"Weird grin like how?" I ask. "Like a happy weird grin or a nervous weird grin?"

"I don't know, and I also don't have time for twenty questions, Robbins. You guys are good together…if that's what you're asking?"

"It wasn't actually, but thanks." I sigh. "Do you think she will do what Abbie did?" I ask.

"You mean turn into a fucking whore?" He scoffs. "No, Minnick isn't into that."

"How would you know?"

"Because she's my friend." He perks up. "You aren't my only one, you know!"

"Jeez, thanks." I spit. "Somehow you make me feel better and worse all at the same time. Asshole."

"It's what I'm here for." He laughs. "I gotta go. I have a business to run. Be good, Robbins. Or be careful…whatever." The call abruptly ending, I glance down at the screen and furrow my brow. _Well, that was just rude._ Shaking my head, I throw my cell down on the kitchen counter and sigh. I need to calm down. I need this night to be good. I guess some of my anxiety is the fact that I haven't dated since I was in college, but things can't have changed that much, right? Like, people still want romance and candles and shit, right? _God, I hope they do because it's all I've got right now._

The sound of movement outside my door pulling me from my thoughts, my heart sinks into my stomach and I close my eyes. "Come on, Robbins. You've got this." Mumbling to myself as I cross the room, I glance down and realize that I haven't even had time to change yet. _Fucking great._ Now it will look like I've put zero effort in. A light knocking sound catching my attention, I release a deep breath and pull my door open. "H-Hey…" I breathe out. "You look beautiful." My eyes fixed on Eliza's cleavage, I try to remove the thoughts I'm having right now from my head and step aside.

"Thanks." She brushes past me and her scent almost knocks me off of my feet. "I didn't know which you preferred so I brought both." Setting two bottles of wine down on the kitchen counter, I give her a thankful smile and she leans back, her hands shoved in the pockets of her jeans. "Good day?" She asks.

"Yeah." I run my fingers through my hair and close the distance between us. "Busy, but okay."

"I was going to drop by and see you but I figured it would be best if I didn't." She gives me a sad smile. "I wanted to, though."

"It would have been nice to see you," I admit as I step past her. Stopped in my tracks when she grips my wrist, she pulls my body into her own and furrows her brow.

"No kiss?" Giving her a sad smile, I lean in and capture her lips. "That's better." She breathes against my mouth.

"Sorry, just I've been going out of my mind all day." She takes my hand in her own. "I wasn't sure you would even show this evening."

"I said I would." She replies.

"I know, I just wasn't sure if we were okay or not." I shrug. "You didn't say much about last night and then I haven't really heard from you today so I figured I'd said some stuff last night that you didn't want to hear."

"No." She shakes her head. "I appreciate your honesty. It means I can try to show you that I want you because you clearly seem to think that it won't always be the case."

"No, I just…I don't know where I went wrong last time so I have to get it right this time. It's not important right now, though, so can we just share dinner and spend some time together before you have to leave?"

"Sure." She nods, giving me a slight smile. "Maybe we can talk during dinner?"

"I don't know." I sigh. "I don't want to say anything that may hurt you or upset you. I just want a nice evening with you…"

"But I want to hear about what's going on in that head of yours." She runs her thumb across my bottom lip. "It's important to me." _Wow, for someone so young…she's certainly mature._ "Please?" She dips her head and presses her lips to mine.

"Okay." I agree. "Just see how things go, okay?"

"Sounds good to me."

* * *

Settled at my dining table, fresh wine has been poured and Eliza hasn't spoken since her plate was placed in front of her. She seems to be enjoying her food, but I can't be sure that her silence isn't because she is thinking things over. I'm sure she's not and she is simply appreciating the food I've cooked, but I feel like my own mood is affecting my ability to really enjoy myself tonight. She wants to talk about us, but I'm not sure what she wants me to say. That I'm an insecure bitch because of my ex-wife? That I don't feel good enough? I really don't know how to begin the conversation, and honestly, I'm hoping it doesn't come. I'm hoping it can all be forgotten about right now and this evening can be glitch free. "Is your food okay?" I ask, sipping on my glass of red.

"Mm…" She nods and places her hand in front of her mouth. "Amazing."

"Good." I breathe out. "I wasn't sure what you liked or disliked…"

"There isn't a lot that I don't like." She swallows her food and gives me a slight shrug. "I'll try anything, but this chicken is to die for."

"I'm glad you like it…"

"Hoping for much more of this." She admits, glancing up at me a little. "You know, in the future?"

"Yeah?" My body relaxes a little at her words and she gives me a nod. "You can have all the food you want."

"This is nice." She says, referring to the setting I've created around us. It's just a few candles and some low music, but I wasn't sure what else to do. I mean, simplicity is best sometimes in my opinion, and I hoped she would be okay with it. I didn't want to look like I was trying too hard. "Nobody has ever done this for me before…" She admits.

"No?" I raise an eyebrow. "That's a shame."

"Not really." She shrugs. "It's nice that you're the first. Means so much more to me this way." Her words causing me to smile, my nerves settle a little. I don't know why I'm feeling so anxious tonight, but it's really beginning to piss me off. I mean, she's here and she is saying all of the right things, so why can't I just accept that? Why can't I just let go of all of my unnecessary thoughts and just be with her? Sometimes my mind can be my own worst enemy, but this has to stop. It's going to pull us apart if I'm not careful. "Stop thinking so hard…"

"I wasn't." I clear my throat and fix my eyes on the food in front of me.

"Do you see a future with me, Arizona?" Her words catching me off guard, my eyes shoot up and meet her own. "Do you see us doing this in five years time?"

"I do," I admit. "But then other things come into play and those thoughts stop as soon as they start."

"So, talk to me?" She raises her eyebrow. "Tell me what other things are on your mind."

"Just, a lot." I give her a sad smile. "Just my own worries."

"About me?" She furrows her brow.

Dropping my fork to my plate, I shake my head and take her hand in my own. "No, Eliza. Just about me." Running my thumb across her knuckles, she sets her own fork down and pushes her almost empty plate away before resting her chin on her hand, her elbow propping her up. "You aren't who I worry about, I promise."

"It's her isn't it?" She sighs. "She is on your mind."

"Yes, but not in the way that you think," I state. "I want to say some stuff to you and I want you to know that I'm trying, but after last time, I don't think you are the person I should be discussing it with. It didn't work last time, so I don't expect it to work this time around."

"Say it." She smiles a half smile. "Whatever you have to say…please, just say it."

"I don't know where I went wrong with her." I sigh.

"Why do you assume that you went wrong?" She furrows her brow. "Why do you have to be to blame?"

"Because she cheated." I shrug. "I must have done something to make her do that to me. You know, like she was hurting me back for something. I just…I don't know what."

"Have you ever thought that maybe she just couldn't keep her hands to herself?" She asks, her eyebrow slightly raised. "Have you ever thought that maybe she is just that kind of person?"

"N-No." I stutter. "Why would she do that? I mean, why would you hurt someone for no reason?"

"Because, Arizona…" She shifts her seat a little closer to my own and rests her free hand over the ones we already have laced together. "Some women don't know a good thing when they have it. Some women don't know what they've got until it's gone."

"You think it could be that?" I ask, genuinely curious. "You think maybe I didn't go wrong somewhere?"

"No, I know it." She states. "Why anyone would hurt you in that way is beyond me. Why anyone would ever risk losing you is a little hard for me to understand."

"Maybe I'm just not as loveable I as thought I was." I sigh. "But so long as people can be honest with me, I'm okay with that."

"That's not true." She shakes her head and pushes her seat back a little. "You are probably the most loveable person I've ever met." _Okay, I don't know what she is saying, but it's nice to know that she thinks that._ "I wish she hadn't hurt you the way that she did, but I'm glad she's not in your life anymore. That may be super selfish of me, but I don't care. It means I get to have you…"

"You're just saying that because you think you have to." I blush.

"No, I'm saying it because it's true." She counters. "You are beautiful and you are incredible, but you cannot allow what she did to you to ruin your future relationships. I don't know why she did what she did, but I know it wasn't because of you. I know you didn't make her unhappy. Some people just cannot be kind and loving like you are. I mean, I don't know her, and I'm sure it was amazing at some point, but nobody should ever come home to their wife to discover what you did. Nobody."

"I don't know what the hell you ever saw in me, but thank you, Eliza." My heart pounding out of my chest, this woman beside me makes me feel more special than Abbie ever did. She's right. We were amazing and we were perfect, but Abbie ruined that. "You know, she was cheating for a year…"

"Wow." She breathes out. "And that just makes me want to kill her even more."

"Maybe she was the problem." I shrug. "Maybe she was always supposed to cheat until I caught her."

"Why?" Eliza furrows her brow.

"Because it led me to you…" I give her my honest answer.

"Y-You really mean that?" Her smile widens. "You really think that we would have ended up together at some point anyway?"

"I do." I nod. "Because even though I was married and in love…it was only a matter of time before my feelings became too strong for you. It would have only been a matter of time before _I_ was the cheat."

"You'd have cheated on her with me?" Her eyes widening, I suspect I shouldn't have said that. Now she will think that I may one day cheat. _See? I always say the wrong fucking thing._

"I'd like to believe I wouldn't have, but I can't be sure." I sigh. "I mean, I've never imagined myself doing that, bu-" Cut off when she stands and pushes my own seat back, Eliza straddles my legs and my heart rate picks up. "Eliza, you have to hear me out."

"I'm listening…" She smirks. "Just…hurry up." _Okay, not the reaction I expected._

"What I'm saying is…I'd never cheat on _you_ , but yeah…given half the chance, I'd have taken you on the desk in my office."

"I think I should probably stay the night." Her words sending my head into a spin, she runs her tongue up the shell of my ear and breathes hard. "Because if I don't, I'll regret it tomorrow."

"You don't have to stay to make me happy, Eliza. I just want to be honest with you."

"Well, knowing you'd have fucked me while your wife was at home waiting for you…" She tugs on my earlobe. "It's made me a little wet…" Her lips working the skin below my ear, she sinks her teeth into my neck and my own arousal pools between my legs. "...and I don't think I can head home in that state." _Oh god. That's hot._ So hot that I'm actually holding my breath right now. My stomach is somersaulting and yeah, I could come right now. Hard.

"Eliza…" I breathe out. "A-Are you saying what I think you're saying?" I need to know if this is going to be our night. Or her night, even. I'm okay with simply sleeping beside her, but something tells me that she wants more than that.

"I'm saying that you may have wanted to _take_ me on your desk, Professor Robbins…but you'll have to _take_ me in your bed instead." _Professor Robbins? Wow._ "There will be plenty of time to make full use of your desk, though. Just…not tonight."

"Oh god." Her center grinding down against my own, I'm not sure what to even do with her words right now. I mean, she may change her mind once the time comes, but right now…she is saying all of the right things. "That's so fucking hot."

"Because you are incredibly hot and I need your hands on my body, Arizona." There is not a single sign of hesitation in her voice right now and it's got me feeling all kinds of ways. "Please, don't push me away."

"I won't." I smile. "I want you, Eliza." Curling my fingers beneath her chin, she forces her body against my own and studies my face. "I said some things last night that may have hurt you, and it wasn't my intention. I know how I feel about you, and I know how real this feels. From this moment on, I'm all in. Every piece of me. I promise you."

"Yeah?" Blinking back the tears that have formed in her eyes, she gives me a sad smile.

"Yes." My dimples pop. "No matter what we have to go through, and no matter what we may face…we can do this. I know we can. We can be happy and amazing together."

"God…" She breathes out.

"I know I've allowed my own worries to get in the way of this moment, but I have to move forward and I have to stop believing that I'm at fault for other people's actions. You and I are all that matters right now. You are my priority…both as my student _and_ as my girlfriend."

"G-Girlfriend?" She stutters as her lips graze my own. "You want me to be your girlfriend?"

"I do." I breathe against her mouth. "I want you to be my girlfriend."

"Well then…" She smirks. "This girlfriend needs to go to bed...with her very hot professor."

"You have to stop doing that." I groan as I squeeze my thighs together. "I'll never be able to look at you in class again."

"That's fine by me Professor Robbins." She runs her tongue across my bottom lip. "So long as you are thinking about how good I fuck you when you aren't able to look at me…I can live with that. I mean…" Her fingertips disappearing up my skirt, my breath catches in my throat and she smiles. "...you will dress like this, and you will make me want you. So, you can deal with the consequences of your very hot actions."

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always. I'll try to get the next chapter out to you tonight but I'm not 100% sure it will be possible. I will try my best, though.**

 **I cut it there because I wanted what happens next to be Eliza's POV.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Thirteen

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ELIZA'S POV

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I've never been so sure of anything in my life as I am in this moment. I don't know at what point Arizona totally spun my world and made want her like never before, but I think it was her honesty that did it for me. I think it was watching her giving me the complete truth that told me she is all in. I appreciate that from her, I really do…but she has to remember that she must look after herself before anyone else. She has to remember that she is important and that her feelings matter. I mean, she was blaming herself for the demise of her marriage. How can anyone blame themselves for someone else's awful actions? I don't understand. Maybe it's because I'd never see it that way, but I kinda get it. She was married to her ex-wife for like years, so what else is she supposed to think? How else is she supposed to feel about it all? I suppose it makes sense that she would blame herself. I still wish she wouldn't, though. She is an absolute beauty as far as I'm concerned. Inside and out. Some people may not see the things I see and some may not know her like I know her, but she is so adorable. The way she looks at me. The way she holds my hand when we are alone together. The way her eyes brighten just that little bit when I touch her skin. Even if it is just a simple thumb across her cheek. Even if it's nothing to everyone else, my touch matters to her. It matters to me, too.

I want her to feel confident around me. I want her to feel like she can totally rock my world, because yeah…she already does. She already makes me want the world and more with her and I've only known her for a couple of months, and dated her for a couple of weeks. Seems kinda weird when I think about it now. How little we know each other and how little time we've spent together. Sure, that was sort of my fault for kicking her out of my place, but that is in the past. None of it matters anymore.

I've been straddling her legs for the past twenty minutes or so and I simply cannot stop kissing her. I want to and I want to take this to the bedroom, but I cannot for the life of me detach myself from this woman. I feel like when I do, it will stop and nothing will happen. I feel like she will realize what I'm asking of her, and she will push me away. Both in life and in the bedroom. Although, having said that…she doesn't look like she is about to push me away. She looks like she is about to take me right here and now in this chair. I mean, I wouldn't complain if that is how this went, but I think my first time would probably be better in an actual bed. I know the second she touches me, my world will explode and my breathing will stop. I know when this happens…I'll never be the same again. I'm already picturing her hands on my body right now, and it's making me more aroused than ever before.

Climbing off of her, my lips still stuck to her own…I pull her up to her feet and she smiles against my mouth. I'm sensing a little hesitation from her, but that is just her caring side. That is just the side of her that is trying to decide if I'm really truly ready for this. _I am._ I know I am. I'm totally ready for everything she has to give me, and the sooner we get this show on the road, the sooner she can touch me every day of the week. _God, the thought of that alone is enough to tip me over the edge right now._ "Take me to bed, Arizona." Mumbling against her mouth, she gives me a slight nod and guides me through the living room and towards the staircase.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" She turns me around in her arms and trails her lips down the side of my neck from behind. "Are you sure you are ready for this?"

"More than sure." I don't even have to think about my answer. It's fallen from my mouth before she has even stopped to breathe after her last question. "I want _you_ , Arizona and I want _this_."

"I just want it to be perfect for you…" My heart swelling at her words, a small smile creeps onto my face and my eyes close. "I want you to remember _me_ for the rest of your life."

"Oh god." Her hand popping the button on my jeans, she lowers my zipper and we take the stairs painfully slow. "I-I will." I moan, as her hand slips down a little and caresses my thigh. "I'll always remember this. You."

"You aren't just doing this because of what I said?" She asks. "Because you know how much I want you?" Her voice barely above a whisper, we reach the landing and she tightens her grip around my waist, forcing her center against my ass. "Because we can totally stop this if you need to."

"Don't ever stop doing this…" I turn in her arms and fist my hand in her white shirt. Popping a few of the buttons, her black bra comes partially into view and it only makes my mouth water. "God, I've wanted to undress you for so long like this. You make me crazy."

"Like what?" She asks, her forehead resting on my own.

"When I know what is going to be happening because of it." My lips working her jawline, I move a little closer to her ear and lower my own tone. "When I know that the end result will be you…" I moan and nip her ear. "...inside of me."

My back connecting with her closed bedroom door, she slips her thigh between my legs and my body instantly reacts by grinding down against it. "Yeah?" She asks, her eyes narrowing a little. "You've really imagined this?"

"Oh yes." I smile as her hands work up and underneath my shirt, my skin alight with every motion of her fingertips. "It's all I've thought about."

"And how good is it?" She bites down on her bottom lip as she studies my face. As she studies the reaction I'm having to her brushing her hand over my material covered nipple.

"Amazing." I groan. "Incredible, even."

"Well, I guess I'll have to make sure it's even better than that, huh?" Her hand turning the handle on her bedroom door, we stumble inside and she guides my body straight back and towards her bed. "I have to live up to your fantasies and your expectations…"

"Oh, you already are," I admit as she pushes me down on her bed and climbs on top of me. Her legs straddling my stomach.

"God…" She dips her head and runs her tongue across my bottom lip, her fingers working the buttons of my blouse. "You've no idea how wet you make me…"

"Mm, I don't." I play along. "But I'm sure I'll discover how much real soon." Dragging my nails up the back of her thigh, I tug her tight skirt up a little and it gathers around her waist. "I can already feel you…"

"Tonight is about you, Eliza." She pulls back a little and finds my eyes. "Not me…"

Cupping her face with both hands, she leans into my touch. "Tonight is about _us,_ Arizona." Everything about this moment is going to be about us. Not me and the fact that I'm a virgin, but just us. Arizona has never made me feel like less than her and I know that this moment isn't going to be any different. I know that she will treat me how she has always treated me, and that is with respect. She isn't going to make me feel like I'm inexperienced and she isn't going to make me worried or nervous. I want this. I want her. I've been certain since the moment I climbed into her lap downstairs. "You are so beautiful." Wrapping my hand around the back of her neck, I pop the last button on her shirt and slip it from one shoulder. She has a gorgeous body, and every time I see it, I want it more than before.

Climbing off of me, she slips my jeans from my legs and gives me a questioning look. Knowing that she is asking for permission to remove my panties, I give her a smile and a nod and she releases the breath I know she has been holding. "Oh god…" She closes her eyes and bites down on her bottom lip as my soaked center comes into view. Sitting up on my elbows, my own blouse falls from my shoulders and I'm now wearing nothing but my bra. "T-This needs to go, too." She motions towards the last piece of material covering my body. My legs falling open, she kneels between them and runs her fingertips up my stomach. "I could watch you forever…" She gives me a slight smile as she focuses on my body and flicks the front clasp between my breasts. Now totally naked on my very hot professor's bed, I'm not entirely sure how long I will last tonight. This is all I've thought about and all I've wanted since the moment I laid eyes on her, and now that it's happening, my mind is going crazy. My body is going crazy.

Stripping off her own clothes, I watch on in amazement as she settles between my legs, the both of us totally naked. I know we have been like this together before, but this time is different. It feels different. _I_ feel different. I wasn't scared last time, but this time I'm more than certain that it's right. I'm more than certain that I want this woman to take me. _God, this is the start of something beautiful._ I just know it is. "Arizona…" I moan as her center connects with my own.

Pulling back, a little worry has settled in her eyes and I give her a sad smile. _She's so adorable._ "I can stop. W-We should stop. I know, I'm sorry."

"No." I shake my head. "That's not wha-"

"No, this isn't the time. You aren't ready. I shouldn't have just assumed." Attempting to climb off of me, I wrap my arm around her back and stop her from leaving this position we are in. "Eliza, I'm so sorry…"

"I swear to God if you don't touch me now…I will have to take matters into my own hands."

"B-But you, I mean…" Furrowing her brow, she relaxes her body against my own and my eyes close. "I don't know why I'm so nervous." She admits.

"Hey…" I curl my fingers beneath her chin when she tries to drop her gaze. "There is nothing to be nervous about. I want you, Arizona. I _really_ want you…"

"Promise?" She asks. "Promise you aren't going to regret this?"

"I could never regret anything about you." I smile. Deciding that I need to start this, I flip our bodies and I find myself now on top of my gorgeous blonde. "But I do need to touch you, Arizona. God, I need to touch you so much." My lips trail down between her breasts and her fingers tangle in my hair. Drawing circles around her navel, her body shivers and I smile against her skin. "You know…" Nipping at the sensitive skin on her hip, I move a little lower and drag my tongue down her thigh. "I've always wondered what you taste like…"

"Fuck…" Her chest heaving with anticipation, I settle between her legs and spread them impossibly wide. "E-Eliza, oh god." Spreading her folds, her breath catches in her throat and I waste no time in diving right in. My tongue running up the length of her center, her thighs shake and I swear I'm in heaven right now. This woman tastes amazing.

"You taste even better than you feel." Sucking her clit into my mouth, my tongue toys with her throbbing bundle and her thighs slam shut around my head. "That feels good, huh?" I ask as I release it with a pop.

"So good." She pants. Her grip in my hair tightening, I glance up at her and she gives me the most adorable smile. "But I need you up here. I need you beneath me…"

"Oh, someone changed their mind pretty quickly." I smile as my tongue runs back up her body and I tug at her nipple. My hand weaving between our bodies, my fingertips connect with her clit and her eyes slam shut. "Now, are you going to take me?"

"Y-Yes." She nods, her hand placed on her forehead. "God, yes." Flipping us again, her thigh connects with my own throbbing sex and I tug at my own bottom lip.

"Touch me, Arizona," I beg. "I really need you to touch me." Her right hand softly working its way up the outside of my thigh, my body is experiencing the ultimate high right now. She made me feel amazing a few days ago without even touching me, so I don't know how to feel about the fact that her hands are so close to where I need them. Moaning as she braces herself on her left hand, she dips her right between my legs and fresh arousal floods from my body. Sucking my nipple into her mouth, she is creating the most amazing sensations right now. Sensations I now never want to live without.

"I've wanted this for so long, Eliza." Her words swirling around the space between us, she takes my bottom lip between her teeth and brushes her fingertips across my center. My hips lifting from the bed, she is all I can feel right now. She is the only thing I can focus on. "And I want to be the only one to ever make you feel this way…" Pressing her index finger against my clit, my eyes slam shut and my head buries deeper in the bed beneath my body. Soft lips trailing my neck, she nips and sucks at the sensitive flesh and I can barely breathe right now. I've never felt so aroused and such an intense sense of belonging in my entire life. Her eyes finding mine, she dips her hand a little lower and my arousal coats her fingers. "God, you're so wet." She moans as her tongue runs across my bottom lip. "Wet and so ready for me…" Smiling against my mouth, she slowly slips a single finger inside of me and a gasp falls from my mouth.

"Fuck…" Releasing a deep breath, my eyes slowly close but I know she is watching me. I know she is taking in every reaction to I'm having to what she is doing.

"Feel good?" She whispers.

"So good." I breathe out. My body is throbbing for her right now and I know that I need more. I want more. I want everything with her. "More…" I whisper as she studies my face.

"Yeah?" She smirks. "You want more of me?"

"Please…" A slight pleading in my tone, she slips out of me and pushed a second finger inside with ease. "Oh god." My stomach tightening as she slowly thrusts in and out of me, I've never felt this intense high in my entire life. I cannot even begin to compare it to any other feeling. It's unimaginable pure bliss.

"So hot." She moans as she drops her head to my shoulder. "How tight you are for me is so fucking hot." Her words causing my own hand to weave between our bodies, I push two fingers deep inside of my girlfriend and she bites down on my shoulder. "Y-Yes…" She turns her head slightly and takes my earlobe between her teeth. "You know, I never imagined I'd be fucking my student… but God, Eliza…you are something else."

 _Okay, that's hot._ So hot that my orgasm is approaching faster than I want it to. Her gorgeous fingers pushing in and out of me a little faster, I slam into her and she rides my hand. Rocking above me, there is no doubt in my mind that this woman is the one for me. That the decision to take this further was totally the right thing to do. "Oh, god." My world turning black, I think she has just curled her fingers a little and Jesus Christ, I can't even describe what she is doing to my body right now. Something inside of me is screaming for release and I cannot hold on any longer. "I-I, oh…A-Arizona…"

"Come for me, Eliza." She whispers against my mouth and never takes her eyes off of me. "I want to see you come for me and I want you to remember this moment every day when you watch me in class."

"Fuck…" My back arching from the bed, she brushes her thumb over my clit and my breath catches in my throat. Shaking beneath her, I try not to let up with my own movements but it's a little harder than I thought. "Arizona, oh god…don't stop. Fuck, yes." My orgasm crashing through me, arousal floods from my center and I don't even know how I'm still breathing. I don't know how I still have a pulse. Shockwaves rippling through my entire body, my girlfriend slams down against my hand and I rest my thumb over her clit. "I need you to come, too, beautiful."

"Mm…" She nods as she sits up and her eyes close, her head falling back on her shoulders. "Oh god…" Her chest heaving, I draw circles against her aching bundle and slip a third finger inside of her gorgeous body. "O-Oh, E-Eliza…fuck, I'm coming…god, yes I'm coming." Shaking above me, she sinks down onto my hand and bucks her hips a little. "F-For someone who has never done this before…that was incredible." Dropping down on top of me, her lips crush into my own, her fingers still buried inside of me. "Wow…" She pants as she pulls back and rests her forehead on my own. "I'm not sure I can ever get enough of you…"

"That was the plan…" I smirk as I flip our bodies. "But first…I need to clean you up a little." Disappearing down her body, she moans and grips the back of my head. It may have been my first time, but it certainly won't be the last. Arizona has just ignited something inside of me, and honestly…I've never felt as incredible as I do right now. This is the start of something totally new for me, and I cannot wait to see where it takes us.

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always. Thanks for the support on this fic so far. I wasn't sure how well it would be received, so yeah…thanks.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Fourteen

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ARIZONA'S POV

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This week has been the hardest of my entire life. Well, the past couple of days at least. First of all, I have a shit ton of work on, and Eliza has been so busy with studying and other classes that we've barely seen each other since we shared the most amazing night together. That night…whoa. It went on until the early hours and I'm not entirely sure how either of us functioned the next day. I'm not sure how I even made it out of bed. I'm still recovering now, but yeah…it was so worth it and I'd do it over and over again. My girlfriend has been texting me all morning, and I've managed to keep things clean. I've managed to keep things appropriate. I don't know who is around her when she is sending me messages, and I cannot let this get out of hand at work. As much as I'd love to, I can't. I'm too scared to lose her. The feelings I have for her right now are probably the most intense feelings I've ever had for another woman, so no…I cannot and I will not allow my inability to control myself get in the way of my happiness. It's important to me. Eliza is important to me. Probably more important than she realizes. I know this is new and exciting, fun and hot, but she means the world to me. She really does.

Since I didn't get to spend last night with my girlfriend, I sat and thought over the past few years of my life. I wasn't thinking about my ex-wife in any sort of loving way, but I was thinking about her. I was thinking about how Eliza makes me happier than I've ever been, yet I spent the best part of eight years married to Abbie. I mean, I always thought she made me happy, but this? This way I'm feeling since meeting my brunette…this is true happiness. This is complete heartwarming, earth-shattering happiness. I thought my life was good, great even…but I was so wrong. This is great. What I have now is way better than what I had with Abbie. Marriage or not. Sure, we had some amazing times and trips together. We very rarely spent time apart. One thing I've come to realize, though, is that the past year when she was working late most nights…she was likely banging another woman behind my back. She was doing that, and then she was coming home to me and holding me in our bed. That doesn't sit well with me. Not at all.

The things Eliza said to me last night have totally settled my mind where Abbie is concerned and I'd happily never see her again. I have no reason to. She doesn't do anything for me anymore. She doesn't give me even the slightest hint of any emotion. Other than hate, that is. The hate I have for her is a little worrying, but I'm beginning to curb that. I'm curbing it because I don't need to have that hate coursing through my veins. I don't need to have Abbie living rent-free inside my head any longer. I've let her go and Eliza is the only one who matters to me. Eliza is the only one I think about now when I open my eyes. Whether she is by my side or not.

I haven't seen my girlfriend since yesterday, and I don't have a class with her today…but I'm managing. Well, just about. I'd like to think that I could manage without her for days on end, but I couldn't. I know I couldn't. She's too addictive. Her personality is the only thing I ever seem to want around me. _She_ is all I want around me. In my office. In my home. In my bed. In my head. My every thought. She is honestly all I can think about right now, and the longer I go without seeing her, the more I'm craving her. Even just her voice. Her smile. No, I want all of her. I want her in my arms. I want her pressed against my own body. I just want her. Groaning to myself, I stretch my neck out a little and remove my glasses from my face. Dropping them down on top of the papers in front of me, I rest my head back and close my eyes. I just need five minutes to stop thinking about this work I have to get through. I just need a second. My cell buzzing silently on my desk beside me, I furrow my brow and pray to god that it is my girlfriend. I could really use her words right now.

 ** _Professor Robbins…_**

Smiling when I see her name on my screen, my stomach flutters a little and I want to tell her to come by. I want to, but I can't. If she comes to my office I know I won't be able to keep my hands off of her. That's not really a bad thing, and I could use a little stress relief right now, but I don't really want it to be like this. It's one thing to have to do this all in secret, but I don't want her locked away in my office feeling like it's all kinds of wrong. Like we shouldn't be together.

 ** _What's up, beautiful? x_**

 ** _I miss you…_**

 ** _I miss you too x_**

 ** _Why do you look so sad? x_**

Furrowing my brow, I glance up and find her standing in my doorway. I don't know how long she has been there for, but she looks pretty comfortable. Smiling when it finally registers that she is here, I stand and round my desk. "Hey…"

"What's up?" She gives me a sad smile as she steps into my office and drops her bag to the floor. "You seem upset?"

"No." I shake my head. "I was just thinking about you and missing you, is all."

"Can I hang here for a little while?" Glancing over towards my desk, she sees the stack of papers and picks her bag back up. "Actually, forget that. You have way too much on right now."

"I'd like to spend some time with you." I step a little closer to her and close my office door. "Please stay?"

"But it just means you will have more work to finish and I won't see you tonight then." She sighs. "And I'd really like to see you tonight. I figured maybe I could stay over?"

"So, do both." I shrug as I flick the lock on my door. "Stay now and stay tonight."

"Arizona, you are trying to get on top of your work. I can just see you tonight…it's fine." She smiles. "You still have a job to do."

"And right now, that job is to make sure my girlfriend isn't feeling neglected." I narrow my eyes. "Because honestly, I really feel like I've neglected you the past few days."

"You haven't." She gives me a sad smile and steps closer to me. "I understand that you have to work. I understand that you have a jo-" Cutting her off with my lips, she smiles against my mouth and relaxes her body into my own. I knew this would happen if she dropped by, but I won't lie…I still wanted her to.

Pulling back, I curl my fingers beneath the waistband of her jeans and tug her towards my desk. Resting my ass against the edge, I pull her between my legs and wrap my arms around her waist. "Please don't leave just yet…"

"If you're sure?" She raises an eyebrow. "I can just sit here quietly and get on with my own studying. If anyone comes by, I'll say I'm getting a little help from you."

"Well, I'm always willing to help however I can." Her own fingers popping the button on my form-fitting pants, I glance down between us and furrow my brow. "Okay, not where I thought this was going…"

"You look stressed, baby." _Now that, I could definitely get used to._ A small smile curling on my lips, she slips her hand down my pants and cups my sex through my panties. "How about I take care of that for you?"

"Oh god." Biting down on my bottom lip, my eyes close and she dips her head a little, running her tongue across my jawline. "Eliza…" I breathe out as she pushes her fingertips against my center, teasing me like never before. "We can't."

"So…" Hooking her fingers around my panties, she pushes them to one side and my legs part a little more. Running a single finger up the length of my center, she smirks. "...you want me to stop them?"

"I-I…" With no words for the woman in front of me, I drop my gaze and try to breathe through this unbelievable arousal I have going on between my legs.

"Mm, thought so." She toys with my clit. "You are soaked, Professor Robbins." Shaking her head slightly, she tuts and rolls her eyes. "My favorite professor should never be stressed and wet. It just won't do."

Okay, she is killing me right now. Like, I'm barely breathing. I'm not entirely sure if she has had this planned, but Jesus Christ…this is all kinds of hot. This is all kinds of everything I never imagined I'd be doing in my office. Do I want it? God, yes. Do I think it's right? No, but I don't care right now. "So fix it…" I fist my hand in her tee and pull her into my body. "Fix it, and fuck me, Eliza."

Pulling me away from my desk, she turns me in her arms and runs her hand around to my stomach, slipping it beneath my shirt and dragging her nails across my skin. "You'd love that, huh?" She breathes against my ear as she presses her center against my ass. "You'd love me to fuck you against this desk?"

"Yes…" I breathe out. "I've thought about you fucking me against this desk for so long…" My zipper being lowered, I can't believe she is actually going to do this. I can't believe _we_ are actually going to do this. God, I'm so wet right now that I'll be lucky to last a minute.

"And how did you imagine it?" She smiles against my neck. "Soft and gentle?"

"Hard and fast." I moan as she tugs at my material covered nipple. "And from behind, just like this…"

"Mm...from behind, huh?"

"Do it…" I force my ass back against her and she drops her right hand to my thigh. Forcing my pants over my ass, they drop to the floor and I step out of them. _Okay, this could be a really bad idea, but I can't stop this. My door is locked, but that doesn't mean nobody will come by._ I'm not overly concerned, though, since it's almost the end of the day and most of my students have left. I don't generally mix with many of my colleagues, but yeah…I'm a little nervous right now. Nervous, but the thrill of being caught only adds to how I'm feeling. Pushing my panties to one side again, she drags her nails up the back of my thigh and pushes my body forward a little. Bending at the hip, I place my palms flat on the desk in front of me and bite down on my bottom lip. I'm so wet right now that I can feel it on my thighs.

"You have an incredible ass, by the way." My arousal coating her fingers, she groans and forces two fingers deep inside of me. "Spread your legs a little more." Doing as she asks, she pushes into me deeper and my body falls forward on my desk. "So hot." She breathes out. "And so fucking wet." Her hand disappearing from between my legs, I glance over my shoulder and find her sucking on her fingers.

"Holy shit!" My center actually throbbing, I swear I'm going to come hard any minute now. "Eliza, please fuck me…"

"Beautiful manners." She smiles as she runs her tongue up her fingers. "And they will get you everything you want."

"Yeah?" I smile.

"Oh yeah." Thrusting back into me, she pulls my body up from my desk and wraps her arm around my waist. Sinking down onto her hand, her left hand disappears up my shirt and she pushes up and under my bra. Taking my nipple between her finger and thumb, she pinches and tugs and it only adds to the amazing sensation she is creating between my legs right now. "Fucking you is my new favorite thing." She breathes heavily against my neck. "It's overtaken fantasizing about you, Professor Robbins."

"Did you enjoy fantasizing about your professor?" I pant as she slams into me.

"I did…" She admits. "But fucking you is so much better."

"Mm, it is." I smile as that burning sensation builds in the pit of my stomach. "So much better." Weaving my own hand between my legs, my walls tighten around her fingers and she increases her thrusts. Toying with my own clit, Eliza concentrates on my orgasm that is fast approaching and my legs begin to shake. God, she works my body so well and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to imagine anyone else in my bed ever again. I mean, she's ruined me. I can never look at any other woman again. It's as simple as that. I'd never want to, either.

Curling her fingers inside of me, my stomach contracts and my knees almost give out on me. Being held up by my girlfriend's arm that is wrapped around my waist, my body writhes and convulses against her. "Come for me, baby." Her words tipping me over the edge, a scream almost rips from my throat but she quickly places her hand over my mouth, reminding me of exactly where we are right now. "Fuck," I mumble against the palm of her hand. "You fuck me so good, Eliza…" Sinking her fingers into me, my body slows and she pulls me back against the wall. Her body resting against the supporting wall, I sigh and drop my head back against her shoulder. "God, you are incredible."

"You feeling a little less stressed now, beautiful?"

"Oh, I'm so relaxed…you wouldn't believe it." Hearing heels hitting the floor outside, we both freeze and I'm actually holding my breath right now. "Oh god…" I whisper.

"Don't worry, nobody heard anything." She tries to reassure me. "Grab your pants and fix yourself up. I'll just take a seat across the room and give me the okay when you want the door unlocked."

"I hate this." I sigh and give her a sad smile. "I hate hiding."

"No, you don't." She smirks. "It's too hot to hate it." Settling back in her seat, she makes herself comfortable and watches me as I slip my pants back over my legs. "Maybe next time you should wear the skirt. You know, easy access and all that."

"Such a smart ass." I roll my eyes.

"You taught me well…" Throwing me a wink, I take a seat across from her and she reaches out, unlocking the door. "So, can I still come by tonight?"

"You better had," I state. "I want to spend the night with you. Maybe order in. Grab a movie?"

"I'd love that." She smiles and raises her eyebrow. "Maybe another date?"

"You, my gorgeous girlfriend, can have as many dates as you like." Dropping my gaze, I toy with my fingers beneath the desk. "I just wish I could date you outside of my home."

"I know you do, and me too, but this is better than nothing, right?"

"Yeah…" I smile. "I guess you're right."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks for all of your recent reviews, guys. They mean the absolute world to me. I'd just like to ask, though, that certain things are left unsaid. I received ONE review a little while ago that was a little personal, and whilst I love the fun and the banter from each and every one of you, this one was a little inappropriate. It may have been said as a joke, and it may not have...just please bear in mind that this is fiction, and I'm simply the writer. I don't wish to be in anyone's fantasies or dreams, or wherever the hell else I pop up. I write this stuff because it's what you want. It isn't really much of a reflection on me as an individual or my personal life. Sorry if I burst your bubble, but again, this is simply fiction. I have nothing to do with the storyline whatsoever.**

 **I love to read all of your reviews and honestly, they make me laugh. I love how enthusiastic you lot are. Just please leave ME as a person out of it. Tons of love. X**

 **Enjoy guys!**

 **Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Fifteen

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ELIZA'S POV

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God, this afternoon was incredible. It's all I've thought about since I left Arizona's office, and honestly, I'm a little worried. I mean, that shouldn't have happened. Yeah, I wanted it to…and she clearly did too, but what if we had been caught? What if someone had found us, or heard us? That would have been the end of everything. Mainly, Arizona's job. I have to control myself in situations like that for the sake of us both, but I just couldn't hold on any longer. I needed to see her and I'd thought about her all day. Sometimes, the more you hold off on something, the worse it becomes. The more desperate your craving becomes for the woman that you cannot get off of your mind. I'm not driven by sex and I have never been, but Arizona has totally changed that, and I fear I will never be the same again. I fear that now we have taken our relationship further…I'll always be addicted to her touch. Her words. Those soft gorgeous hands. I fear that I'll never be the kind and caring woman I've always been. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing, though. Maybe I need to let go and just live for us. You know, screw what anyone else thinks. Screw what the social norm says we should, or _shouldn't_ be. I'm in this relationship, not anybody else. I'm the one who gets to experience my girlfriend's amazingness every day and I don't think I would ever want that to change.

I've been so caught up in my new life that I totally forgot Christmas is a little under three weeks away. I didn't bother with the whole tree thing since I knew I'd be spending it alone, but I'm okay with that. I mean, I didn't expect to be dating Arizona Robbins so a tree is the least of my worries. Christmas is or was the least of my worries. April is headed back home and a few of the guys I occasionally hang out with have plans, so I'm working. Well, I'm working Christmas Eve, and Christmas day will be spent curled up with a movie and snacks. It's never been the same since dad passed away, so I'm okay with my nonexistent plans. I'm okay with napping the day away. I discussed it with mom a little while ago when she called me, and she is planning to spend it at the local shelter like she has done for the past two years. It keeps her busy. It stops her mind from wandering like it does most other days…so yeah, I'm staying back in Seattle. It's just how I want it to be. The sooner the day is over for me, the better. I'm not sure what my girlfriend's plans are, but I'm sure she's headed somewhere.

Glancing around as I make my way down Arizona's street, it's pretty quiet and I don't see anyone who may realize who I am. It's kinda good that she lives so far away from campus. I'd hate to have to really watch my back. It's bad enough how we are doing this without having to meet in the darkness. I don't want it to be like this, and I know my girlfriend hates it, but what else can we do? We can't just go public. It's strictly forbidden. We both know that. Heading up her porch, I knock lightly and her door swings open before my hand has even been removed from the wood. "Hey…" She smiles and motions me inside. "You looked deep in thought."

"Just thinking about Christmas is all." I shrug. Placing a soft kiss on her lips, she smiles against my mouth and her hand rests on my hip. "Missed you…"

"I missed you, too." She gives me a sad smile as she pulls back. "You got plans?"

"Oh yeah." I lie. She doesn't need to know I'm spending it alone. It's really no big deal to me. "You?"

"Headed home to my mom." Sighing, she pulls me into her home and into the living room. "I hate leaving Alex because he has no one, but he has the bar to keep him busy."

"Yeah." I smile. I know all about Alex's reasons for moving to Seattle. Kinda like mine, really. His mom struggled with her mental health, but it's been a long-term thing with him. My moms is more recent, and I'm finally coming to terms with it. It's been hard for her, but she is managing. I keep in touch with her a few times a week and usually, she is okay when I call. I think maybe she tries not to worry me, but I'll always worry about her. She's my mom. She's okay, though, and she has family around her. "So, when do you leave for your moms?" I ask.

"Christmas Eve, usually." Shrugging, she sets two cups down on the counter. "You?"

"Oh, yeah I'll head home Christmas eve, too." Clearing my throat, she pours two coffees and hands me one. "Thanks."

"Do you have plans for New Year?" She raises her eyebrow. "Like, are you away until after the celebrations are over?"

"Undecided right now." Rounding the couch, I drop down and place my coffee on the table, pulling my knees up to my chest. I won't lie, it would be kinda nice to spend New Year with Arizona but I don't want to change any of her plans for me.

"Well, Alex throws a pretty amazing party at the bar that I always head back for."

"Yeah?" I smile. "Maybe I'll be there."

"I'd like you to be." Taking a seat beside me, she places her hand over my own and gives me a genuine smile. "I know we can't get too close, but I'd like you to be there."

"That would be nice." I agree. "I'll see what I can do." Honestly, I'm not usually the best person to be around when particular holidays come around, but if Arizona wants to spend the evening with me, I guess I can work with that. I mean, I can try to be a little more upbeat than I usually am. Make the effort, so to speak.

"Awesome." She leans in and places a soft kiss on my lips. "Just think about it, okay?"

Giving her a nod, we fall into a comfortable silence and she rests her head on my shoulder. It still feels kinda weird being here in my professors home, but I'm beginning to get used to it. I know we can't be seen together outside of our places, but this can work for now. I just hope it won't become a problem for my girlfriend. I mean, I'm the one who chased her, I guess, so I've always known that we couldn't be seen together, but she is used to being out in public with her significant other and I don't want her to have to miss out on little things like that. You know, the hand holding and grocery shopping together. It will be a while before we can even think about doing something like that, but it doesn't mean she has to be okay with it. "Arizona?" I glance down at her and she finds my eyes.

"What's up?" She furrows her brow.

"Just…are you happy with me?" I ask, my words barely above a whisper. "With how we are?"

"I have to be." She shrugs. "As much as I'd love to be out in public with you, we both know that we can't."

"I know, but that doesn't mean you have to be okay with it," I state. "You know if it becomes a problem…would you tell me?"

"It won't become a problem." She gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"But what if it does?" I raise an eyebrow. "What if a few months down the line you really cannot hide any longer?"

"Eliza, stop worrying." She gives me a small smile. "I knew what I was getting into when I met you. I knew we wouldn't be able to do all of the normal stuff, and I'm okay with that."

"Promise?"

"I promise." She nods. "I may not like how we have to do all of this, but you make me happy, Eliza. Maybe I should tell you that more often to settle your mind, but yeah…you make me so happy that I'm willing to hide from the world until the second we no longer have to."

"And when will that be?" I sigh as I drop my head back against the couch. "In like a year or something. A year is a long time to carry on this way. It's also a long time to avoid getting caught."

"It is, but thankfully, you came into my class later than everyone else." Sitting up, she studies my face. "Why did you come to Seattle part way through your course?"

"Just needed a change." I shrug. "Some stuff happened at home and I needed a fresh start once I knew it was possible."

"Did you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." I smile. "There isn't much to say."

"O...kay." She furrows her brow. "But it was significant enough that you felt the need to move away from home, so?"

"It was just a bad few years." I sigh. "I lost my dad and I turned into the biggest bitch in the world. Once I'd scraped through the first two years back at home, I realized I needed to leave. I knew if I was ever going to pull myself out of the mess I was in, I had to leave and start anew someplace else."

"I'm sorry to hear that." She takes my hand in her own. "But that's kind of amazing that you got your life back on track. I'm sure your dad would be proud of you…"

"He's the reason I'm here." I smile. "He'd always saved since I was a kid. I'd used a good portion of that money when I was at home, but when I figured it all out…I had enough to move away and begin a new life. One that didn't include any of my old life."

"What about your family?" She asks.

"Oh, I'm still close with my family. Just…like the friends I hung out with and the people I got involved with. I left them behind."

"Sounds like you had a tough time." She replies.

"I did, but it was all my own doing. I don't expect sympathy from anyone." I give her a knowing look. "My past is my past and I'd like it to stay there. I don't want it to follow me around for the rest of my life."

"Of course." Arizona nods. "But, maybe one day you will tell me? You know, what your past includes?"

"Yeah…maybe." I sigh. I'm not entirely sure I want my girlfriend to know who I was less than a year ago, but I know if this becomes really serious between us, I wouldn't hesitate to tell her. I wouldn't ever keep any secrets from her.

"I guess it will be nice for you to head home for Christmas, though, huh? Spend some time with your mom and your family?"

"Yeah, it should be great." I give her a slight nod. I know I'm technically lying to her, but she won't even know that I'm not here. I mean, she will be home with her own family, so she doesn't need to know that I've chosen to be alone because I don't want to go home. She doesn't need to know that I'd rather lock myself on what should be the greatest day of the year because if I go home, I fear I'll fall back into the same pattern. It's just easier this way. It's easier for her not to know.

* * *

Settled down in front of the TV, a movie is playing but I'm not paying any attention to it whatsoever. Since Arizona asked about my past, it's all I've thought about. I mean, I haven't really thought about back home since I arrived in Seattle, and now it's all I can think of. It isn't that I'm worried about going back to my old life because I try not to have any regrets, but yeah…I'm regretting everything I ever did where my old life is concerned. There is a reason I'm older than all of the students in my class, and it isn't simply because I felt like trying something different later than wanted to. It isn't about that. That happened because of the life I chose to live. The life I will forever hate.

"You've been pretty quiet tonight…" Arizona pulls me from my thoughts, her fingers caressing my scalp. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, just been a long day." I sigh.

"Did you want to head home?" She asks, a little disappointment in her voice.

"Not unless you want me to?"

"No, I don't want that." I turn in her arms and she gives me a sad smile. "I just…are we okay?" She furrows her brow. "You barely spoke two words to me during dinner and then you have become real quiet since…"

"I'm sorry." I sigh. "Seems I'm not much fun to be around tonight, huh?"

"I don't follow…"

"I planned to continue our little game from your office today, but I just don't have the energy tonight." She drops her gaze. "I'm sorry if I let you down…"

"No." She shakes her head before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on my lips. "That isn't what I expected from you. I'll never just expect anything from you." Brushing my hair from my face, her eyes pierce through my body and she simply watches me. "You know, I'm quite happy to just lie here with you. I just want to be sure that you are okay. A lot has happened recently and you haven't really said much about it."

"You mean…us?" I raise an eyebrow and she gives me a nod in agreement. "I guess I've just been enjoying this, you know? Enjoying the time we've spent together."

"Yeah, me too." She gives me an adorable smile. "So long as you are okay?"

"I am." I clear my throat. "I just…I wish I hadn't mentioned my past earlier."

"Why?" She furrows her brow. "It's no big deal, Eliza. Everyone has a past."

"I know that, but I don't want us to have to go there yet." My voice breaks a little. "I don't want to have to do this with you in the near future because this is all so new and fresh and I don't want anything to get in the way of that. I don't want anything to get in the way of us."

"It won't." She runs her thumb over my cheek. "I don't care about what happened in your past. Well, I do, but not in any sort of bad way. Whatever happened…happened. Okay?"

"Sure." I nod. _Let's see how supportive she is when she knows I spent my days spaced out and smoking weed. Let's see how supportive she is when she knows I stole a car and my best friend did the time for it._ "I hope you will still think that months or years down the line."

"Years, huh?" She smirks. "If we are still together years down the line, I think it's safe to say that I'm in this." She laughs. "Like, regardless of what you did or didn't do."

"Mm…" I smile. "I guess you're right."

"Of course, I am." She rolls her eyes playfully. "Just stop worrying, okay? I care about you too much to just walk away from you because of your past."

"We can do this, right?" A little worry settling inside of me, I need her to tell me that we can be good together. I know we can, but I need her opinion on it. I need her words of encouragement and reassurance.

"You're joking, right?" She raises an eyebrow. "Eliza, I have only known you for what? A couple of months…and in that time, you have made me feel more alive than my ex-wife ever did. You have been more caring and so much more than she ever was. Don't ever forget that. Don't ever forget how you made me feel the night you trusted me to take you to bed. Don't ever forget that I'm willing to risk my job to be with you. You mean so much more to me than I think you know, and if I have to tell you that every day…I will. I will tell you and I will hold you like this and everything will soon fall into place for us."

"Thank you."

"For what?" She furrows her brow.

"For stopping my crazy thoughts." I don't think I've ever felt this feeling I have inside of me right now, and even though it is mixed up with a little worry, I know Arizona is the only one I will ever feel this way about. I know that no matter what happens in the future…she is the only one I will ever love. I want her to know that, but it's too soon. It's way too soon to say those three words to her. For her, anyway. I've known I loved her since before she ever even kissed me. Since before she even knew how I felt. Pathetic, I know, but it's why I had to tell her how I felt. It's why I couldn't bring myself to leave Seattle when I knew it was the best thing to do. Maybe I'll tell her soon, and maybe I won't, but one thing I do know is that it is the complete truth. So long as she knows that I'm in this for the long run, those three words can stay locked away for as long as they need to.

After all, I have to remember that she has just gone through a breakup and a divorce in a super short amount of time. I wouldn't ever put her in a situation where she felt like she had to say it back to me for the sake of it. I don't imagine she would anyway, but still…I don't want her to have to question how she feels about me because I've told her I love her. I don't want her to have to take the time to think before she says it. I want her to just say it when the time is right for her. If that means I have to wait to tell her how I feel until she has spoken those words, I will. Maybe she will never say it. Maybe she will never be able to tell me that she loves me because of the hurt she has been through. It would kill me knowing that she didn't feel the same, but right now, everything is okay. Everything is perfect between us. Nothing has to change right now. "Arizona, you mean the absolute world to me."

"Yeah?" Her eyes brighten a little.

"Yes, but if you ever think that we shouldn't be doing this, or if at any point you are unsure about us…it's okay. I'd understand."

"Understand what?"

"You've been through a lot recently." I give her a sad smile. "I just don't want you to wake up one day and wonder what the hell you are doing. Why you are dating your student…"

"I'm dating my student because I find her incredible." She gives me a knowing look, not the slightest hint of uncertainty in her voice. "But when you are here with me like this, you aren't my student, Eliza. You are my beautiful girlfriend." A soft kiss placed on my lips, she shifts a little until her body is resting on my own. "We may have to keep the quiet, and we may have to go about things differently, but I want this. This isn't happening because I'm scared to be alone or I need someone to fill some sort of void. This is happening because you mean the world to me, too."

"That means a lot to hear you say that…" I smile.

"I want to say so much more, but not yet." She runs her thumb across my bottom lip and tilts her head a little. "Everything is how it is supposed to be, okay? We are here like this because that's how it was always supposed to be."

"You think?" I place a kiss on her fingertips.

"No, I don't think." She shakes her head and gives me her best smile. "I know."

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Sixteen

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ARIZONA'S POV

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Waking to bright sunlight, I squint my eyes and my body completely relaxes when I remember that I have my girlfriend beside me. Last night, things got a little personal and I'm not sure how she feels about it. I mean, she seemed okay when we climbed into bed together, but I'm not sure she is actually okay. She seems worried about her past and she admitted that last night, but she really has nothing to be concerned about. There isn't anything she could tell me that would make me think any less of her. I know that. I know that no matter what falls from her mouth, I will still want to be with her. I will still want her in my home. In my bed. In my life. She's so addictive, and I don't know how to curb that craving I seem to constantly have for her. I don't know how to begin my day without her. It hurts knowing I won't see her, and it hurts even more knowing that she is working tonight and I won't get the chance to check in on her. You know, see how she is feeling after the things she said last night. I know she worries about our future, but so do I. I'm learning to let those worries go, though. I'm learning to live for what is happening right now because after all, none of us are promised tomorrow. None of us have that God-given right to live out our lives drama free and with no bumps along the way. Basically, I'm learning to embrace what my life is becoming, and that is something amazing with this gorgeous woman beside me.

Gently shaking my girlfriend from her sleep, I'm not entirely sure she has even moved in the night. She is one of the most perfect sleepers, but this morning isn't the time for watching her. I have to work and she has classes to get to. I just hate that I'm barely going to see her today. I have one class with her, and then she is headed home to prepare for her shift tonight. Sure, I can and I will be going to see her at Alex's bar, but it's not the same. I can't touch her when I want to and I can't talk to her how I want to. I have to be the general customer, and after the week that we have spent…I hate that. I hate that I have to pretend that I barely know her. It hurts. It hurts more than I thought it would. I know once the night ends and we come together everything is perfect again, but sometimes it feels like it's not enough. Waking up beside her is nothing short of amazing, but spending my evenings without her absolutely kills me. It really does.

"Hey…" I give Eliza another slight shake. "Wake up, beautiful."

"Mm…" She groans as she turns in my arms. "What's up?"

"It's time to wake up." I give her a sad smile as those beautiful green eyes open. "We have to get to campus."

"Call in and tell them I died." She mumbles as she snuggles into my chest. "I don't even want to function today. It's Friday."

"All the more reason to get your ass out of bed and get your work done so you can enjoy the weekend." I smile as I place a kiss on top of her head. "Come on, you only have a half day."

"How do you know…" She smirks as she glances up at me. "Have you been stalking me Professor Robbins?"

"No, and the whole sexy Professor Robbins voice won't work with me this morning." I laugh. "You will have to wait until tomorrow for any of _that._ "

"Why?" She furrows her brow.

"Because you have classes and then you have work," I state as I climb from my bed. "Coffee?"

"Mm, please." She buries her face in my pillow and mumbles something to herself.

"What was that?" I ask, standing in the doorway.

"I said you smell so fucking good." Smiling to myself, I shake my head and head out of the bedroom. We have a little while before we have to be out of the house but if I get my hands on her, I won't let her go. I don't really want to explain why classes are late to my students if it's all the same. I love waking up to her beside me, and honestly, I never want her to leave.

Descending the stairs, my feet hit the lower level and I head straight for the kitchen. I'd usually offer her some breakfast, but we will grab something on the way in. It gives me a little more time to get ready that way. My plan…look super hot for her today so that tonight she wants to see me. I'm sure she would be happy to come over after she finishes her shift, anyway, but there is nothing wrong with a little teasing in the classroom. Wrong, I know, but so very very hot nonetheless.

Hearing doorsteps throughout my home, Eliza appears on the opposite side of the counter and my eyes instantly settle on her nipples that are poking through her tank top. Well, my tank top. I love seeing her in my clothes, regardless of what time of day it is. Abbie never used to wear my clothes, and I'm kinda glad about that now. It was something I always wanted to see her in, you know, just the little things, but now that I've seen Eliza in what belongs to me…I'm thankful my ex-wife never used to do it. It's just one more thing I can appreciate more in my new relationship. My new relationship that is totally blind right now in terms of where we are headed, but my new relationship that feels so god damn right. "You're staring." She states as she pulls me from my thoughts.

"Yeah well…" I shrug. "...you're teasing."

"Oh, I am?" She raises her eyebrow. "Kinda can't help it."

"Sure." I roll my eyes. Handing her a coffee, I pull myself up on a kitchen stool and she closes the distance between us, settling between my legs. "I'll miss you tonight."

"I'll miss you too." She gives me a sad smile as she sips on her coffee. "We're okay after last night, though, right?"

"More than okay." I press a kiss to her lips. "Can I come by the bar to see you?"

"Sure." She shrugs. "Although, I'm sure you can think of better things to be doing."

"Um…" Tapping my finger on my chin, I shake my head. "Nope. Nothing."

"Wow, you lead such an exciting life." She laughs. "But I ain't complaining."

"No? I'd say my life is pretty exciting lately." Fisting my hand in her tank, I pull her in against my body and she smiles into a kiss. _Yes, my life is way more exciting now that Eliza is in it._ I couldn't even lie about that if I tried. She makes me feel ten years younger in every way imaginable. I mean, I don't feel old…but Eliza has definitely brightened my life. Way more than I thought imaginable. Pulling back, I narrow my eyes and she raises her eyebrow. "Are you going to keep your hands to yourself today?" I ask.

"Depends." She shrugs.

"On…"

"On how hot that ass of yours is looking in class." Her words arousing me beyond belief, she steps away from me and I have to squeeze my thighs together. It's ridiculous how wet she makes me, but it can only be a good thing. Tonight, though…I need her beneath me. I need to be touching her and hearing her moan. Tonight…I want her totally open beneath me.

* * *

Stepping inside Alex's bar, I glance around and find my girlfriend busy behind the counter. She's looking hot, but that is totally expected. The fact that she sat biting her lip for the entire duration of my class hasn't helped to curb any of my cravings today, but I managed to push through and now I'm here. I'm here and I can sit watching her all night if I want to. The place is a little busy right now, but I don't see anyone I know hanging here tonight. I mean, the bar isn't too close to campus anyway, and it's not really one of those cheap places that most people hang out at, so it's not very often that I see anyone I know.

Approaching the bar, I pull myself up onto a stool and watch as my girlfriend adds a little sway to her hips. She knows I'm here. I caught her watching me. I just hope she behaves herself for a little longer. I can't sit here soaked all night and if I have to warn her, I will. She knows what she does to me, and this is the first night I've been at the bar since we've been officially together. Her scent almost knocking me off of my stool, she closes the distance between us and rests her elbows on the counter in front of me. "What can I get you?" She smiles, her eyes darker than usual.

"Tequila," I state, my eyes switching to her lips as her tongue pokes out and she licks them.

"Mm, good choice." She nods. "You looked pretty hot in class today, Professor Robbins." Her voice sending my head a little crazy, I drop my gaze and shift uncomfortably in my seat. "Problem?" She asks.

"N-No." I clear my throat when someone else sits down on the stool beside me. "No problem."

"Good." Her body disappearing from in front of me, I'm actually thankful for the few seconds of relief I'm about to get.

"Arizona, hi." A slightly familiar voice causing me to turn my head, I find that one of my colleagues is sitting beside me.

"Oh, hey Rhian." I give her a smile. "Haven't seen you in here before."

"No, I just moved a little closer to campus and this was one of the places recommended to me." She shrugs. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Thanks but I've just ordered." I motion towards my girlfriend. "What are you drinking?"

"Scotch?" She raises her eyebrow.

"I'll sort that for you." I smile. "Scotch with my order," I call out to Eliza. "Actually, make that two." Glancing my way, she furrows her brow and switches her gaze between myself and my colleague. Giving her a questioning look, she gives me a small smile and returns her focus back to my drinks.

"Here you go, ladies." She sets down two glasses of scotch and a shot of tequila. "Enjoy your night." Turning her back, she busies herself with other customers and I'm struggling to keep my eyes off of her right now. I don't expect to get much conversation out of her tonight, but she won't even look my way for some reason. _Did I do something?_

"So, busy week?" Rhian catches my attention. "Oh, and thanks for the drink."

"Yeah…" I run my fingers through my hair. "It has been pretty busy. You?"

"Mmhmm…" She laughs. "Don't you find that as Christmas approaches, none of your students seem to care what you say?"

"Oh, I've noticed." I agree. "They're too busy planning their time off. That's why." Falling into a general conversation with my colleague, I keep a check on Eliza but she seems to have forgotten I'm even here. Talking with other customers, I quickly realize that she can't talk to me, and that's why she is avoiding me. I mean, I'm sitting here with another professor, so she has taken herself away from the situation. I hate that, though. It's not very often that I come here and work follows me, but tonight it has. _Just my fucking luck._ "Are you here for the night, or?"

"Undecided right now." She shrugs. "Depends on the company I have."

"Yeah...it's always nice to have someone to talk to." I agree, my eyes fixed on my girlfriend's profile as she throws her head back laughing.

"Are you here for the night?" She asks.

"Probably not." I smile. "I was hoping for a relaxing weekend and that won't happen if I begin it hungover."

"That's actually a good call." She raises her glass between us. "One for the road?" She asks as she knocks back her scotch.

"Sure." I nod. "Why not?"

Catching my girlfriend's attention, Eliza makes her way over to my side of the bar and gives Rhian a raised eyebrow. "What can I get you?"

"Same again. Two shots this time around."

"Sure." Eliza nods. Disappearing, I watch her ass move in her tight jeans and it only makes me want her more. So much more than I did when I walked in here. Returning to us with our drinks, she sets them down and gives me an awkward smile. "You know, you ladies should really pace yourselves. You won't remember the rest of the night if you're not careful."

 _Okay, that was a comment._ I don't know how to take that, but I don't like how she said it. I don't like how she is looking at me, and I don't like how she is walking away either. Excusing myself, I approach my best friend and pull him to one side. "Get Eliza out back for me," I ask, my tone lowered.

"Why?" He furrows his brow.

"I need to see her for like two minutes." I smile.

"No. No way." He shakes his head. "My best friend is not having sex with my best staff in the stock room. Save it for later, Robbins."

"Oh, relax." I roll my eyes. "I just want to talk to her."

"So…talk to her out here." He shrugs.

"You know I can't do that." I give him a knowing look. "Please, Alex! Just five minutes?"

"Ugh, fine." He groans. As I disappear from sight, I hear him calling my girlfriend's name and I smile at the prospect of getting her alone right now. Hearing footsteps, her shadow appears in the doorway and then she steps inside. Forcing the door closed behind her, I pull her into my arms and back her into the wall.

"What the…" Realising what is happening, she doesn't seem so freaked out anymore. "Oh, it's you."

"Is that any way to greet the woman who holds your orgasm in her hands right now?" I raise an eyebrow and lean in to capture her lips. Pulling away from me, she furrows her brow before dropping her gaze. "Uh, what's that about?" I scoff.

"You seem pretty busy out there so I'll let you get back to it." She tries to move away from me but I brace my hands either side of her body.

"Excuse me?" I laugh. "You're not serious?"

"You looked kinda cozy so I don't think you need me right now." She shrugs.

"Oh, no." I shake my head. "That won't work with me, Eliza."

"What won't?" She furrows her brow.

"The whole jealous girlfriend thing you have going on right now." I smile. "It may be hot, but I'm already soaked for you so it's unnecessary."

"You are?" She smirks as she pulls me into her body. "How soaked?"

"Oh, dripping." I smile against her mouth. "Seeing you in these jeans…this low cut top…" I trail my tongue up her jawline. "God, I could come right now."

"You want to, huh?" Cupping my own center through my jeans, I grind down against her hand. "You can't wait a little longer?"

"Oh, I can wait all night for you." I moan as she pushes her thumb against my material covered clit. "I can wait…because tonight? Fuck." I breathe out. "...tonight you are all mine. I'm going to take you so good, Eliza."

"Shit." Her chest heaving, she throws her head back and I suck on her pulse point. "How are you going to take me?" She groans.

"However I see fit," I smirk, my teeth sinking into her skin. "And are you going to stop me?"

"N-No." She stutters.

"You know, now that I've fucked you…you belong to me." Okay, so I'm actually turning myself on way more than I imagined right now, but I can't stop myself. I cannot pull myself away from this woman. "Your body belongs to me. I can use it how I please…you know that, right?" I ask as I slip my thigh between her legs.

"Fuck, that's hot." She breathes against my mouth, her tongue running across my bottom lip. "I want you to use me, Arizona. I want you to take me however you need to."

"Yeah?" Fresh arousal flooding from my center, I'm not sure I can wait until the end of her shift. "You'd let me fuck you all night? Until you begged me to stop?"

"I'd never beg you to stop." She admits. "I'd let you fuck me time and time again." Biting down on my lip, she tugs a little before releasing it from between her teeth. "Over and over and over…"

"I need you in my bed, baby." Biting down on her shoulder, she grinds down against my thigh and we really have to stop this. She is going to be soaked through her jeans if I'm not careful. Needing to taste her, I slip my hand past her jeans and her panties and I swear I've never felt wetness like it. "Oh, that's something else…" I smile, my fingers gathering her arousal. Removing my hand, I slip my fingers into my mouth and her eyes widen along with her smile. "Mm…" I moan as I suck on my fingers. "God, you taste perfect."

"How do I taste?" She asks.

"Honestly?" I raise an eyebrow. "Like you belong to me. Like you want me to fuck you so hard that it's all you can think about."

"Arizona…" She cups my center once more and presses her lips to my own. "If I can get off a little early, can we go straight home?"

"Mmhmm…" I agree. "I'd bend you over right now given half the chance."

"Okay, we have to stop." She closes her eyes and breathes through the arousal I've created. "Let me speak to Alex because I really need to leave right now." Allowing her to move away from me, I grip her ass and it only causes a louder moan to fall from her lips.

Pulling her back a little,her back connects with my front and her breath hitches. "Fix your problem here so I can take you home and fuck your brains out…"

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews and welcome and appreciated as always. I'm hoping to get another chapter out today.**


	17. Chapter 17

**NOT SAFE FOR WORK**

 **Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Seventeen

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ELIZA'S POV

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Right now I'm soaked. Like, I don't even know what is happening to me, but I'm enjoying it. Sounds weird, I know, but Arizona just does something to my mind and my body and I can't control it. I can't control the complete arousal I feel when I'm around her and the things she has just said to me have got me feeling completely crazy right now. She left the bar ten minutes ago and we both agreed to meet back at her place. Alex was fine with me leaving since he has other staff on, and well…I think Arizona may have threatened him. I can't be sure, but he looked a little scared when I was leaving the bar. I didn't bother making a comment, though, since he'd let me go and that was that. I feel terrible for leaving him in the middle of my shift but I need to be with my girlfriend right now. I _really_ need to be with her.

This walk to her place feels like it's taken an entire lifetime, but I know the end result will be worth it. I mean, it's literally ten minutes from the bar but I have all kinds of thoughts running through my mind right now. Arizona has only touched me once, and since then, it's all I've thought about. The things she was saying to me before left me aroused, but also apprehensive. I mean, what if I can't be what she wants tonight? It sounded to me like she wants to go all out, and I'd like to think that I'm okay with that, but what if I'm not? What if she wants to do something that I don't feel comfortable with? I guess I won't know until it happens, but I don't want to disappoint her. She was saying the most intense things I've ever heard, and I told her I wanted it all…but now I'm scared. I'm scared that she is going to be completely let down by me.

Deciding not to think too much of it, I quicken my pace and try to stop the throbbing between my legs. I'm so ready for tonight, but this worry I have really needs to leave. I don't want it in my head, and I certainly don't want it to affect anything tonight. I want my girlfriend to know that I can be whatever she needs me to be. If she knows I'm scared, she will pull away and I can't allow that. I can't because I want all of this with her. I know I do. I just…I guess I let myself get caught up in the moment. I was jealous and I wanted to hear those things. I wanted her to tell me that I belong to her. It's all I've ever wanted to hear from her. She makes me feel safe and protected, so I really don't know why I'm freaking out right now.

Reaching her porch, the light flicks on and her door swings open. Looking a little flustered, she pulls me inside and my her door slams shut, followed by my body pressed up against it. "I thought you'd never get here." Her lips working the skin of my neck, all doubt leaves my mind. All stress leaves my body. This woman would never do anything to hurt me, whether that is mentally or physically, I know she wouldn't. She said she wanted me, and she can totally have me. She can take anything she wants from me. I just needed to feel her against me to remind me that this is all totally right and how it should be. "I thought you wouldn't show…"

"Never." I breathe out, my body responding to her every movement. My tee lifted up and over my head, she groans as she weaves her hands behind my back and removes my bra from my body.

"God, you are so fucking beautiful." Sucking a nipple into her mouth, all breath leaves my body and I know in this moment that anything she gives me, I can take. Anything she wants from me…it's hers. It's all totally hers. "I need you, Eliza." She breathes out as she releases my hardened bud. "I need you so much."

"Take me, Arizona." My own words causing something to spark inside of me, I turn her and now she is pinned against the door. "You want me?" She gives me a nod. "So do what you want. What you need. Just make me feel good."

"I only ever want to make you feel good." She runs her thumb across my bottom lip. "I meant what I said at the bar…" She bites down on her own bottom lip. "When I told you that you belong to me, I meant it."

"I know." My breath hitches as she pops the button on my jeans and slips her hand inside. "Feel that?" I ask. "Do you feel what you do to me?"

"That's all for me?" She smiles as she runs her tongue across my jawline.

"Only ever you," I admit as I strip her own blouse from her body. Curling my fingers beneath the waistband of her jeans, I pull her off of the door and back up towards the staircase. "You need to take me, Arizona."

"Yeah?" She narrows her eyes. "How?"

"How you see fit, right?" I raise an eyebrow as I repeat her own words back to her. "Over and over and over…"

"Fuck." Her tongue slipping into my mouth, she works her hands all over my body and I'm barely breathing right now. I'm barely holding on and I know I have to. I want this to last all night long, and I know that tomorrow morning I will be a totally different person to who I am right now. I know that she is going to take something more from me tonight. I don't know what, but I can see it in her eyes. I can see that complete want that she has for me and my body. Maybe I'll feel totally taken tonight. Last week was all kinds of amazing, but I know she was holding back. I've imagined my girlfriend to be an absolute animal in the bedroom, and I know that I'm right. I know that she can fuck me like nobody else ever could. "Upstairs, NOW!" She demands as she turns me in her arms and forces her center against my ass.

"What are you going to do?" I ask, my chest heaving.

"Mm…" She smiles against the back of my neck. "Now why would I give it all away, huh?"

"Tell me…" I moan as her fingers press against my clit.

"God, I'm going to fuck you so good…" She whispers. "...I'm going to taste you as you come for me."

"Shit…" My voice barely audible, she nips at my skin and fresh arousal floods from my center.

"Tonight, I really make you mine." She admits. "Tonight, I take you for good."

"Oh god." My eyes rolling to the back of my head as she applies a little extra pressure on my clit, she kicks her bedroom door open and forces me inside. The room in total darkness. Tugging my jeans down my thighs, I step out of them and my body connects with the mattress before she climbs on top of me and works her lips down between my breasts. Sucking on the skin above the waistband of my panties, she pushes them to one side and teases my entrance.

"So wet for me…" She smiles. "But…" She glances up at me. "Are you still tight for me?" Dipping a single finger inside of me, my breath catches in my throat and she releases a low moan. "Just how I like you…"

"Fuck, Arizona." My hips arching from the bed, she forces them back down onto the mattress and gives me a knowing look.

"The more you beg, the longer this will take."

"I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing." Tugging at my own nipple, she watches on in delight and I feel her squirm between my legs. Her eyes never leaving the movements of my hand, she forces another finger inside and I tug harder at my nipple. "Fuck, that feels good."

"Yeah?" She smirks. "How good do I feel inside of You, Eliza?"

"A-Amazing." I stutter as she wiggles her fingers. "God, yes."

"You aren't ready to come yet are you?" My walls squeezing her fingers, I shake my head and try to control my own body. "Good girl." Throwing me a wink, she slips out of me suddenly and I groan at the loss of contact between my legs. Tugging my panties over my thighs and down my legs, she throws them to the other side of the room and settles back down. Dipping her head a little, she blows against my clit and I swear I've never felt anything like it in my life. She is doing unimaginable things to my body right now and I'm loving every second of it. Every nip. Every tug. Every lick. This woman is the very definition of heaven on earth, and she belongs to me. She is mine. I mean, I'm totally naked beneath her and I don't even care. Anyone else and this wouldn't be happening but Arizona makes me feel alive. She makes me feel wanted. Needed. She makes me feel whole.

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ARIZONA'S POV

Her body. God, her body is incredible. I've never wanted anyone like I want Eliza, and I hope to god she knows I'm all in. I hope she knows that she is the one who I see my future with. I've never felt like this. I've never had anyone who feels jealous when they see me talking to another woman. Nobody has ever cared enough I don't think. I think tonight was a turning point for me. For us. Seeing her looking at me how she did when I told her she belonged to me ignited something in me that I've never felt before. It made me feel alive for the first time in as long as I can remember. I never realized that I was unhappy before, but being with her…god, she makes my world spin. She makes me never want to leave her presence. She is intoxicating and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get enough of her. I'm not sure I'll ever feel this connection with anyone else. She does something to me and I'm not even prepared to question exactly what that is. I'm not prepared to take a step back and figure it all out because I don't need to. I know that this is real. It's the most real thing I've ever experienced.

I don't know where my words came from earlier tonight, but she simply made me want to say those things to her. I can't say I've ever really been as open as I was tonight, even in my past relationship, but she makes me want to say those things. She makes me want to flirt and tease. Her reactions are enough to encourage me to do that for the rest of my life…but only with her.

Trailing my fingertips up the back of her thigh, she spreads her legs impossibly wide and opens herself up to me. "Arizona…" She moans as my tongue runs the length of her center.

"What do you need, beautiful?"

"I need you inside of me…" She breathes out. "Please…"

"I'd love nothing more." Sucking her clit into my mouth, I push two fingers deep inside of her and her body lifts from the bed.

"Oh god…" She tangles her fingers in my hair and forces me against her. "I don't know how long I can hold on for…" Her honesty causing me to smile, I slowly massage her walls and try to drag her first orgasm of the night out a little longer. God, I want to fuck her so good but I'm worried I'll hurt her. I'm worried she will take a step back if I go too far. I'd never do anything to intentionally hurt her, but the doubt is still there in the back of my mind.

"Do you trust me, Eliza?" I pull back and my movements are now painfully slow inside of her. "Do you trust me to make you feel good? Amazing, even?"

"Yes." She gives me a slight nod. "I trust you."

"Then I'm going to need you to turn around and get on your knees." _I can reach her so much better from this position._

"R-Really?" She stutters.

"Only if you want to." I climb back up her body and rest my own against her. "Don't do anything you don't want to do." Placing a soft kiss on her lips, she takes my bottom lip between her teeth and gives me a smile.

"Can you fuck me good from behind?" Her eyes narrowing, my own arousal floods between my legs.

"So good," I whisper against her mouth. Forcing my body off of her, she flips over onto her stomach and gets up on her hands and knees.

"Like this?" She glances over her shoulder. "Is this good enough for you?"

"Jesus Christ." I breathe out. "You are a masterpiece." Positioning myself behind her, I force my center against her own and she moans as her head drops on her shoulders. "You want me deep?" I ask, my nails dragging down her naked back.

"Mm, yes." She admits. "Deep sounds good to me."

"Fuck." My other hand grazing up the back of her thigh, she spreads her legs a little more and the view I have is mouthwatering. Reaching out, I have to touch her. I have to feel the complete arousal she has going on because of me. She is hot, but she's so much more than that. She's simply beautiful. Gorgeous. Mine. "You ready?" I ask as I press a kiss to her lower back.

"Mm…" She lifts her ass a little and I know she is more than ready for me. I know that she needs me. I can see it in the way her thighs are trembling.

Pushing two fingers inside of her, she is so open right now that I have so much more room to work with. Seeing her like this is almost sending me over the edge, but there is plenty of time for her attention to turn to me. This is about her right now. I promised her I'd fuck her good, and I never go back on a promise. Sinking deeper with each and every thrust, her body is forced forward a little and she releases a guttural moan. _Fuck, that's hot._ Her breathing a little labored, she drops her head between her shoulders and grips the sheet beneath her. "You take me so good." I moan as her fingers suck me in further and further. For someone who has never been touched before me, she is taking me incredibly well right now and it only makes me want her even more. It only makes me want to fuck her harder into my bed. "Talk to me, Eliza."

"I want more." She breathes out, barely above a whisper. "I want you to fuck me like you want me, Arizona." Those words almost tipping me over the edge, I add a little strength behind my thrusts and she gasps a little. "Oh god. Just like that. Yes." Hitting her harder and harder, I am holding back a little right now. "Oh, y-yes." She slams back into my hand. "Fuck me harder…"

Biting down on my own bottom lip, I watch as my fingers disappear inside of her and it sends my heart rate soaring. "You feel good?" I ask, wanting to be sure that she is okay.

"Better than I've ever felt." She grips the sheets tighter and slams back harder against my hand. "Another." She demands. _Another…really?_ "Please, I need you to make me come, Arizona." A third finger slowly but surely entering her gorgeous body, the gasp that leaves her mouth makes me slow my pace a little. "No, don't stop." She begs. "Make me yours. Don't stop…just, oh god." My thrusts strengthening, I'm filling her like she has never been filled before and I'm desperately needing a little relief between my own legs right now. Slipping my free hand beneath the waistband of my panties, I rub circles on my own clit and watch my girlfriend rock against me. _This is hot. All kinds of hot._ My own breath catching in my throat as she slows and grinds back against me, I curl my fingers and she moans in appreciation. "Fuckkk, yessss." Drawing out her words, she is fucking my hand and I'm now fucking my own. This isn't it for us tonight, but I need a little relief before I go crazy. Before she makes me crazy. I'm already halfway there, after all. "Oh god. Fuck. Yes. A-Arizona, I…" Her body writhing and convulsing, every breath catches in her throat and her arms are ready to give way beneath her. She's ready to hit the bed and I'm still pounding into her. "I-I, I'm coming. Fuck, I'm so coming…"

"Me too." I pant, the movements between my own legs speeding up. "Fuck, yes. Come for me, Eliza." I moan. "I'm going to fuck you all night long but I need you to come for me. I need to taste you."

"I want your mouth." She states. "I want it between my legs when I come." Dropping my body down, I shift onto my back and she drops her body down a little, effectively riding my mouth. "Yes, O-Oh…I'm gonna, shit I'm gonna come."

"Mm, let me taste you," I mumble against her center. Flicking my tongue over her clit repeatedly, my fingers don't let up inside of her and her body stiffens a little. "That's it, beautiful…come hard for me."

"Fuck…" A scream ripping from her throat, she grinds down against my mouth and yeah, she tastes fucking incredible. "Oh god…" My fingers wiggling inside of her, her hips roll into me and her arms give out underneath her. "Shit, I'm still coming."

"Mm, I know." The vibrations of my words causing shock waves to ripple through her body, I slip out of her and lap up her amazing juices that are slowly spreading down her thighs. "Fuck, you taste amazing." Climbing out from beneath her, her body drops down onto the bed and I flip her over onto bad back. " _You_ are amazing."

"O-Oh, I just…I can't breathe." She pants as I place a kiss on her nipple before moving up to her lips. My fingers slowly caressing her clit, she releases short low moans and it only makes me want to take her all over again. "Wow…" She smiles as my lips connect with her own. "You are so good for me…"

"And that's just the beginning." I smile. "I just…" So many emotions are running through me right now and I don't even know what to do with any of them. "...Never mind." I stop myself from saying anything that could ruin this moment. "You matter to me so much." _That sounds appropriate enough for now…I think._

"What is it?" She runs her fingers through my hair and furrows her brow.

"Nothing important." I lie. "It can wait." Pushing me down against the mattress, she straddles my legs and her soaked center connects with my own. "Oh god."

"You make me so unbelievably happy, Arizona." Dipping her head a little, she drops soft kisses along my neck and I bury my head deeper into the pillow. "So happy…"

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcomed and appreciated as always.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Eighteen

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ARIZONA'S POV

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I've never been so desperate in my entire life to see another person, but right now…I am. I need to see my girlfriend. I need to be around her. Her scent. Her laugh. Her amazing personality. Friday night was something special, and we went round after round until the sun came up, but then we slept. Then she had to work Saturday night. Then, just when I thought we could spend some time together on Sunday evening, April called her and invited her over to a friends house for some sort of gathering. I know alcohol was involved, and I know it was a group of friends, but other than that…Eliza hasn't said much about it. I think she may have been a little hungover when I spoke to her this morning, but spending the past two nights alone made me realize just how much I needed to hear her voice. It reminded me just how much I want her in my life. I know she means the absolute world to me, and she knows it too, but I just had to call her and make sure that she got home okay last night. My last message to her was near on midnight so I couldn't be sure that she had even made it home. Thankfully, she was comfortable in her bed when my call connected a few hours ago.

She looked okay when we were in class almost an hour ago, but I suspect she could be feeling better. I warned her not to go too crazy with the wine and shots, but yeah…why would she even think about listening to me? Why would she even think about being the sensible student when she is hanging with her friends? I may have been there and done all of that, but I know exactly how it goes. Promise to just have a couple, but end the night with empty bottles all around you. So long as she enjoyed herself, that is all that matters. So long as she got home in one piece, I don't care how much she had to drink. My cell buzzing on my desk, I smile at the thought of it being Eliza, but I'm disappointed to find Alex's name on my screen.

 ** _You still headed home for the holidays?_**

 ** _Sure. Why wouldn't I be? A x_**

 ** _Figured you'd be spending it with your girl. Would have been good to have you both at the bar._**

 ** _Eliza is going home for the holidays, too. A x_**

 ** _She's working the late shift Christmas Eve._**

 ** _Oh. Maybe she changed her mind. A x_**

 ** _Never mind. I'm used to you deserting me anyway._**

 ** _Such an asshole. I invite you to mom's every year. A x_**

 ** _Whatever._**

Laughing, I shake my head and set my cell back down on my desk. I'd thought about staying in Seattle for Christmas, but mom loves having me home, and I'm the only reason she and dad haven't killed each other over the past 32 years. They love each other more than anything but if dad tries to interfere in the kitchen, mom threatens him with his own shotgun. Funny to some, serious to me. I know she wouldn't hesitate to grab it from outback and threaten him a little more, so yeah…it's always best if I'm there to referee between them both. Tim is useless when it comes to family stuff, but it's always good to see him, too. If he even bothers to come home this year.

My attention turning to the reason why Eliza didn't tell me she would be here on Christmas Eve, I figure I'll mull over it whilst I head down to the cafeteria for some fresh coffee. It's already been a long day and it's barely even begun yet. Grabbing my cell and my purse, I shut off the light in my office and slowly make my way down the corridor. It's a little busy right now since classes have just ended, but everyone will soon disperse and I'll be heading back to my office with things a little quieter around me.

My girlfriend's scent hitting me square in the face, I glance up from my cell screen and smile. She is with a few friends so I can't speak to her, but that doesn't mean I cant look. Inconspicuously, of course. Her friend April giving me a small wave, she nudges Eliza and my girlfriend turns around to face me. "Professor Robbins, hi."

"Miss Minnick." Giving her my best dimpled smile, April studies our interaction and I drop my gaze. Eliza is already convinced that her best friend knows something is going on, so I have to be mindful of the people around us and how we are around each other. Deciding to leave our interaction at that, I continue with my slow pace and I pass her group of friends.

"So, I know you said that nothing is going on with you guys…" April's words causing me to slow a little more, I listen as best as I can. "But I see how you look at her, Eliza."

"How many times, April?" My girlfriend sighs. "Nothing is going on with us. She's my freaking professor." Smiling at how convincing she is, I can't wait to see her tonight. Tonight when she doesn't have to deny me. Tonight when it is just us two.

"I guess you're right." Her friend falls for it. "You wouldn't have kissed Sasha last night if you guys were together." My heart dropping into my stomach, I almost lose my footing and I don't know where to even turn right now. I don't know if Eliza knows I've just heard what April said, but I cannot listen to any more of it. I cannot bear to even imagine someone else's lips on my girlfriend. Although, the way I feel right now, I don't think she is my girlfriend anymore. _Too good to be true, Robbins._ This was always too good to be true.

* * *

I've been home for a little over an hour and my heart is absolutely breaking. It has been since April indirectly informed me that Eliza, my supposed girlfriend, kissed someone else last night. I mean, maybe we were just a little fun to her, but I felt something other than that. I felt so strongly about her that I was thinking about even telling her I loved her within the next few days. Not because I thought it was what she needed to hear, but because it's just how I feel. _How I felt._ I've wondered if it was too soon, and it seems like it definitely was too soon for me to be having those feelings, but I genuinely thought we were going somewhere. I genuinely saw a future with Eliza. I fell too hard and too quickly, I know that now, but if she wanted to see other people, she just had to be honest with me. She just had to tell me so I could distance myself from her, and I could have moved on with my life. Maybe this is why she sounded so convincing when she told her friend that nothing was going on between us. Maybe that's how she sees it now. You know, she doesn't want this but she's too scared to tell me. She's too worried about hurting my feelings. I'm a big girl, though, and I could have taken it. I could have taken hearing those words from her. To find out how I did, though? No, I cannot take that. I cannot even begin to understand why she didn't tell me when she called me this morning. I mean, she kissed someone else. She kissed someone else when she was supposed to be in a relationship with me. It's not even like we weren't exclusive. Sure, to the rest of the world we aren't exclusive, but we both know what we were. We both know that we were together.

Maybe I got this all wrong. Maybe now that she has experienced sex and being intimate with someone, she is ready to go out into the world and experience it with other people. People who are her own age. People who she can relate to more. I said it to myself a few weeks ago, and I knew I would be right. Eliza Minnick, the most incredible woman I've ever met, doesn't want a relationship with such a big age gap. She wants exactly what I feared…and that is _anyone_ but me.

Climbing the staircase, I head off into my bedroom and her scent is consuming me. Her scent is still here. Will it always be that way? Will she always be everywhere I turn? God, I hope not. I don't think I could bear to face that every single day no matter where I am. I mean, it's going to be hard enough facing her in class four days a week, but I have to remain professional, and regardless of how I feel about Eliza, she is still my student. She will always receive the same treatment as everyone else. It will be hard, but I can manage. I've just survived my divorce, so I guess I can survive losing Eliza Minnick to another student. I should have known. I should have known this would happen. Well, I did know…I just chose not to listen to myself.

My cell buzzing in my hand as I'm about to change into something more comfortable, I glance down at the screen and find her name sitting above a text message. I want to open it, but at the same time, I don't. When I do, either she will be breaking up with me, or she will be lying to me. Taking a breath, I close my eyes and swipe my thumb across the screen. Unlocking my cell, I release the breath I've been holding and glance down.

 ** _Did you want me to come by this evening? I haven't really heard from you. X_**

 ** _It's probably not a good idea…_**

 ** _Okay. I just had something I wanted to speak to you about. X_**

 ** _You don't have to do this. I get it, okay?_**

 ** _You get what? X_**

 ** _Don't play stupid, Eliza. I heard your friend. I just wish you could have been honest with me. That hurts more than anything else. See you around campus._**

Throwing my cell down on my bed, I try to hold back my emotions but right now, they're getting the better of me. I don't want to cry, but it looks like that is about to happen regardless of what I want. My cell buzzing again, I glance down.

 ** _Please, can I see you? X_**

Shaking my head, a slight laugh falls from my mouth and I head off to the bathroom. I mean, am I really so hard to love that people have to cheat and hope that I don't find out? Is it really that bad? Am _I_ really that bad? Clearly, I am since nobody wants to stick around, but I don't know how to make myself a better person. I don't know how to make people stay. I thought I was doing everything right with Eliza, but then again…I thought I was doing everything right with Abbie, too. Look how that turned out. It must be hard for her, though. I mean, we cant go out in public together and we cant be seen anywhere together, so yeah…she must find it hard. I accept that, and I wish I could change it, but I cant. I cannot do anything differently to how we have been doing it because I would lose my job. Right now, my job is the only thing I have here. It's the only thing keeping me in Seattle, and I love it here. I really do. I have friends and an awesome job, but is that really enough? Can I do this day in day out knowing that I will see Eliza? I'm not sure I can.

 ** _Arizona? X_**

A new message from Eliza sitting on my screen as I return from the bathroom, I ignore it and pull on some sweats. I don't even have the energy to take a shower right now and it's only Monday. I know that this week is going to be the week from hell, and there is nothing I can do about it. I just have to grin and bear it. I have to get on with it like everyone else does. Sure, the weeks have been going by pretty quickly of late, but I've had things on my mind. Good things. Now that it has all turned out as I expected it would, this week will drag. I won't have her here holding me and relaxing with me, so yeah…the week from hell begins right now.

 ** _I'm coming over! X_**

 _Please don't._ I don't want to see her right now. I'm still trying to process what has happened. I'm still trying to understand where I went wrong. Maybe I could ask her and she would give me her honest opinion, but she couldn't even be bothered to tell me that she has kissed someone else, so I don't imagine she ever planned on telling me. Maybe it was a mistake, but again…she would have explained right away. If I had _mistakingly_ kissed another woman, I would have called her the second it happened and told her. Isn't that what people do? You know, before things get worse? Don't they apologize and try to fix it before someone else delivers the news? I suppose some do, but then again, I'm not someone who would willingly _or_ mistakingly kiss another woman. I'm not that stupid, and I'd never risk it.

A loud knocking on my door, I roll my eyes and finish my routine for the evening. I should answer it and hear her out, but I really don't want to right now. I don't want to see her. I don't want to speak to her. Another loud knock, I grab my cell from the bed and head out towards the staircase. Taking them slowly, my cell buzzes in my hand and I glance down.

 ** _I'm not leaving until you answer the door. X_**

Sighing, I approach the door and unbolt it. My hand on the handle, I think about locking my door again but I decide against it. The sooner I get this over with, the sooner she can leave and I can sit alone for the rest of the night. Turning the handle, I wipe a stray tear from my jawline and pull the door open. "Arizona…" She breathes out. "Thank god."

"Go home, Eliza."

"No." She furrows her brow and shakes her head. "Not until I've talked to you."

"There really isn't anything to say." I give her a sad smile. "I think it was pretty self-explanatory."

"No, please don't do this." She begs. "Just give me five minutes, please?"

"Did you or did you not kiss someone else?" I ask.

"I-I…" Her gaze dropping, her shoulders shake and I have my answer right there.

"Eliza?" I clear my throat. "I need you to give me an answer."

"I, just…y-yeah." She admits. "But it wasn-" Cutting her off when my door slams shut, I shake my head and slowly move into the living room. I knew she had done it, I just needed her to admit it. I just needed her to be honest. Now that she has, there is no reason for any sort of discussion or conversation with her. Now that she has been honest, she can kiss whoever she likes, whenever she likes. I will not be one of those people, though. I need a serious stable relationship, and that isn't what I'm getting here.

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated. I should have time to get Eliza's POV out tonight also…do you guys want it or?**


	19. Chapter 19

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Nineteen

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ELIZA'S POV

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I'm numb. My entire body is completely numb. She just shut the door on me. She didn't even give me the chance to explain. She just…god, that look. That look of pure heartbreak from her. It's absolutely killing me inside. If someone saw me now, I wouldn't even be able to hide how I'm feeling. I wouldn't even want to. I came here to explain and I came here to apologize but she gave me nothing. Not even a single second. I can't be mad at her for that, but I can be mad at myself. Mad at myself for not coming here sooner. Mad at myself for not calling her last night. Mad at myself for ever allowing what happened to happen. I mean, could I have been any more stupid? Could I have put myself in a worse situation? Clearly…I thought I could. Clearly, I thought I could go to that party last night. The party that my ex was hosting. April begged me to go to it and I didn't really have an excuse to not go, so I said yes. I knew Arizona wanted to hang out, and I wanted that, too, but April knows I always attend the parties so I really had no excuse when she called me. Maybe if I'd had a little more time to think about it, I could have come up with something, but she called me last minute and demanded I attend. She wanted to hang out, and it's been a while since I've seen some of my friends.

I'm not complaining about that, not at all. I'd rather be with Arizona than at any party. I'd rather sit and watch her. Hold her. Kiss her. Touch her skin. Breathe the same air as her. I'd so rather be doing all of those things, but she insisted I go and I promised to call her if I got home at an acceptable hour. I didn't, though. I didn't get home until almost 2 am, and there was no way I was calling her at that time. She needs her sleep and she doesn't need to see me in my drunken state. Hell, I don't need to see me in my drunken state. Now, I've somehow managed to be sitting on her porch in the dark and I don't know what to do.

I mean, it hurts. My body hurts. My head hurts. My heart hurts. Everything about last night has been slowly killing me as today has gone on, and I know I cannot fix this. I'd like to think that I can try, but Arizona has just closed the door in my face, so no…I think we are past trying. I think she is over what we were. She's been over it since the moment April made that comment and even though I'd never keep that from her, how she found out was unacceptable. I'd wanted to speak to her since the moment it happened, but I couldn't. I'd even thought about going to her office today, but what would that achieve? Why would I leave her sitting there to think about it all day when I couldn't do anything about it? We can't be close on campus, so telling her would have been useless. It still would have ended this way. It still would have ended with me sitting here alone and Arizona inside feeling hurt. _I've hurt her, I know I have._ If she would just give me the opportunity to explain, I'll get out of her life and I'll leave her alone. I just need her to know that I didn't mean it. I didn't want it to happen.

Standing, I straighten myself out a little and try to do something with my red and swollen eyes. I mean, there's not a lot that can be done with them, but I don't want her to see me looking a mess. She already finds me unattractive right now as it is. She already hates me. Despises me. She has every right to feel that way but I just have a couple of things I need to say to her before I walk away from her home and we truly end. Curling my hand into a fist, I knock gently. I've been outside her home for over an hour, but I can't sit here forever. I can't make her listen or make her want to be with me, so no…I can't spend my days sitting here and hoping that she may one day take me back. I know life doesn't work that way, and I fully accept that. I fully accept the mistake I made, even if it was totally out of the blue.

Hearing movement behind her door, my head is telling me to run as fast as I can, but my heart is absolutely breaking. The hardwood that is separating us opens a little and I catch sight of her dull blue eyes. I'm not sure I've ever seen them so lifeless. "Arizona, I-I." Dropping my gaze, I shake my head and try to control my nerves. I have to because what I'm about to say to her, I've never said to anyone else.

"I said go home, Eliza."

"I know you did, and I will…" I nod. "But I just need you to give me two minutes. It's all I want, just two minutes, please?"

"I'm not interested in anything you have to say to me, Eliza. I know it hurts to hear that, and I'm sorry that I feel this way…but I really don't want to do this with you. Just go…"

"I just…I need you to know how sorry I am for what happened. I know you don't care and I know you don't want to hear any apology from me, but I am. I'm so so sorry." Realising that her door hasn't closed on me again, my nerves settle a little. "I made the biggest mistake of my life last night by going to that party, and if I could go back, I would. I wanted to stay home with you, and I wanted to just be with you, but well…that didn't happen." I sigh. "None of that is important, though. What's important is that you know that I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for her to kiss me." Her eyes closing when I once again confirm her question from earlier, fresh tears build in my own dull eyes. "You have been more and meant more to me than anyone ever has in my life, and I know that what happened last night meant nothing to me. I know that you are the one I want and I know that you are the one I saw my future with. However that happened, it's what I saw." My voice breaking a little, I close my eyes and steady my breathing. "I know that you can never forgive me, and I wouldn't ever expect you to, but you have to know that I never wanted it. I only want you." Getting absolutely nothing from her, I drop my shoulders a little and I'm not even sure what the point of being here is. "I'll go." I nod. "You are beautiful and so much more than I ever imagined, Arizona, but this? This was one step too far, I know that. I'm sorry that I turned out to be just like your ex-wife, but the one thing I'm sure of in all of this is that I know how much I love you." Her brow slightly furrowed, she opens her mouth to speak but I hold up my hand between us. "I don't want you to say anything and I would never expect to hear those words back from you, but I do, Arizona. I love you. I've loved you since the first time you kissed me. Since the first time you actually saw me fully. I just wish I'd done things differently. I wish I'd never gone to that party. But I did, and now I've lost you. I've lost the only woman I'll ever love because of a stupid mistake that never should have happened. That is all totally on me, and I know I ruined this. Us." Heading down her porch, she hasn't once moved from her position. "Take care, Professor Robbins."

Heading down her street, I don't even bother to look back. If I do, I'll crumble. I can't crumble right now. I can't be the one who falls to her knees in the street because she fucked everything up. That is what my apartment is for. That is what the privacy of my own home is for. I should never have stayed in Seattle when she asked me to. I should never have even chased her. She is way too good for me. She is way too good for anyone in this world. I got her, though. I got to have her and I was lucky enough to be given the opportunity to love her. Even if she didn't know it. I mean, I spent the entire time thinking about her last night, but at the time, it felt right to me. It felt good. Being away from her and missing her only made me feel even more strongly about my feelings for her. Then it turned to shit, and now I'm heading back to my cold and empty apartment…alone.

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I have to get out of here. I have to leave. It's the only solution I can see right now, so yeah...I'm gone. I'm packing up my crap, and I'm leaving. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I fold my clothes into a pile and set them down beside me. After Arizona told me how she felt about me, I never imagined I would be doing this. I never imagined I would be telling her I love her in one breath, and walking away in the next. I just…there is nothing here for me anymore. She can't even look at me and I can barely look at myself in the mirror, so no, there is nothing here for me whatsoever. Maybe one day, in years to come, I will regret my decision to leave, but I can't stay in this city and see her four days a week. I can't sit in her class and think about how I messed up. How I once had her hands on me. How she screamed my name repeatedly only nights before I broke her heart. I just can't do it. It would be torture.

Throwing my crap into various different bags, I stand and head for my dresser. My heart breaking once more when I find a long slim box sitting on top of my underwear, I remove the sleeve and open the lid. It's Arizona's Christmas gift that I was going to give to her before she left for her parents home. I'd dipped into my savings for it, but when I first saw it sitting in the glass box of the jewelry store, I couldn't walk away from it. It's just her. The blue diamond stones matching her gorgeous eyes, yeah…it's totally her. A simple bracelet to anyone else, but it means so much more to me. She could wear it around campus and nobody would know it came from me. Nobody but us would know what it meant.

Gripping it against my chest, I head out into the living room and through into the kitchen. Pouring myself a glass of red, Arizona's favorite one, I pull myself up onto a stool and take a pen and piece of paper.

 ** _Merry Christmas._**

 ** _I'd hoped I'd give this to you nearer the time but I messed that up. Keep it, or don't. I'd like you to have it, though._**

 ** _I'm sorry._**

 ** _Eliza_**

 ** _X_**

Slipping the note into an envelope, I seal the lip and wipe a tear from my face. I'm tired of crying now, and this is my last goodbye to Arizona. I'll drop it by her place tomorrow whilst she is on campus and then I don't have to see her. Then she doesn't have to see _me._ It's clear to me that she doesn't want to see me or speak to me. I've been home for almost three hours and I haven't even received a text from her so far. She is more than done with me. I've wondered if telling her I love her was a good idea, but it's out there now. She knows how I feel but she probably doesn't believe me. I mean, why would she? She has just been told that I kissed someone else, and then I tell her I love her. I'm pathetic and she really doesn't need me in her life. Even I know that.

Shaking myself from my thoughts, I move into the living room and drop down on the couch, my glass of red in my hand. I just need to sit for a little while and process what is happening. I don't want it to be this way, but it's how it has to be. I can't live in the same city as the woman I love. Not when she hates me. Not when she looks at me with complete disgust. Sipping on my wine, I close my eyes and fresh tears fall down my face. Just one more hug would do me the world of good right now, but she won't look at me, let alone hug me. My cell buzzing on my coffee table, I glance down and find her name on my screen. Arizona. It's her. _Oh god._

 ** _Open the door…_**

She's here? She's outside my door. My heart is pounding in my ears right now and I can't even bring myself to move from my spot. I can't move because when I do, I'll open the door and I will see her face. Her face that is full of hurt and disappointment. A light knocking startling me from my thoughts, I jump to my feet and cross the distance. Opening my door, I find Arizona in the hallway in some gorgeous tight fitting jeans and a crisp white shirt. "Who was she?" Her voice a little hoarse, she drops her gaze and shoves her hands in her back pockets.

"Arizona…" I breathe out.

"Who was she, Eliza?"

"My ex." I sigh. "But it doesn't matter who she is," I state. "It shouldn't have happened."

"Why did you do it?" Her eyes fixed firmly on the floor, she shifts her weight from left to right. "I mean, did you enjoy it?"

"No." I shake my head a little. "I didn't know it was happening until it happened."

"How can you not know it was happening?" She furrows her brow and her eyes finally find mine. "I don't understand…"

"Did, um…did you maybe want to come in for a few minutes?" I ask, desperately hoping she will say yes. This is the last time I will see her, so even if I can just have five minutes with her, I can leave a little happier than I'm feeling right now. "Just…I don't expect you to stay longer, but I'd like you to come in?"

"Okay." She gives me a slight nod. Stepping aside, she moves further into my apartment and glances around, her eyes landing on the boxes in the corner of the room. "You're leaving?" She turns to face me, confusion on her face.

"I am." I smile. "You won't have to see me anymore." Motioning for her to take a seat, she sits down on the couch and I sit at the opposite end. "I didn't do it intentionally, Arizona. I was drunk, we were talking…and she just kissed me. April walked in as it happened and I froze. I mean, I didn't even know what to say to either of them. I couldn't freak out because then April would have questioned why I was so bothered about a kiss."

"Because of me. Us." She tugs at her fingers.

"Yeah." I shrug. "I wanted to call you and tell you what had happened but it was the middle of the night. It was way after 1 am. I just…I left."

"Alone?" She asks.

"Of course, I left alone."

"You shouldn't have done that." She shakes her head. "Something could have happened to you…"

"But it didn't." I smile. "I had to go home. I couldn't be around anyone after that. It was totally not what I expected to happen. I mean, she hadn't even really talked to me last night, so when it happened, I was shocked. Truly shocked."

"I'm struggling." She admits. "With this. I'm struggling."

"I know, and that's why I'm going." I take her hand in my own and she doesn't pull away. "It will be better all round if I just leave."

"You thought that last time…"

"I did, but this time I'm pretty sure it's the right thing to do. I'm not running. I just…I can't be here if I'm not with you, Arizona. I can't stay in Seattle and see you each day knowing there is nothing there between us. Or at least, as far as you are concerned."

"Y-You said you love me." She stutters as she studies my face. "Did you mean that?"

"Of course, I do." I run my thumb over her knuckles. "I'll always love you."

"I just…I'm hurt, Eliza." Her voice breaking, she drops her head between her shoulders and her body shakes.

"I'm sorry." Pulling her into my arms, she probably doesn't want me to hold her but I have to. I caused this so I have to. It's my fault that she feels this way. "I know you hate me, but I'm so sorry."

"I don't hate you." She sobs. "I just need some time. A few days."

"For what?" I furrow my brow.

"To get over this feeling. To realize that you didn't mean it. You didn't actually do it." _Wait, she is willing to forgive me? Why? I don't understand._ "I just need some time."

"You don't want me, Arizona." Releasing her from my grip, she wipes away her tears and stares intently. "We can't be together. Not now. You'd never trust me and I couldn't live like that. I couldn't be with you knowing that you are waiting for me to slip up."

"I do trust you." She admits. "I don't know why, but I do."

"You don't have to say that. I'm not stupid. I wouldn't expect you to ever trust me again."

"Just give me a few days, please?" She had a pleading look in her eyes and I'm not entirely sure why she is suddenly begging me. I mean, I'm the one who hurt her. I should be the one begging her to give me a chance. "Give me some time."

"I don't know." I drop my gaze.

"One more try…" She settles her breathing _and_ her emotions. "We are worth one more try."

"You are worth so much more than that. So much more than this." I give her my honest opinion. "You deserve someone who would never allow themselves to be in the position I found myself in last night."

"But you didn't want it, right?"

"No, I didn't." I sigh. "You know, the entire night I spent away from you?" She gives me a nod. "All I thought about was the moment I'd see you again. How we would settle down and watch some TV. Talk about whatever. How we would hold hands and make pointless conversation."

"Yeah?" She gives me a very slight smile.

"Yes." I nod. "I thought about how much I loved you. I mean, the missing you part hurt, but it just reminded me how much I love you and how much I needed to tell you."

"Thank you for being honest." She smiles. "I know I closed the door on you earlier, but I just couldn't face that conversation. I couldn't face the possibility of you telling me that you didn't want me and that you had moved on to someone else."

"God, if only you knew how much I _never_ want anyone else." I close my eyes and press my lips to the back of her hand. "If only you knew how unbelievably in love with you I am."

"I do." She runs her thumb across my bottom lip. "I can feel it."

"You can?" I open my eyes and a slight smile creeps onto my face.

"Yeah. Just please…give me some time."

"Okay." I agree. "I'll back off. Give you whatever space you need. Just…if you can't do this. Us. I need you to tell me, okay?"

"I think we will be okay." She straightens herself out a little. "Maybe, no more parties, though."

"Oh, agreed." I perk up. "I never want to see the inside of a student house again." Standing, she glances down at me and gives me a sad smile. "You're going…"

"Yeah."

"Okay." I stand and figure I may as well chance my luck with a hug. "Can I?" Holding out my arms, she steps a little closer to me and wraps her own around my waist. "Thank you for coming over."

"I had to." She whispers as she nuzzles her face into the crook of my neck. "I had to see you."

My body settling against her own, we mold into one and my breathing feels steady for the first time since last night when the unthinkable happened. I don't know where we go from here, or even if she can even do this, but I'm willing to wait it out and see what comes of it. What comes of us. She is still fragile from her divorce, and I fear I may have just tipped her over the edge. I want her, and I always will, but I fear I may have damaged us beyond repair.

 _One more try…_

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 **Thanks for reading guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Twenty

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ARIZONA'S POV

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It's been three days since I've seen Eliza. Outside of campus that is. I know she is worried about us, and I am too, but I needed this time to myself. I needed to be alone with my thoughts for a little while so I could figure everything out. Process it all. Everything happened so fast a few days ago, and I couldn't jump head first into everything even though I wanted to. Even though I didn't want to leave her place, I knew I had to. I had to give us both the space I know we needed, and now…I'm feeling a little less like I'm not in control of my life. I'm feeling like things could maybe fall back into place. _God, I hope they can._ Eliza is beautiful and I want nothing more than to just be with her, but I'm not sure it's that simple. I mean, she's a student. She has to live the student life. She has to party and hang out with her friends. I'd never stop her from doing that, and I'd trust her, but I'm not sure she would believe that. I'm not sure she would take my words and go with it. I know she feels terrible for what happened last weekend, but it doesn't seem as bad as I originally thought it was. Knowing that she didn't intentionally kiss her ex makes me feel a little better about the situation. I still hate that it happened, though. I still hate that someone else's lips have been on my girlfriend. That is supposed to be reserved for me. Only for me.

I tried to liken the situation to when Abbie kissed me a while ago after she came to my place, but it's not the same thing. I think Eliza would agree that it's not the same thing, too. We weren't even together when that happened. We had made out, but that's where it ended. We hadn't even discussed the possibility of a relationship at that point, so no…it's not the same thing. I want to call her and I want things to go back to normal between us, but I could see the hurt in her eyes. All week, every time I've looked her way, she has been in a world of her own. She has been distant. Once again, her concentration is back to being terrible and once again, it's because of me.

I don't feel as though I'm in the wrong for asking for a little time to process, but I hate seeing her like this. I hate seeing those gorgeous green eyes dull and lifeless. They should never be like that. They should be full of love and honesty. I can't help but feel like I'm the cause of that, and even though I didn't originally put us in this situation, I feel like I should try a little harder than I have been. I feel like it's time to try and be us again.

I've sat and I've cried. I've spent my evenings alone and tried to find a reason to end us, but I can't. I can't because she makes me happy. She makes me unbelievably happy. I've gone over all the consequences to not doing this, and that took me all of five seconds. Simply because I see no consequences. All I see when I think about Eliza is how happy she has made me the past couple of months. The laughter. The endless nights of watching each other and talking. She wants that and I do too. She wants _me_. I never thought anyone would want me after I'd discovered Abbie had cheated, but Eliza does. I don't know why, and quite frankly, I'll never understand, but she does. She wants me, and she loves me.

That night when she came to my place, I couldn't bring myself to even look at her. Not because I was disgusted, but because her eyes told me how sorry she was. When I looked in those intense green orbs, I saw the complete heartbreak she had for the situation she had put us in. It just hurt more to see her that way, so I couldn't see her. I couldn't speak to her. Then she told me she loved me. _Wow._ Even thinking about it right now makes my stomach flutter. I knew how I felt about her, but I never imagined she would speak those words to me. Not anytime in the near future. I mean, this is all new for her. The relationship. The sex. The feelings. Knowing that she loves me completely changes all of this. It changes everything.

Making my way down the street, the ice cold air hits my face and it makes my eyes water a little. It's pretty cold tonight in Seattle but I'm used to it. If it isn't cold, it's raining. If it isn't raining, it's miserable and windy. Yeah, I'm used to the crappy weather, that's for sure. I've been walking the streets for almost an hour now, but it helps me to clear my head. It helps me to feel clearer about my thoughts and intentions where Eliza is concerned. The only thing I know for sure right now is that I'm doing the right thing. Heading where I am right now…yeah, it's totally the right thing.

Crossing the street, I pull open the heavy glass door and step into my best friends bar. I haven't told Eliza that I'm coming here tonight, but I'm sure she won't mind. She may feel a little awkward about my being here, but I'd just like to sit and watch her for a little while. Study her. Love her. She won't have much of an opportunity to talk to me, anyway, since this place is packed out, but I'll just sit out of the way and try to gauge her feelings on our situation. Glancing around, I step up to the bar and find her busy with other customers. Catching Alex's attention, he heads my way and gives me a smile. "Hey, what's up?"

"Figured I'd hang out here for a little while." I shrug. "Can I get a bottle of white, please?"

"Sure." Taking my order for me, I set down some cash on the counter and catch sight of an empty booth. "Anything else?" He asks as she sets down my drink in front of me.

"How is she?"

"Eliza?" He questions. "She's…quiet. Really quiet."

"Yeah, I've noticed that." I sigh. "Don't tell her I'm here, okay?"

"Sure. Whatever." He shrugs. "I'll come hang out with you soon, okay?"

"That would be nice." I give him a nod in agreement. "It would be good to catch up with you." Taking my bottle of wine in one hand, and my glass in the other, I weave through the crowd and slip into a booth. With the perfect view of my girlfriend from where I'm sitting, I pour myself a healthy measure and sit back in my seat.

 _Maybe watching her for a while is best…_

* * *

Okay, so I've been sat watching Eliza for way too long. The longer I sit here, the more I want to talk to her. The more I want to talk to her, the more I want to ask her to come back to my place after her shift is over. I'm not sure she will go for it, but I just want to sit with her. We don't even have to do anything. Talking is good enough for me right now. Talking will always be good enough for me right now. Toying with the wine glass in front of me, I release a deep breath and pour myself another. "Hey." Alex drops down beside me and gives me a smile. "You doing good here?"

"Sure." I shrug. "I've been better."

"She's been waiting for you to call her, Robbins." He nudges my shoulder and sips on his beer. "I know you probably don't want to know, but she has. She calls me to see if you and I have spoken."

"Of course, I want to know." I smile. "I just...should I ask her to come home with me tonight?"

"Do you want to?" He asks, his eyebrow raised.

"More than anything." I breathe out. "But I'm the one who asked for some space. Some time. What if she turns me down?"

"She won't." He laughs. "She is dying to spend time with you, Arizona. I know she is because you are all she talks about."

"Yeah?" My stomach flutters.

"Yeah. I had to stop her when she came by last night because I didn't know who was listening. You know?"

"Thank you." I smile as I pull him into a hug. "Does she know I'm here?"

"What do you think?" He rolls his eyes. "She asked if she could finish her shift because she didn't want to be here when she saw you."

"Why?"

"Because you asked for space and she said you deserve to be able to enjoy a drink in your local bar without her being in the way." _She's so perfect for me._ So perfect. "I told her you knew she was here and that it was okay."

"I'd never expect her to leave her job, even if we weren't together anymore."

"But you guys aren't…" He furrows his brow.

"We are...I just needed to process."

"And are you done with your processing crap?" He asks.

"Yeah." I nod as I stare at her intently. "I am." Her head lifting as she hands out a round of drinks, her eyes find mine and she gives me the slightest smile. Like, she doesn't know if she should or not. _I hate this._ I want to see her and I want to be with her so why am I still going home alone? Why am I still spending my evenings without her? "Alex, can you cover for her? I just need two minutes with her. Then I'll leave. Let her get on with her shift."

"Sure. Go for it." He throws his thumb over his shoulder. "Take all the time you need."

"Thank you." I give him a small smile and slip out of the booth. Heading for the bar, I find a gap in the crowd and step up to the counter. Catching my brunettes attention, she approaches me and clears her throat.

"What can I get you, Arizona?"

"Nothing." I shake my head. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"I can't." She gives me a sad smile. "I'm working."

"I've okayed it with Alex. I'll just be a minute?"

"Okay." She nods and heads for the other end of the bar. Following her, she disappears out back and after a moment or two, I disappear too. "What's up?" She asks, her brow furrowed.

"Come to my place tonight…"

"W-What for?" She stutters.

"Because I miss you, Eliza." I brush my fingertips across the back of her hand as I step closer to her. "I miss us."

"You do?" Her voice breaking, I give her a nod and she drops her gaze. "I thought you were going to tell me you didn't want to be with me. That I should leave…"

"No." I dip my head and she lifts her own a little. "I just…its almost Christmas and I don't want to spend another minute without you in my life."

"I don't understand." A single tear falls down her face. "Why would you want me back in your life? I hurt you…"

"You made a mistake." I sigh. "Maybe not even that. Just please come to my place. Please come home with me tonight?"

"If you're sure." She glances up at me. "I don't want you to think that I have to be there."

"We should be together, Eliza. If you can forgive yourself, then I need you to come home with me tonight. I just want to be with you. I'm okay. I'm not damaged. You haven't ruined me beyond repair. It was a kiss. A kiss that meant nothing."

"I never thought you'd take me back." She admits.

"I have to." I smile. "I have to be the one who erases her lips from your own." Now painfully close to her, I run my thumb across her bottom lip and her eyes close. "I have to be the one who you remember."

"I could never forget you." She breathes out.

"Good. I never want you to." Pressing my lips against her own, I guide her body back and give us a little more privacy. Kicking the door of the stockroom closed, I push her up against it and her breath catches in her throat. "Stay the night with me. Stay the weekend."

"Okay." She gives me a slight nod as my lips ghost over her own. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Eliza." My tongue running over her bottom lip, her mouth falls open a little and I slip it inside. Working against her own, she moans into my mouth and I can't help the smile that appears on my face. Her kisses are what I've missed the most. It's like every time her lips are on my own, she is breathing life back into me. She is telling me that I'm hers. "I want so much more with you." I smile as I pull back and rest my forehead on her own. "I want us to grow together. Learn from each other. I want that with you. I want so much with you."

"You're incredible." She smiles as she draws circles on the skin of my hip. "I just…I'm so sorry about last week. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you too much to ever want you to be hurting."

"It's done. It's gone." I smile. "We start again, okay?"

"We start again." She agrees. "This is just so hard, though." She admits.

"What is?"

"This. Loving you and not being able to tell anyone about us. Not being able to tell anyone how amazing you are. How gorgeous you are. It just…it's hard."

"I know." I give her a sad smile. "But so long as we know how we feel, nothing else matters."

"Yeah…" She sighs. "Can um, can we still spend New Year together?" Remembering that Alex made a comment about Christmas, I figure maybe I should bring it up.

"I'd love to spend New Year with you." I run my thumb across her cheek and tilt my head a little. "But why did you tell me you were headed home for Christmas?"

"I-I am." She stutters.

"No, you're not."

"It doesn't matter anyway." She shrugs. "You are going home."

"But you said you were going home too." I furrow my brow. "Are you or are you staying here in Seattle?"

"I'm staying here." She drops her gaze.

"Why?" I wrap my arms around her waist and she studies my face. "I don't want you to be alone…"

"It's no big deal." A slight shrug follows her words. "It's just easier to stay here, Arizona. Really, I'm okay with it." I hate this. I hate the thought of her being alone on Christmas day. It just doesn't feel right to me. I can't exactly take her home with me, though. Mom will wonder what the hell is going on. I mean, it's clear that Eliza is a lot younger than me, and my mother isn't stupid. "Stop thinking about it so much." She pulls me from my thoughts by placing a soft kiss on my lips. "I'll be okay, I promise."

"Yeah." I give her a small smile. "I'm sure you will." Clearing my throat, I step back and release her from my grip. "If you're sure?"

"I am." She nods. "I'll see you a few days later anyway, so it's not so bad." _I wish I was here with her, though._ "I should get back out to the bar. Alex probably needs me."

"Sure." I agree. "Would you mind if I hang out until you are ready to leave?"

"I'd love you to."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Twenty-One

* * *

ELIZA'S POV

* * *

She took me back. I don't know why or how, but she has and I swear I can never mess this up with us again. I can never hurt her like I did. I couldn't face that heartbreak again. That complete look of her heart being crushed on her gorgeous face. I didn't do this intentionally, and thankfully she believes me, but that doesn't make any of this any easier to take or any easier to deal with. She is without a doubt the love of my life, and I put her through that pain. I made her doubt us. Doubt me. I feel awful for allowing Sasha to kiss me, but Arizona is right. It is in the past. It's gone. It's done. We have to move forward and we have to be amazing like we have been since we officially got together. It's the only thing that matters anymore. At least, to me it is.

Straightening myself out, I climb the steps of her porch and knock lightly on her door. We always leave the bar separately and right now, I cannot wait to see her. Having her lips on me a little while ago reassured me, and yeah…I need some more of that. I need some more of how she tastes. How they feel against my own. How they make my heart pound in my chest like I'm about to skydive thousands of feet. I just need her. Arizona. The most amazing woman in this world. Her door opening, she looks adorable and as she steps aside and allows me in, I catch sight of the most incredible Christmas tree I've ever witnessed. "Wow…" I breathe out. "That tree is beautiful, Arizona."

"You like it?" Her smile widens and she closes the door before stepping up behind me. "I wasn't sure you would, but you do?" She asks.

"It's breathtaking." I move a little closer to it and study her intricate work. "It's gorgeous."

"Thank you." She approaches me and wraps her arms around my waist. "Figured we would need a tree…"

"Why?" I furrow my brow and turn my head a little. _We?_ "You won't even be here."

"Change of plan." She shrugs. "So, I kinda needed a tree."

"Why has there been a change of plan?" I ask, turning in her arms. "Is everything okay with your family?"

"Everything is fine." She nods. "I just decided to stay home this year."

"Because of me?" I ask, my eyebrow raised. "You should really be with your family…they're way more important."

"I've spent thirty-two Christmases with my family, Eliza. I think this year I'm allowed to miss it." She leans in a little closer and captures my lips. _She's staying home to be with me? Wow…_

"I don't want you to miss out on the chance to be with your family, Arizona."

"I can see them anytime I like." She gives me a sad smile. "You are not spending Christmas alone. No way."

"But I'm okay with that." I shrug. "I don't mind being alone. I chose to be alone. I could have gone home if I'd wanted to, but I chose not to. It really isn't a big deal."

"But it is to me." She admits. "It matters to me that you will be alone. It matters to me that I won't get to spend the day with you. It just…I want to do this, okay? Please just agree to be with me over Christmas."

"You're amazing." I smile. "I can't believe you would do this for me. I don't know why _anyone_ would do this for me."

"Because it's important to me." She brushes her thumb over my cheek and I lean into her touch. "I was lucky enough to meet you before Christmas, so I want to spend our first one together in the same city as you. The same bed as you. Just…with you."

"Thank you." I place a soft kiss on her lips. I never expected her to drop her plans for me, and honestly, the thought had never even crossed my mind, but she has and I find that incredible. It only makes the love I have for her even stronger than it was a few minutes ago. It only makes me want to spend my life with her even more. "Do you think maybe we could cook dinner together?"

"I'd love to." She nods. "Just…would it be okay if Alex shared dinner with us? It's totally fine if you don't want to and I haven't even told him I'm staying home yet, but he spends it alone every year…"

"I'd love Alex to join us." I agree. "I know he doesn't really have anyone other than you."

"He sees you as a good friend too, you know?"

"Yeah?" I smile. "He is a great guy, and a great boss."

"He is." She guides me over to the couch and pulls me down beside her. "He is definitely one of the good ones." Settling down between her legs, she wraps her arms around my body and places a kiss below my ear. "I've missed you so much, Eliza." Her breath making me feel a little warm inside, I place my hands on her own and tighten my grip. "This week has been weird. I've not felt like myself."

"I'm sorry." I sigh. "I messed this up and I just wanted you to have the space that you wanted. It was only fair that you should be able to think without me around you."

"I know, but I still hated it." She admits as her hands slip up and under my tee. Her fingertips caressing my skin, my body shudders against her own and I release a slight sigh. "Sorry, did you want me to stop doing that?" She stills her movements, a little hesitation in her voice.

"No." I grip her wrists. "Don't ever stop doing that. It feels nice."

"You sure?" She resumes her movements and a slight smile curls on my lips.

"More than sure." I nod. "Can we stay like this for a little while?"

"We can stay like this all night, Eliza."

* * *

Still settled between Arizona's legs, her soft breathing against my neck is comforting and I'm not sure I ever want to move from the position that we're in right now. It's perfect. Everything about this evening has somehow turned out perfect. Crazy, I know, but I'm embracing it and I'm taking what I can get. She may wake up tomorrow and feel completely different, so yeah…I'm taking all of this right now. She has been playing with my hair for a little while now, and every time her nails graze my scalp, my body shivers. Every time she touches me, I feel like things are getting a little better than before. I don't know how she has it in her to be so forgiving, but I guess that's just who she is. I mean, she seems like someone who would forgive people, but I'm not sure I deserve her forgiveness. I did the unthinkable, even if it was unintentional. Even if I didn't know it was about to happen. It happened, and no matter how you dress it up, I kissed another woman. I kissed another woman when Arizona was at home thinking about me. About us.

I've been trying not to think about it, but its hard. It's hard because I know how hurt she was by my actions. I know how hurt she was when she heard April in the corridor on campus. I know I cannot beat myself up about it forever, but I'm struggling to come to terms with my actions. I'm struggling to even think about anything else right now. "Are you okay?" She leans in a little closer and her breath washes over my ear. "Either you're sleeping or you're thinking…"

"I'm okay." I glance up at her and smile. "Just enjoying being here with you."

"Wanna talk about anything?" She asks. "Whatever is playing on your mind?"

"Not really." I shake my head slightly. "Unless you wanted to talk about anything?"

"I just don't want you to keep feeling bad, is all." I appreciate her words, but its easier said than done. It really is. At least, that is how I'm feeling right now. I feel like I'll never get over this feeling.

"I'm trying not to," I admit. "But its kinda hard to do."

"I know, but we are going to be okay, Eliza. You have to focus on that. On us." Pulling my body up her own a little, she presses her front against my back and trails her lips up my neck. "You are so beautiful, and I understand why _everyone_ wants you…but you're mine."

"I'm sure that's not true." I blush. "Nobody ever wants me…"

"I do." She smiles against my ear. "I'll _always_ want you."

"I've noticed." A slight laugh falling from my mouth, I turn in her arms a little and my eyes find her own. "What exactly do you see in me, Arizona?" Studying her face, she doesn't take her eyes off of my own, but a small smile appears.

"I see so much in you." Her lips pressing against my own, she smiles against my mouth and tugs at my bottom lip. "You make me feel like I'm the only woman in this world, Eliza. Like I'm the only one you see. I'm sure that isn't the case, but it's how you make me feel. I don't think I've ever felt that way before. I don't think I've ever felt so strongly about another woman, my ex-wife included."

"But you were happy with her." I furrow my brow.

"I was." She gives me her honest answer. "But once I'd met you. Once I'd spoken to you and realized that you made everything feel pretty intense around me, I knew that I'd been settling in my marriage. I knew that I was supposed to divorce Abbie, and I knew that you came into my life for a reason. You told me how you felt when you were supposed to."

"You really believe that?" I smile. "You really believe that I can make you happier than she did?"

"I do." She nods. "Because the way you make me feel is nothing short of amazing. The way you make me feel makes me want to leave my job and just be open and out there with you. You make me feel like I've always wanted to feel. Loved. Cared about. You've brought things back to me that I didn't even realize I'd lost. The flirting. The teasing. The hours and hours of sex. I know those things may not be important to some people, and I know that this is all new, but I didn't realize those things were missing from my life until you brought it back. Until you made me feel incredible when you put your hands on me."

"Wow…" I breathe out. "I didn't expect that. This."

"No?" She furrows her brow. "Why not?"

"I guess just because I'm a lot younger." I shrug. "You know when I first met you, as my professor?" She gives me a nod. "I thought about being with you. I thought about holding your hand and kissing you. I thought about waking beside you. Then I realized that you wouldn't want someone like me. Someone who is so much younger and has so much to learn about life. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm more mature than most my age, but every time I thought about the possibility of there ever being an us, that would come back to the forefront of my mind, and I was just torturing myself. I was just hoping for something that I knew would never happen."

"But it did." She smiles as she laces our fingers together. "It happened, Eliza."

"I know." My voice breaking a little, I roll my eyes and try to control my emotions. "It still feels crazy weird, though."

"It won't always feel that way." She gives me a sad smile. "Once we figure things out, we will be amazing. I mean, we already are…but once everything can be out in the open? God, it will be incredible."

"You think?" I raise an eyebrow. "You think you will still want to be with me by the time I graduate?"

"I know I will." She nods. "I'm not letting you go, Eliza." Turning fully, I rest my body on her own and she shifts down onto her back. "Things won't always be perfect and I know that at times it will get a little hard or become too much, but we just have to remember the end goal. We just have to remember what we have to look forward to, and everything will be okay. We will be okay."

"God, I hope so." I place a kiss on her jaw. "I just can't allow anything on campus to mess us up. You know, the people I hang with…"

"You are a student, Eliza. I wouldn't ever expect you not to see your friends. You need people other than me in your life."

"They're not really my friends." I shrug. "I mean, April is…but the others? Not really."

"But you still need them in your life." She states. "I just wish I could tell Sasha to back off."

"Don't worry about her." I press a kiss to my girlfriend's lips. "There is no way she would ever do what she did again. I wouldn't allow her to. I wouldn't _ever_ put myself in that situation again, and I can promise you that."

"I trust you." She replies. Complete certainty in her voice. "I'll always trust you. This was just something that happened. It's university. People get like that. I don't like what happened, but it isn't as bad as I thought it was. It meant nothing to you and that is all I care about. So long as I know there are no feelings there anymore, I'm okay."

"There were _never_ any feelings there, Arizona."

"You guys dated, though…" She furrows her brow and I cup her face with both hands. "I don't understand…"

"I was trying to get you off of my mind," I admit. "I know I shouldn't have used her like that, but I figured if I tried, I would be okay."

"Did it work?" She narrows her eyes and smirks. "Did it get me off of your mind?"

"Nope." I laugh. "It made things worse. It made me want you even more. Like, when she held my hand, I thought about how you could do that so much better. When I sat in class trying to avoid you, I found you hotter than ever before. The hotter I found you…the more I thought about getting you into bed. God, I was a mess, Arizona. A complete mess."

"I'm sorry you felt that way." She drops her gaze.

"I'm not." Her eyes shoot back up and find my own. "Because once we ended up together? God, that was all kinds of hot." I smile. "Like, I'd thought about touching you for so long…and when it happened, it was like I'd died and gone to heaven."

"Yeah?" She bites down on her bottom lip. "Was it really _that_ good?"

"I have no words for how good it was." I shake my head. "Being with you is often indescribable, though."

"I love your honesty." She grips the back of my neck and pulls me in a little closer. "I love how you are totally open and honest with me. It's perfect."

"Honesty is the most important thing in a relationship, Arizona." Pressing my lips to her own, I run my tongue across her bottom lip and she releases a slight moan. "And, since I'm being honest right now, I'd sooner take this to the bedroom."

"Yeah?" Her eyes brighten. "Y-You want to continue this?" _Uh, why the hell wouldn't I?_

"Of course, I do." I give her a look of confusion. "Unless you didn't want to."

"No." She sits up on her elbows. "I just wasn't sure how we were doing this right now is all. If you want to get me naked, that can totally happen." Her eyes darken a little. "On one condition, though?"

"What's that?" I raise an eyebrow.

"I get to have you naked, too." Climbing off of her, I pull Arizona up to her feet and our bodies connect. Smiling into a kiss, she lifts my tee up and over my head. "I have to have you naked beneath me, Eliza." She whispers a little breathlessly. "I need to feel you. It's all I've wanted all week."

"Do it." I moan as she unclasps my bra and it falls to the floor. "Take me to bed, Arizona."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	22. Chapter 22

*****NOT SAFE FOR WORK*****

 **Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Twenty-Two

* * *

ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

Waking to the sound of my cell buzzing on the floor, I crack one eye open and feel around for the device that has rudely woken me up. My eyes catching sight of the time, it's a little after ten in the morning and it's a Saturday so I don't know why anyone would be trying to contact me right now. I mean, the only person that usually contacts me is here with me, so yeah…I'm totally lost right now. Groaning as my fingers connect with my cell, I bring it up to my face and furrow my brow.

 ** _You're late for class, Miss Robbins…._**

It is Saturday, right? I mean, last night was Friday so I'm pretty sure today is Saturday. Why would Eliza be texting me to tell me I'm late for work? And why isn't she in bed beside me? _What the hell is going on?_ Am I drunk? Am I losing my memory? Sitting up in my bed, my body screams at me when I remember the hot and steamy night we have just had. _Wow, that was intense._ I don't know what got into my girlfriend last night, but I'm not complaining. She was all kinds of hot and I'm not entirely sure I'll ever be the same again. I mean, I didn't even know I was that flexible. Turns out I am, though, and the positions she had me in last night…just wow!

 ** _It's Saturday. Why are you up? Why aren't you beside me? Where are you? Xx_**

 ** _I said…you're late for class…_**

Okay, I'm done with this game. Whatever the hell this game even is. Stretching out a little, I climb from the bed and pull on my robe. It's a little cool in here this morning, but I'm sure my girlfriend will warm me up when she has explained her stupid messages. I swear if she has woke me up for the sake of it, I'll kill her with my bare hands. I really will. She knows I like to stay in bed until midday on Saturdays, and usually, she is quite happy to do the same. Seems that isn't the case today, though. _Great!_ Cracking my neck, I think I've slept in an awkward position, but that's okay…my body was in some pretty crazy positions last night, anyway.

Heading out of the bedroom, the smell of fresh coffee pulls me towards the staircase and I slowly head down. I swear I used muscles that I didn't even know I had last night. God, she was like a fucking animal. She really was. I'll take that, though. I'll take whatever she gives me. Literally. My feet hitting the lower level, I round the corner and head for the kitchen. Stopping dead when I find my girlfriend leaning against the counter, my eyes close and I try to breathe through this feeling I'm getting right now. "Holy shit!" I whisper.

"You're late." She scoffs.

"L-Late for what?" I stutter as her heels, or rather my heels, click on the floor. "Eliza?" Biting my lip when she drops my glasses over her eyes, I squeeze my thighs together and she fists her hand in the front of my robe.

"Professor will do just fine." Her lips ghosting over my own, my center throbs with want for this woman standing in front of me. Yeah, she's wearing my heels and my glasses, but she is also wearing my tight white shirt and my very hot skirt. My skirt that is barely covering her thighs. "Sit down." She throws her thumb over her shoulder as she releases me from her grip. "Now!"

"Oh god…" I whisper as I head for the seat located next to the dining table. The dining table that seems very empty right now. It's usually filled with my paperwork and semester timetables, but this morning…it's completely bare. Approaching me, Eliza slips her hand up and under my robe and smiles as she leans in a little closer.

"Naked, huh?" Taking my bottom lip between her teeth, she tugs, and smiles. "Just how I like my student."

"Fuck." Her words swirling around the space between us, I drop my gaze and watch as her hand moves further up and dips between my legs.

"And soaked, too?" She raises her eyebrow. "Have you been thinking about your professor?"

"Y-Yes." I swallow hard.

"And?" She shrugs. "Is she hot? Is that why she has gotten you so fucking wet?"

"So hot." I groan as she removes her hand and tugs on the silk material holding my robe in place. "What the hell are you doing to me?"

"Teaching you a lesson." She spits, her legs now straddling my naked lap. "Do you know how to fuck your professor, Miss Robbins?"

"Oh, I think I made that more than obvious last night." I smile. "If I remember right…" I force my hips up against her. "...I fucked you so hard that you begged me to stop."

"Mm, but what happens when I return the favor?" She raises her eyebrow. "Can you take it? Can you take me? All of me…"

"You know I can." My hands finding her hips, I push her down against me and she grinds against my center. "You know I can take anything you give me…"

"Mm, and I need more of you." Her own words causing her to groan and attach her lips to my neck, I slip my hand up the skirt she is wearing and I smile to myself when I realize she isn't wearing any underwear.

"So beautiful." I moan against her ear before taking her earlobe between my teeth. "And incredibly sexy." Pressing my thumb against her clit, she rocks against my hand and I quickly pull away from her.

"Teasing, huh?" She gives me a dirty smile and I could come right now. "You know what teasing will get you?" She asks.

"What?"

"It will get you everything…" Climbing off of me, she pulls me up to my feet and my robe falls from my shoulders. "Against the table, now." Motioning towards the dining table, my center throbs like never before. "Do it…now!" Turning, she pushes my body down against the cool wood and my breath catches in my throat. Spreading my legs wider, she lifts my right leg up onto the table and I swear I've never been so open for anyone else in my entire life. Her center pressing against my own, I moan in appreciation and drop my head between my shoulders. "You like morning classes, huh?"

"Love them." I breathe out. Her heels clicking against the floor, she trails her fingertips up the back of my thigh and I'm not sure I can hold my body up for much longer. I'm surviving on Eliza alone right now. "Baby…" I whimper as she grazes the back of her hand over my soaked sex. "I need you…"

"Do you have any idea how hot it is when your professor fucks you?" A finger slipping inside me from behind, I bite down on my lip and close my eyes. "Do you have any idea how intense it gets when you know that the woman who is fucking you better than anyone else ever could…shouldn't be doing it?"

"Fuck…"

"Forbidden." She whispers against my back. "Wrong." The tip of her tongue running down my spine, I shudder. "That woman…that teacher…she just can't keep her hands off of you, though, so you take it." She moans as she sinks her teeth into my ass. "You take it like the good student that you are…and before you know it…she is pounding you into her bed. Into her couch. In her shower. Fuck, she just takes you wherever she sees fit and there is nothing you can do about it."

"Baby…" A second finger pushing inside of me, my face is now flush with the table my body is resting on.

"There is nothing you can do about it because she is the boss. She is the one who is supposed to know better." Sinking deeper inside of me, Eliza is making me feel incredible right now. "You can't stop her from fucking you because she knows what is best, right? She knows what you need. When you need it. That's what a professor is for, huh? To guide you in the right direction. The direction of her bed…where she can secretly have her way with you, over and over and over again. Fucking you until the sun comes up. Taking everything from you..."

"Oh god."

"You can't stop her from fucking you because it feels so damn good every time she sinks her fingers into you. Every time she toys with your clit. And her tongue…god, her tongue is something else." She increases her thrusts a little and my body rocks against my dining room table. "She fucks you exactly how you need to be fucked…and to me, that's the best professor in the world." Slamming into me, my walls tighten and pull her fingers deeper inside. "So, do you know Arizona? Do you know how it feels to be taken by your professor in the secrecy and privacy of her own home?"

"N-No." I whimper as she pulls out of me. _Fuck, don't stop now._ Turning my body over, I'm now flat on my back and she is climbing onto me and straddling my stomach. "But I do know what it's like to be that professor." My hand slipping up Eliza's skirt, her eyes close and she takes her bottom lip between her teeth. "You want it from my perspective, or?"

"Y-Yeah." She gives me a slight nod, her hand resting between my breasts.

"I know what it's like to sit in class watching you and be so aroused that if I move…I'll come." Her eyes opening, they're almost black. "Imagining you fucking me against my desk. Imagining me fucking _you_ against my desk." Her own soaked sex grinding down on my stomach, I narrow my eyes a little and I know that she is loving this. I know that this is turning her on more than ever before. Seeing her in my clothes, though, in my heels, my glasses, fuck…I'm beyond aroused right now. Popping a few buttons on the shirt that is hugging her body perfectly, her black lace bra comes into view and my own body is overcome with complete want for her. For my girlfriend. My student. "And you know, sometimes I want to fuck you so hard on campus that you scream my name for everyone to hear."

"You thrive on the idea of being caught." She moans as I pop the final button on her shirt. "Makes you wet, doesn't it, Professor Robbins?"

"So wet." I breathe out. "But seeing you like this?" I smile as my fingers connect her clit. "This is incredible. You have no idea how you make me feel…" Climbing off of me, she stands upright on my table and her legs are now either side of my body. Her toned calf muscles contracting as she steadies herself in my heels. Hearing them click against the wood, she moves further up my body and rests her hands on her hips. I have the most amazing view of her center right now, and she is standing literally over my head. "Fuck…" Lifting my hand, I drag my nails down the back of her thigh and she crouches down. "Oh god." My eyes closing when I know what exactly is about to happen, she gets to her knees and her soaked folds are only millimeters from my mouth. "Shit, I want to taste you so bad right now."

"Be my guest." She smiles down at me. Pulling her down against my mouth, my tongue runs through her arousal and I swear I've never experienced wetness like it. "Fuck." Moaning as I work her good with my tongue, I suck her clit into my mouth and she slips my shirt from her shoulders. "Fuck that feels good." Rocking against my mouth, I bring my hands around the back of her and loosen the zip that is holding my skirt around her gorgeous waist. Gripping her ass once I'm satisfied that she will be able to slip out of it once she stands, I force her against my mouth harder and my tongue pushes inside of her. "Oh god." Her hands braced either side of my head, she rides my mouth and I swear she is going to come hard. I need to taste her. I need everything she has to give me. "A-Arizona…" She moans.

"Touch yourself," I mumble against her center. Her fingers weaving between her legs, she presses hard against her clit and her thighs tighten around my head. "Mm…" The vibrations of my hum doing exactly what I expected, her body stiffens and she writhes against my mouth. I could eat her up all day long given half the chance. She tastes so good…and honestly, I'm convinced she was made for me. She makes me feel incredible. Breathless. In love.

"Fuck, oh god." Lifting off of me, she stands and slips my skirt from she beautiful hips. Her bra quickly following, she is now wearing nothing but my glasses and my heels. "Get on your knees." She demands, her breathing still labored. "Now, Arizona." Doing as she asks, my body is aching for her. I'm totally hers right now, and I wouldn't want it to be any other way. "Fuck, you're dripping." She runs her fingers up the back of my thigh before pushing two deep inside of me. "You are _the_ hottest woman on this planet…" Slowly massaging my walls, she slips a third finger in and I moan in appreciation. "...and you're all mine."

"Fuck, yes." I gasp. "Yes, I am." Slamming into me, she drags her fingers down my walls and curls them a little. "Oh, fuck." My stomach tightening, she rocks her body against me and I'm not sure anyone has ever been this deep. "Take me like you mean it, Eliza." My head dropping on my shoulders, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep my body in this position. She's killing me right now. But what a way to go, huh? "More…" I slam my ass back into her hand. "I want more from you…don't you dare disappoint me now."

"Disappoint you, huh?" Slipping a forth in, all breath leaves my body and she sinks deeper and deeper.

"Such a good student." I moan as she slowly thrusts in and out of me. "So good…"

"I love taking you like this." She leans her body over me and presses a kiss below my ear. "So tight but so good around me."

"Oh god. Don't stop." That familiar feeling building in my stomach, it's getting a little harder for her to move inside of me, but I'm not worried. I'm going to come so hard that I couldn't care any less about anything than I do right now. "Fuck me good, Eliza." Her free hand gripping my hip, she pulls me back against her hand before pushing me forward a little. "So hot." I groan as my walls throb. My entire body throbs.

"You wanna come, huh?" She asks. "You wanna come so hard that I'm all you can think about for the rest of the day?"

"Y-You're all I think about anyway…" I pant. "But is this how you imagined me? Us?" I ask. "When you thought about me for months on end…did you imagine fucking me like this, Eliza? From behind…filling me like no one has ever filled me before. Making me yours. Screaming your name. Fucking me so good that I'll never want anyone else?"

"Oh god." She breathes out as she slips her hand under my stomach and her fingertips connect with my clit. "Fuck, Arizona."

"Is it?" I smirk as I glance over my shoulder, my body begging for release. "So wet that it's slipping down my thighs right now? Did you ever imagine you'd make me this wet? This aroused?"

"N-No." She admits. "But god…it's all I'll ever think about for the rest of my life." Her thrusts increasing, my orgasm approaches and I swear my body is about to hit the table. "Come for me, Professor Robbins."

"Oh fuck." Allowing my orgasm to take over, she pounds into me and my eyes slam shut, my mouth falling open. "F-Fuck, O-Oh…shit, I-I, baby, I'm co-coming." A scream ripping from my throat, she doesn't let up. She continues to slam into me until she knows I can't take anymore. Just like I did to her last night. Over and over. "Shit, Eliza." Gripping her wrist, she slows her movements and my body falls flat on the table I've just been taken on like never before. "Shit." My chest heaving, my body rises and falls from the table and she drops down beside me, her face now flush against the table, too. "I-I…"

"Morning, beautiful." She gives me one of her best smiles and drapes her arm over my back.

"I don't even…" Closing my eyes, I smile and her breath washes over my face. This woman is everything I could ever want. She is everything I could ever need in my life. My ex-wife? She is nonexistent as far as I'm concerned. Like, my marriage didn't even happen. "I just…"

"You just what?" She smirks as my eyes open. "You just come so good for me?"

"I love you…"

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Twenty-Three

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ELIZA'S POV

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Oh my god. She said it. She said the words. She said she loves me. _Wow._ I don't even know what to do with any of that right now, but she's staring at me and I'm staring at her. Complete silence settled between us, she studies my face and narrows her eyes a little. I know she is trying to figure out what I'm thinking, but even I don't know what that is right now. I mean, she said it. She said those three words to me. Like, did she say them in the way I want her to say them or was it just something that fell from her mouth in a best friend I love you kinda way? I'm so confused right now and I'm not entirely sure why. Why would she love me? I'm just me. I'm not anything special. I'm not wealthy or successful with a career. I'm a freaking student. A student who has a past her girlfriend doesn't even know about, and a mom who doesn't know what day it is most of the time. Yeah, nothing whatsoever is special or loveable about me. Nothing.

"Eliza?" She pulls me from my thoughts. "Say something…"

"Why?"

"Why what?" She furrows her brow.

"Why do you love me?" A slight laugh falling from my mouth, she sits up on her elbows and gives me a gorgeous adorable smile. "Do you even have a reason?"

"Is there supposed to be a reason?" She asks. "Can I not just love you because I love you?"

"Well, yeah…I guess. But, you mean you love me like a friend, right?" Giving her a knowing look, she drops her gaze, a look of total confusion on her beautiful face.

"No, not like a friend…" She sighs. "Is that what you meant when you told me you loved me?"

"What? No." I laugh. "I love you because that's how you make me feel, and it certainly isn't in a friendly kinda way."

"So…" She draws out. "Why would you think I love you like a friend then?"

"Because I don't know why else or how else you would love me." I sit up and grab her shirt from the table. Slipping it over my shoulders, I run my fingers through my hair, pulling it up into a messy bun. "I'm just a student, Arizona."

"No, you're not." She sits up and takes my hands in her own. "You are my girlfriend and if I say I love you…it's because I do. You don't have to spend all of your time thinking about it or the reasons why…just let me love you."

"You really love me?" I furrow my brow. "Like, you aren't just saying it because I said it to you?"

"No, baby." Giving me a sad smile, she lifts my hand and places a soft kiss on my knuckles. "I said it because I mean it. I love you, Eliza. I love you so much."

"Yeah?" My smile widening, my face is actually hurting right now.

"So much." Pulling me into a kiss, she smiles against my mouth and everything feels a little crazy right now. I mean, this wasn't a part of my plan this morning when I woke up. The hot sex, yes…but it ending with an I love you from my girlfriend? My super hot professor? No. That was never in my plans...or my future. "You make me feel absolutely crazy whenever you are around." She admits as she runs her thumb across my cheek. "Everything about you is incredible, and I had to tell you how I felt."

"Thank you." I smile. "Just…for everything. For being you. For being honest about how you feel."

"I'll always be honest with you, Eliza." She replies. "And I know that you will always be honest with me, too."

"Yeah." I drop my gaze. "I guess it's time, huh?"

"Time for what?" She asks as a look of worry sets in her gorgeous blue eyes.

"My past." I sigh.

"Oh." Her eyes widen. "No, that isn't what I meant. I just…I meant about us. Always being honest about us. I'd forgotten you had even told me you had a past. I mean, we all have a past, so I guess I just didn't think of it as a big deal." _I hope she thinks that once I've told her._

"Maybe tonight we could talk?" I suggest. "Order in and just spend the night together. Unless you had plans?"

"My plans will always be based on you, Eliza, and I'd love to spend the night with you."

"Okay." I give her a genuine smile. "Maybe we should get some breakfast? Pretty sure I worked up your appetite."

"Mm, you worked something up." She pulls me into another kiss. "I'm not entirely sure it was my appetite, though." Climbing down from the table, I focus on her gorgeous ass and she knows I'm watching her. "What got into you?" She asks as she grabs her tone and shrugs it over her body.

"You." I throw her a wink and climb down from the dining table. " _You_ got into me."

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Today has been perfect. I mean, our morning was kinda strenuous but we are both so relaxed right now that I'm not entirely sure I'll ever leave Arizona's place. The fire is lit, the Christmas tree is shining around her living room, and I'm settled between her legs. The past few months have been surreal for me. I mean, I'm at my professor's place and we are in love. Sure, I've been in this way longer than she has, but she told me she loves me. Arizona Robbins loves me…me. I still haven't come to terms with it, and I'm not sure I ever will, but today has been so amazing that it's felt totally normal to be here.

Sometimes I worry that we are going to be caught, but in this moment, I don't care. I know I should and I know that it's Arizona's career on the line if anyone ever finds out, but God…she makes me feel like this is all totally right. How can anyone ever tell us this is wrong? Settled like this, how can anyone ever try to take something so beautiful from us? I don't understand. I don't understand how anyone could ever tell us that being in love is wrong. It's something I'm actually struggling with right now if I'm being totally honest. I know I should just be in this moment. Appreciate it. I just hate the thought of ever losing her. I hate the thought of ever not being with her. I know this isn't always going to be as perfect or as easy as this, but I need it to be. I need it to be predominantly good. Amazing, even. I want happiness for us both, and spending the entire day with her like I have today only makes me want that more. Breakfast together. Lunch. Making out whenever the mood takes us. Talking for hours on end. I just want this with her. I know she wants it too. She doesn't really discuss the prospect of anyone finding out about us, but I think she worries, too. I can see the uncertainty on her face around campus. I can see the fear in her eyes if I look at her a particular way, and honestly, it breaks my heart.

It breaks my heart but being like this is good enough for now. I mean, it has to be so there is no use thinking about anything else. How we are is how we both know it has to be. No matter how much we hate it. No matter how much we want to walk down the street together or see a movie together. It will all come good in the end, and that's what we have to focus on.

Her fingers running through my hair, I sigh and run my thumb up and down her thigh. She's so snuggly and I'm not sure I could ever imagine anyone else's arms around me after being like this with Arizona. I'm not sure I could ever imagine anyone else in my life at all. She makes me feel so much that some days I wonder how I ever came to be here. I wonder how I ever told her how I felt some months ago. Like, imagine if I hadn't told her? Imagine if I'd left and this was never how we ended up? God, it's too much to even think about.

"What are you thinking?" She places a kiss below my ear and smiles against my skin. "Anything going on in that head of yours?"

"Just thinking about you." I grip her hands as she wraps them around my waist.

"Good things, I hope…"

"Only ever good things." I nod. "Kinda weird how this year is ending, don't you think?"

"I couldn't agree more." A slight laugh leaving her mouth, her chin rests on my shoulder and silence falls between us. I know I have to tell her about my past…my reasons for moving to Seattle, but I'm scared. What if she doesn't want someone like me in her life? What if she doesn't want to listen to my awful old habits? She is way too good for all of that. The drink. The drugs. I don't even know where to begin. "Say it, Eliza…"

"Say what?" I glance back at her and furrow my brow.

"Whatever it is you are thinking about." She gives me a reassuring smile. "It doesn't matter what you have to say…I'm not going anywhere."

"I'd like to believe that…" I sigh. "But you shouldn't say things like that without hearing me out first."

"Oh come on…" She rolls her eyes. "It can't be that bad."

"Maybe not." I shrug. "But I was in a bad place. I just…I need you to remember that."

"Hey…" She captures my lips. "I'm not here to judge you."

"I know you're not." I give her a genuine smile. "I let things get on top of me." I clear my throat. "You know when dad died…I just didn't know where to turn. What to do with myself."

"It must have been hard." She gives me a sad smile. "And I'm sure you were trying your best to hold it all together."

"I was." I breathe out. "I was trying so hard not to fall apart, but it was too much. College. My mom. Losing dad. I know my friends were there for me, and I'll always be grateful for that, but I turned my back on them when I needed them most."

"What happened?" She asks, her voice soft and her hand gripping my own.

"I just lost control, Arizona. Of my life. My mind. My body. I lost complete control and in the moment, it felt good. I wasn't worrying. I wasn't anxious or unsure about where my life was headed. Simply because I didn't care. I didn't care if I lived or died at one point."

"Oh, Eliza." Pulling my body back against her own, she squeezes me tight and it feels good. I feel protected. Nothing I say to this woman will make her hate me. I can feel it. I can feel the support and the love she has to give me.

"First it was just drinking," I admit. "I was seventeen and I used to stay over at my best friends house all the time. I used to watch her sister coming home late and drunk, but she looked so happy. She looked like she was having the time of her life. I wanted in on it. I wanted to be drunk and happy."

"And were you?" She asks.

"At first, yeah." I smile. "I was. I was happy and nothing around me mattered. My dad's death and anything else that was going on…it all seemed irrelevant. I couldn't change it and I couldn't bring him back, so I drank. I drank and I partied and I had the time of my life."

"Until?" She questions, a little worry now evident in her voice.

"Until I turned to drugs." I clear my throat. "It was just a little weed at first. You know, someone else was smoking it and they'd offer it to me."

"Okay…" She nods.

"It knocked me at first because I was still drinking whilst smoking it…but I got used to it. I got used to the feeling of being completely numb. It was nice. It was nice to not feel anything other than nothing." It's true. That feeling of complete emptiness was what I thrived off. Some days I forgot dad wasn't even around anymore. "Then came the pills. I'm not entirely sure I even knew what they were but they took my emptiness to a whole new level." My girlfriend shifts a little uncomfortably behind me and I know she doesn't like what I'm saying. She wanted to know, though, and it's too late to take any of this back now. "I didn't last long taking pills, thankfully. I didn't like them."

"Thank god." She breathes out.

"Some days I was so out of it that I didn't feel safe. I didn't feel like I could take care of myself if I had to. You know, if something happened, would I be in control of myself?"

"Did something happen?" She asks.

"No." I shake my head. "Well, it almost did."

"I don't like where this is going." She shakes her head and clears her throat.

"It's okay." I squeeze her hand. "One of the girls we used to hang out with was always trying to get into my pants. It was common knowledge that I was gay, but that didn't mean I wanted to sleep around. As you already know." I give her a small smile. _I'm so happy Arizona was my first._ I'd never change our moment for anything in this world.

"Mmhmm." She agrees.

"I guess she thought she saw her opportunity one night." I shrug. "She was handing me pill after pill at a house party she had taken me to but after my first one, I didn't feel so good. I'd already decided I wanted out of that lifestyle, so it wasn't so hard for me to stop after just one."

"I'm so glad you recognized what it was doing to you…to your body."

"Me too." I smile. "I'd taken myself off to one of the rooms to lie down for a little while. We'd been drinking all night and it was early hours. Probably around 2 am. I woke up with her on top of me. I guess she figured I was totally out of it, you know?"

"Who the hell does that to someone else…" I can hear the anger in her voice but I have to push that to one side right now. She doesn't need to be angry. I'm okay.

"I stopped her right away. I don't think she expected me to know what was going on. She was on another planet…but I felt kinda bad for her. I shouldn't have ever been at that party, but I was and I cannot change that. I cannot change any of my past." Feeling my girlfriend relax behind me, I know she was expecting to hear the worst. "As you can probably imagine…we were no longer friends."

"Mm…" She clears her throat. "And if I ever get my hands on her, I'll fucking kill her."

"Whilst I love how hot protective you is, you don't have to worry about her." I sigh. "Katie overdosed almost two years ago."

"No…" My girlfriend shakes her head. "Don't say…"

"Yeah." She drops her gaze and I'm not sure she can take in any more information right now. Arizona looks like she has aged ten years in the thirty minutes we have been talking. She looks fried by it all. "She tried to stop and she tried to get her life together, but she was in it way longer than I was. So much longer."

"I'm so proud of you for getting yourself out of that situation, Eliza." Nuzzling her face in the crook of my neck, she inhales deeply and I thinks about to hug the life out of me. "So proud."

"I put myself in that situation, Arizona. I only had myself to blame for anything that happened whilst I was in that constant state of unawareness. I don't deserve for anyone to be proud of me."

"But look at you now…" She pulls back and smiles. "Look how great you are doing. You're working. You have your own place. You are my best student…"

"And I'm here with you." I smile. "My life couldn't be any better."

"No, I came along way after you fixed yourself, Eliza."

"But I don't ever want to go back to that lifestyle." I sigh. "I don't ever want to even think about that lifestyle anymore. I mean, now that you know, I have to reason to ever speak about it again. Just…thank you for not pulling away."

"I'm here for you." She presses a kiss below my ear. "I hope you know that."

"I do, and I know as long as I have you in my life…I'll always be okay."

"Yeah?" She asks. "You really believe that?"

"Arizona, you told me you loved me this morning…my life couldn't be any better. I couldn't be any more okay than I am right now."

"I do love you, Eliza." Turning in her arms, I settle down between her legs and run my fingers through her hair. "I know you didn't expect to hear me say it, but I do. I love you and I want a future with you…"

"You've no idea how much that means to me." I press my lips to her own. "You've no idea how much _you_ mean to me." There may be a few other things about my past that she doesn't know, but right now…it's irrelevant. It won't make anything better or worse, so she doesn't need to know. We are okay, and that is all that matters. Our love. Our relationship. "You've no idea how much I love you…"

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	24. Chapter 24

*****NOT SAFE FOR WORK*****

 **Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Twenty-Four

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ARIZONA'S POV

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I'm not going to lie…I wasn't expecting my girlfriend to tell me what she did, but it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change anything at all. I mean, I feel a little weird knowing that she used to use drugs, but I don't know her in that state, so I cannot judge her. I know her how she is right now, and that is perfect. She is perfect. For herself _and_ for me. I cant say it ever even crossed my mind when she told me that she had a few things in her past she needed to tell me about, but I'm glad that she trusts me enough to tell me. I'm glad that she sees me as being important enough to know those things about her. It makes me feel even more loved by her if I'm being totally honest. Those things she told me are the kind of things that you keep to yourself when you meet someone. You keep them to yourself and you hope to god that they never come back to rear their ugly head. Eliza didn't do that, though. She was open and honest and it doesn't surprise me really. She has always been honest with me about everything since we met, and I wouldn't want it to be any other way. I wouldn't want her to feel like she couldn't open up to me if she needed to say something. If she wasn't happy. If she felt like we weren't moving in the right direction. She has to know that I'm here for her honesty. She has to know I'm here for _her_.

Rounding my desk, I clear my throat and my entire class fixes their gaze on me. They've settled down a lot as the semester has gone on, and now we are running like a well-oiled machine. The ones who were once wary of me are now open and willing to ask for help, and the ones who were once a pain in my ass have weirdly turned their grades around. I mean, I'm not here to be the bad guy…I'm just here to work with them and support them. Teach them. Thank god they are all finally realizing that. "Okay, guys. Get yourselves out of here. Enjoy lunch. Do whatever it is that you do…" Leaning back against my desk, I fold my arms over my chest and watch them stand and pack away their books. Eliza is staring at me, and the longer she does, the less I want her to leave my space. I never want her to leave me, but I know she has things to do. "Miss Minnick, do you have five minutes?"

"Sure." She shrugs. "What's up?" Approaching me, she glances around and smiles when she discovers everyone else has left the room. Turning her body a little so that anyone walking by can't see, she places her hand on my thigh and my eyes close. "Did you need something from me?"

"N-No." I breathe out, my heart pounding in my chest. She was right the other day when she asked if I get off on the thrill of being caught. I do. I guess it's the whole idea of breaking the rules. "I just, uh…" Clearing my throat, I open my eyes and I find her biting her lip. "C-Can I see you in my office?"

"Mm…" She narrows her eyes. "Not sure I'm available."

"That's a shame," I speak barely above a whisper as she trails her fingertips further up my thigh. "C-Can I see you tonight then?"

"Figured that was a given." She smiles. "What did you want to see me for?"

"I just missed you," I answer honestly. "But you have stuff to do so you can leave if you need to." Looking back over her shoulder, she seems satisfied that nobody is around and turns back, pressing her lips to my own. Her hand squeezing my thigh, she pulls back and gives me a full smile. "God…" I breathe out.

"Maybe I do have a little time on my hands."

"Yeah?" I ask, my center throbbing with want for this woman in front of me. "I wouldn't be distracting you from any work?"

"Only your own." She shrugs as she creates a little between us. "But…" She bites down on her bottom lip. "…You can help me study tonight."

"Sure. I can do that." I give her a nod in agreement.

Stepping closer to me again, she leans into the side of my face and runs her tongue up my ear. "But it has to be naked _and_ in bed."

"I need you to meet me in my office in ten minutes, Eliza." I'm soaked right now, and I need to not be in a public place. I need the privacy of my office because I swear, if someone walks in here right now, the fact that I'm undressing my student with my eyes would be obvious to the entire world. "You better be there." I give her a knowing look.

"Why?" She raises her eyebrow. "Going to punish me if I don't show?"

"Don't even test me on that." I clench my jaw as I stand and my sex screams for relief. "Be in my office in ten." Grabbing my belongings, I push past her and I hear the slight laugh that she releases. She makes me absolutely crazy and there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing whatsoever. If I didn't love and want her so much, it would infuriate me, but god…she is absolutely incredible, and she is mine.

* * *

Tapping my foot against the floor, Eliza is really pushing me right now. It's been well over ten minutes and I know she is doing this to get me even more wound up than I already am. She knows exactly what she does to my body, and it's my own fault for not trying to control myself better than I do. I mean, honestly…I have zero self-control where she is concerned but that is all on her. She makes me want to lose control. She makes me want to be a totally different person around her. _God, I would let her control me right now given half the chance._ Reminded of our morning encounter a few days ago, I can feel the red tint creeping up my face but I cannot stop it. I cannot stop thinking about how she fucked me against the dining table. I cannot stop thinking about how she rode my face and then screamed my name. I cannot forget her taste. Her sound. Her moans. Fuck, I need her now.

"Deep in thought, Professor Robbins?" My eyes opening, I find Eliza standing in the doorway to my office. "Did you still want to see me, or?"

"Get inside," I demand. "And lock the door."

"Now…" She pushes off the doorframe. "How are your students supposed to look up to you if you have terrible manners?"

"Get inside, Eliza…" I give her a knowing look. "Please!"

"That's better." She gives me a sarcastic smile. "What's the problem, Professor Robbins?" Her back turning as she closes and locks my office door, I'm on her in seconds. Her front pressing against the door, I force my own body against her back and her ass grinds back against my center. "Mm…someone is a little handsy today." Slipping my hand inside her jeans, I cup her center through her panties and a slight gasp leaves her mouth.

"I need to feel you, Eliza…" My breath washing over her ear, she forces her ass back against me once again and I swear she is doing unimaginable things to my body right now. "Move away from the door," I whisper. "Against the wall." Pulling her body towards where I want her, she grinds against my hand but I quickly slip it out of her jeans. "God, you are so incredibly hot in here."

"Mm….breaking the rules, Professor." Turning her in my arms, her back connects with the wall and my lips crush against her own. "But breaking the rules makes you even hotter."

"God, I want to touch you so bad." Her hands disappearing from my shoulders, she pops the button on her jeans and kicks off her shoes. Flicking the light off, she tugs them down her thighs and steps out of them. "I'm going to finally live out one of my fantasies." I smile against her mouth. "And I'm going to love every second of it."

"Do it, Arizona." She tugs on my bottom lip. "Fuck me and fuck me good." Wrapping my hands around the back of her thighs, I lift her and she wraps her legs around my waist. Trapping her body between my own and the wall, she bucks her hips against my stomach and I know that she needs some sort of relief. "Touch me…" She moans in my ear. "Please, touch me."

"You need me, huh?" My lips work the skin of her neck. "You need me to fuck you?"

"So much." She groans as I press my thumb against her clit. "Oh, fuck."

"You have to be quiet," I smirk. "I know it will be hard for you, but we could get caught."

"Mm…and that just makes this off the scale sexy." She wraps her arms around my neck and I push her panties to one side. "I need you deep." She whispers in my ear. "I need you so deep inside of me."

Seems I'm in the perfect position to do that, so why not? Why not give my girlfriend exactly what she wants? She deserves the world, and if all she needs from me is some loving, then she can have it all. Gathering her arousal, I can feel it coating my fingers and it only makes my own center wetter. "So wet for me…" I moan as I push two fingers into her. "And exactly how I imagined this would be."

"Yeah?" She sinks down onto my fingers. "I feel good, huh?"

"Incredible." I push deeper and her breath catches in her throat. "Like silk."

"Oh god…" Fresh arousal coating my hand, I've never been so into anyone in my entire life. I've never been so in love and so happy ever. "That feels amazing." She pants as she lifts her body a little and slams down onto my hand again. Curling my fingers, her hips rock and I know she is close to release. I know she is close to coming for me. "Fuck, yes." Bucking against me, I push my thumb against her swollen clit and her grip around my neck tightens.

"Fuck, you're so tight." Her nails digging into my shoulders, I don't let up. My arm is burning and my knees are screaming at me to drop this woman I'm holding up, but I can't. I need her to come for me and if I have to hold her up forever, I will. "You love your professor fucking you, don't you?"

"God, yes." She whimpers.

"You love being controlled." I smile against her ear. "Being taken however I like."

"F-Fuck, Arizona…oh god, don't stop." She gasps and writhes.

"You love how deep I am inside of you right now…" I moan as her walls squeeze my fingers tighter with every word I speak. "Knowing anyone could be standing outside that door…but you just want to be fucked don't you, baby?"

"I-I do." She speaks, barely above a whisper. "I-I, Oh fuck…I'm c-coming, Arizona. Fuck, I'm coming…" Her body stiffening and her legs wrapping tighter around my waist, I push her into the wall a little harder before I actually do drop her. Her face nuzzling into my neck, her breathing is labored and her chest is heaving. "Shit…" She breathes out. "That was amazing."

"I know." I smile as she pulls back and finds my eyes. Crushing her lips into my own, my body molds into hers and I place one hand flat against the wall to the right of her head. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Dropping her leg from my waist, I bring my hand up to my mouth and run my tongue up my fingers. "Oh god." She groans as she watches me take in her juices. "T-That…" Shaking her head, she bites down on her bottom lip and turns me around. "Bend over." Her words causing me to smile as I place my hands flat on the desk, she trails her hand up and under my skirt and grazes the inside of my thigh as she does. "No panties?" She asks.

"I knew I'd have you in here today…" I breathe out, her fingers running the length of my center.

"How long have you been thinking about fucking me, Professor Robbins?" Toying with my entrance, she dips a single digit inside and my body begs for more. It always does when she is around. Just watching her makes me aroused beyond belief.

"Forever…" I admit.

"I can tell." She pulls out of me and enters me with two fingers. "Soaked." She groans as she sinks deeper and deeper. "Was this a part of your fantasy?"

"O-Of course." I stutter as my body jolts forward and she massages my walls. "You feel so good inside of me…how could it not be a part of my dreams?"

"Mm…" She agrees. "How do you want it?"

"How do you want to take me?" I glance back at her over my shoulder and her eyes are black. "Huh?"

"Hard and fast." She states. Her eyes fixed on her fingers that are slowly moving in and out of me.

"So do it." I turn away from her and the sound of my soaked sex is the only noise that can be heard. "You can see how wet I am for you, Eliza…just fuck me how you know I want to be fucked."

"My pleasure." She moans as she slowly pulls out only to slam back into me.

"Shit." All breath leaving my body, she pounds into me like never before. I don't know where this side of her comes from, but fuck me…it's all kinds of hot. "M-More," I beg.

"Mmhmm…figured." She grips my hip and adds a third finger. Pulling me back against her hand, fresh arousal pours from my center and I cant hold off for much longer. I need to come. I need to feel that intense high she gives me and I need to feel it right now. "Feel good?"

"Y-Yes." I pant as she pounds me into my desk. "So good." My stomach tightening, I slip my own hand between my legs and press my fingertips against my clit. "F-Fuck, Eliza…harder." I plead. "Fuck me harder." Her movements and her pace picking up, her strength inside of me feels like I'm in heaven right now. She knows exactly what I want and exactly how I like it. Nobody has ever taken the time to truly know what I want in the bedroom, but this woman has totally made that worth the wait. "S-So close…"

"Come for me, Arizona." She whispers. "I want to feel you."

"Oh god…" My eyes closed, my mouth hangs open and I have nothing left inside of me. My body slumping against the desk, my chest is flush with the hardwood and she is slamming into me from behind. "Y-Yes, don't stop."

"Never." She replies. "I'll never stop this." Curling her fingers a little, she hits that spot that drives me absolutely insane and my breath catches in my throat. My own movements between my legs stopping, I come hard and thankfully…silently. "Take it, beautiful."

"Shit." I don't even know where I am right now, but the world could be watching and I wouldn't care. Gripping her wrist from behind, I slow her movements and she pulls my body up from my desk. I'm all for a little pain with pleasure, but not in my office. Not like this. She is more than welcome to fuck me until I beg her to stop…but at home. In bed. "Eliza, god."

"You okay?" She slips out of me and I groan at the loss of contact. Pulling my back against her body, she presses a kiss below my ear and my skirt falls back into place.

"Y-Yes." My breathing still a little unsteady, she holds onto me and her lips never leave my skin. "You've no idea what you do to me." I turn my head a little and capture her lips. "Indescribable."

"Anything to make you happy…"

* * *

 **Thanks for reading guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Twenty-Five

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ELIZA'S POV

* * *

This weekend has been the actual worst of my life. Arizona and I have just spent the most amazing week together and then she had to leave for a conference. A conference that has become the bane of my fucking life. I'm lost. I'm genuinely lost. I worked Friday and Saturday night just like I usually do, but I still missed her. I missed her because I wasn't going back to her place. I missed her because she wasn't sitting at the end of the bar watching me. I missed her because I haven't heard her voice other than down the phone. I just...I hate this and I miss her. That's really all there is to it. Of course, we have talked and texted at every given opportunity, but I want her here with me. I want her in my arms. Beside me. Laughing. Loving. I mean, I didn't think I could ever miss a person so much but yeah…I totally do. I miss every single thing about my girlfriend and the sooner tomorrow comes, the sooner I can unmiss her. _Is that even a thing?_ I'm not sure it is, but that's what I'm aiming for.

Glancing down at my biology books, the words don't even make any sense to me tonight. I've been staring at the same page for at least twenty minutes and none of it is going in. My brain isn't working. Well, it is…but it's working overtime for Arizona and that's where it ends. My best friend has been here for a few hours now and she's been kind of a distraction. I don't want distractions, though. I just want Arizona here with me. Nobody else matters. Nobody else even comes close to her company and I can't exactly kiss my best friend to make up for the loss I'm feeling. Grabbing my cell from the floor beside me, I pull up our recent conversation and tap the screen.

 ** _I miss you…_**

It's almost seven in the evening and Arizona is probably back at her hotel room right now. She is leaving first thing in the morning so I won't see her until I reach campus and that just makes all of this even worse. I mean, I want to wake up beside her. I want to watch her sleep like I usually do.

 ** _I can't wait to see you…_**

Smiling at her response, April catches me grinning at my phone and raises her eyebrow. "Sorry, just one of my friends from back home."

"Sure." She narrows her eyes. "Didn't think you kept in touch with any of them."

"I don't really." I shrug.

 ** _Do you have any idea how much I've missed you? A x_**

My heart skipping a beat, April is talking but I'm not hearing her. I'm not listening. I'm too focused on my girlfriend right now. I need to keep talking to her until she falls asleep. I don't want to miss a minute. I don't want to miss a single second. "But you seem pretty happy to hear from her…"

"I am." I nod. "I love hearing from her."

"You two have a thing, or?" I glance over my shoulder and she is standing above me. "Seems like you do." _Fuck!_ "She missed you, anyway."

"No, we are just good friends." I lock my cell and it buzzes again. Deciding not to open it just yet, I motion for April to return to her seat. "Maybe we should get on with some studying?"

"Tight-lipped, huh?" She laughs. "You should just take your messages. I won't bother you again."

"That's okay. I can get them later." I wave off her suggestion. "It can wait."

"But if you don't reply, Professor Robbins might think you are avoiding her." My heart sinking into my stomach, I don't even have a response for that. I can't even begin to come up with anything in my defense.

"Don't be ridiculous." I laugh as I concentrate on my biology book. "Why the hell would it be Professor Robbins?"

"Because I'm not stupid." She smiles. "She signed it with an A. We all know her name is Arizona."

"Is it?" I play stupid. "I didn't know that…"

"Of course, you didn't." She rolls her eyes. "You know, you are a terrible liar."

"April." I sit up and turn around, bringing my knees up to my chest. "Why would Professor Robbins send me a text message?"

"I don't know."She shrugs. "You tell me?"

"Okay, you aren't making any sense. You cannot assume that a professor is sending me messages because it was signed with an A. Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?"

"Nope, but do you have any idea how guilty you look?"

"I'm not doing this." I hold up my hands. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you that _nothing_ is going on."

"Fine." She sighs. "If you can't trust me enough to tell me the truth, I'll keep quiet."

"Trust you?" I raise an eyebrow. "You are the one who told me I couldn't pursue her. You are the one who constantly told me how wrong it was. _You_ are the reason I stopped the infatuation I had going on."

"Yeah, but I didn't think you would." She laughs. "You were in so deep that I didn't think you would listen to anything I said." I know she is trying to get me to talk, but it isn't going to work.

"Well, I did," I state. "I realized that it couldn't and wouldn't ever happen, so I listened to you and I stepped away from the situation."

"I'm proud of you." She gives me a genuine smile. _And now I feel terrible for lying to her._ "You made the right decision."

"Yeah." I agree. "I did the right thing." Clearing my throat, I return to the work in front of me and try to push April's suspicions from my mind. I'd love to be able to tell her what is going on with Arizona and I but I can't. I just can't risk it. I can't risk anything that could put her job on the line. I'd never do that to her. As much as I hate this all being done in secret, I agreed to it. I agreed to it and I have to accept it.

* * *

Stretching my body out, I glance at the time and find that it's almost nine. I don't have much left in me in terms of studying, but April looks like she's on a roll. Standing, I head into the kitchen and grab myself a bottle of water from the refrigerator. "Want one?" I call out to my best friend and she gives me a smile. Grabbing another, I head back to my living room and hand it over before dropping down onto the couch. "I think I'm done here for the evening, but you are more than welcome to continue." Powering up the tv, I check my cell and I'm disappointed to find nothing from my girlfriend. She's probably getting ready to head off to bed, but I wanted to call her. I can't exactly do that whilst April is here, though, so I'll have to settle for the rest of the evening via text message.

 ** _Still missing you…_**

Throwing my cell down onto the couch beside me, I glance at April and find her watching me. "What?" I furrow my brow.

"Waiting for a call?" She smiles.

"Nope." I shrug.

"You know, a lot of the staff from campus went to a conference this weekend…"

"So?" I give her a look of confusion. "Am I supposed to be aware of that?"

"You aren't usually available on a Sunday evening." She clears her throat. "And you've been sitting here all night checking your cell."

"Seriously, this again?" I scoff. "When will you give it up?"

"Eliza…you can be honest with me. I'm not going to judge you." Sitting forward, she rests her elbows on her knees. "Are you dating Professor Robbins?" _Yes!_

"No." I can't bring myself to tell her the truth. I have to speak to Arizona before April knows anything. She has to be okay with it before I tell anyone anything. Anything at all. "Just stop thinking that something is happening between us. It really isn-" Cut off by a light knocking on my door, I furrow my brow and April shrugs. "Did you invite anyone else over?"

"No, I thought about inviting Sasha, but I know you are still mad at her for kissing you so I figured it was best to leave that alone for a little while."

"Mm, good call." I laugh. "I'll just be a minute." Standing, I head to the door and pull it open. My heart dropping into my stomach, Arizona is standing in front of me and I don't even know what to do. I cant close the door on her, but April is about to turn around and I know it. I know I'm not lucky enough to get away with her appearing and April being totally unaware.

"Hey…" She smiles. "I know I wasn't due back until the morning and I know that you are probably settled for the night but will you come to my place?"

"I-I, uh…" My eyes widening when I feel movement behind me, I turn and April has a smug grin on her face. "What can I do for you Professor Robbins?"

"I came by to return your book." She's panicking. I know she is. Good thing I am too so we aren't in this alone right now. "But, um…I can come back."

"Don't leave because of me." April jumps into the conversation. "We were just studying, so Eliza could probably use that book right now."

"Right, yeah…" Arizona furrows her brow. "Seems I left it in my car."

"Why don't you just come inside?" April suggests.

"What for?" My girlfriend asks.

"Well, we all know you aren't here to hand over a book, Professor Robbins." Come on, April…just back off. "Maybe some coffee?" She asks.

"No, thank you." Arizona turns into professional mode. "I should go." _Please don't._ I don't want her to leave. She has only just got here, so no…I definitely don't want her to leave.

"Coffee is on offer if you'd like to come in." She can see the pleading in my eyes and drops her gaze. "If you aren't busy."

"I guess I could." She clears her throat. "Did you ladies need any help with your studying?"

"No." I smile. "But since you're here, you may as well come inside." Stepping aside, she brushes past me and I know she is feeling awkward. I know she is, because I am, too. Watching April follow her further into my apartment, I could scream right now. If I'd known Arizona was returning early, I'd have made sure April was gone way before now. _Damn it._ I'm never going to get any time alone with her now. Not tonight, anyway.

"I need to use the bathroom." April smiles. I know she is telling me she knows about us and she is giving us a moment alone to get our story straight, but I hate this. I don't like being weird with my girlfriend. It's just odd. Watching my bathroom door close, I step up to my girlfriend and she looks like a nervous wreck.

"Hey…" I smile. "I didn't know you were coming by. I just…"

"I should go." She drops her gaze. "I really shouldn't be here."

"Why shouldn't you?" I furrow my brow. "You are my girlfriend. Of course, you should be here."

"This wasn't in our agreement." She shakes her head. "I should have just called you when I got home."

"Agreement?" I raise an eyebrow. "I didn't know we had some sort of legally binding contract with our relationship."

"That's not what I mean." She reaches out and takes my hand in her own. "But this is a bad idea."

"She knows," I state.

"What?" Those gorgeous blue eyes widen. "You told her? Why the hell would you do that?"

"Uh, I didn't…but it's good to know how much you want this to be a secret." I spit. "It's good to know we are in this together."

"Don't do that." She gives me a knowing look. "You know how much I love you, Eliza but I can't have other students knowing about us."

"I didn't tell her."

"So, how does she know?" She raises her eyebrow.

"I don't know." I shrug. "But I swear I didn't tell her, Arizona." My grip on her hand tightening, we suddenly pull apart when April comes back into the room.

"I'm heading home, Eliza." She begins packing away her things. "I'll see you tomorrow, though, okay?"

"Oh, Miss Kepner…" Arizona grabs her purse from my kitchen counter and approaches my best friend. "You don't have to leave. I have to get home, but thank you for the offer of coffee." My heart sinking into my chest, I fear that this may all crumble around me. Arizona seems totally different to how she has ever been around me and I know she is scared. I know she is questioning all of this. I don't like this feeling I have.

"No, I have to go." April smiles and switches her gaze to me. "Enjoy your evening, ladies." Throwing me a wink, Arizona's mouth hangs open and April heads out into the hallway. The door closing, I'm frozen in my spot. I'm frozen because I don't know how Arizona is feeling and honestly, I don't suspect it will be a good feeling.

"What has just happened?" She furrows her brow as she turns to face me.

"I-I don't know." I shove my hands into my pockets and drop my gaze. "But I know you want to leave so you should just go."

"What?" She shakes herself from her thoughts.

"I can see that you don't want to be here, so go Arizona." My voice breaking, I place my head in my hands and she drops her purse to the floor.

"Hey…" Her arms wrapping around my waist she pulls my body into her own. "Are you asking me to leave because you don't want me here, or are you asking me to leave because of how I've just reacted?"

"I don't want you to leave…" I shake my head. "But I don't want you to think that we have to do this if it's going to affect your job. Your position on campus."

"Do what?" She furrows her brow.

"This. Us." I clear my throat as I try to keep my emotions in check. "I should have known that this would never be simple. I should have known that this would happen…"

"Y-You're breaking up with me?" She drops her hands from my body and steps back a little. "You're leaving me? Us?"

"It's for the best." I give her a sad smile. "You freaked when I told you my best friend knew about us, Arizona. Imagine how you will react if anyone else finds out?"

"I just…no." She shakes her head. "I just didn't expect it, is all."

"Will you ever expect it? Are you just waiting to be caught, or?"

"I don't know what I'm feeling." She admits. "But I do know that I came home early because I missed you…" Inching a little closer, she is a little hesitant. "I missed you and I just want to be with you."

"I missed you, too." I give her a sad smile. "But this is always going to be a worry for you. I mean, April is my best friend and she wouldn't ever tell anyone, but you started talking about agreements and whatever else and I don't want us to be like that. Surely you have someone in your life who you can tell about us? Surely I'm allowed the same thing?"

"I'm sorry." She leans back against the counter and pulls me between her legs. "I know this is just as hard for you, so I'm sorry."

"I haven't confirmed anything with her, Arizona. She just knows."

"I guess you should confirm it then, huh?" She raises her eyebrow. "If you are sure she wouldn't ever tell anyone, then she should be your person in all of this. I have Alex, and you should have someone."

"You don't have to be okay with this, but I think it's only fair. April would never, I swear."

"Okay." She nods. "I trust your judgment."

"I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt you, Arizona, but if you think that this is going to be too much for you…I need you to tell me. I need you to tell me so I don't get any more attached to you than I already am."

"Eliza…" She gives me a sad smile.

"It would kill me inside, but I need to know."

"I wouldn't ever leave you." She runs her thumb across my cheek. "No matter how bad it got, I wouldn't do that to you. You mean so much more to me than that."

"You say that now, but what if we do get caught. What if someone does see me at your place or you coming here?"

"Then we will deal with that if it happens." _When it happens, more like._ "We will deal with it together, because there is no way I'm losing you, Eliza. I just…I can't. You are all I've thought about since I went away and it's only been a weekend. It's been a weekend and I felt like I couldn't breathe without you."

"I didn't like being away from you," I admit. "I didn't know what to do with myself."

"Just...I love you, okay?" She presses a kiss to my lips. "I love you more than any job or career." _Wow…not what I expected her to say._ "Now, am I staying here or are you coming to my place?"

"I'd rather be at your place." I shrug. "But we can stay here if you like?"

"If you want to be at my place, then my place it is." She nods. "Grab what you need and I'll hang out here for you." Dropping down onto my couch, she runs her fingers through her hair and I still don't feel too great about what has just happened. I mean, I understand that she is worried, and she has every right to be…but I'm torn. I'm torn because I don't know what is the best thing to do. I don't know anything right now. My cell buzzing on the couch beside my girlfriend, she glances down and picks it up. "It's a message from April."

"Open it," I demand.

"It isn't my cell to read, Eliza." She tries to hand it over to me but I back away. "Are you sure?"

"More than sure." I nod. A small smile curling on her lips, she releases a deep breath and I finally take my cell from her hands.

 ** _I'm happy for you. Just be careful...both of you. See you tomorrow. April x_**

"That's one person who is supportive of us." She smiles and rests her head back. "Maybe this won't be so bad after all."

"Yeah…" I sigh. "Maybe."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Twenty-Six

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ARIZONA'S POV

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I've got a bad feeling about last night. I've got a bad feeling about all of this. I know I told Eliza that I trust her judgment, and I do, but this is still hard for me. It's hard for both of us, but I'm the one who will lose my job if April slips up. I'm the one who will have no career at the end of this if anyone ever finds out about us. I meant what I said to Eliza, though. She _is_ more important than any job. She is more important than anything to me right now. She's brought me back to life and I'll be forever grateful for that, but this is still going to be tough. It will be tough and I fear that Eliza will run. She has tried to run before, and I can't allow that to happen. If we are going to work, we have to be beside one another. If we are going to come good at the end of this, she has to be what I need her to be. She has to understand that this isn't just a normal relationship right now. I hate it, but it's not. Nothing about how we are is normal. Nothing about secretly meeting at our places could ever be considered normal behavior. I want so much for the both of us, but if I'm being completely honest, I don't believe my future will be with her. I don't believe she will still be here if and when we are caught out. Why? Because she is too scared that she is going to hurt me. Instead of just going with this, she is too caught up in what will happen. I am, too, but I love her enough to know that I want this. I love her enough to know that she is the one I want to be with.

I've thought about bringing it up with her, but I'm not even sure where to begin. I'm not sure how to even start that conversation. I mean, do I just tell her that I don't believe she will stay when things get hard? Only last night, she told me to leave. She tried to break up with me. She tried to erase me from her life because I was a little freaked out by what April said. Sure, I could have gone about it a different way, but I had every right to worry. I had every right to question what her friend knew and how she knew about us. If she has worked it out, who else has done that? Who else is watching us and waiting for one of us to slip up? Surely others have noticed. Eliza has repeatedly told her best friend that nothing is going on between us and she still didn't believe her. So, forgive me if I think that this is going to go wrong somewhere along the way.

I just don't know what to do. I'm sitting here in my kitchen whilst my student is upstairs showering, and yeah…I really don't know what to do. She only has until the summer before she can be whoever she wants to be, and I'd like to think that we could keep it to ourselves until then. I'd like to think that we can both come out of this okay. It's what? Seven months or so…seven months and we can do as we please. Seven months and we can share dinner together outside of these four walls. It seems a long way off, and yeah, it probably is, but it's doable. Surely.

Sipping on my coffee, I can hear movement upstairs and I know I should be leaving for campus already. I know I should be preparing for my Monday on campus. I just don't have the brain power to even move from my seat right now. I don't have the energy to head to work. I just want to sit here and make a plan for the next seven months. I want to sit here and figure this all out so we can be perfect together. I just…I need to do something that will tell me that this is all going to be okay. There wasn't much conversation last night once we got back here from Eliza's place, so I don't really know how she is feeling. I don't know what she is thinking. Glancing up at the staircase, I find my girlfriend slowly approaching me and I run my fingers through my hair. "You have everything you need?" I ask, a small smile on my face.

"Yeah." She nods. "Um, about last night…"

"What about it?" I study her face. "It happened and now we have to move forward, Eliza. I mean, you trust your best friend and I have to accept tha-"

"I think we should see less of each other." Her words falling from her mouth faster than I have time to process them, she clears her throat and grabs her rucksack from the floor. "Just…think about it."

"W-What?" I furrow my brow. "You want to see less of me?"

"I think it's for the best." She sighs. "I mean, you can still come by the bar and stuff. Just…we should avoid all of this. Me waking up at your place. You unexpectedly turning up at my place…"

"I wanted to surprise you," I reply, my voice barely above a whisper. "I just…I missed you and I wanted to surprise you." Dropping my gaze, I stare into the cup of hot black liquid my hands are gripping and shake my head. "I'm sorry…it won't happen again."

"I just think we should cool this a little, Arizona." She admits. "No more office meetings. No more teasing in the classroom."

"So, basically no more us?" I scoff. "Right." I nod. "Got it."

"That's not what I'm saying." She shakes her head as I stand and grab my belongings for the day. "Arizona?"

"I think you've just said all there is to say." I give her a sad smile and she just stares at me. "You know, for someone who needed _me_ to be all in, _you_ seem to be the one struggling with that."

"Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to watch you stand awkwardly in my kitchen last night? Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to see you acting like nothing more than my professor whilst my best friend was there?"

"Well, you don't have to worry anymore." I grab my keys from the table by the front door. "I'll back off and leave you to get on with your life. I'm clearly not what you want if you are willing to stop all of this."

"Arizona…please don't say that." She grips my wrist but I pull away.

"Just remember one thing, Eliza…" My anger getting the better of me, I stop and take a breath. "I'm not going to sit around waiting for you to decide what you want so don't expect me to be still here and single when summer comes." Shaking my head, I've never felt so low or disheartened in my entire life. I know we had things to talk about, but it seems she has made those decisions without me. It seems I wasn't important enough to be consulted. "You should leave. You'll be late for your classes."

"Please don't leave." She begs. "We need to talk."

"About what?" I scoff. "You have just told me that you want to cool things…"

"And I do." She agrees. "Just until we don't have to hide anymore."

"You do that then." I smile. "You cool things and do what you want. Do _who_ you want. I'm out of this." I hold up my hand as I approach the door. "I can't cool things with you. I'm glad you think it's as simple as that, but for me…no. I love you and I want you now, but we clearly aren't in the same place."

"I just don't know what to do." She sighs. "I don't know how to do all of this without things going wrong for you. For us."

"And you no longer have to worry about that." I step out onto the porch. "Go and live your life, Eliza. I don't have the time or the patience for this back and forth from you. I just wanted you, but well…I guess we are done here." Giving her a final glance, I head down the drive and slip into my car. My heart breaking at the thought of not seeing her outside of class anymore, I close my eyes and give myself a minute to collect myself before I fire up the engine. I do love her, and I think in some way, I always will…but this won't work. Not when I see her once a week or whatever it is she wanted to do. I'm in too deep to avoid seeing her, so maybe this is for the best. Maybe ending this is for the best. I appreciate her worry where my job is concerned, but there is no other way around this. It no longer matters, anymore. None of our worries matter because she is no longer mine.

Last night I was telling her that I wouldn't ever leave her, but she still insists on worrying about my job. She still insists on getting caught up with the what ifs. I cant live that way. I love her and I want her in my life, but I cannot be with someone who doesn't want to be around me. Her love for me should trump any worries she has, but instead, it is pushing me away. Instead, it _has_ pushed me away.

* * *

Stepping into my best friend's bar, I've had the day from hell and I know it's only going to get worse. I know that the longer this day goes on, the more I will miss Eliza and the more I will think about the prospect of sleeping alone tonight. She has tried to talk to me throughout the day but I've avoided her. She wanted to see less of me, so that is exactly what she can have. She has no reason to see me outside of class, and unless she requires help from me with her work or her study, she has no reason to contact or make conversation with me. I'm her professor, and that is how it is staying. Pulling myself up onto a stool, Alex approaches me and gives me a smile. "Hey, Robbins."

"Hey…" I give him a small smile. "Scotch."

"Oo, what's that about?" He asks. "Eliza not giving you what you want?"

"Not anymore, no." Running my fingers through my hair, I settle back in my seat and glance around. It's pretty quiet in here right now, but it's a weeknight and it's only five. "Can I just get that drink?"

"Sure." Bringing a glass up, he places it on the counter in front of me and fills it with his finest scotch. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Nothing to talk about." I take the glass and sip on my drink. "She wanted to cool it a little so I ended us. It's as simple as that."

"She wanted to cool it?" He furrows his brow. "Why?"

"Because she seems to have some fucking commitment issues." I scoff. "I don't know, Alex. She just…she runs at the first sign of trouble, so I stopped it. I walked away before she had the chance to try and run again."

"Wow." He breathes out. "You guys were supposed to be spending Christmas together."

"We were supposed to spend our life together, too, but that fucked up didn't it?" Knocking back my drink, I motion for another and he refills my glass. "Is it me?" I ask. "Am I the problem here?"

"Why would you be the problem?" He laughs. "Maybe the whole age thing is an issue." He shrugs. "If she keeps running, I'd say she's too immature for you…"

"She's anything but immature." I shake my head. "She's perfect, Alex. I just…she is scared that I'll lose my job and I get that, but why can't she see that I'm not as scared as her. I mean, it's my career but I'd still choose her over it if the time came."

"You'd actually do that?" He asks, his eyebrow raised.

"I would." A small smile curling on my lips, my mind takes me back to the times we've shared together. "Love is more important than anything, Alex."

"You love her?"

"Mmhmm…" I nod as I sip on my drink. "And she knows it, too."

"Wow, she's messed this up, huh?" He scoffs. "Maybe it's for the best. You don't need all of this in your life. You don't need to be unsure about what's going on with you guys."

"And that's why I ended us." I sigh. "I never wanted it to happen, but her best friend knows about us and I freaked a little last night."

"I'm not surprised." He nods.

"But I was kinda over it by this morning. You know, like there isn't anything I can do about it…so yeah, I was over it."

"And…"

"And she just said that we should see less of each other." I shrug. "That to me tells me that we would have broken up anyway. I mean, who wants to see their girlfriend less? Who wants to only occasionally see the woman they _supposedly_ love?"

"I get that." He rests his elbows on the bar counter. "So, that's it?" He raises his eyebrow. "You guys are over?"

"Yeah…" I sigh. "We are." My cell buzzing in my pocket, I pull it out and glance down at the screen. It's Eliza, but I don't know why she is messaging me. I don't know why she is still contacting me.

 ** _I'm at your place…_**

 ** _Go home!_**

Shaking my head, I set my cell down on the counter in front of me and Alex studies my mood. I'm glad I have him in my life. He's always honest with me. He always helps me with my issues. This is one hell of an issue I have going on right now, though.

 ** _I wanted to talk. E x_**

 ** _No thanks._**

 ** _Please, Arizona? E x_**

 ** _Go home, Eliza. I won't be back at my place tonight so you are wasting your time sitting there._**

 ** _So I'll come see you? E x_**

 ** _No, you won't. I'm busy._**

Dropping my cell back down on the counter, Alex leans over and takes my hand in his own. He can be an asshole ninety percent of the time, but he is always there for me. He always has my back. "You wanna hang out here for the night?"

"I don't know." I shrug. "Do you offer free liver transplants with a night of heavy drinking?" Giving him a knowing smile, Alex fills my glass once again and I know it's going to be a long night. A night that I hopefully won't remember. "Thanks for being a good friend." Simply shrugging, he moves away and takes orders from his customers. I don't know what my future has in store, but I'll be okay. I always am. I mean, I have to be. I have to get on with everything else around me and maybe one day, my love life will fall into place. Maybe one day, I'll find myself an Eliza that doesn't run. That doesn't want to spend less time with me. Maybe one day…I'll be happy.

That one day has been and gone, though. It's gone because I was happy with her. Until last night, I was unbelievably happy. Maybe even the happiest I've ever been. Driving home from the conference, my stomach was in knots because I'd missed her so much. I just wanted to see her and be with her. Yes, I should have contacted her first, but my heart was ruling my head and I had to see her. I had to surprise her. Maybe it's a good thing that April was there. At least now we know what would have happened when that time came. At least now, I'm not going to get hurt down the line. Before I'm impossibly deep, I pulled myself out. I pulled myself out and it's time to move on…again.

My cell buzzing against the counter, I furrow my brow and lift it. It's a message from my ex-wife. My ex-wife who I haven't heard from in a while.

 ** _Hey. I know you hate me and I don't blame you, but can you be a friend right now? Can I come by and see you? Abs x_**

 ** _What's up?_**

 ** _She's gone, Arizona. Mom has gone. Abs x_**

My heart heavy, we both knew this day would come. My ex-wife's mom has been battling cancer for some years now but she deteriorated even before we had split up and ultimately divorced. I was very fond of her, and yeah…I can be a friend to Abbie right now. We may have ended on bad terms, but her mom was her life. Just like my mom is my life. I wouldn't ever allow anyone to go through something like this alone, so the least I can do right now is be there for her. Someone to talk to. Someone to get angry at. I'm a good friend when people are in need, and she is in need. I don't feel anything for her where love is concerned, but I wouldn't let her go through this alone. I'm not that kind of person.

 ** _I'm at Alex's bar. I'll have a drink ready for you…_**

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcomed and appreciated.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Twenty-Seven

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ELIZA'S POV

* * *

This has been the longest and the worst day of my life. I never expected the reaction I got from Arizona this morning, but I guess it makes sense. I told her we should see less of each other so I should have expected that kind of reaction. I feel like a complete bitch, but I believe I'm doing the right thing. Every time I've thought about it today, I still come to the same conclusion. It still comes down to the fact that Arizona and I shouldn't be dating. I guess I was caught up in the whole hot forbidden romance thing, but now that April knows, and now that things are becoming more real, I've recognized that we should take a step back. We should cool things until summer is here and then we can do whatever the hell we like. I thought she may have understood and gone with it, but instead, I lost her. I lost her and I don't think I'll ever get her back. I know I worry too much, but that is just the kind of person I am. Maybe it's a downfall of mine, but it has never really mattered until now. Until now when it creeps into the most important relationship I will ever have in my life. Or had, rather.

 ** _Is Arizona with you?_**

Sending off a message to my boss and Arizona's best friend, I'm sure she has already told him all about it. I need to see her, though. I didn't want any of this to end the way it has, and I need her to know that I'm not doing this because I don't love her or I don't want to be with her. I'm doing it to protect her. Maybe she doesn't need protecting, but my instinct is telling me that other people will soon find out about us. It's only a matter of time before someone comes by her office and finds us a little too close. It's only a matter of time before someone sees me leaving her place and then the whole of campus will know.

 ** _She doesn't want to see you, Eliza._**

 ** _But I need to see her, Alex. Is she with you or not?_**

I know she is with him. She said she wasn't home and that is the only other place she could possibly be. At the bar. I guess I just needed him to confirm it. I guess I just needed him to respond so I could be sure. His none comment on her whereabouts is confirmation enough for me, though. It really is.

 ** _I'm busy working. Just let her cool off._**

Heading down the street, the bar is in sight and I was always going to check if she was here anyway. I don't know what I will find when I arrive, but I expect a hostile environment. An environment that I've ultimately created. Fixing myself up a little better, I stop for a moment and take a breath. I just need to collect my thoughts. I need to prepare myself for the harsh words I'm probably about to face. I'd like to believe that she will see it from my point of view, but I don't think she will. Crossing the street, I can hear the noise coming from inside and it only makes my stomach turn even more than it already is. Once I see her, I'll be okay. I just have to keep telling myself that. I just have to keep telling myself that she doesn't hate me. That she loves me. That I love her. _Oh, who am I kidding? There is no way she loves me anymore…_

Pushing the heavy glass door open, I find a few familiar faces milling about but I'm not here for them. I'm here for Arizona. Just five minutes with her would do me some good right now and I know that I have to make her listen. I know that I have to make her hear me out. Even if I make this worse for us, I have to try and explain myself. Heading to the bar, I catch sight of Alex and he furrows his brow. "What are you doing here? I told you not to come by…"

"No, you didn't." I shake my head. "Where is she?"

"I don't know." He shrugs. "Did you want a drink, or?"

"Sure." I nod. "I'll take a large white and a beer." Glancing around, the crowd in front of me is preventing me from seeing who else is here.

"Large white?" He asks. "For Arizona?"

"Who else would it be for?" I ask, confusion written all over my face. "I haven't moved on, Alex."

"I don't think that is a good idea." He drops his gaze and shifts awkwardly on his feet. "She doesn't want to see you."

"Did she tell you that?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Pretty much, yeah." I don't know if he is lying right now, but that hurts. If she really has told him that she doesn't want to see me, then yeah…it hurts like a bitch. "Look, take a seat and I'll come and talk to you in a few, okay?"

"Sure." I nod. I appreciate that he doesn't hate me right now, but I just want to know where she is. Shaking my head and dropping my gaze, I head for an empty booth towards the back of the bar and drop down against the leather interior. Tapping my fingers against the wood in front of me, I glance up and my heart stops beating. It's actually nonexistent in my chest right now. Arizona is here. Just like I thought she would be. She is sitting at a table on the opposite side of the bar…and she's not alone. She's not alone, and she has her hand in someone else's. _I cant do this._ I shouldn't be here. I cant sit here and watch her getting cozy with another woman. I just can't. About to stand, Alex places his hand on my shoulder and pushes me back down into my seat. "I'm leaving."

"And that is fine…but first, you will hear me out." He states, his tone a little cold. "She loves you, Eliza. She loves you and you told her you wanted to see less of her. Imagine how she fucking feels hearing that from you. Imagine how she feels knowing that she won't see you of an evening or during weekends. I mean, what the hell even is that?"

"It's none of your business is what it is, Alex." I give him a knowing look but he is pissed. "What? It isn't any of your business."

"She is my best friend, so it kinda is my business." He scoffs. "I may be a guy and I may not even know what to do where relationships are concerned, but you've really pushed it this time, Eliza. You've really hurt her, and I can't allow you to hurt her anymore. You should leave. Leave and let her be…"

"Who is she?" I ask, my voice breaking.

"That is none of your business." He shakes his head.

"Uh, she has my girlfriends hand in her own…" I give him an incredulous look. "How is it not my business?"

"She isn't your girlfriend, Eliza." He drops his gaze. "She hasn't been since this morning when you broke her heart."

"I was just trying to do the right thing." I sigh as I slump down in my seat.

"Yeah? Well, your _trying_ absolutely sucks."

"I'm beginning to realize that." I agree. "Just, I'm sorry I hurt her, okay?"

"I'll be sure to pass that on…" He rolls his eyes. "I should get back."

"Yeah, and I should get gone, right?" I laugh. "I guess you won't be needing me this weekend? I'm sure you can figure out some sort of excuse…"

"You still have a job here if you want it, Minnick." He replies. "That is entirely up to you."

"Thanks." I give him a small smile. "Alex…" I call out and he turns back to face me. "Who is she?"

"It's um…it's her ex-wife." He gives me an awkward smile and studies my face. "She's a good person, Eliza…and she didn't deserve any of what you said to her." _Of course, it's her ex-wife._ I mean, who else would it be? Who else could she possibly bring back to use against me? Coming here was a total mistake, and I have to leave before I make my way over there and say some not nice things to the both of them. I have to leave, because if I dont…I'm going to break down in the middle of this bar, and I'm not sure I could ever come back from that. I'm not sure I'll ever come back from _this_. Unlocking my cell, I pull up our recent conversation for the final time and send my ex-girlfriend one final message.

 ** _I came to the bar to speak to you tonight. Apologise for hurting you. You seem busy with Abbie, though, so I won't bother you again. I may have hurt you and I may have ruined everything that we were, but I thought you could have chosen someone better than her. I hope you will be happy, and if she is who belongs in your life, then so be it. I have some of your things at my place that I took home at one point or another. I'll drop them by tomorrow and I guess I'll just see you around. Take care, Arizona. Xx_**

Stepping out into the cool Seattle air, a tear slips down my face and I immediately brush it away. I honestly cannot believe she is sitting with her ex-wife right now, but I guess Alex is right. It is none of my business. What Arizona does will never be any of my business again, and I have to accept that.

* * *

I didn't sleep at all last night. I'm not even sure I got a single minutes sleep. I just couldn't get Arizona off of my mind. Seeing her with her ex-wife was constantly at the forefront of my mind, and yeah…I'm struggling with the knowledge that she is back in her life right now. I'm struggling with the knowledge that she would ever even consider going back to her after what she did to her. I mean, it hurts that it took her all of five minutes to get over me, but I guess I don't have any right to be mad at her. She seems to think that I don't want her and I have to accept that. I have to accept that she is hurt by my suggestion and she has walked away. I get it, though. She said she couldn't do the back and forth with me and I guess that's exactly what it's been. I know I've messed up with my worries and what not, but I'm not playing games with her. I'm genuinely terrified that we are going to get caught.

I mean, she says she would always choose me over her job, but how could she ever love me if I was the cause of her career ending? She says she would stand by me, by us, but I don't understand how she could ever do that. I don't understand how she could possibly love me wholeheartedly if I destroyed her career. Because that's what it would be…it would be me ending her career regardless of whether she is involved in this too. I pursued her with the knowledge that it was breaking the rules, and sure, she may not have stopped me…but I'm still the one who fell in love with her first. I'm still the one who told her how I felt when her marriage ended. Maybe that was selfish of me, and maybe I should have given her time, but I needed her to know. She had to know.

Rounding a familiar corner, I've never felt so empty in my entire life. I'm pretty sure I still felt something when dad died, but this? I have a complete void within me. A void that Arizona once filled. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how I'm supposed to ever fix this. I mean, I want to take her in my arms right now and promise that everything will be okay but I can't. I can't because it won't be okay. We can't be together and I wish I'd realized it sooner. I really do. It was never my intention to hurt her and it was never my intention to drag this out, but I'm too scared to be in this with her right now. I'm too scared to continue this. It's too risky.

Crossing the street, I'm within sight of her place but I don't even know if she is home. She canceled our class today so I'm assuming she got a little busy last night. Whether that was with alcohol or her ex-wife, something prevented her from going to work today. I just hope it isn't because of me. She worked yesterday and she seemed okay, so it can't be me. We haven't met or seen each other since yesterday morning, so no...I can't be the reason why she didn't show at work.

An old rucksack of mine under my arm, it holds anything that I may have borrowed from Arizona, and I'm simply here to give it back. We don't have anything to say to each other, so this will only take a couple of minutes. I'll hand it over, and I'll leave. She doesn't need me around anymore, and that's okay. Once I've graduated, I'm out of here. I can take myself wherever I like, and it's now a dead cert that I will do that. Maybe I'll travel Europe. Spend some time in Asia. I don't know. I just know that Seattle is nothing more than a stop over for me. I should have known that a long time ago.

Curling my hand into a fist as I take the steps to her porch, I knock loudly and take a few deep breaths. It's a little after midday so I'm probably wasting my time even being here. Arizona will be out. Maybe at Alex's. More than likely with her ex-wife, though. Hearing movement behind the door, the lock clicks and an unfamiliar scent hits me. It's not Arizona. I know that much. Glancing up, I find her ex-wife standing in the doorway in my ex-girlfriend's clothes. "Hey, can I help you?" She asks, her gorgeous smile almost blinding me. _Ugh!_

"Is Arizona home?" I ask, my mouth drier than ever before.

"Oh, she's just upstairs." She gives me a smile. "W-Who are you?" She furrows her brow.

"Oh, I'm just…Nobody." I shake my head. "I'm nobody at all." Handing over my rucksack, I step back and take in Abbie's absolute beauty. "If you could just pass that onto her…"

"Sure." She nods. "No problem at all." Turning and rushing down the steps, I've never felt so heartbroken in my life. I'm completely empty. I have nothing inside of me. Nothing whatsoever. I should have known she wouldn't be alone. I should have known that her ex-wife would be there. I mean, they may be divorced, but it was her home at one time. _It could have been mine at one point too._

Making my way down the street, I shove my hands in my pockets and drop my head. I've really got to sort myself out because sometime in the near future, I'm going to see my ex-girlfriend and my heart is going to break all over again. I mean, how did this get so messed up? How did it go from Arizona and I being in love and planning to share Christmas together, to me being totally alone and her ex-wife climbing back into her bed? I don't understand how I made all of this happen. I don't understand how I could be so fucking stupid.

"ELIZA!" That gorgeous voice causing me to stop dead on the sidewalk, I think about walking away, but I can't. I need to see her face. I need to know that she is happy. Turning around, I find my ex-girlfriend standing in front of me wearing one of my hoodies and a pair of yoga pants. "Sorry, I just…thanks for bringing my things by."

"That's okay." I give her a small smile. "It doesn't belong to me and I just wanted to return it." Stepping back a little, her scent is killing me right now and I can't be around her. "You should get back inside to um…" Clearing my throat, I shake my head. "…t-to Abbie. It's cold out here."

"I'm okay." She shrugs. "Sorry I missed your class today."

"It's fine. I'm headed home to study instead." Dropping my gaze, I close my eyes and try to breathe through the tears that are desperately trying to fall from my eyes. "I'll see you whenever you return."

"I'll be back tomorrow." She replies. "I just had some stuff to sort out here."

"Yeah, I can see that." Giving her a nod, my heart is being squeezed so tight that I think I may pass out. "I wish you'd have taken a day off to be with me." A slight shrug of my shoulders, I turn to walk away but she grips my wrist. "Arizona…I don't want to do this with you."

"Do what?" She furrows her brow.

"Hear about how you have to give your ex-wife a chance and how she rocked your world last night. Like she always did, or whatever." I shake my head. "I can't be around you. It's killing me."

"You think I'd go back to her?" She gives me an incredulous look. "You think after everything that she did to me…I'd take her back?"

"Kinda hard to figure out any other explanation." I smile. "She's in your home, wearing your clothes."

"Because she had nothing here." She states. "She's having a bad time and I'm being her friend."

"You really don't have to explain yourself to me…"

"I know I don't." She scoffs. "Just remember that you are the one who caused this, Eliza. I didn't want any of this, but you…I can't just have a little of you. I needed all of you."

"And now you get none of me because I'm the biggest asshole on the planet." I sigh. "I'll see you around, okay?" Walking away, I can feel what is left of my heart breaking all over again. I can feel it being crushed in my chest, but she is right. I did this. I'm the one who wanted to see her less. I just didn't want it to be like this. I didn't want us to break up. It just…it all went wrong and now her ex-wife is back in her home. Regardless of the reason why...she is still in her home, and I'm not.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Twenty-Eight

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ARIZONA'S POV

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 _Ten days later…_

It's been a crazy week. Crazy in that I haven't known if I'm coming or going most of the time. Classes finished for Christmas and then I found myself preparing for my ex mother in laws funeral. It was hard going for Abbie, but I think she is taking it in her own stride. I'm trying to be there for her without getting too close, but that's easier said than done. She's been so down that I've found myself around her way more than I had planned. Way more than I should be around her. She knows that nothing will ever happen between us again, but I don't want to lead her on. I don't want to give her anything at all that may suggest that I want her around in any capacity other than as a friend. Even a friend is probably too strong a word if I'm being totally honest. The only benefit to having Abbie around is that my evenings have been more bearable. I've not thought about Eliza as much but then morning comes and classes come around and I have to see her. I have to be around her. Her scent. Her voice as she discusses and talks with her friends. It's been hard, but I'm finally beginning to come to terms with my life without her. I don't like it, but it's how it has to be. She has completely withdrawn from me, so yeah…that ship has sailed.

I may have come to terms with it, but I'm still mad at her. I'm so mad at her that I can barely even look at her. I know she watches me and I know she tries to catch my attention, but I can't. I can't because she hurt me and I don't want to do this with her. I don't want to play games. I don't want her to be indecisive about us and giving me what I want because she feels sorry for me. I'm not vulnerable and I'm not someone who craves another person's attention, so no…I'm allowing her to get on with her life, and it's the right thing to do. It's the right thing to do because she chose this. She chose a life without me, and that was her decision. I didn't matter when she was having internal conversations with herself, so I don't matter now. Maybe I never did matter. Maybe I never was as big a part of our relationship as I thought I was. I hope that was never the case, but it does make me wonder. It does make me question what we ever were.

None of it matters now. Tonight is Christmas eve, and I'm here for Alex. I'm here to share Christmas with him just like I promised. He thought I would go home because Eliza and I had broken up, but I told him he could be a part of my Christmas plans, and I'm not about to go back on my word. Abbie is undecided as to what she is doing right now, but I've been in two minds about inviting her over to my place. Alex hates her and I think my time as her friend is coming to an end. I did my job and I no longer have any reason to be around her. Just…it's her first Christmas without her mom and I feel kinda bad for her. I know I shouldn't because she is no longer my problem, but it's just who I am. I don't like to see people alone and I don't like to see people sad. No matter how much she has hurt me, I don't like the idea of her being alone.

Knocking back another shot, Alex gives me a knowing smile and pours another round. "You know, I'm kinda glad I've got you here this year."

"Oh, please…" I scoff. "You are more than glad, Alex. You love me..admit it."

"Whatever." He flips the finger and pushes another shot my way. "So, karaoke tonight, Robbins." Throwing me a wink, I roll my eyes.

"No. No way." I shake my head. "I'm having nothing to do with your karaoke. None whatsoever."

"Oh, come on." He whines. "You're the only one here who can even sing. Just…once you get things going, others will follow."

"I'm telling you no now...and I'm telling you no for later when I'm drunk and don't remember my own name." Knocking back another shot, I drop down on my stool and enjoy the burn as it slips down my throat. "So, she's not working, huh?"

"No." He shakes his head. "I was kinda pissed when she let me down, but she said she shouldn't be here. She didn't want to ruin your night or something…"

"Oh, she is way beyond ruining my nights." I laugh. "I'm over it anyway."

"Sure you are." He smiles sarcastically. "You can lie to yourself, but you cannot lie to me. I know you too well, Arizona."

"Bite me." I spit.

"And why do you insist on bringing you ex-wife into my bar? You know I cannot even look at her…"

"She has no one right now, Alex." I give him a knowing look and he simply shrugs. "And yes, I know that's not your problem, but it's Christmas and she has just lost her mom."

"Can't she spend it with the woman she was fucking for a year?" _Low blow._ "Sorry." He gives me an awkward smile.

"Yeah, don't remind me." I shake my head. "We are doing okay at the minute and the more you remind me, the more I actually want her to spend Christmas alone."

"You're a good person, Robbins." He squeezes my shoulder. "Just…remember what she did to you and don't get too close."

"I know." I give him a nod in agreement. "Anyway, I should get back over there." Dropping down from my stool, I weave my way through the crowd and head for the booth I've been sharing with my ex-wife. She's been a little quiet today but I guess that's understandable. It's not exactly a great time for her right now. "Another drink?" I set down a glass of red and she gives me a thankful smile. "You doing okay?" I ask as I take a seat beside her.

"Guess so." She shrugs. "You don't have to spend the evening with me, Arizona. I appreciate it but I'm sure you would rather be elsewhere."

"I don't have anywhere else to be." I sigh as I sit back in my seat. "I wish I was somewhere else, but no…I'm all out of options right now."

"You've met someone?" She raises her eyebrow.

"I thought I had, yeah." Giving her a sad smile, she places her hand on my own and replicates my smile. "We don't have to do this, Abbie. We've both been drinking and we both know that this is more than over between us."

"Does she make you happy, Arizona?"

"No." I shake my head. "She did, but then she hurt me so no…I'm better off doing this alone for the time being. You know, just be."

"If that's how you want it to be then sure." She nods. "I am sorry for what I did to you, though."

"Me too." I agree. Propping my head up on my hand, I turn my body a little and study her face. "Just…was I the problem?"

"No, Arizona." Squeezing my hand, she gives me a genuine smile and I sigh. "What's up?" She asks.

"Nothing." I wave off her comment. "Just having a bad time at the minute. Guess it's the time of year…"

"Maybe we should spend this evening miserable together." She laughs. "Drown our sorrows and have the worlds worst hangover tomorrow."

"Sounds amazing." I agree. "I was thinking, and I know it's probably a stupid idea, but uh…did you think maybe you'd want to come for dinn-" Cut off by the sound of a beautiful voice flowing through my best friends bar, both of our heads turn and my mouth hangs open. _Who the hell is that?_

 ** _We keep behind closed doors  
Every time I see you, I die a little more  
Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls  
It'll never be enough  
As you drive me to my house  
I can't stop these silent tears from rolling down  
You and I both have to hide on the outside  
Where I can't be yours and you can't be mine_**

 ** _But I know this, we got a love that is homeless_**

"Wow…" I breathe out. "I, uh...can you excuse me for a moment?" I ask as I'm already standing and shuffling out of the booth.

"Sure." She smiles as she sits back and listens to the sound of someone's amazing voice.

 ** _Why can't I hold you in the street?  
Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?  
I wish that it could be like that  
Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours  
Why can't I say that I'm in love?  
I wanna shout it from the rooftops  
I wish that it could be like that  
Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours_**

 _Oh god._ Rounding the bar, I'm met with the most incredible sight my eyes have ever witnessed and I swear I'm about to fall to my knees. _It's her. Eliza._ She kept this quiet. The whole amazing voice thing. That isn't important right now, though. The important thing is that she is singing and she is staring at me. She is staring at me and the entire room is disappearing around me.

Just watching. It's all I can do. I can only watch on and try to stem the tears that are slowly but surely slipping down my face. Her green eyes…god, I swear they're greener than they've ever been.

 ** _It's obvious you're meant for me  
Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly  
Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep  
But I'll never show it on my face_**

 ** _But we know this. We got a love that is homeless_**

 ** _Why can't you hold me in the street?  
Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?  
I wish that it could be like that  
Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours  
Why can't I say that I'm in love?  
I wanna shout it from the rooftops  
I wish that it could be like that  
Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours_**

Stepping back a little when I realize that I'm moving closer to her unknowingly, she gives me a sad smile and a tear slips down her own face. I don't know why she is drawing me in right now, but she is and I can't control it. I can't control the undeniable urge I have to kiss her. I've missed her so much and I've been totally lying to myself. Just like Alex said I was. I know we can't be together and I've accepted that, but why is she doing this? Why is she trying to pull me in with these words? This isn't fair to me. It isn't fair to either of us.

 ** _I don't wanna live love this way  
I don't wanna hide us away  
I wonder if it ever will change  
I'm living for that day, someday_**

God, I don't want to live it this way either. My heart breaking into a million pieces at her admission, whether it is via song or not, I step back into the crowd and I feel like I'm no longer in my own body. I need air. I need to breathe. I can't be here with her. It's too hard. I thought I was doing good. I thought I was doing better…clearly, I was wrong. So very very wrong. Pushing through the heavy glass door, my feet hit the sidewalk and my lungs burn as the cool air flows through them. _God, I can't do this. I just miss her so fucking much._ I miss everything about her. About us.

My body leaning back against a nearby wall, I breathe through the sobs that are wracking my body and I can feel my pulse stronger than ever. It's in my ears. It's in my head. It's in my hands. It's everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. I should leave but I'm here for Alex. I can't just disappear without saying goodbye to him. This is my night just as much as anybody else's, and I should be enjoying myself. I should be inside drinking and dancing. It's what I used to do, and I want to be that person again. _If only I could dance with the only woman I care about in that bar._

Pushing off the wall, I straighten myself out and stretch my neck a little. I'm beginning to feel tense for the first time in over a week, and I know the reason why. Eliza. She makes me unsure about my decisions. She makes me unsure about what I want. I hate that she does that to me, but it's because I care about her so much. It's because she means the absolute world to me. It's because I love her. I have to take back my night, though. I have to push through these feelings I have and just enjoy myself. It's been ten days since she showed up at my place…and in those ten days, I've focused on anything other than her. It's all I can do. If I don't, I'll crumble.

* * *

"Oh, come on Alex." I nudge his shoulder. "Just dance with me?" Rolling his eyes, he shakes his head and moves back behind bar. "Asshole!" Pushing off the counter, I move through the crowd and glance around for anyone who may be a little easy on the eye. I'm not looking for anything with anyone, but a little dancing never hurt.

"Hey! ROBBINS!" Alex calls me back towards the bar.

"What?" I shout. It's getting a little busy in here now and I can barely hear myself think.

"Go and do your thing with the mic." He throws his thumb over his shoulder. "You know you want to."

"I can't." I shake my head and pull him out back. "You do know she was here, right?"

"Yeah…I heard." He smiles. "Was she singing to you?"

"Uh…what do you think?" I give him a knowing look. "Is she still here?"

"She is." He nods. "She's here with some friends."

"And they're all legal?" I raise an eyebrow. "I don't want you getting into trouble."

"Don't worry, Arizona. Eliza isn't here to shut me down. And yes...I've checked them all out. They're all legal."

"I want to speak to her…" I sigh. "Just as friends, you know?"

"And why haven't you?" He asks.

"Because we can't be friends." My eyes filling with tears again, I know it's the alcohol I've consumed. It's my worst enemy sometimes, and tonight is no different. Tonight it is playing with my mind, and I can't control it. I hate it. "We can't be anywhere near each other."

"I'm sorry this is happening." He sighs. "Do you want me to ask her to leave?"

"No." I give him a sad smile. "She deserves to enjoy herself just as much as everyone else here. She hasn't done anything wrong, Alex. We just can't be together. She said so."

"But you want to be with her…"

"Of course, I do." I laugh. "It's all I've ever wanted."

"God, you women are crazy." He shakes his head. "I can't freaking keep up with you."

"Me neither." I breathe out. "Just...don't worry about me. I'm good."

"If you say so." He rolls his eyes as he heads back out behind the bar. I know he worries and I know he is like a brother to me, but I'll be okay. If I concentrate on myself, I'll be okay. Heading out from behind the bar, I move through the crowd and catch sight of some students. I'm assuming they're Eliza's friends, so I head straight past them and into the bathroom. I'll do my thing in here and then I'll head back out and do my thing out there. _Just be you, Arizona...it's all you've got right now. Just you. Nobody else matters._ Pushing through the bathroom door, my heart stops when I find my ex-girlfriend standing at the sink. She's fixing up her makeup, but she doesn't need to. She looks just as gorgeous as she ever does.

"H-Hi…" She stutters as she stares at my reflection in the mirror. "Sorry, I'll get out of your way." She drops her gaze.

"Just do what you've got to do." I move past her. "Think of me as invisible…"

"But you're not." She replies and it causes me to stop. "You're not invisible."

"Sometimes I wish I were." I sigh. "It would certainly make things easier."

"Arizona…" God, I've missed hearing her say my name. She says to so perfectly. "Look at me."

"Why?" I turn around but keep my eyes fixed on the floor between us. "You haven't wanted to know me for almost two weeks. Why do you want to talk to me now?"

"Just because."

"Because what?" I raise my eyes and find her own. "Because you need some attention? Because you're lonely? Because I'm a fucking idiot who shouldn't have come here tonight…"

"Because I miss you."

"Don't." I hope up my hands between us. "Don't say that. It isn't fair."

"To who?" She furrows her brow.

"To me," I state. "You may be getting on with your life, but I've been struggling. You wanted this, and I'm giving you what you want. You can't just say this stuff to me and expect me to be okay. Do you want me to fall into your arms and beg you to want me, Eliza? Is that what you want? To feel needed by me…"

"N-No." She furrows her brow. "I just…it doesn't matter." Holding up her hands, she approaches me and gives me a sad smile. Her thumb running across my cheek, my eyes close and her touch is the only thing that is keeping me breathing right now. "I never should have said those things to you…"

"But you did." I lean into her touch and I know that this is totally wrong. "You said them, and you cannot take them back."

"God, I wish I could." She inches a little closer to me and my body is suddenly being pushed into one of the stalls. "I wish I could take back all of the hurt I've caused you."

"Eliza…" I breathe out. "You shouldn't be here. W-We shouldn't be here. Not like this. Not alone."

"I'm sorry…" She smiles as she leans in a little closer.

"For what?" I ask. So much has happened and I'm not entirely sure what she is apologizing for.

"This…" Pressing her lips to my own, I could crumble to the ground right now. This is all I've thought about. It's all I've dreamt about. Her lips on my own. Her hands on my body. Holding me. Making me feel safe. Loved. It's all I've thought about and wanted, but this is wrong. It shouldn't be happening. She has made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want a relationship with me, so no…this can't continue.

Pulling back, she drops her gaze and I shake my head. "I can't believe you just did that." I close my eyes and sigh.

"I had to." She whispers, her hand still resting on the side of my face. "I just…I had to." Forcing her body out of the stall, I lock the door and rest back against it. Shes being selfish. I have to remember that. She isn't doing this because she loves me. She is doing this for a reaction. A little attention since she is going to be lonely at Christmas. It won't work. If she wants to know how I'm truly feeling…I'll tell her. I'll tell her exactly how she has just told me.

Unlocking the door, I push past her and she grips my wrist. "I'm sorry…I'll go."

"No, please stay for the show." I give her a sarcastic smile. "You want this to be all about you and what you want…fine. Be out in the bar in five and I'll tell you exactly how you make me feel."

"I don't understand…" She furrows her brow.

"But you will." Pulling the door open, it hits the wall and I pick up my pace. "Alex!"

"Sup, Robbins?" He raises his eyebrow.

"Get me on that freaking mic." Making my way to the booth my ex-wife is still sitting at, I down a shot and it's quickly followed by what's left of my glass of red. If she wants to play games with her silly songs, I'll do the same. Only to me, it's the truth. What I'm about to do, and what I'm about to say…it's the complete truth. It's how I feel. It's how she makes me feel. It's what I lay awake thinking about at night. It's all Eliza. It always is and it always will be.

Hearing my name being called, I straighten myself out and Abbie gives me a questioning look. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I nod. "Just something I have to do." Approaching the area where I need to be, I brush past my ex-girlfriend and her scent sends me a little dizzy. She thought that she could surprise me with her lyrics earlier, well it's time to play her at her own game. A soft sound playing out around the bar, Alex steps through the crowd and gives me a nod.

 ** _Hey, you there  
Can we take it to the next level, baby, do you dare?  
Don't be scared  
'Cause if you can say the words, I don't know why I should care_**

'Cause here I am, I'm givin' all I can  
But all you ever do is mess it up  
Yeah, I'm right here, I'm tryin' to make it clear  
That getting half of you just ain't enough

My eyes finding Eliza, she has her arms wrapped around her own body and I don't know if she is truly hearing me. I don't know if she even cares. She probably doesn't, but this is me telling her one final time. This is me telling her that it's all or nothing. The ball is in her court right now…

 ** _I'm not going to wait until you're done  
Pretending you don't need anyone  
I'm standing here naked  
I'm standing here naked  
I'm not gonna try 'til you decide  
You're ready to swallow all your pride  
I'm standing here naked  
I'm standing here naked_**

Studying her face, I don't care who sees right now. I don't care if everyone in this bar knows I'm singing to her. I'm honestly done where everyone else is concerned. I really am. I'm pouring my heart out to her right now, and she is looking at me. Totally lifeless behind the eyes.

 ** _Hey, get out  
I've got nothin' left to give for you give me nothin' now  
Read my mouth  
If you ever want me back, then your walls need breakin' down_**

'Cause here I am, I'm givin' all I can  
But all you ever do is mess it up  
Yeah, I'm right here, I'm tryin' to make it clear  
getting half of you just ain't enough

A small smile appearing on her face, my heart skips a beat and I know that she is understanding. Beginning to, at least. I never wanted any of this and the kiss we have just shared has only messed me up even more than I already was. I may be sharing a sort of relationship with Abbie right now, but I don't need anyone else in my life. I only need Eliza. The sooner she realises that, the sooner we can get back to us. I know it will never happen, but she has to know that she is all I think about. She has to know that she is the only one I want in my life. I don't care about my job. The university can go to hell if they find out. I'll do something else. I'll figure something else out. I'd planned something during Christmas and I've never been so disappointed that it won't be happening. It was all I wanted. A weekend away with her before New Year came around and a fresh start was on the cards. Instead, I'm standing in a bar singing secretly to my twenty one year old student. My life couldn't be anymore messed up right now if I tried.

 ** _I'm not going to wait until you're done  
Pretending you don't need anyone  
I'm standing here naked  
I'm standing here naked  
I'm not gonna try 'til you decide  
You're ready to swallow all your pride  
I'm standing here naked  
I'm standing here naked_**

I wanna give you everything  
I wanna give you everything  
I wanna give you everything  
I wanna give you everything

The song almost ending, she hasn't moved from her spot but she also hasn't taken her eyes off of me. I don't know what I hoped for by doing this, but nothing has changed. She still isn't mine. She still never will be. Given half the chance, I would drop to my knees and beg her to give us a chance but I can't do that. It wouldn't be right. She has made her decision and I have to go with it. No matter how much I hate it. Giving her a sad smile, I release a slight sigh.

 ** _I'm not going to wait until you're done  
'Cause you pretended you don't need anyone_**

Mouthing the words, 'I love you' back to me, a tear slips down my face and I'm more than ready to leave this place. I'm more than ready to go home and sleep the next week or so away. I've said what I needed to say, and it's time for me to call it a night. The longer I stay here, the more my heart will break. There are only so many times I can be put back together, and this is the final time. The final time for me. The final time for Eliza. The final time for us.

 ** _'Cause you see that I'm naked  
Oh, you see that I'm naked  
I'm not going to try 'til you decide  
You're ready to swallow all your pride  
I'm standing here naked  
I'm standing here naked_**

I'm standing  
I'm standing here

Handing the mic back, I drop my head on my shoulders and head for the bar. "I'm out of here…" Alex gives me a sad smile followed by a nod and I head for the exit. Not even bothering to say goodbye to my ex-wife, I head out onto the street and force my body to walk. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted and right now I just want to sleep. I don't know how Eliza is feeling right now but I know meeting tonight was a mistake. The kiss was a mistake. It's all I can think about now, and that isn't good. I've been trying to move on, and she does this. She kisses me and then tells me that she loves me. I can't do this. It's too painful. It's far too painful for me to even think about right now. Why does she want me to hurt? If she loves me like she says she does, why would she do any of what she has done tonight? I don't understand. I don't understand what she wants from me. She is killing me slowly right now and I'm letting her. I'm so in love with her that I'm letting her…

 _I just hope she knows that she has totally destroyed me._

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**

 **Song one was 'Secret Love Song Pt II' by Little Mix. Song two was 'Naked' by James Arthur**


	29. Chapter 29

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Twenty-Nine

* * *

ELIZA'S POV

* * *

Wow, I've messed up. I've messed up way more than I ever thought I could. Those words she sang. God, that absolute heartbreak in her voice. In her eyes. On her face. I'm barely even breathing right now and I need to see her. I need to hold her. Tell her that I'm sorry. I just…I always thought I was doing the right thing. I always thought that this was the best way for everyone. I don't ever want her to have to choose between her job and me, so I truly believed it was the best way forward. Being without her has only made me love her even more, but the love I have for her makes me feel so crazy and messed up at times that I just can't think straight. I can't reason with myself. It's awful and I hate feeling like that, but she's right…she's only been getting half of me. The other half is filled with worry and fear for our relationship. It's filled with none of the good stuff that people talk about. All I want is to try harder. To be better. We are way past that, though. We are way past fixing any of this. I've hurt her so much that I wouldn't ever dare ask her for forgiveness. She should never forgive me for how I've acted the past few weeks. I mean, why did I ever say those things to her? Why did I ever suggest less time between us? I've never wanted that, but it seemed like the right choice at the time. When I was standing in her shower remembering the worry on her face when April was at my place…I couldn't see any other way around it. I couldn't think of anything that could possibly make it any better for us.

I mean, do other people know about us? Do other people see how she looks at me? How I look at her? I don't know, but I have to stop worrying about it. I have to stop thinking that the world will one day be against us and just be. Just be with her. It's all I've ever wanted, and I messed it up. Again. I royally fucked it up this time. I want to talk to her and I want to try and work this out with her but what's the point? I'll only mess it up again at some point. I'll only hurt her again and I don't want that for her. I don't want the fighting for either of us. She deserves so much more than that. She deserves so much more from me. Stepping up to the bar, I run my fingers through my hair and wave Alex over. He looks mad at me, but I'm past caring. I really am. Someone somewhere is always mad at me and it's always my own fault, so yeah…I'm prepared for the tongue lashing I'm about to get. "What do you want, Minnick?"

"Jack, straight." I stare at him and he gives me a look of complete disappointment. "Should I just go elsewhere?"

"You know, I'm so pissed at you right now." He shakes his head. "Why are you even here? Why do you insist on hurting her at every given opportunity?"

"That wasn't my intention." I drop my gaze.

"No, it never is." He scoffs. "Can't you just leave her alone? You wanted your own space...you wanted her to leave you be, so why can't you just fucking do the same?"

"You don't understand…" I shake my head. "I'll leave. Forget about the drink."

"Don't do that." He stares at me. "Stop fucking running whenever someone calls you out on your shit. Just stop."

"Excuse me?" I furrow my brow.

"It's what you do. Even Arizona made a comment about it. She doesn't want someone who is going to disappear and pack their bags when life gets a little hard. That's life, Eliza. It's _always_ going to be hard for one reason or another." Yeah, I'm beginning to realize this. "She loved you so much and you just threw everything up in the air. You know I thought you guys were the perfect match for each other. You are both so alike yet so different…I just." Cutting himself off, he shakes his head and breathes.

"You just what?"

"I hope she turns you down." He admits. "If you are ever lucky enough to talk to her again, I hope she tells you to fuck off. Then you will truly realize what you have lost. Then you will know exactly how she feels every time you end things."

"Wow…" I breathe out. "I thought you were my friend."

"Oh please." He spits. "You deserve everything I've just said to you. Someone needs to tell you how much of an asshole you are sometimes, Eliza."

"Yeah, I'm just going to leave." I clear my throat.

"You do that." He shrugs. "But she took you back. When you kissed your ex, whatever the reason was, she took you back. She took you back after that fucking whore slept around behind her back." Pointing over towards Abbie, I drop my gaze and I'm done with my telling off. "Do you not realize how much she loves you? What does she have to do to show you? For you to believe her?"

"I'm just trying to protect her, Alex."

"She doesn't need protecting." He laughs. "She's Arizona freaking Robbins…so no, she doesn't need protecting. She just needs someone in her life who won't mess up. Seems you let her down on that front, though, huh?"

"Yeah." I wipe away the tears that have suddenly started to fall. "Yeah, I messed it all up and I understand that."

"So, what are you going to do?" He raises his eyebrow.

"I'm going to go over to her place and apologize." I fix my jacket a little tighter around me. "Then I'm going to let her get on with her life, and I'll get on with my own."

"Fine." He shrugs. "But if you are going to do that, you have to mean it. If this is it between you guys, you have to leave her alone. You can't keep messing with her head when you are feeling down. It doesn't work that way. She isn't going to fall at your feet whenever you want her to."

"I don't want that…" I shake my head and close my eyes. "I just…have an awesome Christmas, Alex." Stepping away and moving through the crowd, I head for the door and a hand on my arm stops me.

"It's you isn't it?" Abbie raises her eyebrow. "You're the one who is in love with my ex-wife."

"What?" I furrow my brow. "I don't even know who you are…"

"You came by last week." She gives me a knowing look. "And tonight…I could see it in her eyes. Whenever she looked at you."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I shake my head and deny any involvement with Arizona. "I think you have the wrong person."

"Look, I don't know who you are or what is going on here, but don't do what I did." She sighs. "Don't lose her. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made."

"Why did you do it then?" I ask. "Why did you cheat and break her heart?"

"Because I'm a fool." She gives me a sad smile. "But you can put her back together. I know that is what she wants. Make it right with her, um…?"

"Eliza."

"Just go and see her." She demands. "She left here in a terrible state, but I can't be the one who comforts her. She doesn't want me."

"Good." I scoff. "But I have to go, so if you could get out of my way…" Maybe I'm being a little harsh with Abbie, but I don't know her and I don't like what she did to Arizona. No matter how much I wanted her to be single…I never wanted her to be cheated on. I'd never want that for anyone.

Her body disappearing from in front of me, I push through the door and step out onto the street. I don't know where I'm going right now, but my feet are taking me in the direction of my ex-girlfriend. She doesn't want to see me and she probably doesn't care for anything I have to say, but I have to apologize for everything. For tonight. That kiss we shared was our last, I know that, but I don't regret it. She has to know that I don't regret it. That I didn't do it for attention. That I didn't do it because I'm lonely. I just have to apologize and then I'll leave her alone for good.

* * *

Standing outside my ex-girlfriend's home, I'm not entirely sure how I've ended up here, but I feel like I'm supposed to be here. I feel like regardless of what is about to happen, it _has_ to happen. I have to be told exactly what a bitch I am, even though Alex has already just given it to me straight. He's right. Everything he said to me was completely true. It hurt hearing it, but it's what I needed. Maybe he knew that. Maybe he knew I needed to take my head out of my ass and see where my failings are. I don't want to be like this with Arizona. I don't want to be unable to look at her or be around her. I know she won't ever take me back, and I know I've hurt her one too many times, but I'd like to at least be in a good place with her. I'd like to at least be able to say hello to her in the corridor on campus or if I bump into her at the local store. I'd just like to be able to still know her.

Her home is illuminated so I know she is here, but I don't really know what I'm supposed to say to her. I don't know where to even begin. Do I just say hi and go from there or do I pour my heart out before she has the chance to slam the door in my face? _We've been there before._ Shaking my head and scoffing to myself, I realize how stupid I've been since the day we admitted our feelings to each other. Sure, there were good times…really good times, but in the end, it has always come down to the same thing. Me hurting Arizona. Me pushing her away.

Glancing around, it's beginning to snow. Seattle isn't known for heavy snow but tonight…it's here. It's here and I wish things were different. I mean, you couldn't make it up. It's Christmas Eve, I'm standing on Arizona's porch…and it's snowing. If only she was out here with me. If only she had her arms wrapped around me and everything was perfect between us. _I messed that chance up too, huh?_ God, I'm such an idiot. I mean, this woman has been nothing but supportive of everything I've told her. Like, she didn't even run when I told her I was a virgin. She didn't run when I told her about my past. Me, though? God…I've run so many marathons where she is concerned that I can't even keep up with myself.

Shaking myself from my thoughts, my face is wet with tears I didn't realize were falling. _It's time to say what you have to say, Eliza._ Taking a breath, I curl my hand into a fist and knock loudly. I don't want her to miss the sound of my knocking, so yeah…it's a little louder than usual. My body tired and cold, I shift uncomfortably on my feet and release a deep breath. Movement behind the door causing my heart to drop into my stomach, my eyes shoot up and her door opens. It opens and I'm met with those incredible blue eyes. Those blue eyes I've often gotten lost in. Those blue eyes that once held nothing but love for me. Now? Now they're a little duller. Now, they're a little lifeless. All because of me. All because I hurt her...again.

"Can I help you?" Her voice tired and a little hoarse, she rests her head against the door and waits for something, anything from me.

"I just came here to apologize for tonight. A-At the bar." I clear my throat. "I shouldn't have been there, and I get that. I should have kept my thoughts and my feelings to myself, and for that I'm sorry. I just…I don't regret kissing you. I regret how it made you feel, but I don't regret doing it."

"Why did you come to the bar tonight?" She asks, her voice void of anything. "Did you know I would be there?"

"Yes," I admit. "I just…I wanted to see you outside of campus."

"Why?" She furrows her brow. "What could you possibly want to see me for? I've been nonexistent to you since you handed my shit back to me."

"I'm sorry." It's all I can give her. I don't have any other words. I don't have anything other than complete guilt inside of me right now. "Look, I'm not here to fight with you. I just wanted to say sorry."

"And you have done that…" She nods as she pushes off the door.

"I have." I give her a sad smile. "I'm sorry for everything, Arizona. I know you don't care and you probably don't believe me, but I am. I'm so very sorry for everything I said. I just…I wanted to protect you. Your job. I wanted to prevent anything from getting in the way of your job, but it came back to bite me in the ass, so I guess in some way…I don't have to worry about your job anymore. I guess it worked out in the end. In some messed up way, at least."

"I don't need you to protect me." She furrows her brow. "I can look after myself, Eliza. I've never asked for your protection. I just asked for you. Your love. Happiness."

"I know, and I realize that now." I shrug. "I messed up and I know that I hurt you but all I want now is for you to be happy, okay? I wouldn't ever expect you to wait for me. I wouldn't expect you to hang around like I suggested. Just…be happy." Stepping back, the snow crunches beneath my boots and those gorgeous blue eye hold nothing but unshed tears. "Merry Christmas, Arizona." Turning, I head off down the street and the snow hits my face, sending a shiver through my bones. My fingers toying with the box housing her bracelet in my pocket, I shake my head and refuse to turn back. I can't. I can't fix any of this. I fucked this up so bad this time and no, I can never fix this.

The sound of feet hitting the snow-covered sidewalk pretty hard behind me, a hand grips my wrist and I'm almost pulled off of my feet. Turning, I find Arizona standing behind me, tears falling freely down her face. "I was happy with you…" She cries, the snowflakes hitting her eyelashes. "I was so happy with you…"

"I know." I give her a sad smile as I wipe away a fresh tear. "And I ruined it all. You know, Abbie approached me tonight."

"W-Why?"

"Told me not to make the same mistake she did. Told me not to let you go…" I sigh. "I lost you long before tonight, though." Taking her hands in my own, they're cold and I want her to get back inside. I don't want her to be cold, not because of me. "I hope you have an amazing day tomorrow with Alex. Abbie, too, if that's what the plan is. Just...you should get back inside. You don't even have a coat on."

Releasing her hands from my grip, she brings them up to my face and furrows her brow. She is searching my face for something but I don't know what. "Do you love me, Eliza?" She runs her thumb across my cheek.

"More than anything." My voice breaks as my eyes close. "More than anything in this world…"

"So, just love me." She presses her lips against my own. "Just love me and let me love you…" My breath catching in my throat as she leans in again, she runs her tongue across my bottom lip and my heart is pounding out of my chest. "Please?" She asks. "Just…please?"

"I don't deserve another chance from you." I drop my gaze. "I don't deserve _anything_ from you."

"But I love you." She gives me a sad smile. "I'm standing in the street in a t-shirt kissing you…can't you see that I want you? That we should be together?"

"I want that so much." I agree.

"So, come inside?" She raises her eyebrow, her thumb running across my bottom lip. "Please, just come inside?"

"I-I don't know." I sigh. "Alex hates me."

"Alex isn't in this relationship…" She shakes her head.

"What relationship?" I scoff. "I ruined our relationship, Arizona."

"Do you want to be with me?" She asks. "Not in seven months. Not when you graduate." She sighs. "Do you want to be with me now? Right at this moment…"

"I never wanted to be without you," I admit. "I was just scared and I didn't know what else to do."

"Come on…" She drops her hands from my face and pulls me towards her home. "You don't have to stay. Just come inside and warm up."

"I love you, Arizona." Tightening my grip on her hand, this is the first time we have been outside together. I know it's not for the right reasons, but it still feels good to have her hand in my own outside of her home. I don't know where tonight is going to go, but maybe she will be willing to talk. I don't know what I could possibly say to make this better, but I'm here with her right now and I have to try. I have to try to have some sort of relationship with her. She says that she wants us and that she loves me, but I don't understand how. I hurt her and I can barely even look at myself right now. Surely I'm way out of chances. "I'm sorry and I love you…"

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always. Hoping to get another chapter out tonight if you guys want another.**


	30. Chapter 30

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Thirty

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ARIZONA'S POV

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I don't know where tonight went right, but somehow it has, and Eliza is in my home. We have a lot of talking to do but she is shivering and I just need her to take a moment to herself and warm up. The temperature has really dropped outside and I don't want her to be ill during Christmas because of me. I don't want her to suffer in bed because I had her standing out on the street. Sure, I didn't even expect her to come here, but she did and I'm happy about that. She knows I never wanted any of this, and I kind of admire her for wanting to protect me. I don't need it, though. I came into this knowing exactly what could happen, and I chose her. I chose to stay with her and hope for the best. Most of it _has_ been the best. The best time of my life if I'm being honest. Some of it hasn't been good, though. Some of it has been terrible and hurtful to one or both of us. Sure, I seem to have come off worse in most cases, but her not wanting to spend time with me because she wants to protect me isn't going to cut it for me. Not a chance. I don't want her to avoid me because she is scared. That will only push me further away. I just want her here with me. Especially during Christmas. I promised her I was here to stay. I promised her I was all in. I just need her to trust me. I need her to trust that no matter what happens, we will still be together at the end of it.

I guess I do kind of understand her reasons for not wanting to spend too much time together, but I'm in too deep now. I'm in way too deep to pull back and only see her once or twice a week. I'm in way too deep to watch her from afar. She has to know that. She has to know that we have gone too far for that to even be possible. Sure, if we'd made our feelings known and not acted on them, it may have been easier to do that, but no…too much has happened. I mean, we've both said I love you. How can you pull back when you've spoken those words? How can you stop what is going on when you have confessed your love to each other? She may be able to do that, but I can't. I can't possibly even begin to imagine doing anything that she suggested. I may have been a little hasty in my decision to cut it off between us, but at the time, her words hurt. Her suggestion hurt. She is here now, though, and we have the perfect opportunity to talk. If she wants to walk away at the end of it, that's okay. If she really cannot move past her fears…I'll let her go. I really hope it doesn't come to that, though. I really hope she will stay. I love her too much to share a space with her and know that there is nothing between us. I love her way too much for that.

Glancing over to where Eliza is sitting, I find her nervously shifting in her seat. She's warming a little and she looks adorable sitting by the fire, but I don't want her to think she has to be here. That small doubt in the back of my mind is still there where my profession is concerned and I'd never want her to think that I was making her stay. "You doing okay?" I ask as I approach her with a mug of hot chocolate.

"Y-Yeah." She smiles. "Just a little cold."

"Take that damp coat off." I set the mug down and she stands. "That won't help…" Shrugging it from her shoulders, I hang it over the dining room chair and drop down to my knees beside the fire. "Better?" I smile.

"Yeah." She gives me a nod in agreement. "Just, um…what time is Abbie due back?"

"Due back?" I furrow my brow. "Due back here?"

"Yeah…" She drops her gaze.

"She doesn't live here, Eliza. She hasn't done since I kicked her out." I know she probably thinks that something has been going on between us, but it really hasn't. I wouldn't ever put myself through that again.

"Oh, sorry." She waves off her own worry. "Just…she's been around a lot lately and I didn't know if you had changed your mind about her."

"No." I shake my head. "Would um, could you come and sit by me?"

"Sure." Dropping down to her knees, she takes a seat and crosses her legs underneath her body.

"Abbie is nothing to me, Eliza." Taking her hand in my own, I run my thumb over her knuckles. "Her mom died. She had been ill for a long time and she died a couple of weeks ago. When you came by here and she answered the door, that's why she was here. She just stayed over for one night. We were at the bar and time just ran away. So, I offered her my guest room for the night. That's really all it was…"

"You're a good person." She smiles.

"Yeah, people keep saying that…" I sigh. "So why don't I ever feel good?"

"Because of me." She gives me a sad smile. "You never feel good because of me."

"That's not what I meant." I squeeze her hand and she remains silent. "Just…nothing ever seems to go right. I mean, look at us? Well, what's left of us…"

"But that is my fault, Arizona. None of this is on you." She clears her throat. "I mean, why do you even want me? What do I possibly have to offer?"

"I want you because I love you, Eliza." She studies my face and she is getting nothing but the complete truth from me right now. "You have to stop letting your fears get in the way of your happiness. You just...you have to try."

"You think I don't love you, don't you?"

"Honestly…" I breathe out. "Yeah, that is how I felt. When you told me we should see less of each other, I just couldn't understand why you wanted that. I figured you were using April catching us as an excuse to get out of our relationship."

"You have to know that isn't true, Arizona." She shifts a little closer to me. "I know I've ruined all of this, but you have to believe that I love you. I never stopped loving you."

"But you didn't want me around…" I furrow my brow. "You wanted us to slow things down. I don't understand how you can be okay with that."

"I wasn't okay with it." She states. "I wasn't okay with anything I suggested. I just…what else was I supposed to do? What else were we supposed to do?"

"There is always a way, Eliza. Always."

"You think?" She asks. "You really think that this can all be kept a secret?"

"It's worked so far." I shrug. "When I tell you I want us to be together, I mean it. Can you just accept that?"

"I do accept it." She climbs into my lap and wraps her arms around my shoulders. "I accept it, but it doesn't mean that things are going to run smoothly."

"I know that." I sigh, my forehead resting against her own. "I know this is never going to be as perfect as we want it to be."

"I'm sorry for running…" She brings her hand up to my face and runs her thumb across my cheek. "I'm sorry for always running."

"I hate it when you do that," I admit. "It's so infuriating."

"I know and I'm sorry." She ghosts her lips over my own and I want to kiss her so much right now. "Do you honestly still want me, Arizona?" Her breath washing over my face, my eyes close and I simply nod. "Promise?"

"I don't need to promise you," I whisper. "I just need you to be here with me so I can show you. I need you here just being us."

"I've missed you so much." Her lips pressing against my own, I wrap my arms around her waist and she rocks against me in my lap. Her hands finding my hair, her nails graze my scalp and I'm barely breathing right now. "So much." Her tongue slipping inside, my own comes into play and she is doing all kinds to my body. Not seeing her for two weeks and not kissing her for longer, it's been hard. Too hard at times. I've missed her hands on my body. Her soft strong hands. Pulling back, she studies my face and gives me the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. " _Why can't you hold me in the street…why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?_ " Her voice piercing my soul, my emotions are stronger than ever. " _I wish that it could be like that…why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours…_ "

"One day, beautiful." I press a kiss to her lips. "One day…"

"I can't wait for that day." She breathes out, her hands slipping beneath my tee. "I can't wait until the day when everyone knows you are mine, Arizona."

"I'm taking you away…" I whisper against her mouth as her hands run further up my body, her thumb grazing my nipple. _I knew I wasn't wearing a bra for a reason._ "The day after tomorrow…"

"Where?" She moans as I run my hands up her thighs.

"Just...away." My breath catches in my throat as her hand runs down my stomach and past the waistband of my yoga pants. "You want to kiss me on the dance floor?"

"Yes." She smiles against my mouth.

"Then that is what you will do…" I admit. "It's not much, but it's better than nothing."

"It's everything, Arizona. Absolutely everything." Pushing me down against the floor, she straddles my legs and grinds down against me. "I'm never running again." She smiles as she leans down and presses a kiss to my lips. "I can't."

"I need you with me." My voice breaking, she tugs on my bottom lip and forces my tee up my body. Gripping the material tight up by my shoulder, she dips her head and takes my nipple between her teeth. "Fuck…" My body aching for her, I pull her own shirt from her body and throw it to the other side of the room. "Oh, god. You feel so good against me." Forcing my hips up against her own, her fingers press against my lace covered center and the groan that leaves my mouth gives her all the confirmation she needs that I want this. I want her. "Touch me, Eliza."

Smiling against my lips, she pushes my panties to one side and moans into my mouth. "So wet…" Running her fingers through my folds, my back arches and she teases my entrance. "God, I've missed touching you…"

"No one has ever touched me like you do…" Gripping her shoulders, she pushes two fingers deep inside of me and my eyes slam shut. "Oh god." Biting down on my bottom lip, she pushes deeper and sucks on the sweet spot below my ear. "We should take this to the bedroom…"

"We will." She whispers in my ear. "When I'm done with you down here." _Oh god. She's back._ I never thought I'd miss her words as much as I have, but the more she talks as she is thrusting in and out of me, the quicker I'm forgetting that we were ever apart. "I think your pants need to go." Climbing off of me, she pulls them over my thighs and my panties quickly follow. "Perfect." She sits back on her knees and spreads my legs. Dipping her head, she runs her tongue through my soaked folds and I gasp and buck against her mouth. Her fingers sliding back inside of me, she sucks my clit into her mouth and I swear I'm barely holding on. Not just to my orgasm, but my life.

"Fuck…" Thrusting in and out, she smiles against my sex and moans in delight when fresh arousal floods from my center. "God, yes." Gripping the back of her head, my thighs tremble and my stomach tightens. I've missed this with her. I've missed everything. "Eliza, I-I." Curling her fingers, my words are cut off and my eyes close. "Oh god. Fuck…y-yes." My grip in her hair tightening, I buck against her mouth and come undone. _God, I needed this. I so needed this._ "A-Amazing…" I pant, my chest heaving for the first time in what feels like forever.

Climbing back up my body, Eliza drops light kisses up my stomach before resting on me. "I've been so stupid." She admits, her voice breaking. "I'm so sorry."

"I need you to not disappear again, Eliza." Running my thumb across her cheek, her eyes close and she leans into my touch. "Trust me, please?"

"I-I do." She furrows her brow.

"Trust that I'm so in this." I smile. "I've hated not being with you. I really have."

"You don't need me to protect you…" She sighs. "I just…I'm sorry, okay?"

"I know you are." I give her a nod in agreement. "But we are stronger together. We are so much stronger when we are like this…"

"We are." She agrees, her lips pressing against my neck. "I love you, Arizona." A tear slipping down her face, it hits my skin and I curl my fingers beneath her jaw.

"Hey…" I furrow my brow. "No more tears." Wrapping my arms around her back, I pull her body down on my own and she melts into me. "We have all the time in the world to be out there and amazing together…we just have to be like this a little while longer."

"Yeah…" She sighs against my neck. "And I can do this. I promise I can do this." We may have to discuss this further at some point, but right now…it's Christmas and I just want her in my arms. I just want her to be here and present with me. The rest can wait.

"I know you can." My fingers run through her hair. "But it's Christmas, Eliza…and I don't want this to affect us during our break from campus. Okay?"

"Okay." She agrees. "Can I still share dinner with you?" She raises an eyebrow. "I-If you hadn't changed your plans…"

"That is totally still happening…" I give her my best smile. "And leave Alex to me."

"Mm, he doesn't like me very much right now." She drops her gaze and ghosts her fingers over my collarbone. "But I guess I only have myself to blame."

"He won't ruin Christmas for us." I shake my head. "No way…" I get the impression that he's said some not nice things to Eliza but I'm sure they can work through it. "He just gets a little protective of me."

"No, everything he said was totally right." She admits. "I guess it was everything I needed to hear. I just…I didn't expect that from him, you know?"

"Hey…don't even worry about it." I furrow my brow. "We are here right now and that is all that matters. _We_ are all that matters."

"Can I stay the night?" She asks, a little worry evident in her voice.

"There is no way you are leaving this place tonight." Climbing off of me, she pulls my naked body up to my feet and wraps her arms around my waist. "I'm pretty sure we have some making up to do before tomorrow…"

"I'm pretty sure you're right."

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	31. Chapter 31

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Thirty-One

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ELIZA'S POV

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Waking to absolute silence, I shift a little in bed and realize that last night actually happened. I'm at her place. Arizona's. My gorgeous girlfriend. I'm at her place and I'm actually in her arms right now. Not beside her or close to her…in her arms. They're wrapped around me tighter than ever and her soft breathing is keeping me grounded. _Wow…I never thought I'd be here again._ I never thought I'd have this with her again. I mean, I don't deserve any of this. I don't deserve to wake up in her arms on Christmas morning, but it's happened. It's happened, and I'm not sure I've ever been more thankful for anything in my entire life. _She forgave me._ I don't know what to do with that right now. Sure, we made love all night, but I'm still struggling with the fact that she, Arizona Robbins, forgave _me._ Me. The girl who has messed her around more times than I care to remember. The girl who has broken her more than once. The girl who begged her to be all in, only to walk away from her. To run. Yeah, that's me. The one who can never stick to her word. Only this time, I will. I have to. She wants this, and she wants me, and I have to realize that. I have to remember that she is all in where I'm concerned and I couldn't ever imagine my life without her.

I tried to. I tried to move forward and forget about her, but I couldn't. It was too hard. She is simply unforgettable. It's not even about the fact that she's told me she loves me. It's not even about the fact that she took my virginity. None of that matters. Well, it does, but it isn't everything. It's a lot, and it kept me here when I wanted to leave, but it's just everything about her. Absolutely everything. How she makes me smile. How she does that wrinkle with her nose when she is unsure about something. It warms me. It's the only way I can describe it. Then there are her hands. It's not that I've felt them roaming my body. It's not that they've had me screaming her name. It's the way they feel in my own. Her soft skin resting against mine. I sat in class and daydreamed about her hands on more than one occasion, but I never imagined they would feel so good in my own. I never imagined they would make my heart beat that little bit faster when she touched me. I say it beats faster, but I think it's simply beating for her and that is the difference that I've noticed.

I messed everything up between us when I told her I wanted to cool things a little, and I know that it was the biggest mistake of my life. I knew as it was falling from my mouth that I'd made the wrong the decision. I could see the hurt in her eyes. I could see the complete disappointment in me as she stepped out onto her porch and she tried to hold back her tears. I saw it, and there was nothing I could do about it. It was too late because I'd said what I did and I knew in that moment that I'd lost her. Even if I'd tried to explain myself, I knew it was useless. I knew I'd hurt her, and I could feel everything crumbling around me.

Stirring beside me, I glance over at my girlfriend's sleeping form and my heart pounds in my chest. It's Christmas morning, and I'm here with her. I still genuinely cannot believe it, but I'm totally just going to go with it. Why wouldn't I? Last night she kissed me in the snow, and then we made love in front of the fireplace. Last night, she told me to trust her…and I totally do. How can I not? How can I ever question her commitment to me? She's shown me more commitment than anyone else ever has in my life. I have to do the same. I have to be that person who doesn't let their fears get in the way of this. Why? Because this is way too good to lose. This is way too important to ever walk away from again. I'd say it is probably going to make us stronger, but we didn't need that. We didn't need to test our strength. It was perfect how it was. _We_ were perfect.

Running my fingers up the back of her hand, she shifts a little closer to me and smiles against my chest. Placing a soft kiss to my skin, my eyes close and I just enjoy the moment. I just enjoy being here with her. Warm, in her bed. Her super comfy bed. I feel like I belong here, but I always have. No matter what my fears have been in the past, her bed is the place I've always felt the safest. Her bed is the place I've always felt most honest. Her too, I think. Bringing her hand up to my mouth, I press my lips to her knuckles and her beautiful blue eyes open slowly. "Good morning…" She smiles as she tries to stifle a yawn. "Did you sleep well?"

"Better than I have in two weeks." I smile, my eyes now fixed on the ceiling above us. "You?"

"I woke once or twice to check you were still here, but yes…incredibly well." Shifting impossibly close, her thumb grazes my collarbone and my body shudders. "I'm so happy you are here, Eliza." Propping herself up on her elbow, her lips connect with my own and I feel more relaxed than I've ever been. "Merry Christmas." She pulls back and gives me an adorable dimpled smile. _God, I could breathe her in all day._

"Merry Christmas." I smile.

"You doing okay?" She asks, her eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

"You know what?" I glance her way. "I am. I'm doing pretty good."

"Good." She breathes out. "Today is about us. Other people may be here, but ultimately, this day belongs to us and only us. Just remember that, okay?"

"Okay." I agree.

"Now, I'm going to get the fire started, and then you are going to join me in the living room." She runs her fingers through my hair and places a kiss on my jawline. "Stay here. Keep warm. Give me ten minutes, okay?"

"I can help?" I suggest. "Make coffee or something…"

"No." She shakes her head. "Just relax here for a few, okay?"

"Okay." Watching her naked body climb from the bed, the love I have for this woman is so intense that it's sometimes unbearable. I could watch her all day long and given half the chance, I'd do exactly that…but she just makes me feel some kinda way, and honestly, I cannot describe it. I cannot even begin to put into words how she makes me feel. Crazy? A hopeless romantic? Unbelievably loved? I just feel everything when she is around. Everything…and then some.

* * *

Slowly taking the stairs, I can hear my girlfriend moving about in the kitchen. The warmth of her fire pulling me further into her space, she's making coffee and I have to stand back for a moment and take the scene in. It's Christmas, the tree is twinkling, and she is in a snuggly robe making coffee for us both. She is so not what I imagined all those months ago when I moved here. I expected someone who was nonchalant about everything. Someone who was guarded. Cold, maybe. She is definitely none of those things. She is open and warm-hearted. She is gorgeous and her personality totally matches her beauty. I can't say I've ever really thought about spending Christmas with someone else, but now that I am…this is going to be the first of many with her. I know it. Yes, I ran…but I'm here. I'm here and I swear to God I'm here to stay. There is no way I can go on living my life without her in it. No way.

Moving further into the living room, she glances up and gives me the most amazing smile. "Hey…just in time for coffee."

"Perfect." I breathe out as I approach her. "I love you."

"I love you too, but it's just coffee." She furrows her brow.

"No." I shake my head and pull her into my arms. "It's so much more than that, Arizona."

"O...kay." She narrows her eyes and studies my face. "You doing okay?"

"Amazing." I smile. "And it's all because of you…" Pressing my lips to her own, I've never felt so incredibly loved in all of my life. "I'm so glad I came here last night."

"Me too." She smiles against my mouth. "Come on…" Motioning towards my coffee cup, I pick it up and she pulls me into the living room. "I have something for you." Dropping down beside the Christmas tree, she pulls a long thin box from beneath it and hands it over to me. "Just…I know we didn't agree to do gifts or anything like that, but I had to get it for you.

I didn't expect a gift from her. I mean, being here is a gift enough for me right now. Giving her a small smile, I tug it from its sleeve and open the lid. My eyes closing and my smile growing even wider, I take the bracelet from its home and run my fingers over it. _Okay, this is just crazy._ "It's beautiful, Arizona."

"It matches your eyes." She fixes it on my wrist and places a kiss on the back of my hand. "And it fits perfectly."

"I can't believe this." I breathe out, my eyes fixed firmly on the jewelry hugging my skin. "I just…"

"Hey…" She rests on her knees and leans in, placing a kiss below my ear. "I just wanted you to have it."

"I, uh…" Clearing my throat, I pull a matching box from the pocket of my robe and smile. "I got you something, too."

"You didn't have to do that." Her brow furrowed slightly, she lifts the lid on her own box and her breath catches in her throat. Glancing up at me, a smirk appears on her gorgeous mouth and she pulls me into a kiss. "It's just…" Shaking her head, she presses her lips to my own again and pulls back. "...it's the same."

"It is." I agree. "Kinda crazy, huh?"

"Crazy?" She raises her eyebrow. "No…it's perfect."

"Can you believe we did that?" I laugh. "I mean, I saw it and it was just your eyes…"

"And I thought the exact same thing." She shakes her head. "Yeah, that is a little crazy." Climbing into my lap, she removes her own bracelet from the box and hands it over to me. "Would you?" Fixing it in place, they both look pretty amazing and I have to blink back the tears settling in my eyes. "So beautiful." She breathes out. Her head resting against my own.

"This is us, Arizona." She lifts her head from my own and I run my thumb across her bottom lip. "Here like this…" I smile. "It's all we need. I don't care who does and doesn't know about us. So long as we know what we have, that is all that matters."

"I love you, Eliza." Her grip around my waist tightening, she nuzzles her face in the crook of my neck and smiles against my skin. "God, I've missed your scent."

"You won't ever have to miss it again…"

* * *

With everything prepared and the food cooking, I step up to the window and lean against the inside wall. It snowed for most of the night, and it's left a beautiful blanket of white for us to appreciate today. I mean, I'm not overly bothered about snow, and I'm not sure Arizona is either, but it just adds to this whole feeling I have going on inside of me. That feeling of complete love. Acceptance. Warmth. A small smile creeping onto my face when I'm reminded of how far I've come since dad died, I don't feel sad anymore. I don't feel that burning desire to hate everything and everyone, myself included, like I did this time last year. Instead, I feel hopeful. Hopeful for everything that is about to come in my life. Arizona more so than anything else. _She's taking me away._ I've no idea where we are headed, but I don't care because I know that wherever it is, I'll have the opportunity to hold her the entire time. I'll have the opportunity to be open and free with her. It's kind of amazing when I think about it, but that's just who she is. Loving and thoughtful.

Feeling her presence behind me, she wraps her arms around my waist and settles her chin on my shoulder. "I'm so happy I'm spending this day with you…"

"Me too." Placing my hands on her own, I squeeze them tight and rest my head against her own. "I didn't think I'd be here this time last year."

"But you are…"

"I know, and I'm so thankful that I am." I agree. "But you? You coming into my life has totally changed me, Arizona. I mean, I lay awake most nights thinking about you before we met. Outside of campus, that is. Thinking about the life you had. Who was in it? Where you happy? Did you ever think about me? I just…I never thought I'd be standing here with your arms around me right now. I never thought I'd be with you in your home for Christmas." I sigh. "I certainly never thought we would be here like this…holding each other, wearing matching bracelets."

"Me neither." She turns her head a little and inhales deeply. "You know, you used to walk past me in class and I remember how gorgeous your perfume was." A small smile creeping onto my face, I simply listen. "I remember the day you first walked into my class. How beautiful I thought you were. Then you glanced up at me one day, and wow…" She breathes out. "Nobody had ever looked at me that way. I mean, I didn't think anything of it at the time…but I remember wondering if you looked at anyone else that way. You know? Did you pull everyone in with your eyes? Was I thinking too much of it?"

"God, I wish I'd known how you felt." Her hands slipping beneath my shirt, her fingertips caress my stomach and my eyes close. "I wish I'd known way before I did."

"Maybe…" She agrees. "But it would have only made things more complicated than they needed to be."

"I guess you're right." I nod. "It worked out in the end, though, huh?"

"And then some, beautiful." The sound of the doorbell reluctantly pulling us apart, she sighs and gives me a smile. "That will be Alex."

"Let me get it?" I raise an eyebrow. "You check on things in the kitchen…"

"Sure." She agrees. Moving through the living room, I straighten myself out and try to relax a little. I'm sure Alex and I will be fine, but I'm also pretty sure he is still mad at me. Unlocking the door, I pull it open and give Alex my best smile. Except, it's not Alex.

"Oh, uh…is Arizona home?" Abbie asks, her brow furrowed.

"Sure." I smile. "Come on in…" Opening the door a little wider, I step aside and allow Arizona's ex-wife entrance to her home. "Arizona?" I call out as I close the door behind us both.

"What's up, beautiful?" Rounding the corner, she furrows her brow and looks between us both. "Oh, uh…Hey, Abbie. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, um…I just wanted to come by and thank you for the past couple of weeks." She shrugs. "You've been amazing."

"I was just being your friend." My girlfriend smiles. "Don't you have plans for the day?"

"Yeah, I'll figure something out." She nods. "Anyway, I should go. Um…you guys look pretty busy here."

"Why don't you stay?" I cut in and Arizona's eyes shoot my way. "If you don't have someplace else to be?"

"Oh, that's sweet but I don't think I'm wanted around her." Abbie gives me a knowing look. "I don't think it would be appropriate."

"Why not?" I furrow my brow. I want to get a read on what kind of person this woman is, and what better way to do that than spend time with her? This day with her. "Arizona has been your friend the past few weeks, so what's one more day, right?" I glance towards my girlfriend.

"I guess so." She shrugs.

"Really?" Abbie wrinkles her nose. "You're not all offended and weirded out by me being here?"

"Me?" I raise an eyebrow. _Does she think that I'm intimidated?_ "No. I mean, you said yourself last night…"

"What?" I'm beginning to get the impression that she didn't expect me to be here today, but I am, and I'm not going anywhere. Maybe she should stick around so I can show her exactly how her ex-wife always should have been treated. Maybe she should stick around so she knows that this is my place now. Arizona's life is my place, and she ain't ever getting it back. She lost the right to come here unannounced when she fucked up with my girlfriend's colleague. Fucked around, even.

"You made a mistake." I shrug. "Now, if you're staying...you can set the table." I move away from her and throw my girlfriend a wink. "Arizona, can you help me with something?"

"Sure, what's up?" She moves through the living room and towards the staircase.

"Nothing." I lower my tone. "Just wanted to check you are okay with this?" Taking her hands in my own, she gives me a sad smile.

"If you are, yes." She nods. "I mean, I was going to invite her but I wasn't sure it was a good idea."

"It's just dinner, Arizona." I smile. "You and I have the entire night to relax and do Christmassy things."

"Oh, yeah?" She narrows her eyes and wraps her arms around my waist. "And what kind of things are we talking about here?"

"Oh, just the usual." I shrug. "Christmas sex…on the couch. In the kitchen. Maybe even on the stairs if the mood takes us…"

"Mm, the image of you naked is now going to be burnt into my memory for the rest of the day." She presses her lips to my own. "But that is the most amazing image to hold onto, so yeah…let's get this thing going." About to step away, I tug her back by the wrist and our bodies connect.

"I love you, Arizona Robbins." Smiling into a kiss, the doorbell sounds out once again and she pulls back.

"I love you too, Eliza Minnick."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always. I'm planning on another chapter tonight. Let me see what I can do.**


	32. Chapter 32

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Thirty-Two

* * *

ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

Okay, so I'm not sure how this day is about to go, but I don't get the best feeling in the world about it. I mean, I have my girlfriend here…and now my ex-wife, too. Could my life be any more fucked up than it already is? I know Eliza is just trying to do the right thing, and I love how considerate she is towards other people, but Abbie can get a little too much sometimes and I know that they are going to clash. I can feel it. I can just see it now. Approaching the door, my girlfriend has just made her way back into the living room and I'm surprised that she is okay with this. I guess because she knows that Abbie has been around in a friendly capacity…she trusts that nothing can go wrong. It can't go wrong. I cannot allow it. To be honest, I'm more concerned about Alex right now. I know he had some sort of conversation with Eliza last night, but she won't talk about it. She won't tell me what he said. I guess it's none of my business, but I hope he didn't go hell for leather on her. I hope he didn't let his mouth run away with him. He gets like that sometimes, and whilst I appreciate it nine times out of ten, I don't need him to protect me from her. She means well and she had a moment. A moment she has promised to never have again.

Pulling the door open, I find Alex standing on my porch with a box of his best wine and beer for himself. "Merry Christmas, Robbins."

"Hey, Alex." I pull him into a hug. "Merry Christmas." Releasing him from my grip, I step aside and he furrows his brow when he hears other voices. "Don't even…" I hold up my hands. "Today is about being happy, Karev, and I really need you to just be happy."

"Who's here?" He asks, his voice lowered.

"Both of them." I sigh.

"Both of who?" He furrows his brow and studies my face. "Oh, no." He shakes his head. "No, no, no."

"Relax, madman." I roll my eyes. "Eliza and I are back together…and well, the whole Abbie thing? I'm still processing that myself."

"Figured you guys would get back together." He shrugs. "It's why I brought extra wine…but her? That fucking whore?"

"Alex, please don't." I give him a sad smile. "I know you hate her, and I do most of the time, too..but she has no one right now. Eliza is the one who asked her to stay, so?"

"You women are freaking crazy." He shakes his head and laughs. Moving into the living room, he heads straight for the kitchen and sets down everything he has brought. "Eliza, you got a minute?"

"S-Sure." She gives me a questioning look. "What's up?" Approaching him, he pulls her into a hug and I watch their interaction. "Uh…"

"Thanks for taking your head out of your ass." He smiles. "But what's the deal with her?" He lowers his tone. "You got something planned?" He pulls back and studies her face. "Something I can get involved with?"

"Uh, like what?" She furrows her brow.

"Dunno." Alex shrugs. "Throwing her dinner over her…"

"No, Alex." She laughs. "I hadn't planned on that." Moving in a little closer, she thinks I cant hear her but I totally can. "Unless she asks for it, it won't happen."

"Damn." He shakes his head. "Figured she would be wearing a glass of wine, at least."

"If you children have finished?" I break up their conversation and raise my eyebrow.

"Hey…mind your own business, Robbins." He flips me the finger. "Eliza and I were just getting our best friend status back."

"Mm…" I narrow my eyes. "Sure you were." Rounding the counter, I glance over towards the window and find Abbie burning her eyes through the back of my girlfriend. I know she is jealous, but it's kinda nice. I mean, she was never jealous when we were together, and now that we are divorced, she has realized she messed up. I feel nothing for her anymore, though…and that is all that matters. "Abbie?"

"Mm…" She takes her wine glass between her teeth.

"Can I get you a refill?" I ask and she gives me a nod as she approaches me. "Same again?"

"That would be nice." She smiles. "So, thanks for having me over today…"

"That was all Eliza." I give her a knowing look. "Nothing to do with me."

"Still…you could have decided against having me over. This is _your_ place, after all." She clears her throat. "Why did you take her back?" She lowers her tone and steps a little closer to me. My own eyes fixed firmly on my girlfriend and my best friend across the room.

"Because I love her…" I admit, a smile creeping onto my face. A smile that Abbie knows is genuine. Sensing a shift in my ex-wife's behavior, I prepare what is left of dinner and she studies Eliza.

"Who is she?" She asks. "Where did you guys meet?"

"At Alex's bar, why?"

"She looks a little young, is all…" A slight shrug of the shoulders and she moves away again. No matter what happens today, my ex-wife cannot find out that Eliza is my student. It would be around campus within five minutes. I know it would. I'd like to believe that she wouldn't ever do something like that to me, but I think she would. No, I know she would. If she can't have me…she won't want Eliza to have me, either.

 _Keep your back up, Robbins. Keep your back up._

* * *

"Hey, Robbins…" Alex glances around the table of food that has been set out. "You make a mean dinner…same again next year?"

"Oh, I don't know." I shake my head as I approach the table with fresh bottles of wine. "Maybe I will be off sunning myself next Christmas. Eliza, too."

"Nah." He shakes his head. "You don't want to do that."

"Uh, why not?" I furrow my brow. "Who would rather sit in the snow than on a gorgeous beach?"

"You…" He picks up his fork and points it at me. "Now that you've shown me what you are capable of, I need it every year. Mrs. Robbins will understand."

"Oh, I'm sure she will." I laugh. "Then everyone will come here and I'll never get a minute to myself."

"It's all about love, Arizona." He rolls his eyes. "Love and happiness or some soppy shit like that."

"Yeah." Abbie cuts in. "We had some amazing times during the holidays."

"I didn't ask for your input." My best friend glances up at my ex-wife and its the first time they've spoken since he arrived. About to pull a chair out, Alex stands and Eliza comes into the room behind my ex-wife. "And don't even think about sitting there…" He scoffs. "THAT is Eliza's seat." Closing my eyes and shaking my head, I appreciate his concern but it's really no big deal who sits where. I mean, I want my girlfriend with me and beside me, but it's just dinner. I have the entire night with her to come. "Sit at the other end of the table…"

"Whoa…chill out, Karev." Abbie laughs. "Want me to go sit on the porch?"

"Actually…yeah." He spits. "That would be the best place for you."

"Alex…" Eliza and I both speak at the same time. "Just stop, okay?" I give him a knowing look.

"What's the deal with all of this anyway?" He asks as he piles mashed potato onto his plate. "Like, are you guys in some weird friendship now, or?"

"No." I breathe out. "But can we not discuss this during dinner?"

"Sure." He holds up his hands. "My bad." Realising that he is reading too much into this, he quietens down a little and shovels food into his mouth. "Eliza, that meat is good." He throws my girlfriend a wink. "Best I tasted…but don't tell Mrs. Robbins I said that."

"How is your mom doing, Arizona?" Abbie asks.

"She's fine, thanks." I give my ex-wife a small smile. "Just a quiet Christmas for them this year. Until Tim turns up, at least."

"Mm…" She nods as she sips on her glass of red. "Is he still dating that one you don't like?"

"I've no idea." I shrug. "Hey, Alex is right, baby." I switch my gaze to Eliza. "You make some mean meat."

"Thank you." She gives me a smile and sits quietly. I think she is just taking all of this in, but I don't want her to sit in silence. This is supposed to be our day and no ex-wife is going to spoil that.

"You working tomorrow night, Eliza?" Alex cuts in, totally dismissing the rest of Abbie's conversation. "Could really use you…"

"Nope." She shakes her head as she spoons peas onto her plate. "Arizona and I are going away."

"Mmhmm…" He narrows his eyes. "Don't you dare damage my best staff, Robbins."

"Excuse me?" My eyes widen.

"Oh, come on." He rolls his eyes. "I know how you two get when you are alone. I hear all about it from one or both of you."

"You do not." We both state in unison. "Ugh, Alex." Eliza shudders. "I've _never_ discussed anything like that with you."

"But just so you know…you totally can." He throws my girlfriend a wink and she looks at him in complete horror. I know how to take his humor, but Eliza is still learning.

"Okay, this is not the Christmas day I imagined." She laughs.

"Oh, they get better." Abbie cuts in. "Pretty awesome with Arizona, actually."

"Yeah…I know." She gives my ex-wife a look that I've never seen from her before. "I'm sure I'll experience many more of them."

"Yeah, you will." Leaning in, I press a kiss below her ear and she leans into my touch. "So many more."

"Right on, Robbins." Alex raises his bottle of beer and I roll my eyes.

A silence settling between the four of us, I glance around and find everyone tucking into their food. I've never done Christmas here before but I suspect it will be happening a lot more. Especially if Alex has anything to do with it. Glancing down at my bracelet, I can't believe we both bought each other the same gift. I mean, I know we are in sync with each other, but this in sync? No. I didn't think it was that intense. I'm not complaining, though. Our bracelets are our own way of remembering what we have when we aren't able to show it in public. It was amazing, though, to kiss her in the snow last night. _God, I wish we could do that more often._ I wish we didn't have to worry about who saw. It just makes our trip away so much more exciting. I'll kiss her and touch her wherever and whenever I like, and I'm pretty sure she is feeling that behavior, too.

"So, Eliza…are you new to Seattle?" Abbie asks, breaking the silence between everyone.

"I am, yeah." Eliza nods. "But I'm enjoying it, obviously, so?"

"You work at the bar, right?" Abbie narrows her eyes. "Is that your profession, or?"

"At the minute, it is." She shrugs. "It's not permanent, though."

"Oh, what is it that you want to do?"

"Well, I have a biology degree so there is a multitude of things I could do. I just haven't decided yet."

"Biology degree, huh?" Abbie clears her throat. "Impressive. Is that recent, or?"

"Couple of years, yeah." Eliza nods. "I'll decide on what I want to do soon. I have things to concentrate on right here at the minute." Squeezing my thigh beneath the table, she catches my eyes and I give her a genuine smile. "More important things, shall we say?"

"Sure." Abbie gives her an awkward smile. "Anyway, the food is great guys. Amazing, even. Thank you for having me over."

"Don't thank me." Alex mumbles. "Hoped I'd never see your face again…"

* * *

Loading the dishwasher, I feel a presence behind me but it isn't Eliza. I'd know her presence anywhere and it definitely isn't hers. Continuing with my tidy up, I slam the door closed and stand, turning quickly and finding Abbie close behind me. Closer than I'd like her to be. "What?" I spit.

"Wow, attitude, huh?" Leaning against the counter, I push past her and grab the next load for when the dishwasher is ready. "I just…I've really enjoyed today." She swirls her wine in her glass and gives me a look that I don't like. Eliza and Alex are on the porch drinking beer, and I'm here alone with her. I don't want to be alone with her. I never want that again. "Arizona?"

"What, Abbie?"

"Are you happy with her?" She asks and I'm guessing she is a little tipsy right now. "Really happy?"

"I am." I nod. "And I'm a damn sight happier than I ever was with you…"

"Low blow." She scoffs. "She's a kid."

"No. She's not." I shake my head. "What she is, though, is a beautiful woman who loves me and puts me first. Sure, she's had her shortcomings, but don't we all?"

"I don't." She shrugs.

"I'm sorry." I shake my head. "Are we just going to forget the fact that you were fucking another woman for a year? My colleague!"

"That was a mistake." She sighs.

"Once, maybe…but a year?" I laugh. "No, a year isn't a mistake, Abbie. What? Did she kick you to the curb when there was no fun in it anymore? When there was no secrecy and mystery?"

"No." She scoffs. "I ended it with her. I wanted you back."

"I divorced you for a reason, Abbie."

"But we've been pretty close these past few weeks. Surely you see that? Surely you saw how we were getting back to ourselves?"

"No." I hold up my hands. "I was being your friend...and honestly, I'm beginning to wish I'd never done that. I'm beginning to wish that I'd never answered your message that night when you came to the bar."

"I just…being here with you today has made me realize what I lost." She sighs as her voice breaks. "I never meant to hurt you…"

"But you did." Stepping closer to me, I take a step back and the front door opens. "More than you could ever know."

"I'm sorry." She shakes her head. "I just wanted us to try again."

"I think it's time for you to leave." Eliza steps up behind my ex-wife and stares her down. "Sooner rather than later."

"This conversation doesn't concern you." Abbie rolls her eyes.

"Oh, I think it does." She replies. "I invited you here to our place today because I felt bad for you, but really...you're just trying to get her back, aren't you?" _Our place. She said our place._

"Again, this doesn't concern you." Abbie shakes her head. "Leave the adults to talk."

"Excuse me?" Eliza raises one of her gorgeous eyebrows. "You don't even know me so don't dare talk down to me."

"I know that you couldn't give her what I can!" My ex-wife spits.

"Oh, and what's that? Heartbreak on a daily basis and an infection passed on by whoever you've been fucking?"

"Security. Wealth." She shrugs. "You are a minnow where I'm concerned, Eliza. You ought to realize that before you make a fool of yourself." I desperately want to cut in and kick this woman out of my home but I suspect Eliza isn't finished with her just yet. Alex, though? He is standing open-mouthed behind the both of them.

"You think she needs those things? Wealth? That is really all you provided her with?"

"More wealth than you ever could…"

"She needs love, Abbie." My girlfriend yells. "Love and someone who will be here of an evening to hold her. Money is all good, but it doesn't buy you that kinda stuff. It can't ever buy you those feelings. Shame on you if think that's what makes a relationship." Backing up a little, Eliza opens the front door and motions for my ex-wife to leave. "You really should go. I don't care how down you are or how lonely you are…I don't even want to look at you anymore."

Grabbing her purse, my ex-wife brushes past Alex and he gives her a look of complete disgust. I've just fallen impossibly in love with Eliza and I'm not even sure if that's possible. I didn't think I could love her any more than I do, but it's just happened. It's just happened and I need her hands in my own right now. "Karev!" I pull him from his thoughts, his jaw clenched. "Get the shots out!" Watching my girlfriend slam the door shut on my ex-wife, I round the counter and move closer to her. Cupping her face in both of my hands, I crush my lips against her own and I think she is a little startled. "God, I love you." I breathe out as I pull back. "I love you so much, Eliza."

"I love you, too." She smiles. "I didn't like how she was behaving so she had to leave. I'm sorry if I ruined your Christmas…"

"You didn't, baby." Running my thumb across her bottom lip, I give her a genuine smile. "You made it perfect. Your honesty...it just made it perfect."

"I didn't want to cause a scene." She shakes her head.

"In general or at _our_ place?" I smirk.

"Huh?"

"You said our place…"

"Oh, I'm so sorry." She drops her gaze. "I just…I got caught up in the moment."

"Don't ever be sorry." I curl my fingers under her chin. "One day…this _will_ be our place and it will be amazing." Alex clears his throat to remind us that he is in the room but I don't care right now. I don't care who is here. "A few drinks with Alex and then he has to leave, okay?" My voice low, she furrows her brow.

"Why? He's your best friend and can stay as long as he likes…"

"Except he can't." I breathe out against her mouth. "Because I need to have my way with you, and I need you _now_." Wrapping my arms around her waist, my tone is painfully low as I bring my lips up to her ear. "I'm so wet for you, Eliza…and I need you inside of me."

"Oh god…" She whispers. Her own voice low and desperate. "H-Hurry up with these drinks…"

"Yeah?" I smirk. "You need me, huh?" I narrow my eyes as I grip her ass.

"Fuck...I always need you."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	33. Chapter 33

**Guest: Since you are so sure that I'm using other people's work (which I can assure you, I'm not), could you leave me the names of these fics in the reviews. I'd ask you to pm me, but you won't even use your name so I'm wasting my time with that one. Don't throw accusations around unless you have absolute fact. It's a little embarrassing (for you) and complete lies.**

 **Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Thirty-Three

* * *

ELIZA'S POV

* * *

"Enjoy the rest of your evening, Alex." Arizona's best friend heading for the door, I follow behind him as he shrugs on his jacket. "I'll call you in a few days when we are home…"

"Sure, Minnick." He turns back and smiles. "Hey, and don't let Abbie get to you. You guys are stronger than that."

"Oh, she won't." I shake my head, a slight laugh falling from my lips. "I don't have the patience for her, though, so she had to leave."

"I don't know why you even invited her here." He shrugs. "I mean, I know you thought you were doing the right thing, but you have to be wary of her. She wants Arizona back, and she will do anything to mess you guys up. I know her and I know what she is like."

"Don't worry, Alex." I squeeze his shoulder. "We will be okay."

"Promise?" He raises his eyebrow. "Promise that you won't let her get between you…"

"I promise." Feeling Arizona step up behind me, she wraps her arms around my waist and rests her chin on my shoulder. "We will see you soon, okay?"

"Goodnight, Ladies." He throws his best friend a wink and steps out onto the porch. "Enjoy your trip, yeah?"

"We will." Arizona smiles. Watching him move down the steps, he is on the sidewalk in a matter of seconds, and Arizona is already pressing herself against my ass. "You should probably lock that door…" She breathes against my ear. "...right now."

"Mm, someone is feeling a little hot, huh?" I close the door and force my ass back against my girlfriend. "You've wanted me all night…"

"I've wanted you every minute that has passed today." Pulling me through her home, she guides me towards the kitchen and takes two glasses of champagne from the counter. Trapping my body against it, she clinks our glasses and gives me a smile. "Merry Christmas, beautiful."

"Merry Christmas." Taking a sip, she takes it from my hand and sets it back down on the counter.

"You know…" Her lips pressing against my neck, my body begs for her touch. "...when she was talking shit."

"Mm…" I moan as she sucks on that sweet spot below my ear.

"All I could think about was taking you against this counter…" She smiles against my mouth. "God, I thought about it so hard…"

"Yeah?" I breathe out, my center throbbing for her. "And did it make you wet?"

"So wet." She groans in my ear. "So wet and so desperate for you."

"I don't believe you…" Her fingers popping the button on my jeans, she slips her hand past the waistband of my panties and my breath catches in my throat. "Fuck…" Pressing her fingertips to my clit, she smiles against my mouth and takes my bottom lip between her teeth. "Oh god."

"Seems someone else is a little wet, too." Her words sending my body crazy, all I can feel is her. Nothing else exists around me right now. Dipping her hand a little lower, she gathers my arousal and smiles. "Mm, soaking." Leaning into a kiss, her tongue runs across my own and it sends the most incredible sensation straight to my core. Teasing my entrance, I grind against her hand but she pulls back. "Turn around." _Oh, this is going to be the best Christmas, ever._ Turning in her arms, she traps my body between the counter and her own before slipping my jeans down my legs. "God, I've wanted to touch you all day." Her fingers working my shirt, she slips it from my body as I step out of my jeans and places a kiss on my shoulder. "Feel you…" She whispers, removing my panties. "Hold you…" Her lips working my spine, she pushes my body forward a little and runs her tongue down my back. "Sink my fingers deep inside of you…"

"Fuck…" My own voice barely audible, she ghosts her fingertips up the back of my thigh and dips them between my legs.

"Feel you throbbing around me…" Slipping a single finger inside of me, my body falls forward on the counter and my eyes close, my mouth hanging open. "Your arousal…just dripping down my fingers."

"Oh god…" Adding a second finger, my breath catches in my throat and she pushes a little deeper. Her hand placed on my shoulder, she pushes me down further and flicks the clasp of my bra.

"How does it feel, Eliza…" Her voice low and laced with complete arousal, she pulls back a little, only to sink back inside of me. "How does it feel knowing I'm the only one who will ever touch you like this?"

"A-Arizona…" I whisper.

"How does it feel knowing I'm the only one who will _ever_ fuck you…" She grips my ass and opens me up to her. "Only my hands will ever work your body...I'm the only one who will be deep like this."

"So good." I groan, my head dropping between my shoulders. "You're all I'll ever want."

Sinking deeper with each thrust, she is totally taking me for herself right now. I don't know if it's because of what Abbie said, or whether she is just in that kind of mood, but I'm not complaining. I know she wants to make me feel good, and she is doing exactly that. Her pace picking up, she pounds me into the counter and god…she does it so well. Better than I'd imagine anyone ever could. Her hand tangling in my hair, she pulls my head up a little and leans her body over mine. "You know I love you, right…"

"I-I do." My breath catches with every thrust.

"And you know that you will forever be mine…"

"God, y-yes." I moan as she curls her fingers. "I-I I'll always be yours."

"Nobody makes me feel like you do, Eliza." Releasing my hair, she slips her hand around my thigh and connects with my clit. "Nobody will ever make me feel how you do."

"Show me." I breathe out. "Show me how much you want me, Arizona…"

"Yeah?" She slows her pace. "You really want me?"

"So much." I nod as I brace my arms against the counter. "I need you to fuck me good…"

"Mm, gladly." She moans as her fingers pick up speed against my clit. "I want you to come so hard for me." She whispers as her thrusts increase and her strength is stronger than ever before. "You deserve to come anytime you want…"

"Do it," I demand. "Please, fuck me hard." My body lifting from the counter, she pulls it back against her own and sinks her fingers deeper and deeper. "Y-yes. Just like that." Her lips pressing against my neck, she rubs my clit vigorously and my stomach tightens. "Shit…y-you, oh fuck. You're the best I could ever have."

"Mmhmm…" She smiles against my skin as my mouth falls open. "And don't ever forget it."

"Oh god." My walls clenching her fingers tighter with every movement, I sink down hard against her hand and my orgasm approaches fast. "I-I, oh god…Arizona, I'm s-so close."

"I know." Her whisper tickling my ear, my eyes roll to the back of my head and I let my body take over. I let her work take over. "Come for me, Eliza…"

"F-Fuck." Not letting up, I'm barely breathing right now. "Yes, O-Oh…I'm coming." My body beginning to shake, she slams into me. "I'm so coming." My thighs closing, I writhe and convulse against the beautiful body behind me and my girlfriend moans in my ear. "Jesus, oh wow…" Shock waves rippling through me, she slows her movements and my entire body is throbbing. _So good._ "Arizona, oh god." My body falling forward against the counter, the cool marble is a welcome relief right now. It may be snowing outside, but it's a million degrees in here. It always is when I'm with Arizona. It's always super hot.

"I love you." Her hand removed from between my legs, she wraps it around my waist and pulls me against her again. "I love you, and I'm so sorry you had to hear those things she said."

"I'm not." I breathe out, my chest beginning to rise and fall at a better rate. "Means I can hate her more than I already did."

"Just know that _you_ are who I love, okay?"

"I know." I give her a slight nod in agreement as my head falls back on her shoulder. "I love you, too."

* * *

My eyes fixed on the ceiling above me, I've been awake for a little while now, but I cannot for the life of me sleep any longer. I want to, and I never want to leave this bed…but I'm a little over excited about our trip away. I don't know where we are headed, but I don't care. So long as I'm alone with Arizona, we could be headed to the other side of the world and I wouldn't care. I won't lie, though, Abbie's words have been playing on my mind since I woke, but it's nothing to worry about. I mean, I'm not about to question us or what Arizona used to share with her ex-wife, I just can't believe she said what she did. I can't believe she compared love and happiness to money. I'd like to believe that I wasn't shocked, but I was. I truly was.

Like, do people actually think that way? Do people with money actually believe that it can give them all the happiness they could ever want in a relationship? I guess it only reinforces my idea that she didn't care about Arizona. Not truly. Maybe at one point, she did, but the whole cheating for a year and claiming it was a mistake is clearly a lie. If I'd heard her telling Arizona she loved her for who she was, I'd maybe have a little more respect for her, but to know that she thinks she can keep Arizona with wealth…that doesn't sit well with me at all. I mean, did she _ever_ love her? I'll bet they had a huge wedding that cost a small fortune. I'll bet she flaunted everything she had rather than concentrate her attention on her wife. She is clearly driven by money and sex, and now that she literally only has those things in her life, she should be happy, right? She should be content with how her life has unfolded right now.

I don't know her well enough to truly know how she behaved around my girlfriend, but I hope Arizona was at least happy. You know, oblivious and happy. I'd hate to think that she was in that relationship totally alone. It does make me question the things she's told me, though. Like, she told me she was happily married and that she didn't suspect a thing, but did she? Is she just trying to make herself feel better by blocking out the truth? It isn't any of my business, but I hope she knows that she can be honest with me. Completely honest. I hope she knows that I wouldn't ever judge her for staying and simply settling. Sure, she is worth so much more than that, but sometimes people don't realize what is out there when they think they are happy how they are. How they are already living.

Sighing, I glance over at my girlfriend and find her watching me. "How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough to know that you are thinking…" She props herself up on her elbow and studies my face. "Wanna talk about it?"

"I'm not sure there is anything to say." I shrug. "I just can't believe she said those things last night. About how money is more important. What could ever be more important than love?"

"I know." She sighs, her fingertips grazing my collarbone. "I was a little surprised, too."

"Did you ever think that she was using her wealth to keep you in the relationship?"

"Honestly, no." She shakes her head. "I thought she loved me and that was the end of it. Kinda hurt to hear her say those things, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

"Why?" I furrow my brow. "It is okay to be hurt you know, Arizona. It's okay to be mad at her…angry about her words."

"I know, but I don't want to be." She shifts a little closer to me and her gorgeous blue eyes sparkle. "I don't want to be angry at Christmas. I have you here with me and that's all that matters. You, and our love."

"I just hope you didn't stay with her for the sake of it," I admit. "I know it's hard to be lonely, but I hope you didn't stay with her because it was easier than leaving…"

"I didn't." She gives me a sad smile. "I truly loved her. Kinda sucks that I'm beginning to realize that she probably didn't feel the same way."

"Yeah, it does." I sigh. "I don't like her, Arizona. I also don't trust her."

"Don't worry about her." She gives me a pleading look. "I can't allow her to come between us, Eliza. I really can't."

"And she won't, but Alex said it himself." I give him a knowing look. "She can't be trusted."

"No, I agree." My girlfriend gives me a slight nod. "We just have to be careful around her. She knows you're a lot younger than me, but I don't think she realizes that you are a student of mine."

"You think she would out us if she found out?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yes." She breathes out. "I'd like to think that she wouldn't do something like that to me, but I think she would. Especially since the words that were exchanged last night. Since you stood your ground…"

"I'm sorry about that but I didn't like how close she was. How uncomfortable you looked."

"Don't ever apologize for fighting for me, Eliza." She presses a soft kiss to my lips. "You don't need to because you've always got me…but don't apologize for not backing down."

"She called me a kid." I scoff. "Is that what I am?"

"No, baby." Shifting until she is comfortably on top of me, she rests between my legs and runs her fingers through my hair. "You are anything but that."

"Really?" I give her a knowing look. "I mean, have you ever thought that about me?"

"Never." She whispers against my mouth. "You are mine, and that is all I ever think about. I don't care about the gap. I don't care about anything other than us being happy."

"You make me happy." I bring my hands up to her face and run my thumb across her cheek. "You make me so unbelievably happy, Arizona."

"And I hope that I always will…" She gives me a sad smile. "I hope I will never give you any reason to leave. I hope I will never give you any reason to fall out of love with me or do what she did."

"That's not even possible," I reply. "I could never fall out of love with you. Even in twenty years, I will love you just as much, probably more, than I do right now in this moment."

"You're beautiful." She smiles, her voice breaking. "Such a beautiful person. In every way imaginable."

"Don't cry." I furrow my brow and wipe away the stray tear that has fallen down her gorgeous face.

"Sorry…" She shakes her head. "I just…I don't know how I walked out of my marriage and into this. I don't know how I got so damn lucky."

"Fate." I smile as I wrap my hand around her neck and pull her into a kiss. "Fate, Arizona."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	34. Chapter 34

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Thirty-Four

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ARIZONA'S POV

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Okay, this day couldn't have come quick enough. I mean, Christmas was amazing, Abbie aside…but today is the day when I can do what I want and where I want with my girlfriend. I can hold her however I like and I won't have to worry about being seen. We aren't going anywhere overly special, but to me…being alone with Eliza is more than special. Whether we are at my place, or hers, or if we are going out of town to get some time together. It's all special and it's going to be perfect. I know Alex could have done with her help at the bar, but that's kinda tough. There was no way I was giving this opportunity up so she could work. No way. Throwing our bags into the trunk of my car, my girlfriend is still inside. I don't know what she is doing and I don't know why it takes her so long to get ready, but she really needs to move her ass. I want to get out of this place. I want to forget about the fact that our love is forbidden here. I want to forget about the fact that this is my place of work and Eliza is my student. I just need to hold her. Her hand…her body…just all of her.

Heading back inside my home, she slowly heads down the staircase and gives me a smile as I step inside. "Hey…" I breathe out. "You ready to head off?"

"For sure." She nods. "Just…where are we going?"

"Out of town." I shrug. "Don't worry, you have the appropriate clothing. I checked."

"Oh, you did, huh?" She narrows her eyes. "So, you saw the little surprise inside my luggage?"

"No." I shake my head. "I didn't go rummaging. I saw what you were taking when you had the mountains of clothes strewn all over our bed."

"Our bed?"

"Sure." I smile. "Why not?"

"You want it to be our bed?" She steps a little closer to me and studies my face. "Like, ours?"

"Like...yeah." I furrow my brow. "I won't ever be sharing it with anyone else, so it _is_ our bed."

"Wow…" She presses her lips to my own. "Feels kind of amazing hearing you say that."

"Uh, you said _our home_ last night." I laugh.

"Well, yeah…but that was like in the heat of the moment. You know, when that bitch was here."

"Mmhmm…you still meant it, though." I shrug and run my hands beneath her shirt. "Didn't you?"

"Maybe…" She smirks, a slight blush creeping up her neck.

"As much as I really want to take you to _our_ bed…we should leave. The sooner we get out of this place, the sooner I can be myself with you."

"I've got butterflies just thinking about it." Her honesty making me smile, my own butterflies come into play and it's the most intense sensation I've ever experienced. "God…" She breathes out. "I can't believe how stupid I've been."

"Huh?" I furrow my brow.

"I almost missed out on spending Christmas with you. Like, two days ago...we weren't together, and now here we are about to go away for a few days."

"It all came good in the end." I run my thumb across her cheek. "We are where we are supposed to be…" I press a kiss to her lips. "In love, and in each other's arms."

"I love you." Her voice breaking, she pulls me into a hug and her grip on my body tightens. She's having a moment, but that's okay. She can hold me all day long if she needs to. It's no problem with me. "You have no idea how amazing it feels to be here…"

"You know, I woke up Christmas Eve morning and I begged to see you. I don't know who I was begging, but I lay in bed and all I could think about was you. All I could think about was what we had already shared together. The happiness…" Pulling back, she studies my face and gives me a sad smile. "I couldn't believe we had broken up and even though it had been two weeks…it felt like forever since I'd seen you. Since I'd spoken to you. I hated it, Eliza."

"I'm sorry."

"No." I shake my head. "I'm not saying any of this because I want an apology or to make you feel bad. I just…I thought about you. All the time. Every second, Eliza. It's why I heard you out. It's why I followed you into the street. I knew I was supposed to be with you. Whether you agreed or believed it or not...I knew there was a reason you were all I could think about."

"I thought about you, too." She sighs. "God, I thought about you so much. But now I want to think about you for other reasons. I want and I need us to be okay because I love you, Arizona, and one day...this, us…god, it's going to be incredible. Everything about it."

"And that's what I was holding on to." I smile. "I was holding on to the fact that we were so good together. Sure, we don't have the chance to go out to dinner or whatever else we should be doing, but I know that one day we will…and yeah, I cannot wait."

"This break is going to be something else." She shakes her head, a small smile creeping onto her face. "And yeah, I think we should go. I need to feel your hand in my own."

"Then let's go, pretty lady." Her lips crushing into my own, she moans into my mouth and I know that this is going to be perfect. Everything about the holidays with Eliza is going to be absolutely beautiful. No one to bother us and no one to judge us? It's going to be everything we need. Completely everything.

* * *

We've been driving for almost two hours and we don't have much longer until we arrive at our spa. I hope Eliza likes it, but I don't suppose either of us is bothered where we go so long as we are together. Sure, an exotic vacation somewhere would be ideal, but this is just as good right now. Anywhere is good right now. Taking a right, we head into a small town and I pull up outside a coffee shop. "You want to grab some coffee before we finish our journey?"

"Mm…" Eliza stretches her body a little. "Coffee would be nice."

"Awesome." Climbing from the driver's seat, I round the front of my car and open the door for my girlfriend. "Come on…" Slipping out of the vehicle, she breathes a sigh of relief and gives me a smile.

"Sorry, I was almost asleep."

"I know." Lacing our fingers together, I shove my purse under my arm and pull my girlfriend a little closer to me. "Let's get inside before you are sleeping on my shoulder."

"That feels nice." She leans in a little closer and presses her lips below my ear. "Your hand always feels good in my own."

"Yeah…" I agree. "Feels kinda beautiful." Eliza glances around and I guess it's just a habit now. I hate that we sometimes feel on edge, but we're okay. We're good. "Stop worrying…"

"I'm not." She gives me a half smile. "Okay, I am. Sorry…I'll try not to."

"That's all I ask." Heading into the coffee shop, I place my hand on the small of her back and guide her through the tables. "This does feel good, though." It's been so long since I was openly in love with someone, and it feels incredible. It feels exactly like it's supposed to. The number of times I've just wanted to grab her hand in public. On campus. Kiss her on my porch. God, I've wanted that so much, and I hate that this is the first time. I guess it will just make it all new again when the time does come. New, and exciting. "Usual?" I ask as she takes a seat at a table close to the counter.

"You know it." She agrees. Heading for the counter, I don't seem to be able to remove the smile I have on my face right now. We _never_ go out together in public and I know this trip is only going to make me want to do it more often. I know that being with my girlfriend like this is going to be just what we need. The question is, can we go back to how it's been once our break away is over? It will be hard, but we both understand that it's just how it is right now. It sucks, but it's better than not being able to see each other at all. It's better than avoiding each other and lying to ourselves.

Heading back to the table my girlfriend is sitting at, our coffees in hand, I set them down and take a seat beside her. Leaning in a little closer, I press a kiss below her ear and lace our fingers together, our hands resting on Eliza's thigh. "I love you." Her eyes lifting, she gives me the most adorable smile and I know this is totally new to her. She may have wanted it to be like this, but now that we are openly out in public, I'm not sure she quite knows what to do with herself. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah." She sighs. "I just don't feel prepared."

"Prepared for what?" I furrow my brow.

"Being with you like this." She admits. "Like, I don't know what is okay and what isn't."

"Everything is okay." I try to reassure her. "Everything."

"God…" She closes her eyes and breathes deep. "I just…I just want to kiss you." Leaning in, I press my lips to her own before she backs out of her idea. Her hand relaxing in my own, I smile against her mouth and pull back.

"Like that?" I raise an eyebrow.

"J-Just like that." Her eyes brightening, she relaxes back in her seat and takes her coffee cup from the table. "Sorry, this just feels crazy."

"That's okay." I shrug as I sit back in my own seat. "You know if this is too much…we can save it for the hotel?"

"N-No." She shakes her head. "I want to be like this…I guess the worry is just still there."

"Understandable." I give her a sad smile. "But we are okay here, Eliza. I know everyone who works at the university and I'm pretty sure none of them live this far out."

"Yeah, you're right." She smiles. "Just…sorry."

"Don't apologize." I squeeze her hand. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"I know, but this is supposed to be our time. Our getaway."

"And it is." I nod. "Everything will happen as it's supposed to happen. Just know that I don't plan on holding back whilst we are here…"

"You enjoy this, huh?" Sipping on her coffee, she glances up at me over the rim of her cup. "The whole public display of affection thing."

"Honestly? Yeah, I do." I admit. "It's just what I'm used to. It's been so hard keeping my hands to myself back at home. I just…I guess I like the world to know that you belong to me. That's not a bad thing, right?"

"No, that will never be a bad thing." She shakes her head and a slight blush creeps up her neck. "You telling the world I'm yours could _never_ be a bad thing."

"Yeah?" My smile widens. "God, I just want everyone to know, Eliza."

"Me too." She runs her thumb over my knuckles. "Me too."

"You wanna get out of here so I can at least show our hotel room that your mine?" A slight smirk curling onto my girlfriend's lips, Eliza gives me a nod and takes her bottom lip between her teeth. "I was hoping you would say yes."

"How much longer is it?" She asks as we both stand and head for the exit.

"Another hour or so?" I try to remember the route I've taken and how far into our journey we are.

"Mm, not sure I can keep my hands to myself for that long." Rolling my eyes, I pull her body into mine as we reach the sidewalk and crush my lips into her own. "Mm…so good." She mumbles against my mouth.

"Who said you had to keep your hands to yourself?"

"Oh, I was just trying to be the better person." She shrugs as she rounds the back of my car and slips into the passenger seat. "You know, keep control?"

"Being the better person and keeping control never made either of scream in pleasure, Eliza…don't try to change it up now." Laughing as we buckle up and I fire up the engine, she gives me the most adorable and genuine smile I've ever seen from her and I pull away from the sidewalk. "You make me crazy, you know that, right?"

"I had an idea." She shrugs as she turns her head and watches the scenery. "Not as crazy as you make me, though." Heading off down the open road, my heart pounds in my chest at the prospect of having this woman to myself for the next few days. I mean, I never imagined I'd have her in my life, let alone be spending time with her like this. I've said it before, and I'll say it again…Eliza Minnick is all I could ever need in my life. Her kindness. Her beauty. Everything about her is all I need. Abbie may have thought I was with her for the money, and she may have thought that it would always trump anything else, but she couldn't be further from the truth. All I want is someone who loves me wholeheartedly. Someone who makes me smile. Laugh. Someone who doesn't need to throw their credit card at me to keep me sweet when they're fucking someone else.

I've never needed that. I've never needed material things, and I never will. Eliza recognizes this, and it only makes me fall harder in love with her. No amount of gifts could make me stay with someone who was breaking my heart behind my back. Sure, I was stupid to ever allow it to go as far as I did, but she's gone. At least, out of my life anyway. She may think that she can one day win me back, but what's done is done, and I could never go back to a woman who had climbed into bed with someone else…only to climb in beside me after it. I just couldn't. I was raised to respect myself and I was raised to be me. That is exactly what I'm doing. Being me. Loving how I love. Being happy like I'm supposed to. People may see my girlfriend as someone I've simply fallen back on when my marriage ended, but we know the truth. My close friends know the truth. Anyone who thinks that this a joke isn't important in our lives. This woman is forever, and I'm going to make damn sure that is how it stays.

 _I don't need much in my life…but I do know that I need to be happy. Eliza is my happiness. Eliza is my happy ever after…_

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	35. Chapter 35

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Thirty-Five

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ELIZA'S POV

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She held my hand. God, I know it sounds pathetic and it's not even a big deal…but she held my freaking hand. How did it feel? Intense. My stomach was somersaulting. Like, ten million tiny butterflies just throwing a party inside of me. It's the only way I can describe her soft skin against my own as we slowly took the sidewalk. Her hands are the softest I've ever felt. Angel like. Sounds weird, but that's what they are. They're the hands of a freaking angel and that angel belongs to me. God, she makes me crazy. Crazy to the point where I cannot concentrate on anything other than her. When I'm with her, and when I'm not. She could be sitting next to me and I'll still be thinking about her. How she speaks. How she breathes. How she looks at me with those ocean blue eyes. Everything about her is intense beyond belief.

I don't know if she understands the effect she has on me, but wow…it leaves me breathless time and time again. It leaves me craving her attention, even when her attention is already firmly fixed on me. She just makes me feel all kinds of craziness, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't ever want us to be any different to how we are right now. It's perfect and it's simply us. It's what drew me to her. It's what drew her to me. We have our own way of doing things, and that's how it is. It's as simple as that, really.

I've been in the bathroom in our hotel room for the past ten minutes and Arizona has gone down to the lobby to reserve a table for dinner tomorrow. She was going to call down to the front desk but I suggested she go and check out the restaurant. I needed to get her out of the room for a little while, and it worked. Thankfully. Yes, I'm putting on some sexy lingerie for her. I know she loves it, and I want her to enjoy this trip just as much as I know I will. Nothing wrong with keeping my lady happy, right?

Fixing my black lace panties on my hips a little better, I glance at myself in the mirror and I'm pretty happy with what I see. I know she loves my body, and she can have it. She can have all of me anytime she wants me. I'm almost certain that she knows this, but now and then I like to remind her and make sure that she knows. You know, like now? She kinda needs to hurry her ass up, though. Slipping my robe over my shoulders, I fix it around my waist and leave the bathroom.

The sound of the door beeping as I take a seat on the edge of the bed, my girlfriend comes back into our hotel room and gives me a smile. "Reservation made." Closing the door behind her, she glances up and down my body and furrows her brow. "Sorry, uh…I didn't book us in for any treatments today. I just figured we could relax here."

"Oh." I drop my gaze. "That's a shame."

"I can see what's available if you like?" Giving me a sad smile, she thinks I'm wearing my robe because I want to head to the spa. The only place I'm heading for is her body. "Want me to make a few calls?"

"No." I sigh as I stand. "We will just stay here." Tugging at the material holding my robe in place, it falls open and my girlfriend swallows. Hard. "Guess we will have to make our own fun, huh?"

"Y-Yes, I mean…sure. Um-" Her eyes closing, I take her hand in my own and place it low on my stomach. "Oh god." She breathes out. "Fuck…" Her voice barely above a whisper, I slip her hand past the waistband of my panties and her breath catches in her throat.

"I got a little wet waiting for you…" My breath washing over the side of her face as I lean in closer, her hand dips lower and her fingers are coated with my arousal. "I tried to stop it, but every time I think about you…it just happens."

"Shit…" Shaking her head, her eyes open and that gorgeous blue is darker than ever before. "I-I…god, I want you so bad right now." She runs her fingers through my folds and a low moan leaves my mouth. "Like, I want to fuck you all night." My body pushed back, my knees connect with the edge of the bed and I fall back.

"Like what you see?" I ask as her eyes trail my body.

"Love what I see." She smiles as she stands over my legs. "Stunning." Biting down on her bottom lip, she groans and pops the button on her jeans. "I think maybe the room is the best place for us…"

"Yeah?" I ask, my knee lifting and connecting with her center. "You want to relax?"

"Mm…" She grinds down on my knee. "I need to relieve a little of this tension I seem to have built."

"Anything I can do to help?" Sitting up on my elbows, my robe falls from my shoulders and I lower my girlfriend's zipper.

"Y-Yes." She nods as I slip my hand into her jeans and cup her sex through her panties. "You can always help."

"I'd love to, but you are wearing way too many clothes, Professor." A smirk appearing on her face, she knows what kind of night this is going to be. She knows exactly how it's going to go.

"M-Maybe I should fix that." She moans as I push her panties to one side and run a single digit through her arousal.

"Maybe you should." I nod as I remove my hand from her jeans. Slipping my finger into my mouth, she tries to squeeze her thighs together. "You know, I need to taste more of you…" Lifting her tee from her body, I flick the clasp on her bra and it drops to the floor. "Why don't you get those jeans off and climb up here so I can taste you a little better?"

"Oh god." Her eyes closing as she pushes the tight material down her thighs, her panties quickly follow and I can't help the smile that appears on my face. "You are so fucking hot, Eliza."

"Get up here." I grip her thighs and she climbs on top of me. "Higher," I whisper as her lips meet my own. "I need my mouth on you." Shifting further up the bed, she settles over my face and god, I could stare at her all day, every day. "Perfect." Lowering herself, I run my tongue through her arousal and her breath catches in her throat. "Mm…" The vibrations causing her to grind against my tongue, I tease her entrance and I can already feel her thighs trembling either side of my head. Gripping them tight, she rocks against my mouth and my tongue slips inside of her.

"Oh fuck." Her breathing labored, I could spend the entire night with her like this. Rocking above me. Riding my tongue. God, she's soaked. "E-Eliza, oh god. Fuckkk!" Sucking her clit into my mouth, she's absolutely throbbing for me. Her body is desperate for release. Her hands coming to rest on her thighs, she slows her hips a little and the moan she releases is the sexiest thing I've ever heard. "Shit…" Her breath catching, my tongue rolls over her clit and fresh arousal drips from her aching sex. "So good, oh Jesus…that feels so good." Falling forward, her hands are now buried in the plush mattress above my head and she tries to steady her breathing.

"Mm, you taste beautiful." Placing a kiss on her inner thigh, I shift from between her legs and climb up onto the bed behind her. "You doing okay there?" My arms wrapping around her waist, she hums in agreement and gives me a slight nod.

"God, that was unexpected." Her hands resting over my own, she drops her head back on my shoulder and sighs. "Can we stay locked away in this room forever?"

"You know I'd love nothing more…" Turning, she kneels in front of me and brings her hand up to my face. Running her thumb across my bottom lip, she leans in and captures them with her own.

"Turn around, pretty lady." Whispering against my lips, I narrow my eyes a little and she raises her eyebrow. "Now!"

"Mm, gladly." Tugging at my nipple, my girlfriend smiles and she has that look in her eye. The one that tells me to be prepared for round after round of lovemaking. I'd happily spend my life making love to her, though, and she knows this. She knows how much I crave her touch. She knows how much my body begs to have her hands on my skin. Doing as she asks, I turn my body on the bed and get myself into a position I know she likes. All fours. "Like this?"

"Mm, exactly like that." Feeling the bed dip behind me, she runs her fingertips up the back of my right thigh before digging them into my ass. " You know, usually I'd undress you, but this lingerie is doing all kinds to me right now…so, it stays on." Softly and slowing tracing the outline of my panties, her finger slips just beneath them and she follows the curve of my ass. "This ass, fuck." My body trembling for her, she dips her hand a little lower and is met with nothing but complete arousal. Arousal she has created. Arousal only she will ever create. "You never let me down, huh?"

"Never." I breathe out as I try to control my body for a little while longer. Pushing my panties to one side, the bed dips again and she blows against my center. "Fuck!" My head dropping between my shoulders, she nudges my legs apart a little more and presses her fingertip against my clit. "Oh god." Trying to hold onto everything inside of me right now, she recognizes this and applies a little more pressure to her touch.

"You wouldn't be holding out on me, would you?" She places a kiss on my ass and drags her finger back through my folds. "You know, there's plenty more where this came from."

"I-I know." I agree, a little breathless. "It just feels so good right now." Two fingers suddenly deep inside of me, my body jolts forward a little and she presses her body against me. "So good." My body just pulling her fingers further inside, she moans and wiggles them a little. "You love having me locked away here, don't you?"

"Like you couldn't imagine." She sighs.

"Locked away and doing anything you want to me." I slam back against her hand and she grips my hip. "Your student…you're so bad, Professor Robbins."

"You've no idea how bad I can be, Eliza." Her tone painfully low, I bite down on my own bottom lip and imagine just how bad she really can be. Sometimes in class, I can totally see her with a whip in her hand. I can see her fucking me harder than anyone could ever imagine.

"I need you hard tonight, Arizona." My words causing her movements to slow, she adds another finger and I can feel myself throbbing around her. I can feel myself squeezing her tighter than ever before.

"How hard?" She asks, her pace picking up slowly.

"As hard as you like." I moan as I grind back against her. "No holding back."

"Oh, I'm not sure you could handle me." She leans over my body and places a kiss on my spine. "I'm not sure you could handle me at my very best."

"Try me…" I glance back at her, my hair falling over my right shoulder. "Show me what you've got, Arizona." Forcing my body down against the bed, her hand is pressed between my shoulder blades and I know she is about to make me feel incredible.

"You don't move, okay?" She states.

"Mmhmm…" I smile, the side of my face pressed against the mattress. "Whatever you say." Her pace picking up, she pounds into me and takes me just how she wants to. I'm hers. She can have me however she wants me. I make no secret about that. "So deep." My breath catching as she twists her hand a little, she's creating a sensation I've never felt before and wow...it's intense. My stomach is tightening, and my walls are throbbing, but she's doing crazy things to me right now. "Fuck, I-I."

"Take it, Eliza." She moans, her wrist locking. "You wanted it, so you'll take it."

"Mm, yes I will." I gasp as my body defies my wishes to prolong this. "Oh god…" The strangest feeling hitting me square in the stomach, she suddenly pulls out of me and arousal gushes from my center. A hum rumbling in her throat as she rubs vigorously at my clit, I don't know what the hell she is doing to my body, but fuck…I'm soaked. My thighs. The bed. "Arizona, fuck." Slipping back inside of me, she makes the same movements again and I can feel my body tensing just like before. "W-What, oh god…shit." My hands gripping the sheet beneath me, arousal once again floods from my center and I swear something isn't right. I mean, how is that even possible?

"That's fucking hot." She runs her fingers through my folds and my body shudders under her touch. "So fucking hot."

"A-Arizona." My entire body falls flat on the bed. "What did I just do."

Shifting a little closer to me, she drops down beside me and gives me a gorgeous smile. "You, my beautiful girlfriend, have just made me wetter than I've ever been in my life."

"No, I mean…" Closing my eyes, my center is still throbbing and I swear she could take me again any second now and I wouldn't even last under her touch. "Wow…"

"Did you enjoy it?" She raises her eyebrow, her arm draped over my back.

"Y-Yeah…" I furrow my brow. "I think."

"Don't worry, _that_ was supposed to happen." Lifting her body, she sits up on her elbows and trials her fingertips down my spine. "This is the perfect start to our trip." Goosebumps following her movements, the cool air hits my skin and my body is finally coming down from its high. "Wouldn't you agree?"

Turning my body, I study her face and give her a genuine smile. Being here with her makes me want to always be like this, but I know we can't. It just means our time alone together is so much more special than it probably would be if we didn't have to hide. "I would definitely agree."

"How about we take this into the shower?" She smirks. "I'm not sure I'm quite finished with you yet." Climbing from the bed, she pulls me up to my feet and our bodies connect. "I'm not sure I'll ever be finished with you, beautiful."

"I hope you never are." My lips pressing softly against her own, she smiles against my mouth and I guide her body back towards the en-suite bathroom. "Because I'll never be finished with you…"

"Mm…" She hums. "This is going to be the best night of my freaking life."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	36. Chapter 36

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Thirty-Six

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ARIZONA'S POV

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Incredible. That's all I've got to describe how I feel right now. This morning we woke and shared breakfast in bed, and now we are heading back to our hotel room after spending the afternoon being pampered. It feels so good to just be with Eliza. No interruptions and no one looking at us. Us, not watching our backs. It's amazing knowing that we are okay here. You know, not having to hide. Not having to wonder if anyone will recognize us. Here, we are simply together. Here, we are two women in a relationship…no worry. Her soft hand is in my own, our fingers laced together. Honestly, I could hold it forever and never let her go. I could feel her skin against my own for the rest of my life and I still wouldn't be content. She consumes me. Everything about her. There may be over ten years between us, but I don't see it. I used to, but the more time I spend with my girlfriend, the more I see the similarities between us. Age could never interfere with that. Age could never tear us apart if we are so well matched.

Stepping out of the elevator, she wraps her arm around my waist and we head off down the corridor and towards our room. "I've had an amazing afternoon with you." She smiles as she leans in and places a kiss below my ear. "Thank you."

"Me too." My heart pounding in my chest, I want to spend my life with her. I want to never be without her. "We're going out tonight."

"Where to?" She furrows her brow.

"Figured we would grab some dinner at the Italian down the street." She gives me a nod in agreement. "Then we will hit a few clubs."

"Yeah?" Her smile widening, I'm thankful that she doesn't seem so worried. At least, not as worried as she was yesterday on our drive into town. "That would be nice."

"Mm, it would." I agree as we approach our room. "I don't want you to do it if you're worried, though."

"Worried?" She furrows her brow. "Worried about what?"

"Being out in public." I shrug, pushing the door to our room open. "I know you were anxious yesterday and I get it, okay?"

"No, I want to go out dancing with you." She shakes her head. "I've wanted that for so long and I'm not about to pass up on the opportunity now."

"If you're sure?" I raise an eyebrow. "We can do something else…"

"Arizona Robbins, we are dancing tonight."

"Well, okay then." My dimples pop and Eliza throws herself down on the huge bed in front of me. "Are we napping first?"

"Oh, naps are mandatory if we have a night of dancing ahead." She smiles.

"Why so?" I tilt my head a little.

"Because things can get a little wild and this hotel room won't know what has hit it when we get back." She has that hot, dirty look in her eyes and I have to admit, it's one of my favorite looks on her. "You'd better prepare yourself."

"Maybe you could give me a little idea of what tonight will involve?" I drop down on the bed beside her. "You know…preparation?"

"Oh, I couldn't possibly do that." She smirks as she turns on her side and brings her lips a little closer to my ear. "But you should know that I'm going to grind so hard in your lap that you'll be lucky not to come in the club."

"Oh god." Groaning as I squeeze my thighs together, this woman is the hottest I've ever experienced. "Y-You…god."

"Yes, tonight I will be God." She smiles as she props herself up on her elbow and drops light kisses along my jawline. "Think you can handle it?"

"Honestly, I thought I could…now, though? I'm not so sure." My body heating by the second, it's taking everything I have within me not to take her right here and now. She knows how to tease me perfectly and I know that the wait will be totally worth it. Sure, we could go all night long and not tire, but waiting just makes it so much more fun. Waiting means she will be desperate for my touch tonight. _Who knows what will happen in that club!_

"I'm sure you'll survive." Giving me an adorable smile, she drops onto her back and sighs. "This day has already been perfect. I'm not sure how it could be any better."

"I wonder that myself most days." I glance her way and she simply watches me. "Then it still somehow gets better."

"You think?" She yawns as her eyes flicker open and closed. "You think we will just keep getting better and better?"

"I don't doubt it." I shake my head. "Do you?"

"No. I definitely don't." She presses a soft kiss to my lips before dropping her head against my shoulder. "Still feels like I'm dreaming every time I wake beside you, though."

"You've no idea how adorable you are." It's true. One minute she is hot and sexy, the next minute, I want to take her home to meet my parents. _One day, Arizona. One day._ "And I love your honesty." Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, she relaxes against me completely and in this moment, I've never felt so in love. Her heart beating slowly and her breath beginning to even out, she's actually making me sleepy. "Short nap?" I whisper.

"Mm…" The slightest of nods from Eliza, I pull a blanket over us both and turn my body into hers a little. This, right now, is the very definition of comfort.

* * *

So, I've spent dinner trying to avoid eye contact with my girlfriend. Since her little comment this afternoon, I've been struggling to even think straight and I'm usually better at controlling myself than this. This is a poor attempt, but she just makes me crazy. Like, soaking wet kinda crazy. She knows it too, and that is a part of the problem. She knows exactly what her words do to me. The way she looks at me. How she sips on her wine and stares at me over the rim of her glass. She knows exactly what she is doing. At one point, I was fully prepared to drag her into the bathroom and have my way with her, not caring who heard it, either. Thankfully, I controlled myself but I know exactly what is coming when we reach the club, and I'm not sure I will be able to hold on until we get to the hotel. I'll try, but I already know I'm going to fail. I already know that she is going to drive me absolutely wild with want and need for her…so no, it's useless in me trying. _I'm lame, I know that._

Our relationship isn't based solely on sex, but God, she makes me want her all of the time. I won't lie, though, I'm pretty good at making her a little crazy too when the mood takes me. It's usually on a daily basis, but I am trying to be the sensible one tonight. I could quite easily take her right now, but I can't. I have to maintain some sort of respect for her, and myself. _That's a lie, I want to fuck her against the nearest wall right now._ No, it's not going to happen. I mean, obviously I'd never do that, but I can think about it, right? I can't daydream and fantasize all I want. _There's nothing wrong with that._ It doesn't mean I have to act on it.

"You've been awfully quiet." She leans into the side of my body and places her hand on the small of my back. The dress she is wearing leaves very little to the imagination and I've wondered how the hell I got her multiple times tonight. "Something on your mind?"

 _Yeah, you._ "No, just being in the moment." I shrug. "Dinner was amazing, huh?"

"Mmhmm…" She nods. "Especially when I bent down to grab my purse from the floor and saw your killer thighs." _Okay, that isn't fair._

"I do not have killer thighs." I shake my head, a slight blush creeping up my neck.

"Tell that to my head when they are wrapped around it." She scoffs. "They're killer, and then some."

"Are you trying to get my blood pressure through the roof tonight, or?"

"No, baby." She gives me a sad smile. "I'm just being honest about you and your incredible body."

"That's sweet." I give her a sarcastic smile. "But I know exactly what you are doing, Eliza Minnick."

"Oh yeah?" She raises her eyebrow. "And what is that, exactly?"

"You're trying to make me want you," I state. "But you don't have to try…I already do."

"Now why would I be trying to do that?" We stop outside of the bar we are planning to go to and she wraps her arms around my waist, her purse resting against my ass.

"I-I don't know." I stutter. Even just the slightest touch from her makes me wet.

"I do want to do something, though." She leans in a little closer and breathes against my mouth. "I want to kiss you."

"So, kiss me." I smile against her mouth. "Do it, Eliza." Her lips pressing against my own, she moans into my mouth and slips her tongue past my lips. Creating the most amazing sensation, I pull her in impossibly close and her center presses against my own. Sucking on my tongue, she pulls back and my heart is pounding in my ears. "S-Should we head inside?" I clear my throat.

"I guess we should." She smiles. "Come on." Tugging my hand, she laces her fingers with mine and we head inside the bar. It's packed out right now and I'm guessing that can only be a good thing. She will have to keep her hands to herself since there are so many people around, and it's about to work in my favor. "Drink?"

"Glass of white would be awesome." I weave through the crowd, our hands still firmly gripping one another's. "You look beautiful tonight, by the way."

"Thank you." Eliza smiles. "I wasn't sure if it was too much?"

"Too much?" I furrow my brow as she places our drinks order, my body pressing against her back. "Why would it be too much?"

"Don't know." She shrugs. "The dress isn't a little short?"

"Do you like the dress?" I ask.

"Yeah, I do."

"Then why are you bothered?" I ask. "If you like it, you wear it. It's as simple as that."

"Thought you may have found it a little slutty."

"Hey…" Turning her in my arms, our drinks sitting on the bar, I curl my fingers beneath her chin and give her a smile. "You look gorgeous, okay?"

"Thank you." Handing me my drink, she takes her own from the counter and we move back through the crowd. I guess it's a little busier because it's the holidays, but I'm surprised. I've been here before, numerous times actually, and it's never been so busy. It's good to see one of the only gay bars in the town doing so well, though. "So…" Eliza breathes out as we reach an empty table and set our purses down. "I'm sorry about before. You know, the teasing…"

"Are you?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Well, not really…but yeah." She laughs. "It was inappropriate." _Okay, she's changed her behavior and I don't know why._ "I just get a little carried away sometimes."

"Maybe I want you to get carried away sometimes," I smirk as I move a little closer to her and wrap my arm around her waist. "Is everything okay?"

"Sure." She nods. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know. You just…you seem different since we stepped inside here."

"My nerves, I guess." I appreciate her honesty. "Sure, I've dated before, but this is totally different with you. I want to do it right. You know?"

"No, I don't know." The volume of the music increasing, she leans in so I can hear her better.

"I don't want you to think I'm immature." She admits. "You know, the teasing and the silly games. You deserve better than that."

"But that's us." I smile. "That's what we do."

"I know but are you playing along with it because you think it's what I want?" She gives me a sad smile. "You are so much more sophisticated than I am. A professional. I want to look acceptable and respectable on your arm."

"I appreciate that, but no, I'm not _playing along_ with you, Eliza. I love you for who you are. That's the person I fell in love with."

"Still…" She sighs. "I'm just your student, Arizona."

"No, you're not." I shake my head. "You're my girlfriend and I love how we are. I love the teasing and the back and forth."

"Okay." She gives me a small smile. "I'm just struggling to make sure I get this right."

"You couldn't be any more right if you tried, Eliza. Perfect is what you are." Setting my drink down, I take her one from her hand and motion towards the dance floor. "Come on…"

"Where are we going?"

"You wanted to kiss me on the dance floor." I furrow my brow. "Didn't you?"

"God, I want that so much." She admits. "Just…"

"Just what?" I ask, my back to the crowd as I guide her through. "Eliza?"

"Nothing." She gives me a full smile. "I don't give a damn about the people in here...I'll do what I want."

"That's what I like to hear." I throw her a wink and turn my back on her. Our hands still connected, we reach the dance floor and she pulls me back against her body. Her arms wrapping around my waist. The beat of the music taking over her worries, her hips sway with my own and my ass rests in her lap, her knees slightly bent. Her lips are on my neck, and wow, this feels incredible. Perfect, even.

"I've waited for this moment for so long." She whispers in my ear, her breath tickling my skin. "You, in my arms…in public."

"Kind of amazing, huh?" I glance back and her lips press against my neck. "Don't you just love being able to do whatever the hell you like?"

"Mmhmm…" She agrees. "Kinda makes me want to run away with you."

"Don't tempt me." I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation of her hands on my hips. "I have thought about it."

"You have?" I suspect she thinks I'm joking, but I'm really not.

"Mm…" I agree as I turn in her arms and drape my own over her shoulders. "More than once…" Running my thumb across her bottom lip, she closes her eyes and smiles. "I think this will suffice for now, though."

"Yeah…" She breathes out. Her thigh slipping between my own as the music beats around the large room, we are in our own world. The people around us going about their own business, nobody has a care in the world right now. "I love you, Arizona."

"I love you, too." Pressing my lips to her own, she leans into me and gives me everything she has. She's waited for this, but so have I. I may not show it as much, but I've wanted this for so long. It's all I've wanted. To show her off. To tell the world that she is mine. She belongs to me. Even if the people around us don't know us, or even care, this still feels so good. Exactly how I imagined it would feel. Amazing. "You know…" My forehead resting on her own, her breathing is a little labored and mine is close to disappearing. "...I've been thinking about this all day. Having you here like this."

"And?"

"And then you had to bring teasing to the table and I'm struggling." Her dress riding up her thigh as she moves her hips to the beat of the music, my soaked center is grinding down against her soft skin. "And you are all I can think about."

"Mm, that's what happens when you are as hot as you are." She whispers against my mouth, her thigh pushing a little harder against me. "Something you have to live with, I guess."

"E-Eliza…" I groan. "You have to stop doing that."

"Or maybe _you_ could stop?" She suggests. "After all, _you_ are the one who is dancing on me."

"But I want to keep dancing," I reply, breathlessly. Her hand gripping my ass, she pulls my body in closer and my breath catches in my throat.

"Then I guess you should try to control yourself a little better." Her lips ghosting over my own, I'm barely holding on right now. "You're soaked, aren't you?" She mumbles against my ear before tugging my lobe into her mouth and pressing her thigh against me.

"Eliza, oh god." My eyes closing as I bury my head in the crook of her neck, this shouldn't be happening, but I can't stop it. There is no way I can stop it.

"Fuck, you've no idea how much I want you right now…" Her words coursing through me, fresh arousal gathers between my legs and my body is defying me right now. "How much I want you to come…"

"E-Eliza." Sucking on the skin of her neck, she throws her head back and releases a low moan that vibrates against my lips. "I-I, oh god…I can't."

"Can't what?" I lift my head and her eyes find mine. "Can't control yourself?" She smirks. "I've gotten you that worked up, huh?"

"Fuck…" My forehead resting against her own, she gives me the dirtiest smile I've ever seen and this was her plan all along.

"So wet…" She whispers. "I can just imagine sinking my fingers deep inside of you right now." Moaning as she captures my lips, I can't believe what is about to happen. "So tight I can barely move." Her voice low, she narrows her eyes. "Why don't you just come for me right here and now, Arizona?"

"O-Oh…" Gripping my ass, my hips slowly buck against her thigh and in this moment, I don't care who is watching. I don't care who sees. "I-I, oh god." My voice barely above a whisper, the music is so loud that I can barely even think. "Fuck, I want you to touch me…"

"You know I cant do that." She gives me a small smile. "But I know you are going to come any minute now."

"S-So sure, huh?" My orgasm approaches and she digs her nails into my ass.

"Never been more sure about anything in my life. Just…let go, baby." Her words giving me some sort of permission, my body stiffens and it takes everything I have within me to not convulse against her. God, I need her so much. I'm not sure anyone has ever made me feel how she does. I'm not sure I could ever live without this that we have between us. "Feels good?"

"So g-good." I try to make it look less obvious as I effectively climb off of her thigh, and as I glance around, I'm thankful to find everyone as they were a few minutes ago. "What the hell are you doing to me?" I moan against her mouth.

"Just giving you what I know you want." She smiles. "Nothing wrong with being a little adventurous, beautiful."

"Mm…I'll try to remember that." I clear my throat and resume my dancing. "That was all kinds of hot."

"I guess dance floors have that sort of effect on me." She shrugs. "Drink?"

"I need something, but I'm not sure it's a drink." Releasing a deep breath, she pulls me through the crowd and we head to the table we were at before. "I mean, you said you wanted to kiss me on the dance floor…"

"Mm, but making you come seemed like so much more fun."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	37. Chapter 37

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Thirty-Seven

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ELIZA'S POV

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Wow, what an incredible couple of days it's been. Well, an incredible year if I'm being totally honest. Sure, Arizona and I haven't been dating since I moved here, but I noticed her the first day I walked into class and at that time, it was more than good enough for me. Sitting watching her. Imagining her hands on my body. Thinking about how her skin felt against my own. You know, even the little things like how she spent her evenings. How she dressed when she was home and comfortable for the night. Did she sleep naked? Did she wear a cute pajama set and fuzzy socks? What kind of movies was she is into? Did she have a preference for a specific genre of music? All of those little things only attracted me to her more, and I didn't even know the answers to them. I didn't need to know them because I could see that she was adorable yet sexy outside of class. I could see that she was sweet and beautiful and everything I knew I wanted. I don't know how I saw it, but I did. _And thank God, I did._ I can't say at what point I truly fell for her, but I didn't expect to here with her right now. I didn't expect to be doing those actual things that couples enjoy doing together. You know, slow walks. Hand holding. Meaningless conversation. Just general happiness with one another. Content. I didn't imagine any of this, but she saw something in me and wanted to know me.

Yes, I messed up more than once…but look at us? We are beyond perfect right now. At times I feel like I've known her my entire life, and at times I feel like I don't know very much about her at all, but it all comes full circle either way. I discover something new every day, and I fall in love with something else about her every day. Even simple things like brushing our teeth together are amazing to me. Like, how can someone be cute when they are brushing their teeth? I've never thought about it before…but she has this adorable look on her face like she has a routine and a particular way of doing it. How her nose wrinkles ever so slightly when she catches me watching her. How she rolls her eyes when I tell her she is beautiful, her mouth foamed up and minty fresh. She hates it, but me? God, I could watch her all day.

My favorite thing has to be her facial expression when she concentrates, though. If she isn't chewing on her pen, she is chewing on her lip. Occasionally, when she is at full concentration, she will poke her tongue out and I'm pretty sure she doesn't even blink. _Ugh, adorable._ I could hold a conversation with her and she wouldn't even know I'm in the room. Crazy really, since we very rarely _aren't_ together, yet we can be in the same room and she is oblivious to that fact. Maybe that just tells me that she is so relaxed and comfortable around me, she doesn't feel the need to give me random attention. I mean, I don't need it but just being in the same room and breathing the same air as Arizona is good enough for me most of the time. She has that about her. That calmness. The relaxation from her vibes. I wouldn't want it to be any other way.

I've been kicking back on the bed for a little while now, and my girlfriend is finishing her routine of getting ready. I don't know why she takes so long. I mean, she's perfect from the second she wakes up. I'm happy to watch on in delight, though, and right now she is bent over in front of me. Her tight jeans just hugging her thighs perfectly, I'm practically salivating. It's a common occurrence for me of late, though. "Do you have any idea how unbelievable your body is?" My words barely above a whisper, I'm not sure I was even supposed to say that out loud.

"Um, thanks." Arizona turns to face me, her brow furrowed.

"You totally do." I sigh. "Crazy unbelievable."

"Not as unbelievable as yours." She blushes. I know she hates taking compliments but she deserves them. She's so attractive that I sometimes can't believe what I'm seeing. She's in amazing shape. "I'm almost ready, okay?"

"Oh, no rush." I shake my head. "Just admiring the view."

"I'm sure you can find a better view." She gives me an awkward smile. "Maybe a walk around town?"

"Sounds perfect, but nope…ain't no view better than the one I have right now." Climbing from the bed, I move towards the edge and pull her between my legs, her bare stomach still exposed, her bra covering her perfect breasts. "I just want to say that I've loved every minute of being here with you."

"Yeah?" She runs her fingers through my hair and gives me a genuine smile. "I haven't bored you?"

"No, no way." I shake my head. "How could you ever _bore_ me?"

"Dunno." She shrugs. "I've just tried to make sure I've done everything right. You know, the kind of things you'd want to do?"

"Like?"

"Dancing." She nods. "Um, the massages and the whole spa thing."

"You did all of this just for me?" I furrow my brow.

"Of course, I did." Her thumb brushing my cheek, her touch makes me shiver. "You are the one who matters, Eliza."

"No, you matter, too." I pull her down against me and she straddles my legs. "I want you to enjoy yourself, too."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I'm totally enjoying myself."

"Yeah, I've noticed that…but still, I can't believe you did this all for me." I don't know how to feel about her admission, but I don't want her to do things based on what she thinks I want. I'm happy with her whatever we are doing, it really isn't necessary to go out of her way or to try too hard. "I love you and thank you for doing this. Just…I don't even know." I drop my gaze.

"I know how much this meant to you." She curls her fingers under my chin and my eyes find hers. "Being public is what you wanted, and this was the best way. I know how much you wanted to do those things, so I made it happen."

"God, I love you." Pressing my lips to her own, she smiles against my mouth and I wrap my arms around her waist. "You just…I love you, okay?"

"I love you, too." She gives me a dimpled smile. "And I've loved this time away with you just as much as you have."

"I wish we didn't have to leave tomorrow." I sigh, disappointment clear in my voice. "I know we have to, but this is so perfect that I don't ever want to leave."

"I know, baby." Pressing a kiss to my lips, she climbs off of me and grabs her shirt. Slipping it over her gorgeous, toned shoulders, she pulls me to my feet and releases a deep breath. "I'm sure we can arrange something again soon."

"Yeah." _I don't want to have to arrange anything. I just want to be with her._ Maybe I should quit my classes. Then we could be open back home in Seattle. Maybe that's the right thing to do.

"What's on your mind?" She asks as she fastens the last button on her shirt.

"Oh, nothing." I wave off her question. "You ready to head out now?"

"All ready, and all yours." She smiles. "Let's make the most of our time left here."

* * *

My girlfriend's hand in my own, we stroll through a park close to our hotel and the silence between us is a welcome change. It's not that we have nothing to say to each other, we are just enjoying the feel of our hands together. Our skin touching. It's kinda perfect, really. I know this will all be over tomorrow in terms of public displays of affection, but I think we can survive. I mean, this trip has given me enough to keep me satisfied for a little while longer. Satisfied long enough to hang on until I graduate. Even if I don't want to wait that long, I have no choice. _We_ have no choice. My thumb running over her soft knuckles, she hums in appreciation and I glance her way. "This feels so perfect." I smile.

"I know." She agrees. "I hate that it will end tomorrow."

"Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing." I sigh. "We will be okay, though, right?" I know she can hear the uncertainty in my voice, but I struggle to hide my emotions when she is around. She just makes the honesty flow from me. "I mean, I'm sure we will, but what do you think?"

"I think we have enough love for each other to be amazing back in Seattle." She stops us on the pathway and turns to face me. "What about you?"

"I agree." I nod. "It will be hard after this trip we've shared together, but we can do it." _I know we can._ We have to. This woman is far too good to lose, and after the Christmas situation, I could never walk away from her again. "Don't you _ever_ worry about getting caught, though?" Pulling her towards a bench, we both settle down on it and she crosses her legs, our hands linked in her lap.

"I try not to think about it too much." She shrugs. "I mean, I guess it's there in the back of my mind…but thinking about it only causes problems. We both know that…"

"But you _are_ allowed to worry about it, Arizona.'' I give her a sad smile. "You are allowed to have an opinion on it and talk to me about how you are feeling." Sometimes I wonder if she avoids those conversations with me, but I don't know why she would. Maybe because it makes the possibility of being caught more real? Maybe talking about it causes her worries to really hit her. I don't know.

"I don't like to think about it." She admits. "Not because I'm scared, but because I've never felt this way about anyone else before and the thought of ever losing you overtakes the thoughts of being caught."

"You won't lose me…"

"I already have, more than once." She gives me a knowing look and I drop my gaze. "I wasn't having a dig, Eliza."

"I know you weren't." I tighten my grip on her hand. "But those other times were because of my fears. Not yours."

"But what if I have the same reaction as you did?" She sighs. "What if it consumes me and I run? I don't want that for us?"

"You don't strike me as a runner." I try to lighten the mood. "You seem like a face your problems head on kinda woman."

"I'd like to believe that's who I am, but I'm not so sure." I appreciate her honesty, but I don't imagine her pushing me away when the going gets tough. I really don't. "You know, it did keep me awake at first. When we first started dating."

"And what changed for you?" I ask, genuinely interested.

"My love for you." She smiles. "I figured, why worry about it if it isn't happening? Why allow it to eat away at me if everything is okay as it is?"

"I wish I'd have thought of it that way…on more than one occasion."

"People deal with things differently." She shrugs. "I choose to deal with it by not thinking about it. It's easier that way."

"Maybe I should quit my classes." I may be thinking out loud, but it's perfectly possible _and_ something that I have thought about. "It's something to think about, wouldn't you say?"

"No." She scoffs. "It's _not_ something to think about."

"Why not?" I furrow my brow.

"Are you actually listening to yourself right now, Eliza?" She raises an eyebrow. "Why would I _ever_ allow you to do that?"

"Because we could be together…publicly."

"And you will have nothing." She shakes her head. "That isn't an option, so don't even think about it. Okay?"

"Fine." I sigh. "Seriously, though…what the hell would we do if we were caught?"

"There's nothing we could do." She fixes her stare on something across the park and taps her foot against the floor. "I'd lose my job, and that would be that."

"Surely it doesn't work that way, Arizona." I roll my eyes. "Why should you face consequences but I shouldn't?"

"Because I'm the one who would be abusing my position. I'm the one who is supposed to know better." She states. "I'm the one who knows that it's wrong to get involved with a student."

"You can't help who you fall in love with, though…"

"I know that." She gives me a nod in agreement. "But the university doesn't see it that way. They never would."

"Assholes." I scoff. "It's not like I'm a kid. I'm twenty-one. I'm an adult."

"There is no use thinking about it, and there is no use getting worked up about it, either." She runs her hand up and down my thigh. "It is what it is, and we have to accept that. You could argue with them all day long but the outcome would still be the same."

"Ugh, I hate this." I drop my gaze as I try to control my anger. "I hate everything about the stupid fucking rules."

"Me too, baby." She wraps her arm around my shoulder and pulls me in closer. "Me too." Her warmth spreading through me, my body molds into her own and I release a deep sigh. How can loving someone be so wrong? Just because Arizona is a professor, it doesn't mean she shouldn't be allowed to love whoever she wants. It doesn't mean she shouldn't be allowed to be happy. What kind of crap is that, anyway? It's messed up is what it is. Messed up, and damaging to us. "Don't worry, okay?"

"Okay." I nod.

"The day you graduate…I will be there to cheer you on. I will be there and I will have the most beautiful dress prepared for you so I can take you out to dinner." The thought of that causing my stomach to flip, I glance up at her and she has unshed tears in her eyes. "I promise." Her voice breaks as she gives me the most heartbreaking smile.

"Hey, don't cry." I sit up and run my thumb across her cheek. Leaning into my touch, she closes her eyes and a tear slips down her gorgeous face. "Everything will work out how it should, okay?"

"God, I hope so." She whispers, her blue eyes opening and tearing me apart inside. "If I do lose my job, w-will you stand by me? Will you stay?"

"What?" I furrow my brow. "You think I'd leave if you lost your job?"

"No, I just…I don't know." She sighs. "At first I thought it was the whole professor thing that drew you to me, but I know it isn't like that. Just…promise me you'll still be here."

"I'll always be here, Arizona." I give her a sad smile. My lips pressing against her own, she tightens her grip around my body and it feels like she is trying to hold onto me. Onto us. "I know I haven't done much to show you that I won't leave, but I wouldn't do that to you. I wouldn't walk away from this."

"I want a future with you, Eliza." She smiles, her thumb running across my bottom lip. "A real future."

"I want that, too." I agree. "I want so much with you. Everything, even."

"We just have to hold on for a little longer." She nods. "We've got this."

"We've totally got this." My smile widens and Arizona mirrors it with one of her own. "We've got it all."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	38. Chapter 38

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Thirty-Eight

* * *

ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

Our trip is ending, and honestly…I hate it. I hate knowing that we have to return to our discreet ways and avoid each other in public. I hate that my job requires me to lie about who I am in love with. I hate this whole fucking situation. I know that for my own sanity it would be easier to let Eliza go and allow her to find happiness somewhere else, somewhere that she can be open and honest, but I can't do that. I can't because I love her too much to ever imagine her in anyone else's arms. Selfish of me, maybe, but I don't care. We are in love and I have to keep her. I have to be there for her when she graduates. I have to be the one who tells the world that she is mine. That she belongs with me. In my arms. I hate that she thinks I'm okay with all of this because I'm really not. I'm not okay with denying her. I'm not okay watching her from afar. I'm not okay with either of us pretending we are single. Why would I be? This isn't any easier for me than it is for her and I'm glad that we had our talk yesterday at the park. Sure, I got a little upset, but now she knows that I'm scared too. The difference is, I'm scared to lose her. I'm not scared about my job or the possibility of losing it. So long as I have her in my life, my job isn't important. It never will be as important as her. I couldn't even begin to compare the two. But yeah, I'm scared about our relationship.

It's great when we're together, but she has a separate life. I mean, I guess we both have separate lives, but mine involves nothing more than heading home at the end of each day and waiting for a new day to begin. She has friends. A social life. A university life. She has so much more in her separate life than I ever will, and I know that I cannot do anything about that. When she is invited out for drinks, she can't turn them down because she wants to be with me. Why? Because she doesn't have an excuse for why she is turning it down. When someone hits on her in a bar, her friends will question why she isn't in a relationship. I know I sometimes think too much about things, and that is why I try not to think about it at all.

Why am I thinking about it now? Because April has invited her to Alex's bar tonight with a few of their friends from campus. She brought it up this morning when we were preparing to leave the spa, and we've been pretty silent about it since. I mean, what do I say to her? Do I tell her no because I want her with me? Do I tell her no because I'm insecure and scared that she will meet someone else? Like, we've had this conversation before, but it still plays in the back of my mind. We've had this conversation and I don't want to have it again, so I'm letting her go for the night to be the student she is supposed to be. I'm allowing her to be the social butterfly she should be. Me? I'll hang at home and wait for her to call me tomorrow. It's all I can do.

"Did you want to stop before we reach Seattle, or?" My girlfriend pulls me from my thoughts and I shake my head in disagreement. "Why? You've been driving a while now."

"I'm okay." I give her an appreciative smile. "Just want to get you home."

"Am I not good company?" She raises an eyebrow.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. You have plans, though, so I want you to have time to get ready."

"But I can have _other_ plans if you want me to?" She narrows her eyes and I pull over to the side of the road. "Just say the word."

"I'm not going to do that." I sigh, my hands falling into my lap. "You deserve a night out with your friends, Eliza."

"So?" She shrugs. "Maybe I don't want to hang with them."

"But you should." I glance up at her and she turns in her seat to face me a little better. "You should hang out with them and enjoy yourself. You can't sit at home with me every night."

"I can do what I want." She scoffs.

"I know you can, but you should still go." I take her hand in my own. "You haven't caught up with any of them over Christmas break."

"I can catch up with them when we return to campus. It's no big deal."

"It is." I counter. "It is a big deal. To me, anyway."

"Why are you so determined to get rid of me for the night?" She furrows her brow. "Do you not want to see me tonight?"

"Eliza…" I breathe out. "I _always_ want to see you. Don't ever think that I don't. Just…please go?"

"But why?"

"Because I won't allow you to pull away from your friends. You need them in your life. Don't you think they will question you if you keep turning down their offers? I mean, you blew them off three times last month."

"Yeah, and look what happened when I agreed to an evening with them last time?" She drops her gaze. "I lost you…"

"That isn't going to happen again." I shake my head. "I trust you, and you will be better prepared this time around." I know she worries about Sasha, but she shouldn't let that stop her from enjoying herself. I don't want it to be like this between us. "And I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"I guess so." She sighs. "Just…I don't want you to be alone tonight."

"I'll be fine, Eliza." Running my thumb over her knuckles, she gives me a sad smile and I lean in, placing a kiss on her lips. Those lips that I've had all over me the past few days. _God, I could never tire of those lips._ "Just, enjoy yourself, okay?"

"I'll try." She nods. "But if I get bored?" She raises her eyebrow. "I can ditch them and come by?"

"You know it," I smirk. _Yes, I'm totally hoping she will get bored._ "But try, at least."

"I will." She agrees. "I'll miss you, though."

"I'll miss you, too."

* * *

Ugh! I'm pathetic. Like, the most pathetic woman on this planet. I told her to go out and enjoy herself. I told her to be with her friends and I'd be okay at home. I lied, though. I lied…and now I'm sitting at the far end of Alex's bar waiting for her arrival. She doesn't even know I'm here. She doesn't know that I'm not at home relaxing. Right now, I don't even want her to know I'm here. I want her to completely see me as invisible, but I know she won't. She will see me the second she walks into the bar, and I feel ridiculous. Totally and completely stupid. "You have a good break?" Alex asks as he rests his elbows on the bar between us.

"You know what? We had an amazing time." I smile. "It was so good getting away from it."

"Yeah?" He smiles. "I'm happy for you, Robbins."

"Thanks, Asshole." Throwing him a wink, he rolls his eyes and nudges my shoulder. "What?"

"Why are you here?"

"Because I wanted to drink with my best friend." I give him a knowing look. "Don't even say it."

"You're totally here for her." He scoffs. "You think I'm stupid."

"Alex…" I whine. "I'm a joke."

"No, Robbins. You're in love." He smiles. "And _that_ is not a joke."

"I told her to have a good night and I'd see tomorrow." Sighing, I drop my head into my hands and Alex gives me a firm pat on the back. "I should go. She will think I'm needy or that I don't trust her."

"No, she will think that you're missing her."

"And I totally am." I sigh. "If she asks, you invited me over, okay?"

"Sure. Whatever." He shrugs. "You know she isn't stupid, though." Climbing down from his stool, the bell above the door catches my attention and the sound of my girlfriend's laugh fills the quiet bar. _Ugh!_

"Just go with it, Karev." Giving him a knowing look, he shrugs and moves towards the other end of the bar. The end of the bar that my girlfriend is at. Trying not to catch her attention, I turn my back a little and attempt to play it cool. _Get a grip, Robbins. You are never cool around her._ "What the hell am I doing?" Mumbling to myself, I shake my head in disappointment and roll my eyes. _Yup, pathetic._

Glancing her way, I find her leaning against the bar and looking directly at me. _Caught._ It was only a matter of time before she spotted me anyway. Giving her a small smile, she throws me a wink and I glance up and down her body. I don't know how I ever bagged myself someone so hot, but Jesus…she looks incredible tonight. Like, take her right here and now incredible. Dropping my gaze, I turn in my seat and concentrate on the wall of drinks in front of me. If I don't act desperate, she won't take pity on me and come over here.

I want her to, but she shouldn't. She is here with friends, not to see me. I have to remember that. _She's dressed like she expected to see me, though._ Realising just that, I furrow my brow and wonder if she is here for someone else, too. No, she wouldn't do that to me. She wouldn't plan to meet someone else if I'm in her life. She's always promised me that. The sound of heels clicking, her scent takes over my entire being and I have to hold back a smile. "Evening, Professor Robbins."

"Hey…" I breathe out. "You look amazing."

"Thanks." She shrugs. "I thought you were spending the night at home?"

"Yeah, Karev invited me over." I lie. "Something about how much he's missed me."

"Sure." She narrows her eyes and steps a little closer. My body blocking any view of her hands from anyone else, she runs her fingertips up my thigh and smiles. "Thought you may have been here for me…"

"Nope." I swallow hard as her hand dips between my legs. "J-Just having one and then I'm outta here."

"Shame." She sighs. "Figured we could head out back in a little while and rattle a few wine bottles." Stepping back, she gives me a small smile and disappears from in front of me. _Fuck._ She knows exactly how to play me and sometimes I hate it. I hate it because I can't control myself around her. I mean, I'm a grown woman…I have to get a grip.

"Eliza!" I call her back and she turns to face me.

"Yeah?"

"Enjoy your evening." She gives me a gorgeous smile followed by a slight nod. Adding a little sway to her hips as she heads back to her friends, April gives me a wave and I acknowledge her. I don't recognize any of the other students she is with, but that can only be a good thing. Sasha doesn't seem to be around, so I can remove all of those thoughts from my head once and for all. Not that they were really even on my mind to begin with, but I may have thought about it just once.

 _Eliza is here to spend time with her friends. I'm just in the background watching on in delight._

* * *

I was supposed to be leaving. I was supposed to be going home, but here I am…two hours later. Yeah, I cant pull myself away. I can't bring myself to go home alone. It's as simple as that really, but I hate feeling like this. Like I'm totally dependent on another person. Another woman. Sure, if I have to be dependent on anyone, then Eliza is the girl of choice, but we should be able to stay away from each other for one night. Jeez, it's not the hardest thing in the world. At least, I didn't think it would be. Turns out, it totally is. The thought of climbing into bed alone is enough to keep me here for the rest of eternity. It's enough to stick me to this spot in the booth that I have. She knows I'm here, and she's totally teasing me, but she won't win this one. I'm not here for any games. I'm here because her presence calms me. It calms me like nothing else in this world.

"You still haven't left…" Alex laughs as she approaches me with a fresh drink.

"Do I look like I left?" My chin resting on my hand, I glance up at him.

"Well, no." He shrugs. "But you are beginning to look a little sad and desperate."

"That was the aim of my night." I roll my eyes. "If you have nothing nice to say…fuck off!"

"Oo, touchy." Pushing my glass of wine closer to me, he gives me a sad smile. "Just sit there all night like a puppy dog…she will notice you soon enough."

"Bite me, Karev." Sitting up, I slouch back in my seat and watch her gorgeous body move to the music. "I miss her…" I whisper to myself. I've spent most of the evening talking to myself, but its better than sitting in silence. Her body turning, her eyes find mine and she bites down on her bottom lip as her hands trail her stunning body. Mouthing 'you're killing me' to her, she gives me a smirk and downs the remainder of her drink. Tilting her head a little, she nods in the direction of the back of the bar and my body instantly responds. _Every. Fucking. Time._ Once again, any control has left me, and I find myself standing and preparing to follow her out back.

Saying something to her friends, she moves towards me and straight past me. "Do you need anything from out back, Karev?"

"No, why?" He furrows his brow as I approach.

"Because it's about to become occupied for a little while." She states as she glances over her shoulder and I'm right behind her. "I need to have a word with Arizona."

"Yeah, of course, you do." He shakes his head laughing. "Just…be quiet."

"Take your mind out of the gutter." She rolls her eyes. Hanging back for a minute until I know nobody is watching, I tap my fingers against the bar, and yeah…I've waited long enough. I need to touch her. Kiss her. Even just talk to her. Heading behind the bar, I slip into the stock room and close the door behind me. Locking it, I find my girlfriend sitting on an empty beer keg and my smile instantly widens. "Thought you'd never arrive." She stands.

"S-Sorry." I drop my gaze. "You wanted to see me?"

"Mm, I think _you_ wanted to see _me_ , but let's go with it…" Closing the distance between us, my body is pushed back and it's suddenly connecting with the wall. "You've been watching me…"

"Y-Yeah." Those gorgeous soft hands trailing up my shirt, she caresses my skin and my body is on fire. "You look incredible."

"You came here to watch me, didn't you?"

"N-No." I pant as her lips sink into my neck. "I was just having a drink."

"Lies." She moans as she breathes against my ear. "I know the truth."

"Mm, I-I don't even know what the truth is right now."

"I do." She pulls back and brushes her thumb over my nipple. "You want me…I can see it in your eyes."

"I always want you, Eliza." Biting down on my bottom lip, my eyes close and she tugs a little harder. "You kinda can't use that against me right now."

"True." She gives me a sad smile. "But you should know…" Her tongue running up my neck, it trails up the shell of my ear. "I'm soaked thinking about you."

"Y-Yeah?" I groan, my own arousal pooling between my legs. "I don't believe you."

"Why don't you find out for yourself then?" She raises an eyebrow and my hand finds her thigh. Her soft, naked thigh. "Wouldn't want you to think that I'm lying."

"That would be a wise decision." I smile, my chest heaving. "Why don't you turn around and I'll see for myself?"

"Oh…I like your thinking." She bites down on her own bottom lip and turns around. Bending at the waist, her hands grip a metal shelving unit in front of her and I lift her dress up and around her waist.

"Beautiful." I smile as I trail my fingers up the back of her thigh. "So fucking beautiful."

"You've been thinking about me, haven't you, Arizona?" Her words catching me off guard, I dip my hand between her legs and the heat coming from her core is enough to knock me off of my feet.

"Mm, I have," I admit. "So much."

"Am I wet enough for you?" She asks as I slip her panties over her thighs and they drop to the floor. "Am I good enough?"

"Fuck…" I breathe out as my fingertips connect with molten heat. "You'll always be good enough." Dropping to my knees, my tongue pokes out and I have to taste her. I have to have her.

"O-Oh." Her body jolting forward a little, some wine bottles rattle on the shelf and I smirk against her dripping sex, my tongue teasing her entrance. "Fuck, that feels good."

"Mm." The vibration of my hum causing her knees to tremble, my nails dig into her ass and it's only a matter of time before I fuck her good. I've been wanting her all night, and I know that I'm going to have her. All of her. Here…and at home. "Shit, you taste amazing."

"For you." She groans. "Only for you." Dipping a single digit inside of her, her breath catches in her throat and I pull back to find her knuckles white as they grip the shelf tight. "A-Arizona…"

"What do you need, baby?"

"I need you inside of me." She drops her head between her shoulders. "I always need you inside of me."

"Yeah?" I ask, my finger sinking a little deeper and toying with that spot I know drives her wild. "You really want me, huh?"

"More than ever." She gives me the slightest nod. "Please?" Getting back up to my feet, I slip out of her and she groans at the loss of contact. "Baby?"

"Only because you asked so nicely." I smile as she glances over her shoulder and her eyes find mine. "And because you look so fucking hot tonight."

"I-I dressed for you…" She admits. "I knew I'd see you, and I wanted to look good for you."

"You always look good to me, Eliza." Her words breaking my heart, I lean in and capture her lips before suddenly pushing two fingers deep inside of her.

"Fuck…" Gasping against my mouth, a smile settles on her face and her eyes close. "Oh god…"

"Feel good?" I whisper against her mouth. "You want more?"

"Mm…I do." She nods. Adding a third finger, I disappear from beside her and her head drops back between her shoulders. "Fuck me good, Arizona."

"Gladly." Picking up my pace a little, the sound of her soaked sex fills the small room we are locked inside of, and it only turns me on even more than I already am. Gripping her hip with my free hand, she slams her ass back against me and I swear I could come right now listening to her moan for me. She has the sexiest moan I've ever heard…and it is all mine. It is all my doing. "God, I could make you feel good all day long…"

"Y-You do." She pants. "Incredible, e-even." Her breath catching as I sink a little deeper, she loves this position I have her in. She loves not knowing what is coming next. She has no choice but to bend over and take whatever I give her. I know she loves it because she is always dripping for me in this position. "Fuck, I-I…oh god, Arizona. P-Please?"

"Please what?" I ask, my pace picking up a little more.

"Please make me come." She moans. "Make me come for you." My left hand connecting with her clit, I apply a little pressure and her legs almost buckle from underneath her. "Y-Yes, just like that."

"Better?"

"God, yes." She nods, her breathing almost nonexistent. "So good." Her walls tightening, she squeezes my fingers and I know that she is ready to let go any minute now. I know that she is going to come hard for me. Just like she wanted. Just like I want. "S-So close."

"Come for me, Eliza." I smile as I drop a kiss to her spine. "Let go, beautiful."

"O-Oh, y-yes…fuck, I'm coming." Slamming into her, her body stiffens and her thighs squeeze my hand tight. "D-Don't stop. Fuck, don't stop." Trembling and writhing, I don't let up and fresh arousal coats my fingers. The sound of sex growing louder.

"Ride it out," I whisper, my own thighs now squeezed together. God, I could come just watching her like this. "Just feel good, baby."

"I-I." My movements slowing, she gasps as aftershocks ripple through her body. "Oh god, t-that was amazing." Her own hips slowing, she pushes up and off of the shelving unit she was gripping for dear life and I hold her upright, my arm now around her waist. "Fuck…" Her chest heaving like never before, I slowly slip out of her and bring my fingers up to her mouth. Running them across her lips, she moans and smiles. "You've no idea what you do to me…"

"Oh, I have a pretty good idea." Turning to face me, she presses her lips to my own and her dress falls back into place. "You should _always_ wear a dress when we are out."

"But we're not out together." She smiles.

"But it's easy access when we need to quickly see each other, no?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Oh, definitely." She agrees. "I missed you tonight."

"I missed you, too."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	39. Chapter 39

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Thirty-Nine

* * *

ELIZA'S POV

* * *

Today is New Years Eve. Not only did I spend Christmas with my girlfriend, I'm now going to spend this evening with her, too. Kind of amazing, and often hard to take in. I mean, I've spent the day totally daydreaming about the year ahead and honestly, I don't even know what I'm doing in her home right now. We've just spent an incredible few days away together, and it's still unbelievable. Everything about my life is unbelievable and I'm not sure where to even start with any of it. Like, when I finally get to tell my friends, both here and back home, what do I even say? Hey, I met the most incredible woman in the world? They wouldn't believe me. I know they wouldn't. Even I don't believe me. Yeah, it's laughable.

"Uh, are you talking to yourself?" My girlfriend creeps up behind me and almost scares me to death.

"Jesus Christ, Arizona." Placing my hand on my chest, an adorable giggle falls from her mouth and I turn to face her. "What's so funny?"

"You when you're scared." She shrugs as she wraps her arms around my waist. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

"Sure you didn't." I roll my eyes playfully. "What are you wearing tonight?"

"Something that makes me look irresistible." She throws me a wink.

"But that's not fair." I furrow my brow. "We aren't allowed to be _seen_ together, remember?"

"Doesn't mean I can't look hot for you…" Her lips pressing against my own, I smile against her mouth and her hands slip beneath my tee. _I love the feel of her against my skin._ "Unless you don't want me to look hot?"

"Oh, I do." I tug her bottom lip into my mouth. "I just don't want anyone else's eyes on you when I know there is nothing I can do about it."

"I'm pretty sure that isn't going to happen." She laughs. "Nobody has their eyes on me. I can assure you of that." Gripping my ass as she pulls me in impossibly close, she moans into my mouth and I can't believe she has just said that. Does she not see how amazingly beautiful she is? "What?" Sensing a little hesitation from me, she pulls back from our kiss.

"Nobody has their eyes on you?" I narrow my eyes. "Have you seen you?"

"I have, and I can promise you…you have me to yourself." She gives me a dimpled smile. "You have nothing to worry about."

"The black dress," I mumble against her mouth as I go in for round two. "The tight one. Sits just below your ass." My body responding to the image I'm creating in my head, I push her back towards the bed but she stops me. "What now?"

"Nothing." She shrugs. "We both know that if we end up in bed right now…we will never make it to the bar."

"Maybe that isn't such a bad thing." I raise my eyebrow and attempt to push her back again. Failing, I drop my arms from her waist and she gives me a knowing look. "Well, if you weren't so freaking hot…I wouldn't _always_ try to get you into bed."

"Hey." She grips my wrist. "I'm not complaining…"

"I know." I give her a small smile. "Just…wear the black dress, okay?"

"Whatever you want." She winks before turning and heading for her closet.

"I should head home." I throw my thumb over my shoulder and she turns back, her brow furrowed. "I have to get ready, Arizona."

"Can't you get ready here?" She asks, genuine sadness in her gorgeous blue eyes.

"No." I shake my head. "We can't even head to the bar together so it's best if I leave from my place." Closing the distance between us, she pouts but I'm not falling for it. It's hard enough knowing I can't be around her tonight when the clock hits midnight, so I should leave and prepare myself for the loneliness we will both face, even though we are more in love than ever before. "I'll see you in a few hours, okay?" Cupping her face with both hands, she gives me a small nod and I press my lips to her own. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Sighing as I grab my jacket from the bed, she stays in her spot and I glance back at her.

"Text me, okay?"

"Sure." She smiles but it doesn't quite widen as much as I'd like it to. "See ya." Heading for the staircase, my own smile fades and I'm beginning to wish we were spending the night here. Locked away. Where I can kiss her and hold her whenever I want to. Where no one can tell me no.

Checking I have everything, I head out into the street and my heart sinks into my stomach. I hate leaving her. I hate not being with her. Even if she is busy working or I'm busy studying, I'm still with her. We are still in the same room. _We just have to get through tonight._ Pulling my cell from my pocket, I hit our recent conversation and send off a quick message.

 ** _I didn't want to leave, but it's the right thing to do. Xx_**

 ** _Why? A x_**

 ** _Because if I don't leave, I never will. Xx_**

 ** _And that's a bad thing? A x_**

 ** _Yeah, because we wouldn't be going to the bar tonight. Xx_**

 ** _You don't want to? A x_**

 ** _Not really. Just get your beautiful self ready and I'll see you tonight. Xx_**

Slipping my cell back into my pocket, I head off down the street and in the direction of my apartment. My cold and barely lived in apartment. I hate being there, but I don't even have what I need for tonight at Arizona's place so I'd have to go back anyway. _A few more hours and I'll see her beautiful face._

* * *

I'm finally ready and I'm just about going to make it in time. Arizona texted me a little while ago to say that she was almost ready herself, so I'm about to head out. Arriving separately is kinda crap, but it's better than not seeing each other at all. Fixing my bracelet around my wrist, I check my hair out as I'm approaching my door and I'm satisfied with what I see. Yes, I've dressed for my girlfriend and honestly…I'm looking better than ever. Something about Arizona just boosts my confidence like nothing else and it's a good feeling. Knowing that I'm wanted by her will always be a good feeling.

 ** _On my way. Xx_**

 ** _Can you come to my place first? A x_**

 ** _You should be at the bar by now, Arizona. Move your incredible ass. Xx_**

 ** _Just come to my place. A x_**

Shaking my head as I drop my cell into my purse, I release a deep breath and lock up my apartment. I don't plan on heading back here for a few days so anything I don't have already at Arizona's place can stay here. It's not needed if it's not already there. We don't spend much time here, but that's mainly due to the fact that her place is more out of the way from campus than mine is. I'm not too close, but the neighborhood I'm in is more suited to the student life.

The cool air hitting my face, it sends a shiver down the spine and I pick up my pace as best as I can in the heels I'm wearing. They're my girlfriend's favorite pair and I know she loves them on me. In them, and out of them. Heading down a familiar street, the sound of loud music from one of the student houses reminds me that I'm exactly that. A student. I may be one of them, but I don't feel like it. I haven't felt like a student since Arizona gave me all of her attention and completely changed my life.

 ** _Did you want me to meet you somewhere? Xx_**

 ** _Yeah, at home. A x_**

Okay, I don't know what's going on, but we are going to be late for the bar. I mean, there isn't exactly a time _to_ be there, but Arizona said she is going for Alex so I'm assuming she wants to get there while the night is still young. You know, see the entire night out with him…the early morning, too. Crossing the street, my girlfriend's place comes into view and it's still lit up.

Heading towards her porch, I catch sight of her in the window and my heart skips a beat. _Maybe she does want to head to the bar together._ Although, I'm not sure how well that would work. We both know it can't happen. About to knock on the door, it opens and the most beautiful sight causes my breath to catch. "Wow, you look stunning."

"Thank you." She smiles. The dress I demanded hugging her body in all of the right places, she steps back and motions for me to come inside. Her heels accentuating her gorgeous legs, I brush past her and furrow my brow. "I hope you don't mind…"

"M-Mind what?" I turn back to face her, my eyes glancing over at the food laid out on the dining table. "Dinner?"

"Dinner, and maybe a night in?" She shrugs. "If you wanted to?"

"But the bar?"

"I've spoken to Alex." She smiles. "He totally gets it."

"Gets what?" I'm lost right now. I've no idea what's going on.

"That I need to be with you tonight." She closes the door and steps a little closer. "Not in the same room as you, or watching you from the other end of the bar…but, _with_ you. Like this. Together."

"I'd love that." Setting my purse down, her arms wrap around my waist from behind and her body is pressing against my back.

"I want to end this year with you…" Her lips caress the skin of my neck and a low moan falls from my mouth. "And I want to wake in a new year with you…" My hands coming to rest over her own, she tightens her grip and her chin rests on my shoulder. "I just want to be with you…the rest doesn't matter."

"This means a lot to me, Arizona."

"You mean a lot to me…" A slight sigh falling from her mouth, my eyes close and the love I feel right now is overwhelming. I know she loves me and I know she hates all of this just as much as I do, but I didn't expect this. I didn't think for one minute she would change her plans with her best friend so we could be together. Her evening has been arranged with Alex since before we met, so no, I didn't expect any of this. "This is just something I have to do…"

"But what about Alex?" I turn in her arms and she gives me a sad smile. "This was your night with him."

"Maybe, but he will be busy working anyway." She guides me through the living room and towards the dining table. "Let's eat, at least?"

"Sounds perfect." Candles lit, I take a seat and glance over the gorgeous spread of food around me. "Did you do all of this?"

"I did." She pours two glasses of wine and sets the bottle down in the center of the table. "I know you've probably eaten, but I figured I'd do it anyway."

"This is beautiful, Arizona. Thank you."

* * *

Settled in front of the fireplace, my heels are off and I've never felt so relaxed in my life. I know New Year's Eve is all about being with the people who matter, but that is exactly what I have. Arizona is what matters to me most and being with her like this has simply ended my year the perfect way. I'd have gone to the bar with her tonight, but nothing can compare to us being alone with each other and sharing a beautiful dinner. I just hope Alex doesn't hate me for stealing her away…again.

"Top up?" She pulls me from my thoughts and drops to her knees beside me, the fire now warming us both.

"Sure." My hand coming to rest on her thigh, she gives me a gorgeous dimpled smile and my heart skips a beat. "This year has been incredible for me, Arizona."

"I'm glad you've had a good year." She nods, her legs curling beneath her and her dress leaving very little to the imagination. "I'm happy you chose Seattle as your home."

"Me too." Taking my wine glass between my lips, I take a small sip and she studies my face. "What's up?"

"Nothing." She focuses her eyes elsewhere and takes my hand in her own. "I just…I wanted to say some stuff."

"Okay." Setting my glass down, I turn to face her fully and her eyes are brighter than ever before.

"Just…thank you for noticing me." She smiles. "You had no idea who I was…what kind of person I was, but you took that chance and I'm so thankful for that." Her thumb runs over my knuckles. "I know we haven't had the best time but I believe we are exactly where we should be. Secrets and all. It's not ideal, and I know we both hate doing it this way, but to me, it shows our strength. Our love."

"I wouldn't do this with anyone else…" I admit.

"And that just makes this even more special to me." She nods. "The day I walked in here and saw what I saw, I thought my life was over. I couldn't begin to imagine I'd ever be happy again because I was…I was happy in my marriage." I give her a sad smile and my grip on her hand tightens. "I was happy, but I was settling. For what, I don't know, but you have shown me there is so much more to love and I'm not sure anyone else could have done that. I'm not sure I would have ever let anyone else in."

"That means so much to me…"

"My year hasn't been great in terms of my marriage ending and my divorce. I get those sympathetic looks from people who know what happened and I hate it. I hate it because I know that inside, I'm happier than I've ever been. I know that you are the one I want to spend my life with." Her voice breaks a little. "You are the one I see my future with and I don't ever want to be without you, Eliza. Just the thought of it makes my body ache."

"I'm here to stay, Arizona." I pull her a little closer to me. "I'm _so_ here to stay."

"A new year…one that doesn't include running from either of us, okay?"

"No running." I agree. My lips pressing against her own. "From this moment on, we talk things out. We work through it together." I smile. "It was never my intention to hurt you and I know you understand that, but I should have gone about things differently. My way of protecting you was to get out of your life, but I need you in mine, Arizona. I need you in my future just as much as you want me in yours."

"We _will_ be amazing one day…" She breathes out. "When this is all out in the open, we will be so amazing together, Eliza."

"We already are, baby." Pulling her into my lap, she straddles my legs and her dress rides up around her waist. "God, I can't believe I have you." My hands running up and down her thighs, her arms drape over my shoulders and she tugs at my bottom lip.

"How about we begin the new year exactly how we plan to continue it?" She smiles against my mouth.

"And how is that?" I raise an eyebrow, knowing exactly where this is going.

"Making love…and making memories." The sound of fireworks outside alerting us to the fact that our year is officially over, I glance over at the clock and it is indeed midnight. Pulling her down, as my body hits the floor in front of the fireplace, her forehead rests against my own and the smile she has right now is an absolute masterpiece. "Happy New Year, beautiful." Her hands disappearing beneath my dress, she lifts it up and over my body and I know that this year is going to be my best yet. I know that no matter what is thrown at us, we will survive. We will thrive. We will still be in love.

My breath catching as her tongue works up my stomach and between my breasts, my eyes close and I'm lost in her every touch. The only touch that will ever matter to me. The only one that will ever count for anything. "Happy New Year, Baby…"

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	40. Chapter 40

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Forty

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ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

 _One month later…_

This day is totally kicking my ass right now. I've barely had five minutes to even think about breathing and honestly, I'm ready to go home. I'm ready to go home and spend the evening with my girlfriend for the first time in three days. My students have exams coming up and Eliza has been working her ass off. I mean, she always does, but now more so than ever before. She knows what she has to do to come out on top, and even though I want her with me, we both decided that it was best if she studies alone. I had her alone for a few minutes yesterday in my office, but I'm really beginning to crave her. Just her presence. Her attention. I know she has a lot on, and I do too, but it will settle down soon and we can both resume our perfect relationship. Hidden or not.

It's almost midday, and I'm hoping I can get her off campus for a little while so we can share coffee at our favorite coffee shop. I'm not hopeful that she will be available, but she has to slow down for five minutes and take a little time to herself. I've already told her that, but once she gets her study head on, there is no talking to her. There is no reasoning with her. I guess it just shows how much she wants to do well. I get that, though. I was the same in university. Always trying harder than most and always reaping the rewards of doing so. I guess we are alike in that way. _And so many other ways. Age gap or not._

Reaching my office, my last class of the morning has just ended and all I need now is my cell, and hopefully my purse. You know, for when she _doesn't_ blow me off to study with her friends. Taking the device from my top drawer, I hit the message tab and smile at our last interaction. It got a little hot, but that's just us.

 ** _Hey, any chance I can steal you away for an hour? Coffee? A x_**

 ** _I'd love that. I need a break. Xx_**

 ** _Oh my god! Really? A x_**

 ** _Uh, yeah! Meet you there in an hour? Xx_**

 ** _I will be there. I love you. A x_**

 ** _I love you, too. Xx_**

My smile widening at the prospect of spending just half an hour with my girlfriend, I grab what I need and figure I'll head straight there now. I know I'll be pretty early, but I know if I hang out in my office, I'll get buried in work and coffee won't happen. I guess I'm just as bad as Eliza when it comes to working hard. Once I get going, there is no stopping me. Dismissing the mountain of work on my desk, I shrug to myself and head out of my office, my jacket in my hand.

Heading off down the corridor, I hope I'll catch a glimpse of her but it's no big deal if I don't. I'll see her in an hour and that is good enough for me right now. _The gods are on my side today._ An hour in the afternoon with her, and an evening with her tonight. Today couldn't possibly get any better. That's for sure. I miss her. She knows I do, but I can't bring it up. I can't be the needy girlfriend when she needs me to be the professor. She is studying, and I have to accept that. _Even if I'd rather she was studying at my place._ It makes sense that she doesn't, though. I mean, if anyone found out about us, they would assume she has been getting extra help and I don't want anything to jeopardize her grades. I'd never forgive myself.

My cell buzzing in my pocket, I pull it out and a smile settles on my face. "Hi, pretty lady."

"Hi." Eliza breathes out. "Are you still on campus?"

"No, I just left. Headed to the coffee shop now."

"Okay, I can't get out of here any earlier." She sighs. "I'm fried, Arizona." Her voice tired and worn, I think a quiet night in with a movie is going to be a plan for this evening. I don't know about my girlfriend, but I could certainly use that kind of night. I could definitely use a night with her in my arms, nothing but silence surrounding us. "Are you still there?"

"Yeah, sorry." I smile to myself. "I was just thinking about seeing you."

"I promise I'll be there." She replies. "I'm headed back to the library to finish off and then I'm outta here."

"Sounds perfect to me."

"Want me to stay on the line a little longer?" She asks. "Until you get to the coffee shop."

"I'd love that." I slow my pace a little and listen to her beautiful voice. It's soothing. "You know, I think maybe a takeout and movie for us tonight. What do you think?"

"I think that sounds perfect." She breathes out. "I've missed you this week."

"I've missed you, too." I've missed her way more than I thought I ever could. Sometimes watching her in class just isn't enough. It will never be enough. "You've had another busy day, huh?"

"The worst." She groans. "But it will be over soon and I can spend more time with you."

"Hey, don't worry." I try to lessen her concern. "I get it. This time of year is always a little crazy."

"But still...I hate being away from you."

"But I'll see you soon, and I get you to myself all night." I smile. "Couldn't be more perfect…"

"No, you're right." She agrees. "Just hard, you know?"

"I know, baby." I sigh. "So, I'm at the coffee shop. I'll just hang out here and wait for you."

"Okay, I'll be there as quick as I can." She replies. "I love you."

"I love yo-"

* * *

ELIZA'S POV

"Hello? Arizona?" My girlfriend's cell cutting out, I furrow my brow and glance down at my screen. The call is still connected, but I'm getting nothing from her end. _Poor service?_ Must be. Although, it was fine a second ago. The sound of a dulled boom in the distance causing my eyes to shoot up from my cell, a sinking feeling settles within me. _What the hell was that?_ Rushing back inside of the library, I sprint over to my belongings and April looks up at me, confused. "April, we have to go."

"Go where?" She furrows her brow. "We haven't finished up here…"

"I think something happened." I breathe out, my chest heaving. "D-Down on Richmond."

"What?"

"I don't know what but we have to go." I shake my head. "Leave your stuff…we'll get it later."

"No, I'm not leaving my stuff here. It will be gone when I get back." She scoffs. "Just give me a minute and I'll be wi-"

"I swear to god, April." I grip her wrist. "Move your ass and leave your shit behind." Dragging her out of the library, the sound of car alarms blares out down the street and I have a really bad feeling about this. I don't like _any_ of this. "There was an explosion. I heard it."

"Don't be ridiculous, Eliza." She rolls her eyes before stopping dead in the middle of the parking lot. "What's that?" Smoke billowing up into the sky from behind some buildings, I can feel the tears forming in my eyes but they won't fall. I can't allow them to fall. "What if it's an attack?" She tugs me back and stops me from going any further. "You know?"

"I don't care what it is, April." My voice breaks as I shake her grip on my arm. "I have to get down there." Sprinting across the car park, I make it out onto the street and April comes up behind me. "We have to get down there."

"Why? Are you trying to be some kind of hero?" She furrows her brow. "Everyone knows that you avoid the area. In case of a second attack."

"I don't care about another attack." I shake my head. "What if it isn't and people need our help? What if isn't something sinister and we are standing here doing FUCKING NOTHING!"

"Hey, calm down." She holds up her hands. "Just take a minute to think about this."

"I-I can't." I step back and turn on my heel. "Arizona may not have a minute."

"W-What?" My best friends eyes widen. "She's down there?" Picking up her pace, she follows behind me and the speed of my feet increase. I've never been a runner and I'm not overly fit, but I have to get down to the coffee shop and I have to get down there right now. "Eliza, wait." She tries to catch up with me but my speed continues to increase. "Eliza!"

"I have to go, April," I yell behind me. "I'll meet you down there." Pushing off on my right leg a little harder than before, my body move closer and closer to the scene of what can only be described as absolute devastation. Glass scattered everywhere and burning vehicles, I don't even know where to look. Nothing looks like it should. Nothing looks how it used to. _What the hell has happened?_

Sirens and flashing lights approaching, I have to get inside the impact area before it's cordoned off. I have to find my girlfriend before anyone stops me from doing so. I'll take down any bastard that tries to fight me right now. I swear to God, I will. Stepping around debris and burning materials, the smell of smoke is strong but I have to keep moving. People are walking around aimlessly, and I feel helpless. I don't know what to do, I'm not even trained in first aid. I never thought I'd need it. _Maybe now is the time to train._ The world certainly ain't getting any better. "ARIZONA!" It's all I can do. Fucking shout her name.

I feel pathetic right now. I mean, how am I supposed to find her in the sea of people coming towards me? What if I miss her? What if she leaves whilst I'm searching for her? Oh god…what if she's dead? My heart sinking into my stomach, I stumble but manage to stay on my feet. I should be helping people, but I can't. I can't until I find Arizona. I can't until I know she is breathing. _I need her._ She can't do this. She can't leave me. We have barely had a life together. No, we _haven't_ had a life together. "ARIZONA!" My shouts turning into a cry, I glance around and find nothing but turmoil around me. I'm barely even thinking right now so I can't imagine what these people are going through. I can't imagine the hurt they are feeling.

Catching sight of a flash of blonde hair, my heart stops and I rush in the direction of the woman on the opposite side of the street stumbling around. "Arizona? Baby?" Catching up with her, I can't quite believe what I'm seeing. She's alive. She's breathing. She's moving. "Arizona, oh god." Turning her body, she furrows her brow and stares intently. "You're alive." A slight smile curling on my lips, my heart is hurting for the state she is in but she's alive. She's actually alive. "We need to sit you down." _Nothing. She's just staring at me._ "Talk to me, please?" _Staring._ "Arizona?" I furrow my brow. "Can you hear me?" _Still nothing._

She can't hear me. She can't hear anything. Not knowing what else to do, I press my lips to her own and she grips my upper arms tight. Like she is holding onto me in fear of her life. Pulling back, I glance at her body and discover that her shirt is ripped open, her stomach and her bra exposed. A nasty cut to her stomach, and one on her forehead that dripping blood down the side of her face, I remove my jacket and place it around her shoulders. "We need to get you to the hospital." _I don't like how she is staring at me._ Trying to mouth my words a little better, she gives me the smallest of smiles and I know that she is at least understanding what I'm saying. Her hand still gripping my arm, I hope she knows I'm not leaving her. I hope she knows I'm here and I'm staying with her. Her heel catching on a gap in the sidewalk, I manage to hold her up but she groans in pain.

This place is the most heartbreaking sight I've ever witnessed and my girlfriend is in pain. What am I supposed to do? I don't drive. I don't own any method of transport. I have to get her looked at. I have to find medical staff somewhere. Hearing whispers of a gas explosion from other people in the crowd that is now surrounding us, I have to say, I'm a little relieved. I don't know why because it's an explosion nonetheless, but something about it makes me feel a little calmer. Like things could possibly be okay, for some people anyway. "Sit down." Helping her to the floor, I pull my t-shirt from my body and the cool air hits my skin, piercing through me like sharp knives. Trying to stem the flow of blood coming from the cut on her head, her hand finds one of mine and I glance down to find her dull blue eyes holding unshed tears. Her grip tightening a little, I give her a knowing look and I hope to god it tells her that she is going to be okay. "I love you." It's all I can give her right now. I don't know where else to begin.

A paramedic coming up behind me, I move to the side and he takes over from my actions. "What happened?" I ask him.

"Unconfirmed right now, ma'am." Throwing my t-shirt to the floor, he uses something a little more sterile and I'm thankful that he is here right now. _She's just staring at me, and it's breaking my heart._

"ELIZA!" April's voice piercing through the crowd behind the tape that is now in place, she waves me over and I attempt to stand. Arizona refusing to let go of me, I drop back down to my knees and take a seat beside her. Her head resting on my shoulder, he takes a look at her stomach and it shoots back up, another heartbreaking groan from my girlfriend.

"Hey, she's bleeding from the back of the head, too," I state, blood down the back of her crisp white shirt. "And I think her hearing is out right now."

"Do you know each other?" He asks.

"N-No." I shake my head. "Well, yeah. She's my professor."

"Okay, well I'm going to have her taken to the hospital." He gives me a smile. " Seattle Pres…are you familiar with it?"

"Y-Yes." I nod. "Will they let me see her?"

"I'm sure that won't be a problem." He throws me a wink. "She's lucky to have you…"

"W-Wha-" Cut off when he stands and rushes to an ambulance, he returns with another paramedic and I move out of their way to allow them the room they need to work with. Glancing over towards my best friend, she is shifting uncomfortably on the spot and I know she wants to be updated. "Arizona…" I lean down and press my lips to her ear. "I know you can't hear me, and I know you are scared, but I'll be right behind you. I love you, and I'll be there for you…" A tear falling down my face, she recognizes this and grips my hand before I move away from her. There may be nothing but silence from her right now, but I know she is telling me she loves me. I know, because I can see it in her incredible eyes.

Rushing over to my best friend, she pulls me into a hug and I completely fall apart. Sobbing on her shoulder, she runs her hand up and down my back and the rest of the crowd has disappeared around me. "She's going to be okay, Eliza." April tries to reassure me.

"She can't hear me." I cry. "What if she never hears me tell her I love her ever again?"

"She will." She sighs. "And she knows."

"I have to go." I pull back as I watch the ambulance pull away, and the cordon is put back in place. "I have to go and be with her."

"I know." She gives me a sad smile. "Just be careful okay?"

"What do you mean?" I furrow my brow.

"Nobody knows about you guys." She gives me a knowing look. "Just… Be careful."

"Right, yeah." Giving my best friend a nod, I don't really care about the rules we are breaking right now. I don't care about anything other than Arizona. I have to be with her and there is no way anyone is stopping me.

Nobody.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always. Hoping to get another chapter out tonight.**


	41. Chapter 41

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Forty-One

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ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

Wow, my head is pounding right now. I don't exactly know what happened or why I'm at the hospital, but I'm in pain. I'm in pain, and I'm alone. I don't want to be alone. I want someone, anyone here with me. Eliza, preferably, but I'll take anything I can get right now. I remember being thrown to the floor with an intense force, but I don't know what caused it. I don't know why it happened. There was a bang, and then that was it. It was black. My vision was black. My hearing had gone. Honestly, I thought I was dead. I actually thought I was dead. I've never felt that feeling before. One where you aren't in control of your own body. One where complete fear settles deep inside of you. Yeah, I thought I was dead. I'd like to think that I'm not scared of death, but I am. Today I realized that I am. I mean, how could I have left my girlfriend behind? Alone? How could I have left her when we have so much to do together? The one thing I do know, though, is that she was all I thought about. When I closed my eyes, she is all I could see. Nothing else mattered. The screaming around me, the pain I was feeling. All that mattered was that she was okay and she wasn't with me when it happened. I couldn't have ever forgiven myself. I asked her to share coffee with me, and thank god she couldn't make it at that particular time. Thank god I'm the one who is hurt.

I'm scared. I'm scared of everything that is to come. I don't know what that is yet, but I'm scared just the same. I mean, what if Eliza can't do this? What if my hearing doesn't come back to me? Why would she want to be with me when I'm like this? I'm a fucking mess. I'm worried about heading out into the street and I'm worried about my girlfriend's safety, too. I know it's not likely to ever happen again, but that doesn't make me feel any better right now. It doesn't settle this crippling anxiety I have inside of me at this moment. I have to put on a brave face, though. For Eliza. She will already be a complete mess, even if she doesn't show it, so I have to show her that I'm okay. If that means I have to lie to her for a little while until this all settles down, then that is what I will do. She doesn't need to worry about me. She doesn't need to panic anytime she leaves the house. She has her own stuff going on. Important stuff.

My hospital door opening, I'm pulled from my thoughts and a doctor approaches my bed. He's talking to me, but I don't know what he is saying. It's completely dulled and I can barely even hear a sound. Am I deaf? Like, forever? God, I hope not. I know I'm alive, but I'd miss my girlfriend's voice too much. It was all I wanted to hear before when she found me. She was talking but I just couldn't hear her. I hope she doesn't think I was being rude. That really wasn't the case. "Eliza." It's the only word I can say that I know will come out of my mouth like it is supposed to. Kinda weird how nothing feels normal when you can't hear yourself speak. The doctor furrowing his brow, I roll my eyes and motion for some sort of writing implement. Handing over a pen and a pad of paper, I give him a thankful smile and he moves a little closer to me. "I want my girlfriend here with me. Eliza."

 ** _A student is outside for you. Is that Eliza?_**

"Yes. I want her in here with me."

 ** _Ma'am, your notes state that your wife is Abbie Marshall._**

"Take her off it, and bring Eliza in here. NOW!"

Rolling his eyes at me, I raise my eyebrow and he sets down the paper in front of me. I should have changed my wife's name a long time ago. I guess it's times like this when you realize the things you forgot to do during your divorce. A head of gorgeous dark hair appearing in the doorway of my room, my smile grows and I motion for my girlfriend to come inside. I just need her here with me, even if I can't hear a freaking thing she is saying. Taking her hand in my own as she comes to stand beside my bed, I give it a firm squeeze and tears fall down her face. _Please don't cry, beautiful._ Pulling her closer to me, she leans down and I wrap her up in a hug. My stomach injury screaming at me, my eyes slam shut and I try to breathe through the pain. "Love you." I think I'm talking to her, but I can't be sure if any words are coming out right now.

Pulling back, a smile forms on her own face and she mouths 'I love you, too'. _Oh, thank god she can hear me_. Wait? I'm the one with no hearing…of course, she can hear me. Dropping the rail from the side of my bed, she pulls her chair closer and takes a seat as close as she possibly can. Bringing my hand up to her mouth, she places a soft kiss on my knuckles and it reminds me that I'm here. I'm alive. She is touching me, and it feels like it always does. Like it should. Noticing the pen and paper resting in my lap, she takes it and scribbles something down.

 ** _I thought I'd lost you, Arizona._**

"No chance. You cant get rid of me that easily." Giving her a smile when she glances up at me, her chest pushes out like she is releasing a deep breath and I throw her a wink. My head injury tightening a little from the sutures holding it in place, I wince a little and she furrows her brow.

 ** _Are you in pain? Do you need meds?_**

"No, I'm okay. Just a little sore."

 ** _Can you hear anything at all?_**

"No." I shake my head.

Her shoulders slumping, I squeeze her hand and let her know that everything is going to be okay. It has to be, right? I mean, I don't imagine she will hang around if my hearing doesn't come back, but I'm hopeful that it will. It's what I'm holding onto right now. Interrupted by another doctor entering the room, Eliza sits up in her seat and turns to face him. I don't know what either of them is saying, but I'm sure she will fill me in when she has finished with him. _I'm so happy she is who I have here with me._ I wouldn't want it to be anyone else. Watching my girlfriend as she nods and agrees with my doctor, he gives me a small smile and turns to leave the room.

 ** _The doctor says you are lucky to be alive. Your injuries are superficial, and your hearing should return in a few days. Gradually at least. Something about acute acoustic trauma. All scans came back clear, and your head is okay._**

"You kept me alive, so thank you."

 ** _I only stopped the bleeding coming from your head._**

"No, you didn't. I'll explain that when we can have a real conversation."

 ** _How are you feeling?_**

"Tired, and a little sore."

 ** _He said you can go home if you have someone to take care of you. Your balance will be a little off because of your hearing and they're worried you may injure yourself further._**

"Guess I'm here for the duration then, huh?"

 ** _Why? I can look after you._**

"I wouldn't expect you to do that, Eliza. Thank you, though."

 ** _But I want to._**

My eyes finding her own, I study her face and find no sign of hesitation or uncertainty. I'd love to be at home with her, but she shouldn't have to take care of me. I mean, I know she is only there to ensure I don't fall and break my neck, but still…she isn't in this relationship to look after me. She is in this relationship to love me. I would really like to be at home, though.

 ** _Please let me take you home?_**

"Eliza, you have to study."

 ** _And I will. You can rest and sleep. I can do both._**

"You shouldn't have to do both, though. You have important exams coming up and I don't want your grades to suffer because of me."

 ** _They won't. Just trust me, please?_**

"Are you sure?"

 ** _More than sure. I love you, Arizona and I want to do this._**

Giving her a small nod, I'm not sure this is a good idea but my girlfriend is stubborn. I'll just stay in bed so she can get on with whatever she has to do. I won't be in the way then. I guess the next few days will be a little weird, but I made it out of whatever the hell happened, and I have my girlfriend by my side. Her brow furrowing when she glances at the door, I'm assuming someone wants to come inside, but I don't know who would be visiting me. Nobody knows I'm here.

 ** _Should I get rid of whoever it is?_**

"No, it's okay." I smile. "Let them in." Watching her stand and approach the door, she glances over her shoulder, a look of horror and heartbreak in her eyes. A look of confusion on my face, she steps aside and lets my visitor in. _Fuck!_ The dean of the university comes further into the room and we are so busted. Right now, though…I don't care. I don't care about anything job-related in this moment. I'm alive, and that is all that matters. Eliza and I are all that matters. My girlfriend returns to her seat beside me and Dean Pritchard starts talking. Holding up my hands, I motion for Eliza to hand him a fresh piece of paper and she does so.

 ** _How are you feeling, Professor Robbins?_**

"Better now that I have some pain meds in me." I give him a small smile. "No hearing, though."

 ** _I've spoken with the staff and anything you need, we can do._**

"Thank you, but I just want to go home. You know, sleep…"

 ** _Of course. Can I have someone collect you?_**

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary. I can make my own way. I have friends who can help." Clearing my throat, I glance at my girlfriend and she is nervously tugging at her fingers.

 ** _Is this the student who helped you after the blast?_**

"It is." My smile widens and it takes everything I have within me not to take her hand in my own. "Amazing, huh?" Eliza gives me a small smile and Dean Pritchard nods in agreement. He says something to Eliza and her body language changes, but I don't know what he said. Watching her stand and slip on her jacket, splattered with my blood, I furrow my brow. "Stop!"

 ** _It's okay. He's right. I should leave. I'll come back in a little while._**

"Why should you leave?" I switch my gaze between them both.

 ** _He said he's thankful for my help but I don't need to be here any longer._**

God, this loss of hearing thing is really beginning to piss me off. "No, she isn't leaving. She has no reason to leave."

 ** _It is inappropriate for a student to be here, Professor Robbins._**

"Because?" I ask, tired of this back and forth.

 ** _Because after today's incident, there have been rumors._**

"So, did you want me to confirm or deny?" I raise an eyebrow. "Saves any more rumors getting out there?"

 ** _I'm sure there is nothing for you to confirm or deny. I just think it would be best if she left._**

"Eliza, can you have my doctor come in here please?" Her eyes shoot towards me and she looks terrified. "I'm ready for you to take me home now." Simply nodding, her mouth hanging open, I switch my gaze back towards Dean Pritchard and his brow is furrowed. "This conversation is pointless if I cannot hear what anyone is saying. Can you please give me a couple of days to get back to normal?"

 ** _What exactly is going on here?_**

"I need some time." I sigh. "I don't want to do this via pen and paper. Please?" Giving me a slight nod, he glances at my girlfriend and motions for her to join him outside. About to walk away and follow my boss, I stop her. "No, you stay here, Eliza."

 ** _Can we not make this any worse than it already is?_**

 ** _—_**

 ** _Eliza, I'm not denying you any longer. I just need to do this properly. Like, when I have hearing and I know what is going on._**

 ** _—_**

 ** _You shouldn't do this. I can go. I'll come back when he leaves._**

 ** _—_**

 ** _Wrong answer, beautiful._**

Ripping up the paper I've just used to converse with my girlfriend, I give Dean Pritchard a small smile and he approaches the door. "I promise to call you when I'm up and running again. The doctor says it should only be a few days."

* * *

Finally reaching home, Eliza had one of her friends collect us from the hospital. Thankfully, it wasn't another student so the rest of our evening went fairly smoothly. I know she is worrying and I know she is scared about what is to come, but I'm not. I've never felt lighter than I do right now. Sure, my job is probably about to turn to shit, but I have everything I need in this house with me. Eliza. She is all I need. Maybe it will go differently, I don't know. Maybe things will work out better than we are both expecting, but I doubt it. I doubt anything good will happen in terms of my job.

I'd say she's been quiet since Dean Pritchard left, but everything is kinda quiet right now. I guess that's what happens when you lose your hearing. I know I shouldn't joke about it, but it's the only thing keeping me sane right now. I mean, I still don't know what happened today, and until I turn on the tv, I still won't have any information. The hospital seems pretty tight-lipped about anything that happened, but I guess they're just doing their jobs. I know they cannot discuss any other patients, but I hope it was minimal damage. I couldn't bear the thought of being a survivor. I couldn't bear the thought of getting out when others didn't.

I won't lie, I felt a little uneasy leaving the hospital but I'm sure that will pass. Kinda like I didn't know what to expect when I stepped outside. It feels good to be home, though. Safely locked away behind my front door. Out of harm's way, if you will. I think Eliza is relieved to be here, too. "Hey…" I hold onto her arm as she locks up the door and sets my keys down on a nearby table. "Good to be home, huh?" Simply nodding, she drops her gaze and I turn to face her, my balance still a little off. "What's up?" Glancing around, her eyes land on a pad of paper and a pen and she sits me down before grabbing it from the kitchen counter.

 ** _You cant tell them about us._**

"Why not?" I furrow my brow. "Don't you want to be out in the open with me? Us?"

 ** _Of course, I do. It isn't that simple, though._**

"Seems pretty simple to me." I shrug and she simply stares at me. "I'm not joking, Eliza. I'm serious about this."

 ** _Why are you willing to risk your job, though? I don't understand._**

"Because I could have died today." I give her a sad smile. "The thought of that alone…and never being able to call you mine is too much to take." She gives me a look of confusion. "If I'd died today…nobody would have ever known that we were together. Nobody would have known how unbelievably happy you make me. I can't risk that again, Eliza. I need people to know that we are together."

 ** _I love you._**

"I love you, too." I smile. "Everything happens for a reason, and I believe today is the day that the world is supposed to know that you are mine. That you belong to me."

 ** _That doesn't mean you should have been involved in an explosion._**

"But it happened." I shrug. "I cannot change that…but I can decide what happens as a result of it." Standing, I grip her hands and move closer to her. "I don't want us to be a secret anymore, and I don't care what the outcome of my actions is. We will still be together at the end of it, and nobody can change that."

 ** _I couldn't live without you._**

"It's why I made sure I lived." I throw her a wink. "Ow!"

 ** _Yeah, you really have to stop doing that._**

"Ya think?" I groan. "Could I take five on the couch? My stomach is a little sore right now." Giving me a nod in agreement, she follows behind me, checking I don't go head first into the coffee table. _I really need my hearing back._ "I miss your voice." I sigh as I slowly sit down on the couch and she swings my legs up. "I really miss your voice."

 ** _You won't be saying that when your hearing comes back._**

"Trust me…I cannot wait." I smile. "It's only been one night and it's already driving me crazy."

 ** _How does it feel? Do you need anything?_**

"No, I'm okay." I smile. "Kinda feels like I'm underwater. I can hear something, but it isn't your voice. It's just a noise." The only way I can describe it is like a piercing sound constantly there. It's not too loud, but its freaking annoying. I guess its better than not hearing anything at all, though.

 ** _You'll let me know if you need me to help you shower?_**

"Tomorrow." I nod. "I know I have blood in my hair and god knows where else, but I don't have the energy."

 ** _Did they suture the back of your head?_**

"No." I clear my throat, my emotions trying to take over. "It, uh…it wasn't my blood. It was someone else's." Her eyes widening a little, she shakes her head and drops her gaze. "We were lucky today." I pull her down beside me. "And if I've learned anything, it is that tomorrow is not promised, Eliza." She gives me a nod in agreement. "That is why I have to do what I'm going to do." I know it is going to cause problems and I know that she doesn't want me to do this, but I have to. I've never planned on denying her if I was asked outright and now isn't any different. If anything, I want to admit my feelings for her now more so than ever before. Neither of us knows what the next few weeks will bring, but right now, we are both here and that is what matters most.

 _I could have died…with nobody ever knowing how I felt about her._

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	42. Chapter 42

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Forty-Two

* * *

ELIZA'S POV

* * *

I didn't sleep at all last night. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Arizona lying cold on the floor in the street. Every time I tried to think about something else, she would groan in her sleep and it would take me straight back to what happened yesterday. I can see them everywhere I look. People. Bloodied and hurting. Screaming and crying out for someone to come to them. Someone to help them. Every time they turn around, it's Arizona. It's my girlfriend crying in pain. Suffering. Hurting. I can't take it anymore and it's only been one night. It's been one night and I'm close to breaking point. My tiredness took over me a long time ago, but I'm somehow still standing. I'm somehow preparing to head to campus for all of five minutes whilst I grab my belongings from yesterday. Alex is due here any minute and I'm not sure how well he will take what happened. I'm not sure how he will react when he sees his best friend. I know he acts tough, but he's soft on the inside. I know he is. Especially where Arizona is concerned. Especially when it comes down to her health and wellbeing.

Taking the stairs slowly, I'm relieved when I find my girlfriend still settled on the couch, a blanket draped over her. I begged her not to move, and honestly, I'm not sure she has the energy to do so, even if she felt like. She's in pain today. A world of pain. She says she's not and she says she's okay, but I can see it on her face. She may not be able to hear me, but I can hear her groan every time she moves. Maybe she should still be at the hospital. I mean, they could have missed something. She could have other problems that they didn't pick up on. I'm sure they checked her out thoroughly, but I feel like she was discharged too soon. I know they say it's simply cuts and bruises, but I don't like seeing her in pain. I don't like hearing her cry when she sits up and her stomach wound bothers her. I don't like any of this.

It was, in fact, a gas explosion that happened yesterday. Most of the street is ruined, and three people lost their lives, but it wasn't terror-related. It was my first thought if I'm being totally honest, but thankfully, it wasn't. It was awful regardless of the cause, but it was accidental. At least, as far as we know. We spent a few hours last night watching the news channel, but I couldn't bear it any longer. I had to turn it off. Seeing the street again only made me want to throw up. Knowing that my girlfriend had been thrown across it was just too much. I mean, Arizona has never hurt anyone. She's a kind person. This shouldn't have happened to her. It shouldn't have happened to anyone. Like, she's deaf. I know it won't always be that way, but still…we can't even hold a conversation right now.

It's all I want. I know I should be thankful that she is even alive, but I just want to talk to her. Tell her I love her without writing it down on a piece of freaking paper. I just want us. Is that really too much to ask for? Approaching my girlfriend, I'm scared that I'm going to frighten her, but however I let her know I'm here...she's going to jump. She can't hear me coming up behind her, so it's useless trying to do it carefully. Coming into view from the opposite side of the coffee table, I glance at the TV and she is catching up on one or her favorite shows…subtitles included. "Hey…" I give her a smile.

"You headed out?" She asks, her voice a little tired from her meds. Giving her a nod, I take a seat on the edge of the coffee table and grab some paper and a pen.

 ** _I'll be as quick as I can._**

"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

 ** _But I want to be here with you so I'm bringing my work home._**

"You don't have to do that. Alex will be with me." She takes my hand in her own and squeezes it tight. "You didn't sleep last night did you?" Shaking my head, she sighs. "Eliza, I'm okay."

 ** _I know but I'm not._**

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks. "I don't know how good my conversation will be, but I will try."

 ** _No. I want you to rest._**

"I am resting." She gives me a knowing look. "If you won't talk to me, at least give me a kiss." _Now, that I can do._ Smiling as I lean in a little closer, her lips press against mine and it's the one thing that has made me feel good today. It's the only thing I know is real right now. "Don't ever stop kissing me, Eliza." The doorbell sounding out, I motion towards the door and she gives me a nod.

Crossing the distance, I pull the door open and Alex is standing nervously on the doorstep. "Hey, Alex." I step aside and he crosses the threshold. "I won't be long."

"Wait!" He grips my wrist. "I don't know what to do."

"You don't need to do anything." I give him a sad smile. "She will be happy to see you, though."

"What if something happens?" The complete look of worry on his face is heartbreaking. "Like, if she needs meds or something."

"She's had her meds." I grab my cell from the table. "Oh, and don't forget…she's deaf."

"I-I, Eliza…" He shifts from side to side. "So, I can't even talk to her?"

"Of course, you can. She can talk, but you'll have to write it down."

"Right, okay." He shoves his hands in his back pockets. "I've got this."

"You have." I agree as I pull him into a hug. "Come on, I'll let her know that you're here." He's a nervous wreck, god love him. Pulling him into the living room, Arizona realizes we are here and she sits up a little, groaning as she does.

"Hey, Robbins." Alex throws her a wave and shifts uncomfortably.

"Hey, Karev." She gives him a half smile. "You good?"

"Wait…can you hear him?" I ask.

"Eliza, I can't lip read." She points at the pad on the table.

 ** _Sorry, I thought you could hear Alex._**

"Oh, no I just figured I'd be polite and say hello." She laughs.

 ** _I'm headed out. I'll be an hour tops. I love you._**

"I love you, too." Pressing a kiss to her lips, I stand back and push Alex down into a chair. "Alex?" My girlfriend calls out. "Can you shower me whilst Eliza is gone?"

A laugh falling from my mouth, his eyes shoot my way and he shakes his head. "Minnick, I'm not doing that. She's like my sister. Just…no!"

"Relax." I wave off his worry. "She's playing with you."

"She better be." He scoffs. "Go and do your thing and get back here."

"Sure." I smile. "Look after her, Karev. I'll kick your ass if you don't."

* * *

Making my way through the parking lot of campus, I'm heading towards the library to catch up with April. She knows I'm not studying with her today, but she wants to see me. She wants to know how Arizona is doing. It's no secret that she was injured yesterday, but Dean Pritchard told us both that there have been rumors. I'm assuming someone caught me kissing her when I found her on the street, but in that moment, I had to kiss her. I had to know that she was really in front of me. Alive and breathing. I just had to know.

For some reason, I got it into my head that I'd never see her alive again, and as the moments passed…so did any hope of finding her alive. It may sound crazy, but I heard that explosion. The moment I heard it, I knew something wasn't right. She wasn't responding to my call. She wasn't there. In that split second, she was gone. Gone from my life, and gone from this world. It's all I could think about. It's all I knew was a possibility. I know she's strong and I know she is a fighter, but some things can't be fought, and explosions are one of those things.

She seems to be doing okay at the minute, but I don't think she's had time to truly sit and reflect. She hasn't had time to think about her ordeal yesterday, and I know that when she does…it will hit her. It will hit her hard. I just hope she doesn't close off from me. I need her to talk this out. I know I chose not to before, but this isn't about me. She is the one who has been through hell…I just experienced the aftermath.

Catching sight of April, she waves me over to the table she is at and I make my way through the library. Feeling eyes on me, I drop my gaze and concentrate on the path I'm taking. I know people are talking, but there isn't anything I can do about that right now. "Hey." I drop down into the seat facing her.

"You doing okay?"

"Guess so." I shrug. "You got my things?"

"Yeah." She nods. "Did you want to grab coffee and talk, or?"

"I'd love to, but I have to get back." Glancing around, people are gathering around each other and I know they're talking about me. "I really don't need this right now."

"There has been a lot of talk." She sighs. "I just dismiss it."

"It's out there now and there is nothing we can do about it." I sigh. "As much as I want it to stay quiet for Arizona's sake, that isn't going to happen."

"I'm sorry." She gives me a sad smile. "I wish it could have been different for you guys. I know how much you love each other."

"Thanks for being there." I lean over the table and squeeze her hand. "I should head back, though."

"You'll be here for classes tomorrow, though?" She raises her eyebrow. "You have to keep your work up."

"Yeah, I'll be here." I nod. "If I'm accepted in any of my classes." Standing and taking my stuff from April, I turn on my heel and head for the exit.

"HEY, MINNICK!" Turning around, I find one of the guys from my biology class smirking at me. "How about a threesome with you and Professor Hot Ass?"

"How about you go fuck yourself instead?" Flipping him the finger, I quicken my pace and head for the fresh air I desperately need right now. I mean, I know people will talk and I know that we cannot change that, but my girlfriend is injured and in pain. Can people not have some fucking respect? They honestly make me sick!

I know I have April to lean on, but the next few months are going to be tough. Tough and a long long road. Not only with my girlfriend, but with my classes, too. Student/teacher relationships often make the headlines around campus, and I don't expect us to be any different. I know the love I have for Arizona is strong, though, and I know we can make it through this. _I just wish it could have been different._ Honestly, I wish I wasn't a student right now. I wish I didn't have to hear the whispers and the laughing. If they knew the woman I was dating…if they truly knew her, they would be happy for us.

* * *

Slipping Arizona's spare key into the lock, I push the door open and head inside her home. Alex is sitting on the floor beside his best friend, and honestly, it's one of the most adorable sights I've ever seen. It's all well and good when they are calling each other an asshole, but this is the real him. This is the real best friend I've come to know. He's kind of sweet, really. He has the whole macho thing going on, but deep down, he cares…and he cares _a lot._ Clearing my throat as I move further into her home, Alex glances over his shoulder and I find their hands laced together. "She's sleeping." He whispers.

"You know, I think I just fell in love with _you_ as much as I love _her_." I give him a genuine smile. "You're a good friend, Alex."

"She just…she got a little upset, so?"

"You don't have to explain yourself." I shake my head. "She loves you, okay?"

"What if she'd have died?" He drops his gaze. "I mean, what would we have done then?"

"I don't know." I drop my purse and move further into the living room. Getting to my knees beside him, she is squeezing his hand tight so he will have to stay a little while longer. "I guess…" Sighing, I don't actually have an answer for him. "No, I don't know."

"I don't tell her how much I appreciate her enough." He shakes his head. "I should tell her more often."

"She knows, Alex." I give him a smile. "She knows how tight you both are."

"God, I hope so." He breathes out. "You're good for her, Eliza."

"I try to be." I give him a nod.

"You know, whatever happens here on out...I need you to stick with her. I need you to be the one who is still here in ten years time."

"I will," I say with complete certainty. "I'm not going anywhere."

"She's worried about her hearing not coming back."

"Me too." I sigh. "The doctor says it will return in a few days or so. I just hope he's right."

"And if it doesn't?" He raises his eyebrow.

"She will be devastated…"

"No, I want to know how _you_ feel." He replies.

"I'd be devastated for her," I admit. "But it wouldn't change anything for us. I'd still love her more than anything in this world. I always will."

"That's what I wanted to hear." He smiles. "But I think she needs to hear it, too."

"I don't follow…" I give him a look of confusion. "Has she said something to you?"

"She's scared that if this goes wrong…you're going to leave." He shrugs. "She thinks you won't want to be with her anymore if she becomes a problem."

"A problem?" I raise an eyebrow. "How could she _ever_ become a problem?"

"That's why I told her." He sighs. "She's not in a good place, Eliza. I know she's acting like she is, but she's not. She's terrified. She's scared of everything that is going to come for you guys."

"She doesn't need to be scared, Alex. I'm not going anywhere." I know she is in pain so her emotions are heightened right now, but I don't want her to play along. If she's in pain, she has to tell me. If she's scared, she has to be honest about her fears. We have to be on the same page here. It's what matters most. If she doesn't tell me when she is hurting, how am I supposed to help her? How am I supposed to at least try and take that pain away? "I've got her, Alex. I swear to God I've got her."

"You should take over here…" He slowly removes his hand from her own. "She's missed you, and I can see myself out."

"You don't have to go." I shake my head.

"You guys need some time alone." He smiles. "Now, get your ass over here before she wakes up." Swapping places with him, I drop my head to the small space of couch that she isn't occupying and enjoy the sound of her breathing. _She's breathing._ The sound of the door closing quietly, I smile as my eyes trail her facial features. She always looks so peaceful when she's sleeping, but things are different. Her face is different. Her voice is different. Her breathing, though? Her breathing is just like it always is. Perfect and soothing.

"H-Hey…" Her voice a little hoarse, it tells me she's been sleeping for quite a while. "I didn't know you were home."

"Sleep." I brush her hair from her face. "Just sleep." I know she can't hear me, but it doesn't really matter right now. My own eyes are closing, and hers are barely even open right now. _I just need to sleep for five minutes._ I know I won't get much tonight because of my own mind, but if I can be with her like this for just a little while…that will do me just fine.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**

 **Who wants another updates on this today?**


	43. Chapter 43

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Forty-Three

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ARIZONA'S POV

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Waking to the sound of absolute silence, I groan as my body catches up with my brain and it screams out in pain. I mean, shouldn't I start feeling better, rather than worse? Eliza helped me shower last night and I discovered bruises all over my body. I know it's from the impact of hitting the sidewalk, but I didn't expect any more injuries or marks at least. I expected I'd feel a little more like myself. Maybe with a little more hearing to go with it. No such luck, though. Instead, I'm just deaf and in agony. Complete agony. Reaching my arm out slowly, I find cold sheets beside me and I furrow my brow. Eliza still isn't sleeping, and it's really beginning to play on my mind now. If I'm not thinking about my girlfriend and her mind, I'm thinking about this freaking piercing sound in my head. In my ears. It's driving me crazy, and just the tiniest relief would be amazing right now. Just for five minutes.

Slowly sitting up and swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, my body begs for medication, but I don't want it. It knocks me out and I don't want to be in and out of it every day. I just want a day where my pain is bearable and I don't have to spend it sleeping. Eliza deserves better than that, and today…I'm going to try. I'm going to try and cope with it for her sake. I have to. It may become intolerable at times, but her presence should take my mind off of things. _At least, that's what I'm hoping for._

Standing, I'm a little uneasy on my feet…but it's getting better. The balance thing is getting a little better. I'm sure Eliza isn't far away should I need her, but I want to try and rely on myself rather than my girlfriend. She has enough to worry about right now, and I don't need to add to her worries. I don't need to add to her load. It's all I am right now. A problem. An issue. I know she doesn't see it that way, but I do. Slipping my robe over my shoulders, I groan in pain but I'm not giving in. I'm not spending my day like this. I refuse to.

My palm flat on the wall as I attempt to leave our bedroom, I keep a steady pace, and before I know it…I'm at the top of the staircase. A dull sound in my ears, I furrow my brow and it sounds like I can hear movement. It's barely audible, but it's there. The piercing sound is fading a little, and I can hear movement. It's _definitely_ movement. Smiling a little at the prospect of possibly hearing my girlfriend's voice, I slowly take the stairs one at a time. _Slow and steady, Robbins._ Slow and steady.

Breathing through the pain, I nod to myself as I take each step. I feel a little dizzy, but I'm okay. I'm coping. Managing. My foot hitting the lower level, I breathe a sigh of relief and something changes inside of me. I don't know what, but I feel a little more independent than I did last night when I took this route to bed. Fixing my robe around me a little better, I turn and head for the kitchen and find Eliza at the island, studying. "Good morning."

"Arizona, you should have called out for me." It's dulled, and I can't make out what she is saying, but I can hear something. It's no longer movement, but it's sound. Better than before.

"Say it again." I furrow my brow. "Louder."

"I said you should have called out for me." Thinking even harder, I can make out 'called', but it's all I'm getting right now. "Can you hear something?"

"Dammit." I groan. "Ow!"

 ** _What's going on? Are you hearing something?_**

"Yeah, but nothing worth getting excited about." I sigh. "Muffled," I state. "Like you're mumbling."

 ** _That's better than yesterday, right?_**

"Guess so." I shrug. "Don't get your hopes up just yet."

 ** _Whatever happens…happens. I love you just the same._**

"That's sweet, but we both know that this is shit and totally not how we saw our future going."

 ** _My future is with you, regardless of how it goes. Don't forget that, Arizona._**

"I just want to hear you say my name." I sigh. "Come closer and try again?" Watching as she approaches me, she leans in and her breath washes over my ear. "Try now."

"Arizona." It's there, but it's not. "Anything?"

"Huh?" I furrow my brows as she pulls back.

 ** _I said could you hear anything?_**

"Kinda, yeah." I nod. "Maybe it will improve throughout the day." I shrug. "But, you made pancakes and that is all that matters right now." Pulling myself up into a kitchen stool, I'm a little off balance but my girlfriend is right behind me and helping me up. "This is fucking stupid." I run my fingers through my hair. "How can I be deaf and barely able to do anything for myself?"

 ** _Its all linked to your hearing, beautiful. Once that improves, so will your balance._**

"Please don't call me that." I shake my head. "Don't call me beautiful when it's complete fucking lies!"

 ** _I'll call you what I want, and it's NOT lies._**

"You're just trying to make me feel better." I give her a sad smile. "You don't have to do that. I know I look a mess." She shakes her head in disagreement. "What time are you leaving?"

 ** _I'm not._**

"Eliza, you have to." I give her a knowing look. "I'll be okay. You have classes to get to."

 ** _I think it's best if I hang out here until we've decided what is happening. People are already talking._**

"What are they saying?" I furrow my brow. I hate the thought of her dealing with this whilst I'm locked away, but the fact of the matter remains…she still has classes to go to. She has exams coming up. She can't mess this up. Not because of me.

 ** _Just talking._**

"Maybe I should call Dean Pritchard?" I raise an eyebrow. "Have him come over so we can get this over and done with." She drops her gaze and takes my hand in her own. I know she doesn't want this to happen, but it has to. I have to be honest with people for the first time in six months. I have to admit my feelings. "Eliza?" She glances up at me. "You know we have to do this, right?"

 ** _Can't you just lie and say the rumors aren't true? You don't need this right now. Not when you are recovering._**

"No. This is the right thing to do." I smile. "I'm not going back to work anytime soon anyway so it doesn't really matter what the outcome is." It's true. I'll be lucky to go back to work before my girlfriend even finishes university, so maybe this will work out for the best. I don't know what will happen, but I know I want to do this. I know I have to do this. "I need to call my mom, too."

 ** _You can't._**

"Why?" I furrow my brow. "If the Dean is about to find out, then she should know, too."

 ** _You can't call her, Arizona. You can't hear her._**

"Oh, right." I smile. "The small matter of my hearing, huh?" Smiling back at me, I study her face. "Eliza, is this really what you want?" I ask. "Am _I_ who you really want? All of this that is to come can stop right now if you decide that this isn't for you. You can walk away unscathed."

 ** _I want you, Arizona. Don't ever doubt that._**

"I'm just saying that it's okay if this isn't what you signed up for." I lace our fingers together and she tightens her grip. "It would be okay."

 ** _I'm not going anywhere. Do what you have to do, but I'll still be here when it's out there._**

"I love you." Pressing a kiss to her knuckles, her eyes close and she breathes out against my skin. "I love you and it's time for everyone else to know exactly how I feel."

 ** _I just hope I'm worth it._**

"You will _always_ be worth it." I smile. "Always."

"Sometimes I don't feel like it." The sound improving a little, I furrow my brow and she gives me a sad smile.

 ** _Sorry, sometimes I forget. I said, sometimes I don't feel like I'm worth it._**

"Come closer," I ask. "Talk to me."

"What's the point? You can't hear me." She moves closer and I can hear talking, I just can't quite make out what she is saying.

"Just...talk." I smile. "I can hear you, Eliza. I just don't know what you're saying."

"I love you, Arizona." Her breath washing over the side of my face, a small smile creeps onto my lips and I fist my hand in her tee, preventing her from pulling back. "You can hear me?"

"Just about," I admit. "I love you, too." My smile widening, her lips press below my ear and it's the first time I've felt even a hint of myself since two days ago. Since the explosion. Stepping back a little, a tear slips down her face and I brush it away with my thumb. "Don't cry." I give her a sad smile. "I can hear your voice and that is all that matters."

Leaning back in, she gently pulls me into a hug and her lips are hovering around my ear again. "You'll always hear my voice…for the rest of our lives." Her words sending a shiver down my spine, it's barely audible but I know what she is saying. "Forever, Arizona."

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ELIZA'S POV

Oh my god, she can hear me. Barely, but she can hear me and I'm taking what I can get right now. I'd say it's her mind playing tricks on me, but she replied to what I said. She responded specifically to my words. That isn't her mind. That is her hearing coming back. It's been two days since the explosion and I guess her doctor was right. He said it would be a few days, and right now…she is on track with that. She is on track with her recovery. It's by no means almost over, but she's getting there. Slowly, but definitely surely.

She mentioned her mom earlier and I feel like I should be the one to call her. I don't know her and she doesn't know I exist, but I feel like I should do the right thing and call her. Arizona could wait a day or two and do it herself, but I think her mom could be good for her right now. I think having her here could give her the opportunity to talk things out if she doesn't want to do that with me. I get it, though. She just needs someone else, as well as me, in her corner. Someone else to have her back. _I'm still not leaving her, though._ Even if her mom freaks out, I'm not going. I'll stand my ground. I know it's what Arizona would want, anyway.

Problem is, my girlfriend doesn't have a cell right now. It was smashed to pieces along with the rest of her body. I don't have any contact details for her parents, but Alex might. He's been friends with Arizona for a long time, so I'm sure he can give me some method of contact. Glancing up from my biology books, I find my girlfriend sleeping. Silencing my cell, I hit the message tab and send her best friend a quick text.

 ** _Hey, do you have any contact with Arizona's mom? X_**

 ** _Sure. Is everything okay? Arizona isn't back at the hospital, is she? Alex_**

 ** _No, she's okay. I just think her mom should know what happened. X_**

 ** _Right, yeah. Want me to call? Alex_**

 ** _No, I'll do it. If you think she wouldn't mind? X_**

 ** _I'll send over her details. Alex_**

Releasing a deep breath, I'm not sure this is a good idea, but I have to inform her parents. They should know that their daughter was in an accident. Her mom may also be able to talk some sense into her regarding our relationship and who should know. I know it's already a done deal in terms of people talking on campus, but they have no proof. If someone saw us, it's our word against theirs. _I think._

My cell buzzing in my hand, I glance down and find a contact number for Arizona's parents. I guess it's time to introduce myself to the woman with the most incredible daughter in the world. Adding it to my address book, I hit call and step out of the room. Heading for the yard, I pull the sliding doors open and take a seat on the top step of the decked area. "Hello?"

"H-Hi, um…Mrs. Robbins?"

"Speaking…"

"Hi, this is Arizona's friend, Eliza." _Friend? You introduce yourself as her friend?_ "I don't know if you are aware of the gas explosion in Seattle, but uh, Arizona was caught up in it."

"Oh god."

"She's okay." I try to reassure her mom as quickly as I can. "She has some cuts and bruises, but her hearing isn't so good right now. You know, because of the blast."

"Is she alone?" The older woman asks. "I should be with her. Can I speak with her?"

"She's not alone." I shake my head. "I've been with her since it happened. She's sleeping right now but she's unable to speak to you because of the trauma to her ears. I think it's beginning to come back, but it's very hard to tell right now."

"Of course, yes." She sighs. "Is she okay?"

"She is," I reply. "I just wanted you to know what's happening."

"Thank you, um…"

"Eliza." I clear my throat.

"Yes, sorry. Eliza." She perks up a little. "We are a couple of hours away but we will leave right now. I will be with her soon. Thank you so much for calling, dear."

"It's really no problem." I breathe a sigh of relief. "She shouldn't be alone so I'll stick around until you arrive." I know I said I wouldn't leave, but her parents may want some time alone with their daughter. I'd totally understand that.

"That would be wonderful. Thank you."

"Goodbye, Mrs. Robbins." The call ending, I lock my cell and bring my knees up to my chest. The fresh air is a welcome relief right now, and five minutes alone won't do me any harm. I have the weight of the world on my mind at the minute, and honestly…I don't know what to do with any of it. I don't know how to even begin to sort through the thoughts in my head. There are too many, and they're totally jumbled up.

I guess the one thing I should focus on right now is my girlfriend, though. She's the one who will need support. She is the one whose mind is probably working overtime. I don't have any right to worry about myself. I'm fine. I didn't get blown across the street and into a wall. That was all her. She is the one in pain. She's sleeping, though...and when she is sleeping, she doesn't have any pain on her face. She doesn't have any hurt or fear in her eyes. The more she sleeps, the better I feel. When she is sleeping, I don't have to communicate with her via pen and paper. When she is sleeping, I don't have to hear the difference in her voice because her hearing is so messed up. When she is sleeping…everything is okay and no explosion happened.

Startled when I hear footsteps shuffling behind me, I glance over my shoulder and find my gorgeous blonde approaching me. "I really wish you wouldn't walk around alone."

"Sorry, I was just worried about you." She takes one step, and then another, before slowly sitting down beside me. "Whoa. Dizzy much." Gripping my arm, she closes her eyes and tries to stop the nauseous feeling she has right now.

"You really should be lying down." I shake my head.

"I know…"

"You need to rest." _Wait! She's responding to me._ "Can you hear me?"

"Didn't think it would take you that long to realize, but yeah." She smiles. "I can hear your beautiful voice."

"Like, completely? Like normal?"

"No." She shakes her head. "But well enough to know what you're saying. It's just really dull."

"I'm so happy you can hear me." I wrap my arm around her waist. "I just want you to be okay."

"What's that?" She furrows her brow and I lean in a little closer. _I guess it will take time to get back to normal._

"I said, I just want you to be okay."

"Me too." She takes my hand in her own and rests her head on my shoulder. "This fresh air feels nice."

"It does." I nod, my lips still close to her ear. "Wanna hang out here for a little while?"

"That would be nice." A small sigh leaving her perfect lips, I stand and shift behind her. Taking a seat again, I pull her back against my body and remove my hoody, draping it over the front of her. I don't want her to get cold. If she starts to shiver, it will only cause her wounds to ache. She doesn't need anymore pain right now, and neither do I.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	44. Chapter 44

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Forty-Four

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ARIZONA'S POV

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I had no idea how amazing it would feel to hear Eliza's voice again. Sure, it's only been gone for a couple of days, but that's way too long. I thrive off of her voice. Her words. I crave everything about it, I really do. Just like I crave _her._ She just has something about her. Had I gone through this alone, I'd have crumbled. Without a shadow of a doubt, I'd have been a complete mess. I mean, I feel a mess inside, but I know that she will always protect me. I know that she will always have my back. I have a way to go with my recovery, but my hearing was the one thing I need. I cannot live without it. Sure, I'd learned to have coped if I had to, but knowing that I'll soon hear Eliza just like I used to has left me feeling a little better about this afternoon. Once it's back, or better…she can go back to classes and I won't need to be watched 24/7. She won't have to follow behind me for fear of me falling. Kinda embarrassing, really.

I know she offered to help, and I know she is just that kind of person, but I hate this. I hate having to rely on another person to get through my day. It's hard when I've been so dependent on myself for so long. Like, I left home as soon as it was possible and I've lived here for almost eleven years. I haven't _needed_ anyone like I do right now, and I don't like it. I don't like anything that has happened over the past few days. I know I have to deal with it and I know I have to get over it, but I still don't like it.

"Did you maybe want to catch a movie tonight?" I ask my girlfriend as she climbs down from her stool and prepares some fresh coffee. "Settle down and just relax?"

"That's what you're supposed to be doing already." She gives me a sad smile. I don't quite know what she said because she has her back to me, but I'm assuming she said yes. I don't want her to have to keep writing things down. Not now that we've held some sort of conversation. "How are you feeling?"

"Maybe a comedy?" I raise an eyebrow and she gives me a look of confusion.

"You can't hear me, can you?" She drops her gaze.

"No, I can." I close the distance between us. "Just…not always perfectly," I admit. "It will improve, Eliza."

"I know." She gives me a slight nod. "If we can't talk like this, though, I need you to tell me." She sighs. "I need you to be honest so I know what I'm doing."

"Sorry." I take her hand in my own. "I just want you to keep talking to me."

"And I will, but if you don't know what I'm saying…I can write it down."

"I don't want you to." I shake my head. "I want to hold a conversation with you."

"And I get that." She studies my face, her voice a little louder than usual. "But I'd rather you understood me than just guessed."

"Fair enough." I shrug as I reach for the pad and paper. "keep writing like I'm fucking stupid." Tossing it onto the counter in front of her, she furrows her brow and I turn on my heel. "Or don't, whatever." Still a little unsteady on my feet, I almost lose my balance but I save myself via the couch.

"Arizona!" She yells and it actually startles me a little. Moving towards me, I hold up my hands and she steps back a little.

"Leave me." I scoff. "I'm fine."

"Well, you're not." She counters. "And I won't _leave_ you."

"Just do your own thing, Eliza." I shake my head and avoid eye contact with her. "I'll just sit here and do as I'm told. If you want me, I'm sure you can catch me on a scrap of fucking paper."

"That's not fair." She drops down to her knees in front of me. "I'm just trying to help."

"Sure." I nod, my eyes fixed on the same TV show I've been watching for what feels like forever. "You have work to do…you should really get back to it."

"Don't do that." She gives me a hard stare. "Don't pretend that this isn't a problem."

"Which?" I furrow my brow.

"This. Your mood." She drops her gaze. "I know you're in pain and I know you hate how you are feeling right now, but I'm just trying to be here for you. Stop trying to push me away."

"I'm not." I give her an incredulous look. "But I'm done holding conversations with you that include nothing more than a pen and piece of paper."

"And that's fine." She gives me a small smile. "You don't have to freak out, though. It will only make you feel worse."

"Sorry." I sigh. "I just thought things were getting better." Running my fingers through my hair, my nail catches my suture on my head and I roll my eyes. "See?" I say, a little harshly. "I can't even comb my fucking fingers through my hair without making things worse." Lifting her hand, she runs her thumb beneath my wound and my eyes close.

"It's fine." She replies. "You haven't caused it any problems." Getting back up to her feet, she drops down beside me and pulls me into her arms. "It's going to take time."

"I don't have time." I breathe out. "I just want things to go back to normal." I know I should be thankful that I'm here, but I'm really struggling right now. I mean, could I be any more of a bitch? Three people died in that explosion, and I'm complaining because my hearing isn't great. _Maybe I should take myself to bed._ I'm not sure I'm good company to anyone right now. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She pulls back and gives me a sad smile. "I can take it."

"You shouldn't have to, though." I disagree. "Just…I'm sorry, okay?"

"Apology accepted." She presses her lips to my own but suddenly pulls back. "Sorry, someone is at the door." Standing, I watch her approach the door and furrow my brow. I don't know why anyone would be visiting. Alex is working and I haven't called the Dean of the university yet. I haven't had the chance to. Sleeping and pain have prevented me from doing so.

The door opening, I'm shocked to find my mother heading into my home. _Why is she here?_ "Mom?" I ask, a little confused. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, Arizona." She rushes towards me. "Baby…"

"I'm not your baby, mom. I haven't been for about twenty-five years." Pulling me into a hug, I groan as it aggravates my stomach injury. "Ow!"

"I'm so sorry, honey." She pulls back and holds up her hands. "Oh god, have I made it worse?"

"It couldn't _be_ any worse." I give her a sad smile, my oversized hoodie hanging from my body.

"I thought you said she couldn't hear?" She switches her gaze to my girlfriend and Eliza moves further into the living room.

"She couldn't." She agrees. "This afternoon has been a little better, though. She's getting there."

"Thank you so much for looking after her, Eliza." Watching their interaction, I'm beginning to wonder how long they've been secretly talking for. I mean, they're natural around each other and I love it. I love seeing them both so at ease. "I can take over from here, dear. You should go home and rest. I'd imagine she has been a nightmare."

"No, she's been great." My girlfriend gives me a genuine smile. "She's doing good." She nods. "But yeah, I should leave."

"No!" I may not be able to hear everything perfectly, but I heard that. I don't want her to leave and I'm beginning to wonder if the way I spoke to her a little while ago has something to do with it. Standing, I wobble a little but I'm okay. "Don't go." I close the distance between us.

"Your mom is here now, Arizona." She drops her gaze. "I'm sure you guys have a lot to discuss."

"And you should be here for that." I take her hand in my own and press my lips to her knuckles. "Please don't leave?"

"Arizona?" My mom yells from behind me. "Is there something you need to tell me?"

"Yeah." I turn to face her and Eliza holds me by the waist, remembering that sudden movement isn't so good for me. "Mom, Eliza is my girlfriend." I smile.

"Oh, honey." My mom stands. "Why didn't you say? I feel like we have to do introductions all over again now."

"That's okay, Mrs. Robbins." Eliza cuts in. "Who I am doesn't matter right now. I just wanted you to know what had happened."

"She's nice." My mom throws me a wink.

"Yep, and she's also standing right here, mom." I roll my eyes.

"Of course." She nods. "How long have you two been dating?"

"About six months." I shrug. "Give or take."

"And you didn't tell me?" She has a look of complete horror on her face. "Arizona, we used to be close."

"We still are, mom." I give her a sad smile as I approach her. "Just…things got in the way."

"Like?" She furrows her brow.

"Just…things." I sigh. "Did you want coffee?"

"I can do it." She waves off my suggestion. "You should be resting."

"I keep telling her this." Eliza jumps in. "Kinda hard to make her listen." Okay, so now I have them both against me. This should be all kinds of fun and games.

"I heard that." I glance back at my girlfriend. "So, _you_ can make the coffee," I smirk.

"Gladly." She shrugs. "Mrs. Robbins?"

"Coffee would be great, thank you." Taking a seat beside me, Eliza quickly removes all traces of her student life from the kitchen island and I give her a small smile. "So, these things?"

"Huh?" I wrinkle my nose. "What things?"

"The things that got in the way of you telling me?" She raises her eyebrow.

"Right, yeah." I clear my throat. "Um, maybe we should wait until Eliza can join us?"

"Oh, please get started…" She calls out from the kitchen. "I'll have my stuff ready for when I'm asked to leave." She gives me a look of worry.

"I don't follow…" My mom gives me her own look of worry.

"Eliza is a student, mom."

"Oh." She drops her gaze. "A-And how old is she?"

"Don't worry, I'm not _that_ stupid." I smile. "She's twenty-one." I try to reassure her. "It's just frowned up, you know. Well, against the rules, too." I'm trying to lessen the blow, but I'm not sure I'm doing such a good job right now.

"It is, honey." She sighs and shakes her head. "I don't know how to feel about this…"

"Well, ideally I'd like you to be on board with my relationship." I take her hand in my own. "Eliza is the reason I didn't join you for Christmas. I didn't want her to be alone, you know?"

"That's sweet." My mom gives me an awkward smile. "But she's still a student, Arizona. What happens when the university find out?"

"They know," I reply. "Only just, but they still know. Rumours, at least."

"So, you can deny it?" She asks. "I mean if that is what you both decided to do?"

"I've suggested that." Eliza cuts in.

"I can, but I'm not going to do that." I shake my head. "I know this is a lot to take in, but I love her, mom." A more genuine smile graces my mother's features and it settles me a little. "I love her more than I've ever loved anyone."

"Were you dating whilst you were married?" She gives me a questioning look. "I need you to be honest with me, Arizona."

"No," I state, complete honesty in my voice. "Eliza actually told me how she felt a few days after I caught Abbie. I may have been married, but I was separated. I wasn't the cheat, mom. Abbie was."

"I know that, sweetie. Just…wow." She glances back at my girlfriend. "And you have been dating ever since."

"Pretty much, yeah." I smile. My mom doesn't need to know the insecurities and worries we both faced when we first met. She doesn't need to know about the fallout and breakups. It's irrelevant now. "I need you to be okay with this, mom."

"Are you happy?" She asks, her typical 'I know if you're lying' look in her eyes.

"I am." I give her a dimpled smile. I may be in pain right now, but I'm still happier than I've ever been. Nobody will ever make me feel how Eliza does. "So happy, mom."

"Then I have no more to say about it." She shrugs and clears her throat. "Just be careful, Arizona."

"It's a little too late for being careful." I laugh. "But this is how it should be. Nobody should have to lie about who they love."

"I agree, but you know it isn't that easy." _No, it never is._ She stands and heads for the kitchen. "Can I help out with anything, Eliza?"

"I-I, uh…" Switching her gaze to me, I mirror my mother's actions and shrug, too. "I'm okay, thanks."

"Mom?"

"Yes, honey?" She glances back towards me and gives me a genuine smile.

"Thanks for coming…"

"It's where I'm supposed to be." She takes my hand in her own and gives it a firm squeeze. "Your father sends his love."

"Where is he?"

"Fishing trip with Tim." She rolls her eyes. "I was kind of glad when Eliza called. I mean, not for the situation you're in, but because I could come visit you."

"You know you can visit anytime you like." I smile.

"I know, but you know I don't like to intrude." She pats my thigh. "I guess I just got used to you always being busy."

"Yeah, that won't happen anymore." I clear my throat. "Now that Abbie is gone, you know you can come by anytime you like. Unannounced, too. Eliza wouldn't mind, would you?"

"Oh, this is between you." She smiles. "This is your home, Arizona…not mine."

"But it will be." I give her a look of confusion. "Won't it?"

"I-I don't know...will it?"

"Mmhmm." I nod.

"Your hearing seems better than it was a little while ago." She smiles, totally changing the subject. "How does it feel."

"It feels good right now. Just hoping it stays that way." She sets our coffees down on the table and gets down to her knees on the floor beside me. "So, you're not leaving?"

"If your mom doesn't mind me hanging around, I'd love to stay." She smiles, her hand resting on my own in my lap.

"Oh, don't leave because I'm here, honey." Mom gives Eliza one of her approving smiles. "You have done a wonderful job looking after my daughter. Thank you."

"It's what I'm here for." She simply shrugs.

"Well, whilst we have your full attention, why don't you tell me everything that has been happening before you take a nap, Arizona?" _Take a nap? I'm not four._

"Sure, mom. Sounds good."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	45. Chapter 45

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Forty-Five

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ELIZA'S POV

* * *

Ugh, I'm dreading this. Going back to my classes. I mean, people should mind their own business, but I can see why Arizona and I are the talk of campus. Who doesn't love some professor gossip? Even more so when it involves a student. I guess I'll just have to take whatever comes, but I'm still not looking forward to it. I'm still not looking forward to the looks and the whispers, the shouting, and laughter from people. Given half the chance, any one of the students here would bed Arizona, so I don't know why they see it as being so hilarious. Jealousy, maybe? Who knows. What I do know, though, is that I have to just keep my head down, work, and then I'll be back at my girlfriend's place before I know it. _At least, that's what I'm hoping for._ It's highly unlikely that anything of the sort will happen. I know I'm going to be asked questions. I know I'm going to be talked about right in front of me. I know exactly how this goes.

Reaching the car park, I find April waiting for me in our usual spot and she waves me over. She looks a little awkward and uncomfortable but I suspect other students have been after her for the gossip since I wasn't here to confirm anything myself. Clearly, I've had other things on my mind. More important things. I'd be surprised if anyone even asked how Arizona was doing. None of them seem to care unless they're getting the information they believe they have a right to know. Funny, huh? Since it's nobody's business but ours.

Heading towards April, I catch sight of a familiar professor out of the corner of my eye. That professor being the woman Abbie was banging in my girlfriend's bed. I feel like she is about to approach me, but I'm not making eye contact. I don't even know her, and honestly, I may say some not nice things to her if she starts up a conversation. "Hey, April." I drop down on the steps beside her. "Everything good?"

"Yeah, it's good to see you back." She pulls me into a hug. "How is Arizona?"

"Sore." I sigh. "Very sore. Her hearing is coming back, though."

"Wow, that's awesome news." She gives me a huge smile. "I didn't think it would heal so quickly."

"No, we didn't either." I agree. "Her doctor did say it would be a few days, though. I guess we were just thinking the worst, you know?"

"Yeah, must have been hard for you both."

"It's certainly been better." I nod. "Her mom is here now so she has someone to keep her company whilst I get back into my classes. She hates the idea of me not doing well."

"Excuse me, ladies?" Glancing up, I find the homewrecking whore standing in front of me. "Can I have a word?" She raises her eyebrow, her focus solely on me.

"Sure." I smile. "That's a word…is that enough, or?"

"Smart." She laughs. "Alone?"

"Oh, April doesn't have to leave." I shake my head. "Anything you have to say can be said in front of her."

"How is she?"

"Who's she?" I furrow my brow. If she's going to ask how my girlfriend is, she can at least use her freaking name.

"Professor Robbins." She glances around. "How is she?"

"What do you care?" I scoff. "Why are you even asking about her?" I probably shouldn't cause a scene right now, but I don't care. This woman has the audacity to ask me about my girlfriend when she was fucking her wife for a year? No, I don't think so.

"Just…Abbie called. She sounded really worried." Julie drops her gaze. "She was hoping she would be able to visit her."

"Nope." I stand. "Come on, April."

"Could you ask her?" She gives me a hopeful smile.

"You guys are still sleeping together, aren't you?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Firstly, that is none of your business…and no, we aren't. We are friends."

"Friends with benefits, huh?"

"Miss Minnick…" She gives me a knowing look.

"Don't act professionally now." I laugh. "It won't work with me. I know what you did and I know you could have easily ruined Arizona's life. Leave her alone, and you can repeat that back to Abbie. I'm done here." Walking away, April rushes up behind me and grips my wrist.

"Is it a good idea to rile up the other staff when you have to be careful right now?" She has a point, but I don't care. I'm fed up of lying and I'm fed up with people thinking they can walk all over Arizona. That bitch included. "I know you are just trying to protect her, but you should keep your head down, Eliza."

"I can't." I sigh. "Everyone knows anyway, April. Denying it won't make any difference. You know she's the one who ruined Arizona's marriage, right?"

"No. I didn't know that." She drops her gaze. "I always thought she was pretty cool."

"Yeah, she probably is." I nod. "Until she turns on her charm." Shaking my head, I resume my pace and head for the main building. "I should go. I'm going to be late."

"Just calm down, okay?" She gives me a pleading look. "You don't need to make things worse for either of you."

"I'll text you when I'm out, okay?" Heading through the double doors, all eyes are on me and my stomach flips. _This is going to be a long long day._

* * *

Heading out of my second class of the day, I grab my cell from my bag and pull up April's contact information. I need to get out of here. I need to go home and lock myself away. Maybe even to my own place so I can take this all in. I haven't had a minute to think. I haven't had a minute to go over the past few days and what's happened. I can't do that around Arizona. Why? Because I'll crumble and she doesn't need that right now. She has enough going on in her life so no, she doesn't need me crying on her shoulder because I'm worried about all of this that is about to happen. The meeting with Dean Pritchard. The likelihood of her losing her job. Her recovery. Our future. I'm not running, and I'm not backing off…I just need five minutes to myself so I can fall apart.

There is nothing wrong with that, though. Sometimes I like to be alone with my thoughts. Sometimes I like to just be and give myself a little time to process everything. Arizona will understand that. At least, I hope she will. I hope that she will be okay with me going home for a little while. It won't be for long. About to send off a message to April, my cell buzzes in my hand and it's my girlfriend.

 ** _How is your day going? A x_**

 ** _Fine. Everything is going great. E x_**

That's a lie, but she doesn't need to worry about the university right now. She doesn't need the added stress when she has enough on her mind. I don't want anything to mess up her recovery. Whether that is emotionally or physically, I refuse to cause any setbacks for her.

 ** _Wow, really? That's good, I guess. A x_**

 ** _Yeah. People seem to have forgotten. E x_**

 ** _Awesome. I'll see you when you finish then. A x_**

 ** _I was actually going to head back to my apartment for a little while. Check on my mail and stuff. E x_**

 ** _Oh, sure. A x_**

 ** _I will just be a few hours. E x_**

 ** _Yeah. Take whatever time you need. A x_**

 ** _I love you. E x_**

 ** _I love you, too… X_**

Breathing a sigh of relief when she doesn't question me anymore, I decide to head straight towards my apartment. I can text April when I get home. If she wants to come by, she would be more than welcome. I could use someone to talk to right now. I could use a shoulder. One that isn't Arizona's. Reaching the entrance to campus, the fresh air fills my lungs and it feels good. It feels reassuring. Just a few days ago I was standing in this exact spot talking with my girlfriend on the phone. Then it all turned to shit and I don't know how to feel about it all. I don't know where to begin sorting through it.

Home will help, though. It has to. Making my way across the parking lot, I reach the street and decide to take a different route. A quicker one. The one I'd usually take has been destroyed and honestly, I don't really want to relive that just yet. Maybe Arizona and I can do it together in a few weeks. When she is feeling more like herself. When she is ready to face the devastation she was caught up in.

 _God, I hate it._ I still wake in the night with the image in my head. The one of her lay dead on the floor. The one where I never see those beautiful blue eyes again. The one where she has left me…this world. Just gone. I've tried to calm my mind before I sleep each night, but it's harder than I thought it would be. I meditated for a little while last night but still…the images were still there when I finally drifted off to sleep. I don't generally allow things to play on my mind, but this just won't leave me. Like, I know she's okay. I know she's alive. I lie beside her every night, so yeah…I know she is still here. It doesn't stop my mind from wandering, though. Thinking about what could have been. Thinking about what almost was.

I have to try harder. I have to be better. For my girlfriend if not for myself. She needs someone who can support her and be there for her. She needs someone who won't break down when we finally discuss everything that happened. She needs me, and I fear that I can't be what and who she needs at this moment in time. What if she springs the conversation on me one day when I'm not prepared? I can't tell her I don't want to talk about it or that I'm busy. I have to be prepared for it to crop up at any moment in time, and I have to prepare for that right now. Maybe the dreams will continue, and maybe the sleepless nights will go on a little while longer...but I have to remember that she is here. She is alive and she is strong. So much stronger than me. That's how it feels, anyway.

Maybe this is where the age difference comes into it. Maybe this is where my immaturity seeps through my personality. I've never thought of myself as being immature or dependent on someone else, but that's how I feel right now. I feel like I can't rise to the task when my girlfriend truly needs me. I feel like I'm the one who is going to need her at the end of all of this. What kind of girlfriend is that? How can I possibly be the one who crumbles when she is the one who needs support and protection? This isn't about me, and I have to remember that. My own worries shouldn't and _don't_ matter. They can't. She is number one right now, and she is my priority. If I can just push through, this will all work itself out just fine. _I hope._

Taking a left, I reach my apartment block and pull my keys from my bag. It's been a while since I've been back here to relax, and it feels a little strange. It's something I need right now, though, and the sooner I get inside and remind myself of the familiarity, I'll be okay. I'll settle. Hitting the elevator call button, the doors open and I'm inside quicker than ever before. I feel a little anxious, but that's probably just a mixture of everything that's going on. You know, kinda like when it all gets on top of you and you don't know which way is up? That's how I feel.

Stepping out into the corridor, my apartment door is in sight and I feel relieved. Relieved that I will soon be locked away. Relieved that I'll have my own things around me. My personal space. I love being at Arizona's, but lately, I haven't felt settled. Not because of anything she has said or done, but I just haven't felt settled there. Maybe knowing that Abbie was there during Christmas. Maybe because I know that our happy bubble is about to pop. I don't know. Slipping my key into the lock, I push my door open and step inside. It's surprisingly warm in here right now, but that's good. The last time I was here I felt cold and detached from the place. I don't need to feel that right now. I already feel cold and detached from my own life as it is.

Flopping down onto the couch, I glance around and find that I don't really have much here after all. I don't even have any coffee lying around that I can use right now. _Times have changed, huh?_ Arizona made a comment in front of her mom about how her home would soon be mine, but I'm not sure we are ready for that yet. I love the idea of one day living with her, but I think she may have said it because her emotions are a little erratic right now. I mean, we've never even discussed it but she just came right out and said it like it was the obvious answer to everything. I've never really thought about the day we live together. I know we kinda already do, and my lack of belongings in the apartment I'm paying rent on proves that, but it's not official. Nothing like that is official. How can it be when we've been dating in secret? My cell buzzing in my bag, I pull it out and find Arizona's name flashing on the screen. "Hello?"

"H-Hey…" My girlfriend breathes out. "Uh, my hearing is better again."

"That's good." I smile. "It's nice to hold a conversation with you."

"Yeah, my right is better than my left. Mom and I figured that out a little while ago."

"Everything will be okay soon, Arizona. I know it will. You're too strong for it not to be."

"Thank you for being amazing." She lowers her tone. "But it's time to really put us to the test."

"You've lost me." I furrow my brow. "Is everything okay? Did something happen…an injury?"

"N-No." She stutters. "I'm okay."

"Then what is it?" I ask. I can hear the complete worry in her voice. "What's going on?"

"Can you come over, Eliza?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a few hours." I yawn. "Just taking five at my place."

"No, I need you to come over now." Her voice breaking, I'm totally lost.

"O...kay." I draw out. "Because?"

"Because Dean Pritchard is here…" _Oh god._ My stomach somersaulting, I swallow hard and try to stop the bile from rising in my throat. _I'm going to throw up._ My eyes closing, I pinch the bridge of my nose and try to breathe through this fear I have quickly building inside of me. "Please, say something."

"I-I…" I shake my head.

"You're backing out aren't you? You're running again?" _Am I? Is that what is happening?_ Is that what I'm trying to say but struggling to do so? It would certainly make things easier for her. For her life and her job. "You know what, I'll just do it alone." She sighs. "Even if you are backing out, I'm still admitting to it. Even if you are leaving me, I want them to know the truth. It matters to me. What you mean to me is the only thing keeping me going right now."

"Arizona…" I sigh.

"I'll see you around, Eliza." Her voice trembles.

"Arizona?" My voice a little harsher, I know what I have to do. I know exactly where I should be.

"What?!" She asks, her tone a little cold.

"I love you..." I breathe out. "...and I'll be right there."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	46. Chapter 46

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Forty-Six

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ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

My heart is pounding in my chest right now and I don't know why. I mean, I knew this would happen. I knew when I was still at the hospital that this was going to come out and everyone would know…so why do I feel so bad about it? Why do I feel like I want the ground to swallow me up? Maybe it's because I don't have Eliza here with me. Maybe it's because I'm not as brave as I thought I was. All I know right now is that I need her. I freaked during our call a little while ago, but she wasn't giving me anything. She was silent, and her silence often scares me. Her thinking often terrifies me. Eliza has been known to run on more than one occasion, so I assumed that's what she was about to do.

I'd never make her stay and I'd never expect her to stand by me. Not if it wasn't what she wanted. I hate the thought of ever losing her, but if she truly didn't want me anymore, I'd let her go. It would be the right thing to do. Maybe I read too much into it, but something about this moment, this meeting…it's crippling me. My fears have magnified tenfold, and my hands are trembling. Not because I'm going to lose my job, no. I kinda came to that conclusion the second I was made aware of the rumors. My fears are there because I don't know what is going to come out of Eliza's mouth when she arrives. Will she back me up? Will she say what's on her mind? Is she coming by to tell me that she loves me but cannot do this? _Surely not._ Surely she is here to stand by my side and take whatever is thrown at us.

My front door opening, my eyes close and I breathe a sigh of relief when I find her standing in the doorway, her own nerves written all over her face. Her own hands trembling. "Hey…" I clear my throat. "That was quick."

"Yeah." She nods. "Figured it was best to get this over and done with. You don't need any extra stress right now."

"Miss Minnick." Dean Pritchard stands and straightens himself out a little. "Thank you for joining us."

Closing the distance, Eliza drops her purse down to the floor and takes a seat beside me. Her hand coming to rest on my own, I've never felt so relieved in my life. _Thank god she is here._ My anxiety settled the moment I saw her, and now that she is here with my hand in her own, all of my worries are slowly fading into the background. All of the concerns I have are simmering down and I feel like I can breathe a little better. "So?" She sits up a little. "Why are you here?"

"I think we all know why I'm here." He gives my girlfriend a knowing look. "And now that Arizona is feeling a little better, I believe she had some things she wanted to say to me." He switches his gaze back to me. "Is that right?"

"It is." I nod. Tightening my grip on Eliza's hand, she runs her thumb over my knuckles and gives me a slight nod in agreement. Kinda like she is giving me permission to say what I have to say…whatever that may be. "Just…" Clearing my throat, I try to calm my breathing a little more. "I know I'm about to lose my job, but I need you to just hear me out before you confirm it, okay?"

"Okay." He agrees, his posture a little professional for a home visit.

"Seattle has been my home for the best part of Eleven years, and it's been incredible. My job at the university has been incredible. The staff, the students…even the workload, it's suited me perfectly and I feel like I've made a difference to peoples lives." _I do._ I know I'm good at my job, and I've seen the results for myself. "I've never caused any problems and I've always worked to the best of my ability, but I need you to know that my relationship with Eliza has never been brought onto campus. She has _never_ received special treatment or any help with her grades, and she has never asked."

"I appreciate that bu-"

Cutting him off, I hold up my hand. "Having said that, I understand that I've broken all kinds of rules and I know that I no longer have a job at the university...or in any teaching role again." Giving my girlfriend a sad smile, she has unshed tears in her eyes. "Please don't kick Eliza out, too. Let her finish her classes. She's almost ready to graduate."

"Arizona…" She breathes out.

"No." I shake my head. "I'm the one who shouldn't have done what I did. I'm the one who shouldn't have broken the rules. They're there for a reason and I understand that I'm the one who this falls on. Not you. Not the university…just me."

"You have to know that we don't want to let you go." Dean Pritchard clears his throat and sits forward a little. "Especially not in this way. We can't be seen to allow this to happen, though. We can't allow other students and staff to assume that it's okay to date one another."

"I know." I smile. "The only issue I have is that you could easily leave it at rumors, but instead you are punishing me. That's okay, though." I shrug. "I almost died a few days ago, and what matters more to me is my life. My life and my relationship. I don't care that you are willing to let me go because of pure hearsay. Whether I've admitted it or not is irrelevant. I could have lied today when you came here. I could have lied and said it wasn't true, but I wanted to be honest. I've wanted to be honest from the beginning." Dropping my gaze, I breathe a sigh of relief that this is finally out in the open. "Eliza will be out of the university in a couple of months, so just…let her stay?"

"Okay." He agrees. "It would be a shame to cut her time at the university short."

"Yeah, and it's a shame you are allowing some stupid rule to affect someone's life." My girlfriend cuts in. "Arizona is one of the best professors at the university and you are just firing her. Even when another professor ruined her marriage, she didn't bring it onto campus. She didn't let it affect her job."

"Eliza, it's okay." I try to calm her down.

"No, it's not." I stand and shake my head. "I'm twenty-one. I'm not some kid who thinks this is a little fun. I know what I'm doing and I know what I want in life." She gives the Dean a hard glare. "I'll leave. I'll quit. Arizona shouldn't have to lose her job because of me, so I'm the one who won't be returning. Not her."

"It isn't as simple as that." He shakes his head. "What you have both done is wrong but Arizona is right. She is the one who this falls on. Not you."

"Well, that's just bullshit." She spits.

"Come on now, honey." My mom wraps her arm around my girlfriend's shoulders. "Don't get yourself worked up."

"Sorry, Mrs. Robbins." She shakes her head and drops her gaze, her voice now trembling. "I just…I need some air."

"I'll come with you…" My mom gives her a soft smile. "Let's head out back, hey?" Taking my girlfriend out of the situation, I give her a thankful smile and Eliza slips off through the house. I hate seeing her upset, and she has a point, but this is done. My job is done. My career.

"I didn't risk my career for nothing, Alastair." I give my boss a knowing look. "I know you probably think I'm a fool for doing this, and I understand that, but we are serious. We aren't just some fling."

"I wish there was another way." He sighs. "I don't like losing you, Arizona. You're the best I have."

"Seems sometimes that isn't enough, huh?" Resting back on the couch, my head is beginning to pound and I don't have much energy left in me. "I guess there is nothing else to say…"

"I'll check in with you in a few weeks." He stands. "See how your recovery is going."

"You don't have to do that." I shake my head. "I'll be fine. Thank you for coming by, though." Watching him move towards the door, my emotions are about to get the better of me. I knew this was the end for me, but I hoped there would be some other way. I hoped I'd somehow be able to keep my job. You know, come to some kind of agreement. Seems the university doesn't need me as much as they claim they do. They'll move on. I'll move on. Life will be okay. It has to be. Sure, I've no idea what I'm going to do with my life now, but I'll figure something out.

 _I always do…_

* * *

I've been sitting alone for the past twenty minutes or so, but I know my mom is watching me. I can feel her eyes on the back of my head. She gets it, though. She knows I need a little time alone before I even begin to digest what has just happened. Even if I knew it was coming, I'm still hurt. I'm still worried about everything I hoped for in my future. My job wasn't just a job. It was my career. It's what I've worked my ass off for. Now, it's gone. Just like that. Just because I fell in love with a particular person…it's been taken away from me. Quite literally in the blink of an eye.

"Mom?" I can feel her behind me but she doesn't respond. "I know you're there…stop creeping, it's weird."

"Are you okay honey?" She appears beside me and takes a seat. "Do you need anything?"

"N-No." I give her a sad smile. "Is Eliza okay?"

"She's worried about you, but she's okay." She takes my hand in her own. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"With her, yes." I nod. "Could you give us an hour or two alone?"

"Of course, sweetie." She presses a kiss to my head. "I'll head to the store. Pick up some things you may need. The cupboards are bare."

"That would be great if you could do that for me." I give her a thankful smile. "I'm glad you're here right now."

"I'll always be here, Arizona. I'm your mom."

"I know, but you didn't have to be okay with all of this." I sigh. "You could have turned your back."

"I wouldn't ever turn my back on you." She pulls me into her chest. "I can see how much love you have for one another, and that is why I'm okay with this. It doesn't matter who Eliza is, and it doesn't matter who you are. If you love each other…that is all there is to it."

"I love you, mom." A tear slipping down my face, I quickly brush it away before she has time to notice. I don't want her to think I'm weak. I was raised better than that. So much better.

"I love you, too." She pulls back. "I'll fetch Eliza, okay?"

"Thank you." Watching my mother walk away, I run my fingers through my hair and wait for my girlfriend to tell me how she is feeling. I know she got a little angry earlier, and I get why, but I won't let this make her bitter. I won't let the loss of my job come between us. She's the reason I chose to out myself, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I want her, and she has to know that.

"Hey…" I glance over my shoulder and find Eliza shifting nervously from one foot to the other. "Has he gone?"

"Yeah, he's gone." I give her a small smile. "Come and sit with me?"

"Sure." She clears her throat. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired." I sigh. "Drained."

"Maybe you should lie down for a little while?" She suggests. "It's been a long day…"

"I will lie down…with you."

"Oh, uh…I should keep your mom company." She furrows her brow. "She said she has to go out for a little while."

"Yeah, she's going to the store and _you_ are staying here with me." I take her hand in my own and give it a firm squeeze. "I want to talk to you."

"Oh, okay." She drops her gaze and toys with my fingertips. "You hate me, don't you?"

"No, I don't." I shift a little closer to her and take her other hand in my own. "I love you, Eliza. I always will."

"But?"

"But nothing." I furrow my brow. "We are going to be okay. You are going back to campus and you will finish this year. You have to."

"I'm not going back there." She scoffs. "I'm don't want my career to have come from that place. Not when they've fired you."

"This isn't about me anymore." She turns to face me fully. "This is about you finishing the year and going on to be amazing. Incredible, even."

"I hate what they did to you." She cries. "And no matter how you see it…this is my fault."

"Pretty sure I'm the one who kissed you." I smile. "And I'd do it again…every single time."

"But if I'd never told you how I felt…" She wipes away a tear. "If I'd never told you any of that, we wouldn't be in this position."

"No, but I'd have been miserable and lonely." I curl my fingers under her chin. "I wouldn't have had the most amazing time with you…"

"But is it all worth it?" She asks, her green eyes a little lifeless. "Am I honestly worth all of this?" Her sadness and uncertainty about herself breaking my heart, I lean in as best as I can and place a kiss on her lips. "That feels so good." She admits.

"And it will continue to feel good for the rest of our lives." I smile. "You are who I want and need in my life. I don't care about anything else, Eliza. So long as I have you, everything will be okay."

"I'm scared." She whispers. "Scared about everything."

"You don't have to be scared…you've got me." Running her thumb over her cheek, her eyes close and she leans into my touch as my hand rests on the side of her face. "We are happy, right?"

"Yeah, we are." She agrees. "So happy…"

"So, why does anything else even matter?" I raise an eyebrow. "Why can't we just be happy and whatever happens…happens?"

"Because this all feels wrong." She sighs. "How you are being treated. How they've just done what they did. With no consideration for you or the way you are feeling right now."

"But I knew it would happen," I reply. "I knew that we couldn't just be together and everything else be fine, too."

"Still…" She shrugs. "This is stupid."

Shifting a little, I groan as I move onto my back and she furrows her brow. "Lie here with me?" I ask. "Please?" Carefully lying down beside me, I pull a blanket over us and my body relaxes for the first time all day. Pulling her closer by the waist, her eyes close and a slight sigh falls from her lips. "Whatever our future holds…we will still be like this, okay? Holding each other. Relaxing together."

"I love you." She whimpers, tears falling from her eyes. "I don't know why you love me, but thank you."

"I love you because I cannot live without you, Eliza." I smile as I press my lips to her own. "You make me incredibly happy…"

"Where do we go from here?"

"Where do you want to go from here?" I ask.

"I just want you to be better." She gives me a sad smile. "I want you to be back to yourself. I hate seeing you in pain."

"I'll get there." I nod. "Don't worry about me. I have everything I need right here…"

"Me too." She closes her eyes. "I just…"

"What is it, Eliza?"

"I thought you were dead." Her words hitting me square in the chest, I'm beginning to realize just how much all of this has affected her. I may have been injured, but she was lost in her own mind in those moments before she found me. She was worried and panicked. I knew I was alive. I knew I was okay…but she didn't. She saw death. Heartbreak. I may have saw blood and devastation around me, but she saw a life without me…and I don't even know what to say to her. I don't know how to even respond to that.

 _She is just as broken as I am..._

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	47. Chapter 47

**So, this fic hit 1000 reviews in the last chapter. Thank you, once again, to everyone who takes the time to read and review.**

 **The ones who are here purely to cause trouble, please do us all a favor and leave. Your rants and accusations are wasted on me. I know you are trolling, but I don't really care for your childish behavior. It's kinda pathetic.**

 **Characters belong to Shona. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Forty-Seven

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ELIZA'S POV

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Arizona is staring at me and I feel like I may have said something I shouldn't have. I don't even know why I said what I just did. It was there on the tip of my tongue, and I felt as though she should know. I felt as though I needed to tell her how I was feeling. How I'm _still_ feeling. I don't want to make this about me, and that wasn't my intention when I just said what I did, but I want us to be open and honest with each other since everything has happened. I want her to know that she can talk to me whenever she needs to. Whether that is now, in the middle of the night when she can't sleep, or in a weeks time when it has all sunk in. She has to know that it's okay to just talk. About everything and anything. About life. About herself. About her mental state. I'm here for that, and if today has told me anything…I'm the one who is _supposed_ to be here for all of it. If she screams and cries and throws things…I take it from her. I take it because she has just ended her career for me. She has just shown and told me that I'm the one who matters to her.

I can't believe she chose me over her career, but she has certainly stood by her word. She said she would always choose me, and she definitely just did that. I don't like it, but I cannot change it. She is her own person and what she does is entirely up to herself. I can only ask her not to so many times before the conversation becomes redundant, and today was one of those times when I shouldn't beg her. When I walked in to find the Dean sitting here, I knew I had to let her say whatever she was going to say. No matter how bad it made me feel inside. Maybe she will regret her decision down the line, but I have to be the one who stays and doesn't run ever again. I know I've said it before, but today has totally changed everything for us. Today has brought us together for one final time, and I ain't going _anywhere._

"Arizona?" I study her face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you should have." Her eyes are lifeless, and I don't like it. I don't like seeing her frozen like she is right now. "You should have."

"I've freaked you out, haven't I?" I sigh. "I just…I had to tell you. It's all I've thought about, and I needed you to know."

"That was the right thing to do." She shakes herself from whatever she is thinking right now. "Thank you for being honest."

"I just think it's important. Now, more so than ever before." Placing my hand gently on her hip, I'm scared to hurt her lying in this position. "You'll tell me if I hurt you?"

"Hurt me?" She furrows her brow. She's totally lost in her own thoughts right now. I can see it in her eyes. "Why would you hurt me?"

"I mean your injuries." I give her a sad smile. "Are you okay? Do you want me to leave you alone for a little while?"

"No." She tightens her grip on my waist. "Please don't leave me."

"Okay." I lean my head in a little closer and our lips are just millimeters apart. "Did you want to talk about what happened?" I ask as I brush her hair from her face. "About anything at all?"

"Y-You." She breathes out. "When it happened, you were all I could think about. You were all I could see. I figured if I was going to die, your face had to be the last I saw." My heart absolutely breaking at her admission, I try to fight my emotions. I have to. I can't break down whilst she is opening up to me. I really can't. "I just kept remembering your laugh. Whenever I was in pain, I focused on your eyes and your smile." Her voice breaks a little. "And then it hit me."

"What did?"

"The realization that I would never get to tell people about us if I died. I'd never have the conversation with my mom about us and how we met. Nobody would ever know how incredible we were together. I'd never have the opportunity to lose my job because I love you…"

"You really thought about me?" My voice is barely audible and I'm not sure she will even hear me. "About us?"

"I managed to get up to my feet." She admits. "I was coming back to you. I wanted to tell you I was okay."

"You were walking back to campus?" I ask, a little shock evident in my voice. "Arizona, you were barely even able to stand. You were only just conscious."

"It didn't matter." She shakes her head. "I knew you would be there and everything would be okay." She smiles. "I knew that even if I collapsed at your feet…it wouldn't matter because I would be safe with you. I would be protected by you."

Pulling her into my arms, I don't even care if I hurt her right now. I mean, I do, but I need this. I need to feel her arms around me. I need to feel her body against my own. It may have only been a few days, but we are so often touching one another that I've felt totally lost having to keep my distance. "I wish I had been there for you…" I whisper, my head burying in the crook of her neck.

"You were there for me, Eliza."

"No, I mean I wish I had been there _with_ you. I wish you had never been alone when that blast happened."

"I don't." She breathes out, her own grip tightening and her head resting on my chest. "I never wanted you to be there. I never wanted you to be caught up in it. It was my fault there was even the potential for you to be there."

"Your fault?" I pull back and find her eyes. "How the hell do you work that one out?"

"I never should have been at the coffee shop." She states. "I just wanted to spend like an hour with you because I'd missed you so much all week. I just wanted to be with you for a little while…"

"That doesn't mean you deserved any of this, Arizona." Placing a soft kiss on her forehead, she hums in appreciation and I smile against her skin. "If I _had_ been there, it wouldn't have been your fault."

"It just scares me to think that you could have been there…and the worst could have happened, to either of us."

"I know, but we are both here," I reply. I know I would do well to remember that myself sometimes, but I'm simply trying to reassure her right now. "I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you, though."

"Hard to think about, huh?"

"The hardest." My voice breaks. "But it's all I seem to think about lately. Once I climb into bed, it's all I can see. It's all I feel."

"You should have told me how you were feeling." She runs her thumb across my bottom lip. "I would have stayed awake with you."

"No, you are recovering." My tone a little harsher. "You don't need a lack of sleep to add to that. If you're sleeping, it means you aren't thinking. That can only be a good thing."

"Maybe we should take an early night?" She suggests. "Snuggle for a little while?"

"I want that, but I'm scared to hurt you…"

"You won't." She smiles. "I promise."

* * *

Busying myself in the kitchen, Arizona is talking with her mom and I'm taking a little time to myself. Our conversation this evening was a little hard for us, but we are okay. Everything about us is okay. I know the job front isn't so good, but she seems okay right now. I cant promise that it will always be that way, but it's good to see her smile and laugh with her mom. I could watch them both smiling and joking all day long given half the chance. Furrowing my brow when my girlfriend climbs from the couch and pulls her mom into a hug, I round the counter and approach her. "Hey…" She smiles. "I'm heading up to bed."

"Okay, give me a minute and I'll come with you."

"No, stay here." She takes my hand in her own. "You have just poured yourself a glass of red. Relax and I'll see you in a little while. Maybe I'll read…"

"Are you sure?" I lower my tone. "You said you wanted us to take an early night."

"And it's only eight." She replies. "I'll hang out upstairs, okay? I just have a headache coming on."

"Okay, but if you need anything…"

"I know…you can get it." She pulls me a little closer to her and presses her lips to my own. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Watching her carefully as she rounds the couch and heads for the staircase, I find myself moving towards her but her balance has really improved. At least, it seems like it has. Pulling back and giving her the space I know she wants, she glances back at me and gives me a thankful smile. She knows I'm right behind her whenever she needs it, but she's doing okay tonight. It's definitely good to see her improving how she is.

"Eliza?" Mrs. Robbins calls from the living room.

"Yeah?" I turn and give her a smile. "Can I get you anything at all?"

"No, but I'd like to talk to you?" She raises her eyebrow. "If you have a little time?"

"Of course, yeah." Giving her a nod, I take my glass of wine from the counter and take the seat Arizona has just vacated. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, dear." She smiles. "I just wanted to see how you were doing?" I know she is referring to my little outburst today, but I had to say what I did. It's true that Arizona is the best they have at the university, so of course, I'm going to defend her. I will _always_ defend her. "How do you feel about today?"

"Honestly, I don't know." I drop my gaze and toy with my wine glass. "Everything has just rolled into one and it's making me feel a little crazy."

"The explosion gave you quite the fright, didn't it?" She places her hand on my own.

"It did." I agree. "I thought I'd lost her. I thought I'd never see her again." Her mom seems like the kind of person who people can be honest with, so why bother trying to lessen anything I'm feeling? "The street was like a war zone."

"Yes, I saw pictures on the news channel." She sighs. "She is very lucky."

"She is…but she's brave, too." I smile. "I'm sure you already know that, though."

"I do, sweetie…but it's nice to hear it from other people." She relaxes back in her seat. "It reminds me that I raised her right."

"You definitely did," I state. "I've never met anyone quite like your daughter, Mrs. Robbins."

"That is very sweet of you, Eliza." It's true. Arizona is definitely unique. I'm not sure I will ever come across anyone who has the same personality as her. I mean, I know we are hot and dirty a lot of the time, but I can still feel the love radiating from her. That love never seems to lessen, whatever the mood we are in. Even when we are fighting, I still feel that undeniable connection to her. It's amazing, but often intense. So intense that I cannot think straight. "She thinks a lot of you."

"Yeah…" I blush a little. "She means the absolute world to me, Mrs. Robbins."

"Call me Barbara, dear. No need to be so formal." She waves off my address of her. "I'm happy she found you. I know it may not be under the best circumstances, but you both love each other and I'm happy about that. I'm happy that she found someone who loves her completely. Someone like you."

"That means a lot to hear you say that," I admit, my voice trembling a little. "It feels so good to not have to hide anymore, you know?"

"I'm sure it does, Eliza." She gives me a genuine smile. One that mirrors her daughters completely. "I can't imagine having to do that." She shakes her head. "Did nobody ever suspect anything?"

"I don't think so," I reply. "Dean Pritchard only made a comment about the rumors after the explosion. I kissed Arizona on the street when I found her. She was just staring at me, Barbara. I didn't know if she even knew who I was and the only thing I could do was kiss her. I shouldn't have because this is the result of it, but I didn't know what else to do."

"You don't have to justify your actions, Eliza…and especially not to me. You did what you felt you had to, and whatever the consequences of that kiss, you are both still here."

"I guess you're right." I give her a nod in agreement. "How do you think Mr. Robbins will react to all of this? Arizona's brother, too?"

"Oh, leave Daniel to me, honey." She waves off my question. "And as for Tim? He loves his sister regardless of any decisions she makes."

"They're close, huh?"

"Very close." She smiles. "Together as kids, they were a nightmare." She rolls her eyes. "Always getting into trouble. They would blame one another but ultimately, they were both guilty."

"I don't imagine Arizona ever acting out as a kid." I shake my head, a slight laugh falling from my mouth. "She seems too good at following orders."

"Oh yeah?" Barbara raises her eyebrow. "So, she hasn't told you about the time she was put in the back of the local sheriff's car?"

"N-No." I sit forward and make myself a little more comfortable. "She didn't."

"Mmhmm…" Barbara purses her lips together. "I got a phone call whilst I was at home baking. You know what the two of them had done?"

"W-What?" I can already feel a laugh beginning to rumble in my throat.

"Collected the neighborhoods Christmas trees." She shakes her head.

"That's sweet." I give her a small smile. "What the hell did they do with them?"

"What did they do?" She raises her eyebrow. "They set fire to them! The entire pile."

"No way." A deep laugh causing the older Robbins to laugh too, I set my wine glass down and get a little more comfortable. "How old was she?"

"Eight?" She states. "Arizona was eight, and Tim was ten."

"I just cannot even picture that." I settle my laughing and it only makes my girlfriend seem even more adorable than she already is. "Who blamed who?"

"Oh, neither." She laughs. "Although, Tim was in handcuffs."

"I know I shouldn't laugh, but Arizona being a firebug isn't something I ever imagined."

"No, me neither." She agrees. "I have never felt so embarrassed in my life, Eliza. We were the talk of the neighborhood. Daniel was absolutely horrified."

"I have to drop that into conversation one day." I smile. "And much more too once I get them off of you."

"Oh, I have plenty of mischievous stories from those two children of mine." Barbara stands. "We should do this again sometime. Hopefully when Arizona is feeling up to it."

"Yeah." I nod. "I should probably head up to her. You know, take an early night?"

"Of course, honey." Barbara pulls me into a hug. "I think I'll turn in, too." Shutting off the light, we both head for the staircase and I feel like I'm going to bed lighter than ever before. At least, since I met Arizona. Something was always getting in the way. Whether that was the secrets or my own worries…but tonight, I feel like myself. I don't care who knocks at the door because I no longer have to hide. I'm supposed to be here. I'm _allowed_ to be here.

"Goodnight, Barbara." Giving her a final smile, I slip off into our bedroom and quietly close the door behind me. Arizona is on her side and watching me, a smile on her beautiful face. "Hey, you." I strip off and climb in beside her. "You're still awake…"

"Wanted to see you." She drapes her arm over my stomach and rests her head on my chest. "I missed lying with you like this."

"Me too, beautiful." Running my fingers through her hair, I cannot wait for things to get back to normal. You know, the touching…rolling around in bed together. It's not the be all and end all of everything, but that's us. It's who we are.

 _All in good time, Minnick. All in good time…_

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**

 **Massive thanks to one of my readers for the anecdote I stole from them!**


	48. Chapter 48

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Forty-Eight

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ARIZONA'S POV

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 _One week later…_

Things are getting better. Well, better than they were anyway. Mom is still around, and Eliza has gone back to her classes and I'm no longer reliant on anyone else. Sure, I'm still in some pain and often discomfort, but I'm managing. I've figured out which meds work best for me and I'm simply taking it day by day. It's all I can do, and I know that now. I'm not as angry about my injuries as I first was, and my hearing is pretty much all there. It's a little foggy when I first wake in the morning, but I think that is just a case of getting my bearings about me and then I'm fine. I'm good. Of course, I wish none of this had ever happened, but it did and there is nothing I can do about it. What's the use of sitting and wondering what I could have done differently? What's the use of being angry at something I cannot change? It will only leave me bitter, and I don't want to feel that way. It's not who I am as a person.

I know I'm still recovering from my accident, but I'm bored. Like…beyond bored. I've thought about heading outside with mom but I don't really feel up to that just yet. I don't want to go outside and see the devastation left behind by the explosion. I don't want to go outside and bump into people from campus. Not now that everyone knows I lost my job. Not now that everyone will want to either look at me with disgust or with sympathy. I don't need the looks and I don't need the judgment. This is my life, and I'll live it how I please. If I want to fall in love with someone, I will. Even if a piece of paper or policy tells me it's wrong. The way I feel about Eliza could never be wrong. Never.

Settled on a stool at the kitchen island, my hair is pulled up into a messy bun and I'm reading over the morning newspaper. Eliza hasn't been in touch with me since she left a few hours ago, but that can only be a good thing, right? I mean, she hasn't shown up here upset or worried, so things must be going well on campus. _God, I hope I'm right._ I don't want people to question her or have an opinion. Sure, everyone is entitled to one, but it's okay for them to keep it to themselves. It's okay for them to mind their own business. My cell buzzing on the counter beside me, I glance down and find my best friends name on the screen.

 ** _How you feeling, Robbins?_**

 ** _Good, Alex. So much better than earlier in the week. X_**

 ** _Wanna come by the bar and have coffee?_**

 ** _Oh, I shouldn't. But thanks. X_**

 ** _I can come and pick you up if you wanted me to? It's no problem._**

 ** _I can't. I have stuff I need to do at home. Soon, okay? X_**

 ** _Sure. I miss you._**

 ** _I miss you, too x_**

Setting my cell back down in its place, I release a slight sigh and focus on the breeze weaving through the trees outside my kitchen window. I've had something on my mind for the past few days, but I don't want to bring it up with my girlfriend. I mean, I do…but I'm not sure she's ready for it. I'm not sure she's ready for me to ask her to move in with me. Like, why wait? I'm no longer her professor so she can do whatever she wants. She doesn't have to hide anymore. _We_ don't have to hide anymore. I know it's going to be amazing, but I just have to get myself fixed up so I can truly experience that for myself. I want to take her to dinner. Breakfast, too. I want to take her to the movies and walk through the streets holding her gorgeous soft hand. I want to do everything we've had to avoid since we met…and I want to do it now.

Problem is, I'm not sure I can just yet. I want to go outside, but I'm struggling with it. I'm struggling with the idea of being out in the open for fear of something happening. I know I shouldn't think like that, and I know the chances of me being caught up in anything else are low…but it's just how I'm feeling. I'm feeling anxious. Unsure. Uncertain for what I will find when I do eventually step outside. Maybe I just have to do it and stop thinking about it, but I struggled to even collect my mail from my mailbox this morning, and that is just outside the freaking door. _You have to fix this issue, Arizona._

I know I have to remember how I used to enjoy being outside, but I think I'll just hang here for a little while longer. I think I'll just give it a few more days. You know, until I'm fully recovered. Until it doesn't hurt to move too much. Until I feel like I can do it. _I know I can. I've got this._

 ** _How are your classes? A x_**

Sending off a message to my girlfriend, I climb down from the stool my ass has been stuck to for the past hour and stretch my body out a little. Everything is aching and stiff, so I'll take a little time to myself and hang out on the couch instead. Now that I can hear, I don't have to watch the subtitles on my favorite shows. Now that I can hear, I can catch up on the trashy TV that Eliza hates. _Perfect!_

 ** _Really good. The professor covering for you is a little bitchy, though. E x_**

 ** _She isn't covering for me, Eliza. It's now her job. A x_**

Dropping down onto the couch, I pull my feet up and wrap myself up in a thick fluffy throw. Eliza has it in her head that I'm just on leave from work, but she has to remember that I'm not. I'm not out sick or taking a break…I got fired.

 ** _Sure, yeah. You know what I mean. E x_**

 ** _Is she any good? A x_**

I know I shouldn't be worrying about who is now taking my classes, but I'm allowed to be a little curious, right? I'm allowed to ask a few basic questions.

 ** _Okay, I guess. E x_**

 ** _You guess? A x_**

 ** _I haven't paid much attention to her. E x_**

 ** _Concentrate, Eliza. This is important. A x_**

 ** _Yeah, I know. Wish it was you I was looking at, though. E x_**

 ** _You'll be looking at me in a few hours. Just do this for me, okay? A x_**

 ** _Okay. I love you..._**

 ** _I love you, too x_**

* * *

The sound of a key turning in the lock, I glance over at my front door and smile when I find my girlfriend returning home. I know I shouldn't call it that, but I feel like this is her home. I feel like this is where she belongs. I'd like to believe that she feels it, too…but I'm not so sure. She has never really made any kind of comment on the possibility of living together, but I guess that's okay. She may not want that yet. She may not want to commit so early on. I wouldn't be pissed at that, but even if she could just reassure me that one day it will happen, I'll let it lie. Who'd have thought the professor would be the needy one and the student the sensible one? It certainly isn't how I imagined all of this being, that's for sure. Watching her approach me, her shoulders look a little heavy but I guess she's just tired. It's been a full on day for her. "Hey." I pull her from her thoughts. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She gives me a barely visible smile. "Just tired."

"Want to sit with me for a little while?" I ask, a smile of my own creeping onto my face. "I'll start dinner soon."

"Sure." She nods. "You don't have to make dinner, though." Dropping down beside me, she rests her head back. "I figured I'd stay at my place tonight. I can just order in when I get home." _There is that word again…home._ "Your mom is here so you will be okay."

"O…kay." I furrow my brow. "Is everything okay with us?"

"Of course, it is." She takes my hand in her own. "I just have a lot of work to do and you don't need to sit watching my back for the rest of the night."

"I'm okay with that." I shrug. "It's just good having you here."

"I know, but I don't think I'm going to be much company to anyone tonight." She gives me a sad smile. "You should hang out with your mom tonight. You haven't had the chance to do that yet."

"Eliza?" She taps her foot against the floor.

"Mm?" Glancing up at me, I study her face. Something is off. Something is wrong.

"Did something happen on campus today?" I ask, her eyes telling me everything I need to know. Her eyes confirming that something did happen.

"What? No." She laughs as she shakes her head. "Why would something have happened?"

"You know…you're a terrible liar." I give her a knowing look. "I need you to talk to me, please?"

"Nothing happened, Arizona. Stop worrying." She squeezes my hand. "Classes were fine. I'm fine."

"Except you're not." I sigh. "Look, I don't know what has happened, but I need to know that you are okay. I need you to be honest with me."

"Just…everyone hates me." She shrugs. "I get it, though."

"What do you mean everyone hates you?" I ask, totally confused.

"Because of what happened to you." She smiles. "Because I got you fired. They just…I'm not very popular right now."

"You didn't get me fired." I turn in my seat to face her fully. "We are in this together, so no…this isn't on you. I knew exactly what I was doing when I kissed you in the bar that night."

"They don't see it that way, though." She scoffs as she drops her gaze between us. "I'm a slut, apparently." My eyes widening at her admission, my heart settles heavy in my chest. "Oh, and I'm only here in Seattle to ruin people's lives."

"That's not true." I curl my fingers underneath her chin. "Those people don't matter, beautiful. You and I are all that matters."

"It's not that simple, though. It's not as simple as just saying screw everyone else." She finally looks at me fully. "I'm the one who has to hear that every day. I'm the one who has to take the insults."

"I'm sorry." It's all I can give her right now. I don't know how else I'm supposed to fix this. I mean, I can't go there and explain myself. I wasn't even allowed to collect my things from my office. Someone brought it all by for me. "It's supposed to be University." I sigh. "Not fucking kindergarten."

"People will always have something to say, though…right?" She raises her eyebrow. "They love you, Arizona. They don't want you out…they want _me_ out."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"Oh, it is." She laughs. "I heard all about it today. All day." Okay, I don't like this. I don't like the fact that she is getting blamed for my firing. It has nothing to do with any of the students. My business is nobody's but my own. "The new professor got some stick today from most of the class. Some didn't even bother to show."

"Oh." I drop my gaze. "Change is happening whether people like it or not and I cannot do anything about that."

"Maybe Dean Pritchard will see the difference and bring you back?"

"That isn't going to happen." I disagree. "I no longer have a job there, Eliza. You have to realize that. I know you hate all of this, and I do too…but I was fired for a reason. Whatever people's opinions are, and whether I should be in that class or not…the reason I was fired is still a valid reason."

"It's fucking stupid is what it is." She scoffs. "I just want everything to go back to how it was. I don't even care if people cant know about us. I want you to have your job."

"But we can do what we like now." I counter. "Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"It means everything to me…" She breathes out. "It still doesn't make any of this right though, Arizona. Why should you have to be punished and I just go on like nothing happened? I should be punished, too."

"It is what it is…" I give her a sad smile. "You just have to remember how good we can be now. You have to remember that I chose to do this. Sure, we were caught, but I still chose to admit it. I still decided to admit everything to Dean Pritchard."

"You shouldn't have." She sighs. "You should have lied."

"No." I hold up my hand. "We aren't doing this. We aren't fighting because I wanted to be honest. We aren't fighting because I just want to love you openly and freely."

"That's not what is happening." She presses her lips to my knuckles. "I just wish it had worked out better, is all."

"It will get better," I reply. "It has to."

"Where is your mom?" She furrows her brow.

"She went to a hotel for the night." I sigh. "I figured we could have a night alone but you are going home, so…"

"You sent her to a hotel?"

"No." I shake my head. "She offered, and I didn't disagree. I just wanted a night alone with you. Figured we could take a bath together and just relax. It's been so long since I've held you and just been truly alone with you."

"That's sweet." She gives me a sad smile. "I'm sorry I'm a little moody."

"Don't worry about it." I wave off her apology. "Will you at least stay with me a little while longer? Share dinner with me?"

"Oh, I'm not missing out on a night alone with you." She gives me an adorable smile. "I'm here for the night."

"Yeah?"

"Mmhmm…" She nods. "We aren't cooking, though. I'll order in. Rent a movie. Just us, okay?"

"Sounds perfect." I press my lips to her own. "Did, um…" _Do I really want to do this right now?_ Yeah, I do. I definitely do. "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to stay here…for good?"

"I don't follow…" She furrows her brow.

"Move in with me." My words fall from my mouth faster than I anticipated, but I need to know where we are in our relationship. I need to know if she would even ever consider it. "Just…think about it at least?"

"Yes." She nods.

"Thanks." I smile. "I don't want you to think that you have to, but I'd like it to one day be an option if it isn't what you want right now…"

"No, I mean yes I'll move in with you." She smiles.

"Y-You will?" My eyes fill with tears. "You want to?"

"I'd love to, Arizona." She shifts a little and moves closer to me. "I hate being away from you."

"But you were planning to leave tonight."

"Because I have work to do and it doesn't need to be strewn all over this place." She laughs. "I wasn't going home because I didn't want to be here with you."

"So, this is now your home…" I narrow my eyes. "Our home."

"Yes, beautiful." She agrees, leaning in impossibly close. "I guess it is." Her lips pressing against my own, I pull her into my body and try not to think about the pain around my midsection. I don't need to feel pain right now. Not when I'm about to have the perfect life…regardless of the fact I have no job.

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	49. Chapter 49

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Forty-Nine

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ELIZA'S POV

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Today has been one of the worst since I arrived in Seattle. Not in terms of Arizona and I…but, I've felt like I don't belong today and I don't like it. The university has me close to breaking point, and honestly…I don't want to go back there. I've had the day from hell. I mean, I get it. I know Arizona is the best there is but I'm not to blame for it. Sure, personally I think it's my fault, but the students have no idea what they are talking about. I didn't fall in love with Arizona so she would lose her job. I didn't do it to cause problems for her. It just happened. It happened, and I couldn't stay away from her. No matter how hard I tried. Because I did. I tried hard to push her away. I tried hard not to think about her. Hell, I broke it off with her on more than one occasion because I knew that this would be the outcome. I knew that there was only one way that this was ending…and we were both right. Still, I'm here.

I just wish they understood. I wish they could experience the way I felt when I was avoiding her. When I was telling her we couldn't be together. I wish they knew the pain I felt as I lay awake every night thinking about her. Longing for her. Craving her attention and time. I wish they had even just the slightest idea how I felt, and maybe then, they would understand. Maybe then, they would see that this isn't just some fling. I'm not doing it for the gossip or the rumors. I love Arizona with everything I have inside of me, and the things I heard today really hurt. I mean, this woman is the only one I want to spend my life with, and for that…I was called a slut. I was told that she just wanted some young meat for a little fun and that I'd ruined her life.

Arizona doesn't know, but our new biology professor asked me to stay back after class had ended. I figured she wasn't happy with my grades or something to that effect, but no. She asked me if I was going to cause any problems for her. Like, does she think I spend my days banging professors? Does she think that I'd even look at her that way? She clearly does, or she wouldn't have said it. She wouldn't have insinuated that I was going to be problematic. That's not who I am. I don't spend my days picking out my next prey. I don't have a list of who I want to bed next. I could see Professor Daniels trying to figure me out. See what I was about. I'm not about anything, though. I just love Arizona and she had to know that. My girlfriend had to know, even if nothing ever came of it. Sure, it worked in my favor, but sometimes I wish it hadn't.

I know I shouldn't think like that because my life is amazing right now, but sometimes I wonder if Arizona would have just been better off not knowing. She had no idea, anyway, so if I hadn't told her anything about how I was feeling...she would be living her life and she would still have a job. Instead, she's spent the best part of six months locked away with me behind closed doors and I feel bad about that. I really do. She doesn't deserve any of this. She doesn't deserve to have her reputation as an amazing professor ruined because of me. I'm nobody. I'm just a twenty-one year old who has brought her nothing but issues.

She doesn't see that, though. Arizona sees me as the woman she wants in her future. I appreciate that, and I wouldn't have it any other way now that I've had a taste of her, but I still feel dreadful every morning when I wake. When I'm preparing to leave for class, I feel that guilt settle deep in my stomach and I struggle to shake it off. I struggle to think about anything else for the rest of the day.

"Hey…" Pulled from my thoughts, Arizona steps into the bathroom and gives me a smile. "You almost ready in here?"

"Oh, yeah." I give her a small smile. "Just fixing up your bath."

"Our bath." She smiles as she leans against the frame of the door. "You are joining me, right?"

"Y-Yeah, if you want me to." I nod. It's been over two weeks since I've even seen her naked. She tries to avoid it because of the scar on her stomach, but I've told her she is still beautiful. Like, she doesn't even dress in front of me anymore. "I can leave you alone if you'd prefer it?"

"No, just…would you mind if I get in alone?" She drops her gaze. "Then you can join me?" She wants to be in the water and under the bubbles before I see the rest of her body. It makes me sad knowing she feels that way, but it will pass. _She's even more beautiful than she was before._

"Sure." I turn off the taps. "Just shout when you are ready for me." Standing, I brush past her and head for our bedroom. _Sounds kinda weird saying that._ I now live here, but it feels crazy. I still have everything to grab from my place, but there is no rush. I'm barely ever there, anyway.

The bathroom door closing, I take a seat on the edge of the bed and release a deep sigh. I've been thinking about taking Arizona to dinner one evening this week, but I'm not sure if she is feeling up to it yet. She hasn't mentioned anything about venturing outside, and I don't want her to think that she has to. Maybe it's something and nothing, but I get the impression that she is worried. I don't blame her, though. I would be, too.

My name being called from down the hall, I slip my clothes from my body and shrug my robe over my shoulders. I don't know why, but even I'm beginning to feel self-conscious. I guess it's just been a while and my nerves are getting the better of me. Heading towards the door my girlfriend is safely behind, I knock gently. "Arizona?"

"Come in."

Pushing the door open, I step inside and she gives me an adorable smile. She's sitting forward in the tub, and I'm assuming she wants me to climb in behind her. That way, her injuries are covered and I cannot see them. "Where do you want me?" I ask as I tug the material holding my robe in place. "Behind, or?"

"Yeah." She agrees. "I'm more comfortable that way."

"Fine by me." My robe falling to the floor, I step into the water behind her and the heat immediately soothes my body. "Wow, that temperature is perfect."

"I know." She sighs as she rests her body back against me. My legs either side of her. "And you are super comfortable, too." Glancing back over her shoulder, I give her a smile and press a kiss to the top of her head. "Thank you for staying tonight."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." I admit. "Especially not when we get the night to ourselves." It's nice to have her in my arms. It feels like it's been an entire lifetime since I last had her like this. Just…

against me. Breathing softly.

"I'm so happy you're moving in, Eliza." She places her hand over my own that is resting on my thighs and gives it a squeeze. "I didn't think you would say yes."

"I'd be a fool not to." Brushing her hair from the side of her face, her eyes close and she smiles. "I love you, Arizona. I just want us both to be happy."

"I want that, too." She admits, her jawline almost blinding me. "Can we just enjoy our evening together? No worries?"

"I'd like that." I agree. "We can save them for another day, huh?"

"Yeah…" She rests her head back on my chest, her eyes closing. "Another day."

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Settled on the couch, I've spent the past half hour shoveling Chinese into my mouth, and now I can't move. Even breathing is problematic for me right now, but God…that food was good. Arizona didn't eat much but she hasn't had much of an appetite since the explosion. I guess it's just the medication and the way she is feeling. I've been watching her for a little while, and she is totally in a world of her own. I don't know if she has things on her mind, or if I'm just reading too much into it, but she doesn't seem herself. At least, not how she has been the past few days. She really was beginning to pick up.

"Did you want anything else to eat before I clear this up?"

"No, thank you." She smiles.

"You didn't eat much." Trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, I shrug and stack the containers on the coffee table. "Just not feeling it, huh?"

"Not really, no." She gives a slight sigh and falls back into a silence again.

"You know, I think I'll clear this away later." _She looks like she could use a hug right now._ "Mind if I sit with you?" I raise an eyebrow.

"No, not at all." She shifts a little and I settle down beside her. Pulling her gently between my legs, my hands rest high up on her stomach and she relaxes against me. "Just, uh…sorry about before." She sighs.

"When?" I've no idea what she is apologizing for, but she feels she has to for one reason or another.

"In the tub." She clears her throat. "I just don't feel like myself right now…"

"In the tub?" I ask. "What happened in the tub?"

"Nothing, and that is the problem." She scoffs.

"Okay, you've totally lost me." My fingertips run up her arm, hoping to settle any worries she has going on right now.

"We both know that other stuff _always_ happens in the tub, Eliza. I'm sorry if that is what you were expecting…"

"I wasn't expecting anything." I furrow my brow. "Why would I be?"

"Because it's been two weeks." She replies. "Two weeks and you've had _nothing_ from me. Nothing, and I hate it."

"I'm not here for sex, Arizona. I'm here because I love you and I want to be with you…"

"Still…" She shrugs. "You deserve more."

"I don't want more." I counter. "At least, not until you're ready. Don't even worry about it. It isn't important."

"But it is to me." Her voice breaking, I take her hand in my own and tighten my grip. "It's important that you know how much I love you. I just…I can't show you how much yet."

"Look at me." She glances over her shoulder, her blue eyes holding sadness. "I don't care if we have to wait two weeks or two years. Your recovery is all that matters and you have to know that. You have to believe that I wasn't expecting anything from this evening."

"I'm trying, okay?" She holds my hand tight like she is about to lose me. "I mean, it's bad enough that the whole sexy professor thing no longer exists, but I'll try. I'll try and still be that person…"

"No." I shake my head. "Don't even think that." My heart breaking at her admission, I want to hold her tighter than ever before, but I can't. I can't because I'll hurt her. "You are perfect. How you are and _who_ you are is perfect to me. For me. I don't need you to be something you're not. I didn't fall in love with you because of your job. I fell in love with you because of you as a person. Even if you weren't a professor when I met you…I'd have still fallen head over heels in love with you."

"Promise?" She turns away from me and shifts onto her side, her arms now hugging my thigh. "Promise that you will still love me when the realization of who I actually am hits you?"

"Who you actually are?" I repeat her ridiculous words. "You mean the beautiful, smart and kind woman I couldn't take my eyes off when I arrived in Seattle? The woman who has shown me nothing but complete love and honesty? That woman…"

"Y-Yeah." She sighs.

"I'll always love that woman." I run my fingers through her hair and she draws circles on my thigh. "That woman stole my heart last year, and I never want it back."

"You are incredible, you know that right?" Her eyes finding mine, I dip my head a little and place a soft kiss to her lips. I can understand why she is worrying, but she has no reason to. I'm not about to walk away because she isn't feeling good about herself. I'm also not about to walk away because she isn't giving me sex. A relationship doesn't work like that, and I'm in this for the long run. The longest run possible.

"I just want you to stop worrying about us, Arizona," I answer honestly. "When the time is right, you will know. Until then, I'm happy to lie here with you like this. I'm happy, so long as you are in my arms every night."

"You mean that?" She asks, her voice trembling. "You aren't just saying it to make me feel better?"

"Well, I guess in a way, I am yeah." I give her a smile. "Because I want you to feel better." She gives me a slight nod. "I'm also saying it because I love you and this is going to take time. You're still in pain, and I get that."

"But I'm not in enough pain to stop being intimate with you. Not now." I admire her honesty, I really do. "I want that with you more than anything…I just can't."

"And that's okay." I give her a sad smile. "Whenever you are ready, I will be here."

"I just need some time." She sighs.

"Take all the time you need." I pull her up my body. "I love you, okay?"

"I love you, too." Gripping my waist, she buries her head in my chest and releases a deep breath. "Thank you for being patient with me…"

"Hey." I press a kiss to her head. "You are beautiful, Arizona. Everything I could ever want in my life. If I can't be patient with you, I shouldn't be here." She glances up at me, her blue eyes a little brighter than before. "I'll always wait. If I have to wait forever…then that is what I will do."

I know she is struggling and at times…I am too. I'm here for her, though. I always will be. This woman in my arms has meant more to me than anyone else ever will. I can say that with complete certainty. Not only does she make me feel incredibly blessed every day, she makes me feel incredibly proud, too. Proud to call her mine. Proud of everything that she is. So long as she continues to be honest with me, we can work through this together. We can work through it and before we know it…life will be back to normal and our love will overpower any worries we face.

"Can we just stay like this tonight?" She asks, her voice a little hoarse. "Just…if you wouldn't mind?"

"We can _always_ stay like this, beautiful." My fingers running through her hair, she smiles up at me and switches her gaze back to the TV. I don't ever want to be any other way. No amount of intimacy could ever be better than simply lying here with her in my arms. None whatsoever. When we are like this, we are perfect. Sex is just an added bonus. When she is feeling good again, she will know. She will always know.

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	50. Chapter 50

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Fifty

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ARIZONA'S POV

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Last night was perfect. Everything about it, except for my worries. I know I'd planned to have a worry free night, but I couldn't help that sinking feeling I had once Eliza and I had shared a bath. I mean, she's young and full of life and here I am…miserable and injured. She needs someone who can give her what she needs. Usually, I'm that person, but lately, I've been slacking. Slacking more than I care to admit. I wanted to be honest with her, and yeah…I am healed enough to be intimate with her. I just can't bring myself to do it. I can't bring myself to strip naked in front of her and have her hands on my body. I just don't feel good about myself right now. Well, I don't feel _anything_ about myself if I'm being totally honest. Mentally, I'm not there yet. I can't even bring myself to look in the mirror most days, so there is no way I'm about to undress in front of my girlfriend. I know she loves me, and I know that she doesn't care about how I look, but I do. I've held that hot and sexy persona for so long, and I fear it's gone for good. I fear I'll never truly get it back.

How can I when I have a huge scar down the left-hand side of my midsection? How can I ever feel completely desired again? I'd like to believe that one day I will, but I fear the blast has taken something from me. Something I'll never find, or feel within myself again. I know I have to try and get back to that place, my good place, but I don't know how. Do I just dive in head first? Do I test the waters and see how it goes? I want to, but I don't want to promise my girlfriend something, only to back out at the last minute. I don't want to work her up and turn her on to stop when the time comes. I'd hate for that to happen to me, so I'm not going to put her through that. _I just hope she really can wait for me._ I hope she doesn't have her head turned by someone who has a better body than me now that mine is forever scarred. It won't disappear. It won't fade and never be seen again. It's there. A reminder. A mental barrier to ever feeling truly happy with myself again.

I didn't think about it at first. The pain was too intense to even think about the possibility of climbing into bed with Eliza. The ache and the hurt were too intolerable to imagine her taking me like she wants to. Like _I_ want her to. It's only been the past few days that it has played on my mind. Now though, it's all I think about. I lay awake for most of the night thinking about it, and now it's telling on my body. I'm fried. I'm beyond tired. _God, she really doesn't need this._ I know she has reassured me and I know that she is totally here for me, but I don't like feeling this way. I don't like the feeling of not being in control of my life. _I hate it._

It's only making all of this harder for me to take. It's one thing to lose your hearing, but to lose that sense of who you are? That's worse. To lose the confidence you once had for both yourself and your body is soul destroying and I fear it's only going to bring me problems in the future. Problems in my relationship. Eliza says she will wait, but for how long? How long until she meets someone who tells her all the things she wants to hear? How long until she can't wait any longer? I wouldn't blame her. If she needed to move forward and do what was right for her, I'd completely understand. Intimacy is something that has always been important to me. It's always been the one thing that told me things were okay between us. I could feel it. That love. That connection. That undeniable spark we share. If I don't have that, how do I know this is all going to be okay? If I can't express myself sexually, this is all going to unravel around me. It will unravel before my eyes and I'll be left alone with myself and my useless broken body.

Sighing as I shift a little on my stool, I take my coffee cup in my hands and check out today's crossword. Eliza is upstairs preparing for her day on campus, and I've been awake since 5 am. _This day isn't going to get any better._ The sound of doorsteps above me, I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. "Arizona?" Watching as my girlfriend takes the staircase, I put on a false smile and she reaches the lower level. "What time did you wake?"

"Oh, only a little while ago." I smile.

"I woke around 5:30 and you weren't there." She furrows her brow.

"Yeah, I was using the bathroom." My gaze switches back to the crossword in front of me and I'm hoping that's the end of that conversation.

"Did you want to meet for lunch today?" She approaches me and presses a kiss below my ear. "I only have classes this morning…"

"I have stuff to do here, sorry."

"Right, yeah." She clears her throat. "Sorry, it was stupid of me to even ask."

"No, I'd love to have lunch with you, but I should wait around for mom to come back."

"She's not back until this evening." Eliza pours herself some coffee and moves around the kitchen. "She is meeting an old friend. She texted me a little while ago."

"Oh." Now, what do I say? _Fuck!_ "I'm sure I can find something to do around here…"

"Yeah, I guess you can." She agrees. "I should head out."

"Eliza…" I call her back as she grabs her belongings.

"Yeah?" She turns back, a hopeful look on her face.

"I love you."

Giving me a full smile, she nods. "I love you, too." Watching her leave, I feel awful for blowing her off but I'm just not feeling it. Maybe I'll talk to her about it tonight. Maybe I won't, though. We've done enough talking to last a lifetime, and soon…she will be bored of hearing about it. I'm already bored of thinking about it.

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Leaning against the frame of the window, I smile at my cell phone and listen to my brother telling me all about his fishing trip with dad. It's been a while since Tim and I have caught up, but we get each other. We understand how busy we are. "So, you'll come by and visit soon?" I ask, the rain falling hard on my windows. "When you can?"

"Sure, Zo." He agrees. "I'm so glad that you're feeling better."

"Yeah, if it wasn't for Eliza…I can't say I'd be recovering half as well as I am." I run my fingers through my hair. "You have to meet my girl soon, okay?"

"I can't wait." I know he's smiling. I can tell by the tone of his voice. "Have to thank her, right?"

"For what?" I furrow my brow.

"For keeping my sister safe." He deadpans. "God, I wish you would stay on the same page as me sometimes."

"Hey! I'm recovering, Asshole. You can't say things like that to me." He laughs and my own falls from my mouth. "So, I should go but I'll call you soon, yeah?"

"Not if I call you first." Focusing my eyes on the figure walking down my street, my heart skips a beat when I realize that it's Eliza. "Bye, Zo. Love ya."

"I love you too, Tim." Ending the call, I approach the front door and unlock it. Pulling it open, I stand in the doorway and watch my girlfriend cross the street. "Hey, what are you doing home so early?"

"The students had an uprising." She shrugs as she makes her way up the drive.

"Excuse me?" I furrow my brow. "What does that even mean?"

"I don't know but Professor Daniels hit the roof and canceled class." Brushing past me, she presses a kiss below my ear and gives me a smile. "And since you weren't available for lunch, I figured I'd come home and spend some time with you."

"That's sweet." My heart melting at her words, I close the door behind us and lock up again. "But what's going on at the university, Eliza?"

"Arizona, the students want you back." She turns to face me. "So, they are being disruptive."

"You guys shouldn't do that." I drop my gaze. "It doesn't work like that, and Professor Daniels is just trying to do her job."

"Oh, I have nothing to do with it." She holds up her hands. "I'm keeping my head down, remember?" _Mm, now why don't I believe that?_ "Besides, she's a bitch."

"She is?" I close the distance between us. "Why?"

"Attitude." She scoffs. "She thinks she's gorgeous, too."

"And is she?" I narrow my eyes as my hands settle on my girlfriend's hips. "In your opinion?"

"Nope." She laughs. "How can someone be gorgeous when they have a nasty attitude?" Brushing my hair from my face, Eliza gives me an adorable smile and I lean into her touch. "I missed you, today."

"I missed you, too." I smile. "Can I get us some lunch?" Watching her as she studies my face, I furrow my brow and she places her palm flat against the scar on my stomach, over my hoodie.

"Can I see it?" She asks, her voice soft. "Please?"

"Eliza, I." Shaking my head and dropping my gaze, she curls her fingers under my chin and dips her head a little.

"I know it's on your mind…"

"I'm sorry, I'm trying," I admit, my voice barely audible.

"I just want you to talk to me, Arizona." She gives me a sad smile. "I don't want you to deal with this alone. Just…can I see?"

"I-I don't know." My stomach is turning right now. "What if it freaks you out?"

"That isn't going to happen." She disagrees. "Think about it, at least?" Placing a soft kiss on my lips, she takes a step back and her hand drops from my stomach. "All I ask is that you think about it…" Why do I feel so nervous around her? She loves me more than anything, and I keep backing away from her. Watching her shoulders slump a little as she heads towards the couch, I feel awful. She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to be pushed away and told to just wait it out. She deserves my honesty. After all, she has been here with me throughout all of this.

Swallowing hard, I follow her into the living room and she drops down onto the couch. This may all go horribly wrong, but I guess it's just something I have to do. I have to show her that I trust her. "Eliza…" I give her a sad smile as I come to stand in front of her. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize." She glances up at me and takes my hand in her own. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you. No pressure, okay?" Those words stirring something inside of me, I drop her hand and tug at the zipper holding my hoodie in place.

"I just…" Releasing a deep breath, I slowly pull it and it falls open on my body. "Please don't run, okay?"

"I'm not going anywhere." She shakes her head, her eyes still fixed on my own. "Can I?" Gently grazing the material, I give her a slight nod and she pulls my hoodie back, a small smile creeping onto her face. "Trust me, okay?"

"I-I do." I breathe out. Her fingers tracing the outline of my scar, I can't even look at her right now. If her eyes tell me something I don't wish to know, I cannot see that. I cannot witness the horror in those gorgeous green eyes. I can't see her become totally turned off by me. I'd sooner she just left and didn't say anything else. "Say something, please?"

 _Nothing. Silence._

"Eliza?" My voice breaks a little but she simply shifts in her seat and sits forward a little more. Her lips pressing against my skin…my scar, my breath catches and my eyes close. It's been so long since I've felt her mouth on me. So long since that sensation only she can create has built up in my stomach. _Wow…_

"Beautiful." She whispers against my skin. "Incredibly beautiful." Tears slipping from my eyes, I glance down at her and watch as her lips continue to trail my skin. Her attention now on other parts of my body. "I love you, Arizona…and you are so perfect. Everything about you." _Oh god._ This woman surprises me every single day. She just has a way of making me feel alive every time her hands are on my body. Every time her skin touches my own. That is something I could never live without.

Her hands lacing with my own, she pulls me down into her lap and falls back against the couch. "I'm sorry," I whisper against her mouth. "I do trust you." Tugging at my bottom lip, my forehead rests against her own and she smiles.

"Don't think for one minute that the past few weeks have changed anything for me." She breathes against my lips. "You are still the hottest woman in this world." A small smile creeping onto my own lips, I run my thumb across her cheek and she gives me the most adorable look. "Seeing you like this…God, it's been a while." Clearing her throat, she drops her gaze and it feels as though she is squeezing her thighs together. _She's aroused…_

Not something I expected to happen, but it sure makes me feel better about myself. Toying with the zip on my hoodie, I can feel her eyes on my body. I can feel them trailing my skin and I won't lie, it's an amazing feeling. Her thumb brushing the underside of my breast, it takes everything I have within me not to moan. I'm not sure I'm ready for this, and I don't want her to get her hopes up. I really can't let that happen. If I'm in…I'm all in. I have to make a decision right now. I have to decide if I'm ready to reconnect with the absolute love of my life. "Eliza…" I breathe out, her green eyes piercing my soul.

"I'm sorry." She drops her hand. "I just…you are just as gorgeous as ever, okay?" Her hands resting on the couch either side of my legs, she's now scared to touch me. _You have to sort yourself out, Arizona._ Her eyes are telling me that I can trust her with my life, and my body is telling me that I need this. I need her. "Let me fix us up some lunch, okay?"

"Take me to bed." My words holding no hesitation whatsoever, she studies my face and sits forward a little. "Please…"

"No, I shouldn't have done that." She shakes her head. "I shouldn't have put you in that position. I just...I've missed your body. I'm sorry."

"So, take me to bed and show me how much you've missed it." I know I need this. I know I need her hands on me. All over me. I have to take my life back. I may not be able to head outside or do the normal things I'm used to right now, but I can scream my girlfriend's name, and right now…I really need to. "I need you, Eliza." My thumb running across her bottom lip, I lean in and capture them. "God, I need you more than anything else in this world."

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	51. Chapter 51

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Fifty-One

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ARIZONA'S POV

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God, I need this. Maybe more so than I realised. Eliza's hands are on my bare skin, and in this moment…I feel as though my girlfriend is the reason I'm breathing. I feel as though without this, without her, I'd crumble to the ground. I'd crumble and I'd allow my worries to consume my body. I can't do that. I can't allow my mind to mess with my heart. If I do, Eliza will walk, I know she will. The more it consumes me, the more of a bitter person I'll become. I don't want to be bitter or angry about all of this. It was an accident. One that couldn't be prevented. One that I got caught up in. Right now, I have to focus on the good in my life, and that is Eliza. The most incredible woman ever to share a bed with me. The most incredible woman to ever see me for who I truly am. She's my absolute life, and if I can't be open and at ease with her, I'll never step foot outside my home again. Maybe that won't happen any time soon…but that's okay. I know what I need right now, and I know what I have to do to get it. I have to be honest.

I didn't expect this to be the outcome of our afternoon, but I have to listen to my body. I have to listen to what it wants and recognize the cravings and the desperate need for my girlfriend. The same goes for how I feel about Eliza, too. I mean, I was so sure that she wouldn't want me like this. I was so sure that she wouldn't want me anymore. Her eyes told a different story, though. The moment she placed her hands on me, her body told a different story. It was pure honesty shining from that intense green I'm often met with, and in that moment, I knew that she wanted me for _me_. I knew that my marks and my scars didn't affect her or what she thinks of me. If I keep that at the forefront of my mind, everything will be okay. My insecurities _cannot_ get the better of me right now. They just can't.

Glancing down at Eliza, she is thinking hard. Her hands are now placed on my thighs and it feels so good. It feels good to feel this way just for a little while. How we should. Just like we used to. Our normal. "Eliza?" I lift her gaze and she gives me a sad smile. "I need you to do this for me…"

"I'm just scared it's not what you want."

"It is." I take her hand from my thigh and place it against my naked chest, my hoodie still hanging from my shoulders. "Feel?" I breathe out. "I'm calm, okay?"

"I just want to do the right thing…" She admits. "If I hadn't done what I just did, you wouldn't ask me to take you to bed. We both know that."

"Maybe so." I agree. "But I'm glad you did what you did. It reminded me what I'm missing. It reminded me that I need to get this back with you. It's who we are, Eliza…"

"Yeah." She slowly nods, her fingertips grazing down between my breasts and settling low on my stomach. "I didn't do it to make you want this, though. You have to know that."

"I know." My own arousal heightening as she works my skin so perfectly, I shift in her lap a little and press my lips to her own. "Come on…" I smile against her mouth. "Let's take this upstairs." Climbing off of her, I pull Eliza up to her feet and her eyes are a little darker than before. She's realizing what is about to happen, and I'm glad she isn't backing away. _I really don't need her to do that._

Heading for the staircase, I detour a little and check the lock is on the front door. I don't need anyone coming here and interrupting us right now. Especially not my mother. Slowly taking the stairs, Eliza is behind me, her hand in my own. Her nerves are evident in her body language, but we will be okay. She will be as incredible as ever. "Arizona…" She stops us when we reach the top of the staircase and I turn to face her. "I don't want to hurt you…"

"You won't." I run my thumb across her cheek as her hands find my hips. "I want this. I want _you._ "

"God, I want you too." She breathes out, her eyes closing as she leans in and presses her lips to my own. Pushing my body back, it gently connects with the wall and her hands run up and over my shoulders causing my hoodie to fall off my body. "I've wanted this for so long." She admits, her eyes ghosting up and down my body. "So beautiful…" A slight blush creeping up my neck, I drop my gaze but the tables are turning. Eliza is no longer worried about this, and I have to be okay with it. I have to push through and feel everything I've been missing. Everything I've wanted with her for what feels like a lifetime. "Do you have any idea what you do to my body, Arizona?"

"N-No." My body shudders as her fingertips trail up my neck, her hand wrapping around the back. "Fuck…" I breathe out as she pulls me down the hallway, her lips never leaving my own.

"Do you have any idea how much I've dreamt about this moment?" She studies my face. "Making love to you like it's the only thing in the world keeping me breathing…keeping me alive." Her words stirring something inside of me, she kicks the bedroom door open and I force her inside. The room warm and inviting, I curl my fingers beneath the hem of her tee and lift it up and over her body. I know exactly what I need, and I'm about to get it. This moment…when we reconnect…god, it's going to be everything I could ever dream of. In this moment, I know that she will never look at me any differently. Why? Because the look she has in her eyes right now is the one I've witnessed every day when we have made love. It's the look that told me she wanted me when I kissed her for the first time. It's the look that told me I needed her after only days of knowing her. It's the look that told me I was doing the right thing when I got fired. It all leads to this moment. The moment when I can truly say that Eliza Minnick will always be mine, no matter what we face. "Your body…" She breathes out as she turns me in her arms, my back now pressing against her front. "Its all I think about." Her hand slipping past the waistband of my sweats, she smiles against my neck. "And no panties...fuck." Her fingertips connecting with my clit, my breath catches in my throat and my heart is barely beating.

"Eliza…" My voice barely audible, She holds me against her body with her free hand that is settled between my breasts. "Oh god." Biting down on my own bottom lip, my eyes close and a smirk settles on my face. _So good._ Just like it always feels. Right now, the explosion didn't happen. Right now, my body is still as it was the last time she touched me. A little more pressure against my aching center, I can feel myself falling towards the edge. I'd try to stop it, but I can't. I can't even begin to process what is happening right now, so no...I can't stop myself. "Baby…"

"Let go, Arizona." Her breath washing over my ear, she turns us both and I find my hands pressing against the wall, palms flat. "Just enjoy it and let go." My body bent at the hip slightly, she presses her center against my ass and I'm desperately trying to keep a grip on reality. I didn't realize how much I needed this moment. I didn't realize just how much this can change things for me. "You're so hot." She smirks against my skin. "I've missed those moans."

"Fuck, I-I…" My body defying me, it shakes and convulses as my orgasm crashes through me. "Oh god." My breathing a little labored, Eliza slips her hand from my sweats and turns me into her arms. "Thank you." I breathe out, my chest heaving.

"Oh, I'm not done with you yet…" She gives me one of her dirty smiles and pulls me towards the bed. My knees connecting with the edge, she pushes me down gently and my back hits the mattress. Slipping my sweats from my thighs, she bites down on her bottom lip and stands back, simply taking in the view she is faced with. "Yeah…" She nods, an adorable smile on her face. "Perfect." Climbing over me, her knee slips between my legs and her lips ghost over my skin. Finding my lips, she takes my bottom one between her teeth and smiles. Her tongue slipping into my mouth, I moan and writhe beneath her. Gripping her back, I pull her a little closer and her skin feels so good against my own.

"I love you…" I smile as she pulls back and finds my eyes. "Everything that you are, Eliza." Giving me a gorgeous smile, she climbs off of me and turns me over. Her own jeans pushed down her legs and now kicked to the other side of the room.

"I love you, too." Her tongue trailing the skin covering my spine, my breath catches in my throat as my back arches and my body craves more. It will always crave more, but right now...that feeling is off the scale. I've never wanted Eliza as much as I do in this moment. Bending my leg at the hip, and the knee, I find myself totally open to her, but my body is comfortably resting on the mattress. Her fingertips trailing the curve of my ass, she moans and her mouth moves lower. It moves to exactly where I want it. Placing soft kisses on my ass and down my thigh, she grazes her nails up the inside before gliding a single digit through my soaked folds. "F-Fuck."

"So wet." She smiles as she gently nips at my ass. "I want you to feel amazing, Arizona." _Oh god, I do._ I definitely do. Taking a long, firm lick up the entire length of my throbbing sex, my hand's fist in the sheet beneath me and I bury my face in the pillow my head is resting on. "I've missed your taste." She smiles as she pulls back and teases my entrance. "I've missed making you come."

"S-Shit, I've missed it, too." My words more of a moan, she enters me fully with two fingers and I no longer have any oxygen left in my body. She's taken everything from me. Everything, and then some. "Oh god, E-Eliza." The bed dipping behind me a little, she gets herself into a better position and sinks deeper inside of me. "Shit…" My ass lifting in the air a little, she smoothes her hand over my it and drags her nails up my back. "Y-Yes…" I slam back against her hand. Everything about this moment is soft and sensual, but I need more from her. I _want_ more. "Eliza…" I groan.

"What do you need, baby?" She leans her body over my own and places a kiss below my ear, her tongue dragging down my neck and towards my shoulder.

"More," I whisper, my words unable to truly be spoken. Adding a third, my eyes slam shut and she weaves her hand under my stomach and towards my clit. Her fingertips connecting, I slowly buck against her hand and my stomach tightens. It hurts a little, but it's not enough to stop me. It's more of an ache than anything else. "Y-Yes, don't stop."

"I'll never stop loving you…" Her words causing me to smile a little, my body is heading straight for the edge once again. So fast that I'm not sure in prepared for this. I'm not sure I'm prepared to come so hard. "You're squeezing me so good right now." She whispers. "You wanna come, huh?" Curling her fingers inside of me, she hits that spot and I swear I'm ready to end everything right now. Just…everything.

"Fuck…" My jaw clenched, my body lifts off the bed and my orgasm approaches. "H-Harder, Eliza," I beg and she does exactly as I ask. "Oh god, yes. I-I…" A gasp leaving my mouth, I come undone and my body is sent into complete overdrive. "Fuck, o-oh…" Shaking and moaning, she slows her pace but she doesn't stop.

"Ride it out, beautiful." _Those words._ How she calls me beautiful. Nobody has ever called me that how she does. Nobody has ever treated me how she does. It's magical every time it falls from her mouth. Every time it falls from her perfect lips. My body slowing, she gently slips out of me and I moan at the loss of contact.

Resting beside me, she turns me into her body and pulls me half on top of her. "Eliza…" I breathe out.

"Just…quiet, okay?" Running her fingers through my hair, she places a kiss to my forehead and my body hasn't felt this relaxed in over two weeks. "Just be…"

Oh god. How does she do that? How does she make me feel this way? Completely in control. Completely happy and worry-free. Just this morning I was contemplating what my life could become, and here she is…with me. Holding me. Making me feel ridiculously safe and protected. She is my entire world and nobody will ever take that from me. No blast. No loss of hearing. No low self-esteem. How could I possibly feel shitty about myself when this woman makes me feel unbelievably incredible every minute of the day? I simply can't. "I needed that…" I nuzzle into her chest and hold her tight.

"I know." She smiles as I glance up at her. "I just had to wait for you to figure it out."

"Thank you for being patient." I rest up on my elbow and capture her lips. "Thank you for being everything I will ever need in my life."

"Thank you for loving me." She replies. "I don't know where my life would be at right now had I not found you…"

"You'd have found me." I run my thumb along her jawline.

"How do you know?" She asks as she makes herself a little more comfortable.

"Because if you hadn't found me…" I tilt my head a little. "I'd have found you."

Smiling as she settles her head back, a slight sigh falls from her mouth and my body is totally spent. I want to return everything she has just given me, but I may need to take some meds soon. By soon, I mean any time now. My body is beginning to scream at me but I don't care. I needed that. We both did. I may be in pain and I may not be fully fit but I know one thing that I'm more than certain of…

 _She doesn't see me as damaged. She sees me as beautiful…_

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	52. Chapter 52

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Fifty-Two

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ELIZA'S POV

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This week has been incredible. Once Arizona and I reconnected, something switched inside of her and she hasn't allowed her insecurities to get the better of her since. I mean, we aren't in bed together every minute of the day, but wow…it's been intense. You know, getting back to our good place. Remembering what we have together. Yeah, it's been awesome. A little painful for her at times, but she knows her limit and I'm beginning to pick up on that, too. I'm beginning to recognize when enough is enough, even if we don't want to stop. It's not as simple as going round after round right now, but I'm okay with that. I'm okay with whatever Arizona wants. This is all totally at her pace. It has to be. We _both_ have to remember that she is still recovering.

I'm about to step onto campus for the final time this week, and honestly, I'm not sure what I'm about to be faced with. It's been a nightmare this week, but more so for the university than for me. From what I've heard, some students have met with the Dean regarding Arizona's firing. I don't know what the outcome was or what they even discussed, but it's nice to see them backing her. It was never a case of them hating her. No, they just hated me instead. I can live with that, though. I can be the one who the blame lies with if it helps Arizona and her career. All I want is for her to have the opportunity to come back when she is feeling better but I don't think it will that simple. Dean Pritchard seemed pretty adamant in his decision, but I'm hoping to speak to a few of the students today. _If_ they will speak to me. I'm not holding out much hope, but I'd really like to know what is going on.

"Hey, Eliza!" A familiar voice calling out behind me, I turn to find April rushing towards me. "Wait up."

"Where's the fire?" I laugh. "Slow down."

"Sorry, just…have you spoke to anyone?"

"Um…anyone like who?" Furrowing my brow, I glance over April's shoulder and find Dean Pritchard heading my way. "Oh god, what's going on? Why is the Dean coming over here?"

"Just...go with it, okay?" She gives me a hard stare.

"Go with what?" I sigh. "I don't even know what you are talking about…"

"The students who met with him yesterday?" She raises her eyebrow and I give her a nod. "They figured something out. I don't know what but Professor Daniels won't be staying. She's simply covering right now."

"Covering for who?" I give her a look of confusion.

"Arizona." She rolls her eyes. "Come on, keep up!"

"Miss Minnick." A deep male voice pulls me from my conversation with my best friend. I don't even know what is going on right now, but April is talking about my girlfriend and that can never be a good thing. Or maybe it is, I don't know. "Do you have a few minutes?"

"I-I, uh…" Switching my gaze back to April, she gives me a nod. "Y-Yeah." I clear my throat. "What is it?"

"Maybe we could go to my office?" He motions for me to head inside the main building. "This doesn't need to be discussed with anyone else."

"Oh, right." I give him an awkward smile. "April, I'll catch up with you when I'm finished, okay?" She gives me a smile and disappears. Following behind Dean Pritchard, I can feel multiple sets of eyes on me but I don't look up. I can't. If I do, I'll crumble and I don't even know why I'm being summoned to his office. I don't know what I've done wrong. April suggested it was something to do with Arizona, but he has already made his feelings known where our relationship is concerned.

Stepping into his office, he closes the door behind me and I take a seat. I don't like the feeling I'm getting being in here. I feel as though I'm about to be told off and that isn't happening. I'm twenty-one, not six. This isn't school. _Maybe he would do well to remember that…and allow Arizona back._ "What's the problem?" I sit up in my seat a little and try to show him that he doesn't intimidate me.

"How is Arizona doing?" He smiles as he takes a seat behind his huge desk. "She isn't answering my calls."

"Do you blame her?" I raise an eyebrow. "She was just fired. I don't imagine she wants to speak to anyone from here…"

"I have something for her." He clears his throat as he shuffles some papers on his desk. "If she would be interested in taking a look?" Slipping them into an envelope, he seals it and hands it over to me. "Ask her, please?"

"What is this?" I ask.

"This isn't going to work without her here." He shakes his head. "I was simply following the guidelines of the university, but the students want Arizona back." He sits back in his seat. "I never wanted her out of here, but you can see the position I was in."

"Wait!" I hold up my hands. "You're giving her job back to her?" A small smile curls onto my lips.

"Providing she is willing to sign the paperwork in that envelope, yes." He nods. "I don't expect her to end her relationship with you, but there will be some boundaries. You too have to sign it."

"O...kay." I furrow my brow.

"Just…give it to her. Read through it yourself." He stands. "I don't expect you to have an answer immediately, and I don't expect Arizona to come back too soon, but her job is here if she wishes to take it back."

"T-Thank you." I stand and give his hand a firm shake. "I'll pass it on when I get home tonight."

"Excellent." Heading for the door, my stomach is somersaulting right now. _What the hell has just happened?_ Shaking my head as I step out into the corridor, I pull out my cell and hit a number on my speed dial. _Wow._

"Hey, beautiful." The sound of my girlfriend's voice is music to my ears and a smile instantly settles on my face. "Everything okay?"

"I, uh…I think so." I furrow my brow. "The Dean just called me to his office."

"Oh." She remains silent after her choice of very little words.

"He's asked me to give you some paperwork," I state.

"Great." She scoffs. "He probably wants me to sign off on my firing." She laughs. "You know, just to add a little insult to injury."

"N-No, it's not that kind of paperwork." I shake my head as I make my way through the corridors.

"There is no other kind of paperwork." She breathes out. "At least, none worth me looking at."

"Just...I'll pick up some champagne on the way home." I smile to myself. "It's good, Arizona. It's _so_ good."

"C-Champagne?" She stutters.

"Yes, for us. To celebrate."

"There's hardly anything to celebrate, Eliza. I'm injured and jobless."

"Injured, yes." I agree. "Jobless…not anymore. Look, I have to get to class but I'll see you tonight. I love you."

"I-I love you, too."

* * *

Leaving campus for the day, I have a spring in my step and I honestly feel like things could be falling perfectly into place. Sure, I don't know what the paperwork wedged between my laptop says, but it can't be that bad. Dean Pritchard has admitted he wants Arizona back, so how bad can it be? My girlfriend will be teaching again, and that makes me extremely happy. _This weekend could be our best yet._ Openly in a relationship. Our sex life is back. Arizona has her job. Yeah, this weekend is going to be awesome. Maybe I'll take her out to dinner tonight. Now that everything's okay, there is no reason why we can't enjoy some time outside together. I'm sure she will go for it. She has to. If she is returning to work, she will _so_ want to celebrate.

Heading down a familiar street, I glance up at my old apartment block and smile. I don't plan to move everything out until Arizona is available to help me. She wants to do it with me so it feels more official, and I appreciate that. I want it to feel exactly like it should. "Eliza!" Furrowing my brow, I turn on my heel and find Sasha heading towards me. "Hey, how are you?"

"Hey, I'm good." I give her a friendly smile. "You headed home for the weekend?"

"Yeah." She falls into step with me. "Some of the guys are headed over tonight. Did you want to join us?"

"Oh, I have plans." I focus on the street ahead of me. "But thanks."

"You always seem to have plans lately." She furrows her brow. "Does she freak out when you hang with your friends? Is it some kind of jealousy thing she has going on?"

"Who's she?" I raise an eyebrow as I glance her way.

"Professor Robbins." She rolls her eyes. "Just…you've changed. You don't hang out with us anymore. It's a little weird. Does she stop you from living your life?"

"Why is it weird?" I stop dead on the sidewalk. "Have you thought maybe I don't _want_ to hang with you?"

"Well, no." She gives me a look of confusion. "Why wouldn't you want to hang with us?"

"Because I don't trust you, Sasha," I admit. "Last time I came to one of your parties, you kissed me."

"So? You didn't seem to mind it a few weeks before when we were dating."

"But there was a reason we were no longer dating." I smile. "So, I kinda didn't appreciate you doing what you did. You caught me off guard and I didn't expect it."

"She was the reason, wasn't she?"

"Mmhmm." I purse my lips. "Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get home."

"Uh, you just passed your home, Eliza." She throws her thumb over her shoulder.

"No, my home is with Arizona." I resume my pace and Sasha mutters something under her breath. "What was that?" I ask.

"I said I lost you to a forty-something predator." My eyes widening in shock, I step a little closer to my ex and gives her a sad smile.

"Before you even think _anything_ like that…you should know that you never _had_ me to begin with. Therefore, you didn't lose me." A slight laugh falling from my lips, she drops her gaze. "I mean, we dated for like two weeks."

"Still...don't you think it's a little odd? She's old enough to be your mom."

"She's thirty-two, Sasha." I roll my eyes. "Hardly predatory material…" Shaking my head, I turn and walk away. I don't have time to explain myself to people who are irrelevant. I want to get home and celebrate with my gorgeous girlfriend. Everyone else is no concern of mine.

Rounding the corner, our home comes into view and I quicken my pace. Arizona texted me a little while ago and told me not to pick up a bottle of champagne. She said she has a cupboard full of the stuff and she would have one ready. She still sounds totally lost and unsure about our call we shared earlier, but I guess all will be revealed when I get inside. Crossing the street, I take my keys from my pocket and slip it into the lock. Breathing a sigh of relief at the prospect of seeing Arizona, I close the door and find her in the kitchen. "Hey…" She smiles. "You've had me going out of my freaking mind all day!"

"Sorry, I shouldn't have called you." Closing the distance between us, I press a soft kiss to her lips and she smiles against my mouth. "Dean Pritchard wanted me to give you this." Taking the manilla envelope from my bag, I hand it over and she releases a nervous deep breath. "Just open it and stop worrying." I give her a soft smile.

"What it is?" She asks.

"I don't know, but I'm assuming it's nothing bad." I shrug. I wish she would hurry up and open it. I'm beginning to get a little nervous myself. "Arizona?"

"Right, yeah." She clears her throat. "I guess I won't know until I open it." Ripping the top of the envelope open, she pulls out a few sheets of paper with printed writing on them. "Okay, um…" Reading the information, she nods to herself and furrows her brow. "It's a disclosure form…"

"Okay…"

"It has some rules…shall we say?" Handing over the form, I glance down it and it seems pretty fair to me. I'll do anything if it means Arizona can have her job back. Anything at all. "What do you think?"

"I think it's reasonable." I nod. "Refrain from any and all physical contact on campus…I can do that. Uh, any employee who engages in such a relationship must accept responsibility for assuring that it does not result in a conflict of interest or raise other issues of professionalism." I shrug. "We can work with this, right? It's not any different to how we have been since we met."

"Yeah, seems pretty understandable to me." She smiles. "So…"

"So?"

"I have my job back." Her smile growing wider when she confirms it with her own words, she pulls me in by the waist and presses her lips to my own. "And I get to keep you."

"You do…" I smirk. "Jackpot, huh?"

"Oh, you've no idea, Eliza." Her hands settling on my hips beneath my shirt, her eyes look brighter than they have in weeks. I know she was okay with losing her job, but I sometimes wonder if that is just a front. I sometimes wonder if she is playing it cool because she doesn't want to upset me. It no longer matters because soon everything will be as it should be. She should never have been fired, but I guess the rules were there for everyone to see. She warned me, and I took it on board…it still came to the worst, though.

"Get yourself in the shower." I run my tongue up her neck. "I'm taking you out to dinner tonight." Pulling back, she furrows her brow and studies my face. "Celebration…"

"You don't have to do that." She drops her gaze. "We can celebrate here."

"Arizona, the university has known about us for three weeks and we are yet to be seen in public together." I give her a sad smile. "I want to take you out…just, let me?"

"I can't." She shakes her head. "Thank you, but I don't want to." _Um, okay?_

"You don't want to be seen with me?" I ask, my brow furrowed. "W-Why?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying." She tightens her grip around my waist. "I just…I haven't been outside yet."

"So, tonight will be the night, no?"

"No." She smiles. I'm not entirely sure it is even a real smile, but I didn't know she was so worried about going out in public again. I get it, but I didn't know she felt so bad about it. "Maybe another time?"

"Sure." I clear my throat. "I can cook?"

"That would be amazing." She presses her lips to my own. Releasing me from her grip, my shoulders slump a little but I don't have any right to be mad at her. She had a traumatic experience and just like the intimacy…I have to wait it out.

"You know…" I breathe out as she turns back to face me. "When the time comes…I'll protect you."

"I know you will." She agrees. "I just don't think I can do it yet."

"Baby steps?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah…baby steps."

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 **Thanks for reading guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always. Massive thanks to anyone who is still reading this fic.**


	53. Chapter 53

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Fifty-Three

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ARIZONA'S POV

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What the hell am I doing? I've just blown Eliza's offer of dinner off and I feel like the biggest bitch in the world. I mean, I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm doing _great_ , even. So, why am I acting this way? Why am I stopping myself from enjoying a beautiful night with my girlfriend? I seriously need to have a word with myself and I need to do it now. Like, what's the worst that could happen? It's just dinner. Dinner, surrounded by many other people. People who aren't scared to be out in public. People who are enjoying their evening with their significant other or friends. This is completely ridiculous. _Nothing is going to happen to you, Arizona._ Nothing! I want to change my mind and take her up on her offer, but I think she is feeling a little hurt right now. I mean, she thought I didn't want to be out with her. She thought I was turning her down because of our relationship. That really isn't what this is. This is just my own stupid mind playing tricks on me and I hate it. I hate everything about the person I've become. I've never been someone who runs from my problems and I've never been someone who lets things get me down. This time won't be any different. It _can't_ be any different.

I've just got my job back for God sake. I should be happy. We should be celebrating. Maybe that's a little bit of an exaggeration, though, because who celebrates the fact that they aren't fired anymore? Typical for me, I guess. Glancing over towards the couch, Eliza is sitting down with her knees pulled up to her chest. I know she is trying and I know she has been amazing, but she deserves to have this night. If she wants to celebrate with me, then yeah…she totally deserves this. If I need to come home, I can call my mom. Sure, she's out with her friend right now, but she's only a call away. She is only catching up with old friends. She can be there for me if I crumble.

Moving into the living room, I take a seat beside my girlfriend and find her chewing on her lip. Glancing my way, she gives me a small smile and I know she is thinking. I know she is probably hating me right now. I wouldn't blame her, though. She deserves to enjoy dinner outside of these four walls. She deserves to be wined and dined. I've always promised her that when it was possible to do so, but I haven't shown that since we were outed. I haven't done anything to show her that I want people to know about us. _I bet she thinks I don't want it._ I bet she thinks I wanted to live in secret until she got bored and left. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She gives me a slight nod. "Just figuring out what to make for dinner."

"Nothing," I state. "We _are_ going out."

"Arizona, you aren't ready and that's okay." She takes my hand in her own and gives it a firm squeeze. "We can try another day."

"I don't want to try another day." I drop my gaze. "I want to do this now." Studying her face, she is contemplating my idea but I think maybe I'm the one who is about to be blown off. "Please?"

"You don't want to." She replies. "I'm okay with hanging here. I really am."

Sighing, I run my fingers through my hair and sit back on the couch. "Eliza…" She raises her eyebrow as she turns to face me fully and I give her a genuine smile. "I'd like to try and do this with you tonight…"

"I get it, Arizona. I know that this must be hard for you. You know, after what you experienced? I'm not surprised you are unsure about going out, and especially where there are crowds of people. I should have thought about it before it even became a suggestion. I should have waited for _you_ to tell me you wanted to go out. I just...I should have known."

"I don't want you to have to think about it, though." I run my thumb across her knuckles. "I don't want you to constantly wonder what is and isn't appropriate to say or ask. I just want us to be normal again."

"I want that, too." She smiles.

"I mean, look at us?" I scoff. "We should be unbelievably happy right now, and instead we are locked away. Locked away like we have been for the best part of three weeks."

"We _are_ unbelievably happy…"

"Well, I'm not," I admit. "I'm not happy about any of this and until I can move past it, I'm not going to be happy. Like, we should be grocery shopping together and taking walks together. Isn't that the whole point of me outing us? Isn't that the whole reason we've faced and dealt with this uncertainty about us? For this outcome…for what we want?"

"Yeah." She smiles.

"Then I have to try." I give her a look of complete determination. "I have to try and be me again...but, I need you to help me do that."

"Okay…" She agrees. "But you'll tell me if it becomes too much?"

"Oh, I think you'll know if it's too much." I laugh. "You'll know the minute I freak out. Trust me…"

"I've got you, okay?" Standing, she pulls me up to my feet and her soft hands settle on my hips. "I've always got you. Just…whatever you need, okay?" Dipping her head a little, she captures my lips and a slight moan falls from my mouth. "So, we're doing this?"

"Yeah." I agree, her forehead resting against my own, my arms wrapped tight around her waist. "We're doing this."

"Shower?" She raises an eyebrow, a slight smirk curling on her lips. "Together?"

"Sounds perfect." My body being pulled through the lower level of our home, Eliza guides me towards the staircase and I feel okay. At least, for the time being, I do. I don't know how I will feel once I'm outside. I don't know how I will feel once I reach the hustle and bustle of Seattle on a Friday night, but yeah…I have to do this. I have to try and be me again because honestly, I'm tired of feeling anything other than myself. "You know…" Tugging at my girlfriend's hand, she stops and turns to face me. "I've thought about this moment for so long, Eliza."

"We shared a shower last night." She furrows her brow.

"No, being out with you in public." I smile. "I've thought about it for so long that I don't even know what to expect anymore. Like, I had it all pictured in my head. How it would feel. How my heart would pound in my chest. How I'd look at everyone and silently tell them that you're mine. How you'd hold my hand and kiss me…"

"I've thought about it, too." She admits. "But I had to stop thinking about it."

"Why?"

"Because I thought it would never happen and the more I thought about it, the more I was torturing myself." I hate that she hurt when she thought about us going public, but it's happening. It's happening, and that is what I have to focus on. Not my worries or the crippling fear I suspect I'm going to have when my feet hit the sidewalk. I have to focus on the happiness we are both about to share, and it has to overpower anything else on my mind. It just has to. I cannot let this ruin what should be a happy time. I'm here and I'm alive. What else is there to think about?

"I'm sorry you had to wait so long…"

* * *

"Arizona?" Eliza calls my name from the bottom of the staircase. I know I told her I'd be ready a little while ago, but I'm not. I just don't feel as though I look right. I've been standing in front of the mirror for the past ten minutes, and no…I don't look good. "Baby?"

"Can you come up here please?" She thinks I'm going to blow her off again. She thinks I'm not going to stand by my word and have dinner with her. _Stop worrying, Robbins._

The sound of footsteps slowly coming closer to me, I close my eyes and release a deep breath. _Why do I look weird?_ Maybe it's because I haven't felt good about myself for so long. Maybe it's because I haven't bothered to make myself look half decent since before the explosion. "What's u-." Her eyes widening, I furrow my brow and she clears her throat. "Holy mother of God!"

"Tell me I look okay." I breathe out. "Even if it's a lie, just tell me…" If she doesn't put my mind at ease soon, we are never going to leave.

"No, I won't tell you that you look okay." She shakes her head and closes the distance between us. "Because you look freaking incredible." Her thumb running across my bottom lip, she gives me the most adorable smile and my heart rate settles a little. "You look amazing, Arizona."

"You're not just saying that?" I furrow my brow. "You're sure I really look okay?"

"You look perfect." Stepping back a little, her eyes graze my entire body and she bites down on her bottom lip. "Wow." Okay, she's totally saying this to make me feel better, but right now I'll take it. So long as she thinks I look good enough to leave the house, nobody else matters. Her opinion is the one that counts.

"Shall we head out then?" I grab my purse and move towards the door.

"Y-Yeah." She nods, her eyes fixed on my dress. "After you…" Heading out of our bedroom, I move towards the staircase and I can feel her eyes all over me. I know I'm having my own mini-meltdown inside, but this woman makes me feel like a million dollars. "So beautiful…" She breathes out, her voice barely audible.

"Thank you." I glance back over my shoulder and find her gaze fixed on my ass. "Eliza?"

"Mm?" Her head shoots up. "Sorry, what?"

"I said thank you." Turning to face her once we are both back downstairs, she gives me a smile and I lean in to capture her lips. "For helping me through all of this."

"It's what I'm here for…" She grips my hand before I move away. "And you've totally got this, okay?" She presses a kiss to my lips. "I love you, and you've got this."

"With you by my side?" I raise an eyebrow. "I know I have." Reaching for the door handle, I open it and step out onto the porch. The fresh air feels good as it fills my lungs, and so far…so good. "Come on…" Holding out my hand, she laces our fingers together and locks up behind us. If I can focus on the good, then this night could be so beautiful for us. It could be everything we have both been dreaming about. A dream that at times…I thought would never happen.

Moving down the porch, I find myself on the sidewalk in no time at all and I take a deep breath. Breathing techniques have been working for me so far so maybe I should just focus on my breathing when I feel a little weird? Maybe I should focus on keeping myself centered and the rest will fall into place. "You doing okay?" Eliza asks as we fall into step with each other.

"You know what? I am." I smile. "Just don't leave my side. Not when we reach the restaurant, anyway."

"You don't have to worry about that happening." She leans in and places a kiss below my ear. "I'm right here with you."

"You know, I was thinking that if tonight goes okay, maybe I'll head back to work."

"Are you ready for that?" She asks, genuinely interested in my response. "I mean, whatever you decide, but are you sure now is the time to think out that? I don't want you to put too much pressure on yourself."

"I'll see how tonight goes." I agree. "Maybe tomorrow we could head out somewhere if everything is okay tonight. Take it from there…"

"That sounds like a perfect idea." She smiles. "You know, I'm so proud of you, Arizona." Her eyes giving me nothing but the complete truth, I give her a sad smile and lean into her a little. "So proud."

"Thank you." My voice breaking a little, I clear my throat and shake myself from my emotions. "Sorry…"

"I just wanted you to know." She tightens her grip on my hand. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You haven't," I reassure my girlfriend as we cross the street. "I just…I love you." Sighing, we round the corner and I'm met with the busy Friday night traffic. The people. The noise. All of the things I haven't witnessed for a few weeks. "Wow." I stop and take in the view around me. It's like nobody has even bothered to stop and think for one second today. People rushing to get home. People rushing into the local bars. Horns beeping. People unnecessarily crossing the street with their cell stuck to their ear. _Nothing has changed._

"You've got this Arizona." She places her hand on the small of my back. I know she is reassuring me, and honestly…it feels nice. It feels perfect. Nobody is any different to how they usually are, but I've been locked away. Locked away and refusing to live my life how I see fit.

"Come on." I pull my girlfriend down the street. "These guys are going about their lives as usual so it's about time we did the same." I won't lie, my heart is pounding in my chest, but it only reminds me that I'm okay. That I'm breathing. Sure, I may have some marks and scars to remind me of that awful day, but I have to stop replaying it in my head. I have to stop focusing on what happened to me and focus on what will happen to us. _Nothing._ Nothing is going to happen to us other than total love and happiness. "Here?" She stops me outside of my favorite Italian. We haven't shared dinner here before, but she's remembered from a conversation we had months ago.

"It's your favorite, right?"

"It is." My smile widening, she laces our fingers impossibly tight and pulls me into her body. "You remembered…"

"Time to share dinner together, beautiful." Pressing a kiss to my lips, my body relaxes against her own and I give her the slightest nod, our lips still attached. "God, this is amazing…" She pulls back and the smile on her face is one I've never seen before. I know I haven't because it's one I'll never forget. "So amazing."

"And I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else." I smile, my dimples popping. "Now, it's time to be us." Pulling her inside, she holds my hand impossibly tight. I know she is telling me I'm okay, but yeah…I am. I know I am. It's hard not to be when I have a beautiful life with a beautiful woman. A woman I never imagined I'd ever meet. A woman so mature for her age that sometimes I'm totally blown away by her. A woman that I'm going to share the rest of my life with, regardless of anything else.

 _A woman I know was made for me…_

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	54. Chapter 54

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Fifty-Four

* * *

ELIZA'S POV

* * *

It feels so good sharing my evening with Arizona. I mean, we share every evening together...but this one is different. This one feels perfect. Exactly how it always should have felt. We are out in public together but that's not what this is about right now. Sure, I'm beside myself with excitement for everything that is to come, but this night is about Arizona being incredible and conquering her fears. She isn't the kind of woman who lets things phase her so seeing her so scared and worried was hard for me. It was hard, but I totally got it. I understood why she felt so low. Her mood more so than anything else. It then becomes a vicious circle. Once your mood dips, it's hard to get out of that rut you seem to find yourself in. I know _exactly_ how that feels. I know how hard it is to see the good in anything when you have been through absolute hell. She's here, though, and she is doing so well. I meant it before when I told her I was proud of her. Im so proud of her progress that I could burst. Sometimes the pride I have for her is so intense that I feel ridiculous even saying it, but tonight I had to. She had to know how amazing she has taken all of this because honestly…I'm not sure I could have done the same. I'm not sure I'd have coped as well as she has with all of this. She's a warrior, though...and she is all mine.

"You feeling okay?" I lean across the table a little and take her hand in my own.

"Yeah, I just wish they would stop looking at me." She gives me a sad smile and drops her gaze.

"Who?" I furrow my brow.

"The professors on the table across the room." She rolls her eyes. "You'd think they'd never seen a couple before." Scoffing, she glances back up at me and shakes her head. "I'm sorry...I'm ruining our night."

"No, you're not." I smile, my grip tightening on her hand. "They are. Do you want to leave?" It's no big deal if she does. We finished our food a little while ago and right now we are just relaxing and enjoying a bottle of wine.

"No, I want to be here with you…" She states, certainty in her eyes. "I'm okay, Eliza." Standing, she approaches me and takes a seat beside me, her back now to the professors who've been watching us. "Thank you for asking me to do this tonight." Placing a kiss below my ear, a smile settles on my face. "I wouldn't have done it without you…"

"You've been amazing, Arizona," I answer honestly. "Absolutely amazing."

"But this is all because of you." Her hand comes to rest on my thigh beneath the table. "You are the one who made me feel like I could be myself again. You are the one who showed me that everything could and would be okay."

"Feels good to hear you say that." I blush. "I don't know why because this isn't about me, but it feels nice knowing you think I helped you in some way, whether that was just a little or not…"

"Everything I am right now is because of you, Eliza. Don't ever downplay just how incredible you are. I love you."

"I love you, too." Leaning in a little, we are brought out of our conversation by the clearing of a throat. Glancing up and behind me, I find a familiar face glaring at the both of us. "What?" I turn in my seat, my hand still firmly holding Arizona's.

"Arizona, we were all wondering if you would like to join us since your dinner is over." Professor Janson gives me a look of disgust and I look her up and down. How fucking dare she judge us. She's the one who fucked a married woman…in _our_ home.

"Excuse me, but you are ruining my night." I cut in before Arizona has the chance to get herself worked up."

"I wasn't speaking to you." She gives me a sarcastic smile. "Arizona should be sitting with the adults. Not the kids."

"Don't you fucking dare." I stand, my chair screeching. "Do you want me to tell this entire restaurant what a home wrecking slut you are?"

"Sit down, Miss Minnick." She spits.

"Don't try me, because I will." I give her a knowing look. "I'll have your disgusting behavior around campus so fast…"

"Eliza, it's okay." Arizona stands and squeezes my hand. "We should leave."

"Why?" I furrow my brow. "Because _she_ doesn't like seeing people happy? I don't think so." Returning to my seat, my girlfriend settles down beside me and Jane fucking Janson is still in my space for some unknown reason. "Fuck off!"

"Arizona?" She raises her eyebrow.

"I'm good here, thanks." My girlfriend takes her wine glass between her teeth and gives her colleague some kind of death stare.

"You know, not one of you contacted Arizona after the explosion. Not one of you bothered to see if she was okay. How her injuries were. If she was feeling better. None of you cared…" It makes me a little upset saying those words, but I'm finally realizing what kind of people she works with. What kind of _supposed_ friends she has. "You should back off before I make your life hell."

"You're just a student." She laughs. "Nobody would believe a word you said."

"I'm not." Arizona cuts in. "They'll hear the complete truth from me if that's what you want."

"You wouldn't." Her voice trembles. "You'd back her?"

"Every. Single. Time." Sitting forward, Arizona rests her elbows on the table and gives her colleague a fake smile. "Run along to your friends…the ones who have no idea about the woman you really are. I think we're done here, Jane."

Placing my hand on my girlfriend's thigh, I glance her way and give her a genuine smile when the nutty fucking professor takes the hint and decides to leave well enough alone. Watching her return to her seat, I throw the other professors a wave and call for the bill. Arizona doesn't need this right now. Hell, I don't need it either. "Did you want to get out of here?"

"You know, I have a beautiful bottle of red at home…" She narrows her eyes. "It goes well with a bed and nakedness."

"Oh?" I raise an eyebrow. "Since you're the professional here, I guess I should take your word for it?"

"You should." She agrees. "Because if I have to rip this beautiful dress off…I will." Taking my bottom lip between my teeth, I shift in my seat and try to relieve the throbbing between my legs. It's no secret that Arizona has a way with words, and something tells me she is getting back to her good place. Her very good, very _hot_ place.

* * *

Reaching our porch, I'm quickly reminded that Arizona's mom is back from her afternoon with friends. The house lit up and looking very homely, I'm suddenly feeling a little less crazy than I was walking home. Arizona has gotten me a little worked up, but now nothing can come of that. _I guess she just forgot her mom was here._ Damn! Taking my keys from my purse, I slip them into the lock and push the door open. Motioning for my girlfriend to head inside first, I lock up behind us and her hands instantly find my hips. "I hope you're not wearing any panties…" Her lips pressing below my ear, I place my palm flat against the front door and try to steady myself a little. It isn't going so well since my girlfriend is grinding against my ass, but I have to keep control.

"Well… I certainly hope that she is." A familiar voice sounding out behind us, I drop my head between my shoulders and Arizona laughs. "It's cold out there tonight."

"Hi, mom." She sighs as she releases me from her grip and disappears from behind me. "Didn't know you were back."

"I can see that." Lifting my head, I clear my throat and release a deep breath. Turning, Barbara gives me a smile. "Hello, dear."

"Hi, Barbara." Blushing, I blush past my girlfriend and head straight for the staircase. "I think I'll just change into something more comfortable."

"Eliza, wait." My girlfriend follows behind me and tugs me back. "I think I want to head to bed but I'm feeling a little dizzy. Can you help me up?"

"Why didn't you say?" I furrow my brow. "Do you need to go to the hospital? Is your hearing okay?"

"My hearing is fine." She smiles. "I think maybe it was just too much for one night."

"Sorry." I drop my gaze. "I shouldn't have even suggested it."

"Nonsense, sweetie." Mrs. Robbins cuts in. "I'm sure Arizona had a wonderful night, didn't you honey?"

"I did, mom." She glances back and gives her mom a sweet smile. "Would you mind if I turn in?"

"Not at all." The older Robbins shakes her head. "I was just finishing up my packing. I'm headed home tomorrow."

"Oh." Arizona turns around.

"You don't need me here right now." She throws her daughter a wink. "You are doing so much better, don't you think?"

"I am, mom. Thank you for everything."

"It's my job." She gives her a knowing look. "Now, you ladies enjoy the rest of your evening and I'll have breakfast ready at nine tomorrow."

"Thanks." _Enjoy the rest of our evening?_ How can I enjoy it when Arizona is feeling unwell. What's enjoying about lying in bed staring at four walls? "Goodnight." Wrapping my arm around my girlfriend's waist, I help her up the stairs and she stands a little better when we reach the top. "Let's get you into bed…" I give her a soft smile and place a kiss below her ear.

"Not before I take that dress off of you…" She grips my ass and her fingers slip a little lower, grazing my thigh. "Your ass looks incredible in it." Her hand ghosts up and under it and she releases a low moan when her fingertips connect with my soaked center.

"You're not feeling good, Arizona," I reply. "This can wait."

"Like hell, it can." Removing her hand, she slips her fingers into her mouth and my eyes widen. "And there's nothing wrong with me…"

"You lied to your mom!" I whisper. "That's bad."

"Oh, whatever." She rolls her eyes. "My mom isn't stupid. She knows there is _nothing_ wrong with me…" Pulling me into our bedroom, Arizona has that look in her eyes. The look that tells me this is happening whether I like it or not. The look that tells me…I'm hers. "Now, are you going to fight with me about it or are you going to just lie down and take it?" A smirk forming on her lips, I shift a little uncomfortably as arousal gathers between my legs. "Huh?"

"We can't." I close the bedroom door. "Your mom is here."

"Are you telling me…" Moving closer to me, she drops her hand to my thigh and runs it beneath my dress. "...you can't be quiet whilst I fuck your brains out?"

"Oh god." My stomach fluttering at her choice of words, I really wish her mom wasn't here right now. "I'm not sure I can be as quiet as I need to be…"

"Then you'd better try, huh?" Her hand dipping between my legs, she smiles and runs a single finger through my folds, causing my legs to almost buckle. "You can try for me, right?"

"Y-Yeah." I close my eyes as she presses her fingertip against my throbbing clit. "I-I, uh…"

"You what?" She narrows her eyes.

"God, you make me insane." I breathe out, my body aching for her touch.

"And I always will." Taking my bottom lip between her teeth, she steps back towards the bed and turns me in her arms. Her lips trailing the side of my neck, she lowers her tone. "You know, I'm feeling really good tonight. My body, too…"

"Yeah?"

"Mmhmm…" Turning us both, I'm now facing the bed and I know exactly what is coming. "So much so that I think I need you in my favorite position."

"Fuck…" My body being pushed forward, I'm now bent over the edge of our bed. Nudging my legs a little wider, I'm unsteady on my heels but I'm assuming she wants them left on. Lifting my dress, her nails graze up the back of my thigh and my stomach tightens. She hasn't even touched me and I'm trembling for her. "Arizona…"

"Face on the bed." She demands as she grinds against my ass, my dress now around my waist. "Unless you want me to gag you?"

"Holy shit!" Dropping my upper body down on the bed, my face buries in the covers and her fingers glide through my soaked sex. "Fuck me, Arizona."

"A little desperate, huh?" She teases my entrance. "Beg!"

"Please…" I breathe out. "Please fuck me." Gasping when she pushes two fingers deep inside of me, my walls throb and I know she is going to fuck me good tonight. Good, and hard. She always does in this position. She can't help herself…not that I'd ever want her to. "More." I moan as she sinks deeper, opening me up more with every thrust. "I want more."

"Mm, you can have as much as you want." She groans. Slipping out of me, she slams back inside with a third finger and I clench my jaw, trying painfully hard to stop the loud moans I'm desperate to release. "Fuck, that's hot." I know she is watching herself fuck me, I can hear it in her tone of voice. If that makes her hotter, though, she can watch all she likes. "You take me so good."

"I can take more." I groan and her movements stop. "You know I can…"

"Shit…" Slipping out of me, I whimper at the loss of contact. "You want more?" She asks and I glance over my shoulder to find her focused on my center. "What the hell did I do to deserve you…" Turning her body slightly, she grips my ass and opens me up. "So beautiful." Her eyes black, I drop my head back down between my shoulders and I swear the entire street is going to hear me, never mind Arizona's mom.

Entering me and filling me more than ever, my girlfriend moans as her fingers disappear inside of me. "Oh god." My hands gripping the sheets, my knuckles turn white and her pace picks up a little. "Fuck…" Barely breathing, I've never felt such an intense feeling in the pit of my stomach. Every time is intense with Arizona, but this is something else. This is completely different to anything I've ever felt. My orgasm is approaching faster than I want it to, but I need this. I need her. "Baby…" I slam back against her hand. "Oh yes, O-Oh, s-so close. Fuck I'm so close."

"Ugh, so am I." She groans. "So fucking deep."

Weaving my hand between my legs, my fingers press against my clit and I'm going to topple over the edge any second now. "Y-Yes, oh shit. Yes, I'm coming, Arizona…" Burying my face back into the bed, my orgasm rips through me and I have no breath for me to scream, even if I wanted to. My thighs trembling, she holds my body up with her free hand and slows her pace, my body burning from the sensations my incredible girlfriend has been creating.

"That was something else…" She sighs. "Wow…"

"Try being on the receiving end of it." I giggle, my shoulders screaming for relief from the position they're in. Slipping out of me, my body drops down flat on the bed and I release a deep sigh. "Fuck. Me."

"I just did." She smirks as she drops down beside me and I roll onto my back.

"I don't even have any words for that." Trying to calm my breathing, she takes my hand in her own and I turn my head in her direction. "I'm so happy you are feeling better."

"Me too, baby."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	55. Chapter 55

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Fifty-Five

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ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

 _Two months later…_

God, this year has been incredible. Not only did I lose my wife…I met the woman of my absolute dreams. Age gap or not, she is all I can see in my future. She is my life, I know that. No amount of searching and seeing what is out there could ever tear me away from Eliza Minnick, and we both know that. We both know that we are made for each other. Sure, it was tough at times and at one point I wasn't sure we would ever be together…but we figured it out. We figured it out and we are now better than ever before. We share a home together, we share a life together, and today…my girlfriend graduates. _I'm so proud of her._ It's no secret that she's had a tough few years, but I believe her move to Seattle was the best thing to happen to her. Not because we met each other, but because she managed to stand alone and show the world that she could do it. That she could come back from the brink and she could make something of herself.

She has so much potential and she has so much to give…I just hope she makes full use of it. I hope that she can do whatever it is that deep down inside she knows she wants to do. She has the opportunity to really make something of herself, and I'm behind her 100% of the way. I'm behind her whatever she chooses. I know that we will come home at the end of each day and settle down together and it will always be that way. Whether she is in another city or whether she is in the next town…we will always be together. I don't have the worries that I used to have anymore. You know, worrying that she will meet someone younger. Someone more attractive. I know that she only sees me, and I know that she will only ever see me. Sure, I don't expect it to always be perfect, but we will make a damn good go at being as perfect as possible. Whatever life throws at us, we will tackle it together…we will tackle it head-on. Neither of us is scared of the future, so why would we ever let it cause us problems? Why would we ever jeopardize everything we have built between us?

Pulled from my thoughts when I hear my girlfriend's name is being called, my eyes shoot up and I find her heading towards the Dean, the biggest smile on her face. I still feel a little awkward around the rest of my colleagues since they discovered that Eliza and I are in a relationship but today I don't care. Today I want them all to know how much I love this woman. Her eyes finding mine, I throw her a wink and my dimples pop. Mouthing 'I love you', she gives me a nod my heart skips a beat. I thought this day would never come. I thought we would be forever just waiting and waiting. It's here, though. It's here and my girlfriend has just officially graduated. She is looking as beautiful as ever but I need to get her out of here at the first opportunity and whisk her away to our reservation this evening. I promised I'd take her to dinner when this was all over, and I'm sticking to that promise.

Stepping out of the row I've been sitting in for the past hour, I quietly make my way out to the front of the building and release a deep breath when the fresh air hits my lungs. I've been struggling with large groups of people since the explosion so I know Eliza will understand me bolting before the ceremony has ended. Spotting a nearby bench, I approach it and take a seat. I'll just wait out here until my girlfriend has finished up with her celebrations, it's no big deal. Running my hands up and down my thighs, my heart rate returns to normal and I close my eyes. Glancing up at the sky, I smile when I find nothing but blue above me. It has to be a pretty special day for Seattle to have blue skies at this time of year, and it only makes this day even more perfect than I know it's going to be. I have so much I want to talk about, and the first thing on my agenda is the possibility of maybe going traveling since Eliza will have some free time coming up. I don't get the impression that she would turn it down, but I could be wrong.

The clearing of a throat bringing me from my thoughts, I glance up to find Eliza standing in front of me. "Hey, congratulations." Standing, she pulls me into her body and presses her lips to my own. "Mm…" Smiling against her mouth, she tugs at my bottom lip and a blush creeps up my neck. "Not here…" I pull back a little breathless. "Phew…"

"Sorry, I couldn't wait to get my hands on you." Her hand comes to rest on my lip and her smile grows wider. "I hope you don't mind but I told them I had somewhere to be…"

"So long as that _somewhere_ is with me, I couldn't care any less what you told them." Taking her hand in my own, we head for the parking lot and she stops me. "What's up?"

"Just need a moment." She stops and closes her eyes. "I'm finally holding your hand on campus and it feels all kinds of crazy."

"Mm, it does." I agree. "You wanna hang around here a little longer, or?"

"God, no." She laughs. "I don't need _that much_ of a moment."

"We should get home and begin our celebrations then, huh?" Wrapping my arm around my girlfriend's waist, she rests her head on my shoulder and we fall into step together. "I love you, Eliza."

"Mmhmm…I love you too."

* * *

Settled into our seats at the restaurant, Eliza seems to be taking this day in her stride. I suspect she has something on her mind, but I'm not sure I want to really hear it. I get the impression that she is avoiding something, so the longer I can put it off, the smoother this evening will go. Handed menu's by our waiter, I give him a thankful smile and he disappears from our table. "What are you thinking?" I glance over the rim of my glasses. "See anything you like?"

"Mm, the chicken sounds good." She smiles. "You?"

"Same." I shrug. "You know, it feels so good to be out with you tonight. Just us."

"Yeah." She agrees. "It's been a long day but I'm feeling good."

"You received a call earlier." I clear my throat as I sip on my glass of red. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah." She waves off my comment. "Just…something and nothing." Okay, what does that even mean? Does she need to head home to see her mom? Is everything okay with her?

"Is it your mom?" I ask, a little worry in my voice. "Do you need to leave?"

"No, mom is fine." She reassures me. "She's doing better, actually. I spoke to her a few days ago."

"That's good." I breathe a sigh of relief. "Maybe you could visit her now that you don't have much going on?"

"Yeah, maybe." She nods. "Are you ready to order, or?"

"Sure…is uh, is everything okay, Eliza?"

"Of course." She shifts a little in her seat. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"You just seem a little distant tonight, is all." Settling back in my seat, I set my menu down and study her face. She is chewing on her lip so I know she is thinking about something, but like she said…it's something and nothing. "Eliza?"

"I was offered a place for something I applied for before I met you. I actually applied for it two weeks after I arrived in Seattle. Kinda didn't expect you to fall in love with _me_ , though…so?"

"Wow, that's great news." A small smile creeps onto my face. "Tell me all about it?"

"It isn't really important. I'm turning it down."

"What? Why?" I furrow my brow. "Don't you want to do it anymore?"

"It's a dream internship but things have changed." She clears her throat. "I have a life here. I have a life with you."

"But you can commute, Eliza. If we have to move out of town that can totally happen." I sit forward in my seat and take her hand in my own. "I don't mind if I'm the one who has to make the long trip each day. You know I'd do it for you…" I'd do it for her in a heartbeat if she wanted this. She should know that. I don't even know why she isn't thinking about this. It makes sense. I'd drive forever if it meant she could do what she wanted to do.

"That's sweet but I can't commute."

"What is this internship?" I ask.

"It's working in a biology lab at a university. Three-year programme. The research they're doing is amazing."

"Sounds exciting." I smile. "You should do it. You applied for a reason." I don't know why she is even thinking about turning this opportunity down. I know she is secretly excited about it so why can't she be openly excited about it with me? "Eliza, this could be _amazing_ for you."

"It's in London, Arizona." Those words hitting me square in the face, my heart sinks into my chest and I don't even know what to say to her. I don't want to hold her back, but I also don't want her to leave. At least, not for Europe. "You see why I can't take it?"

"Y-Yeah, um…but do you want to take it?" I try to be as nonchalant as possible but I'm struggling right now. "You said it was your dream internship…"

"It is." She gives me a genuine smile, her eyes lighting up when she thinks about it. "But you are my dream, too."

"Your career is more important," I state. "You have to do what is going to make you happy." Pulling my hand back when the waiter returns to take our order, she begins speaking to him, but I can't hear her. I cant hear anything. I feel like the room is closing in on me and I don't know why. Only minutes ago, I was happy for her. For this opportunity. So, why do I now feel like my world is about to come crashing down around me? Why do I feel like I'm about to lose her?

"Arizona?"

"Mm?" My eyes shoot towards her and motions for me to hand back my menu. "Oh, sorry." Handing it back to the waiter, I'm assuming Eliza has ordered for me. Honestly, I'm not very hungry anymore. I want to curl into a ball right now and cry. "So, um…"

"We don't have to discuss it, Arizona." She shakes her head. "I'm not taking the position they offered."

"I just…I feel like we need to discuss this more." Knocking back the remainder of my wine, my palms are clammy and my heart rate still isn't right. "Maybe we could discuss it tonight?" I raise an eyebrow. "It isn't as simple as just saying yes or no, so?"

"Okay." She agrees. "But I'd just like to share dinner with you right now."

"Dinner sounds good." I breathe out, my foot tapping against the floor. "Just us…dinner. Yeah."

"Relax, Arizona." She places her hand over mine and gives it a squeeze. "You have nothing to worry about." God, I wish that were true. I really do. She may not see this as a big deal, but I do. She has the opportunity to take this position that she clearly wanted last year, and I can't be the one to stop that from happening. I can't be the one who holds her back from her dreams. Whether things have changed in her life or not is irrelevant. Her career is important. To me, too. I just don't know what to do with any of this right now. I don't even know how long she has to decide before giving them her answer. This is a mess. _My life is about to become a mess…_

* * *

"Thank you for a beautiful evening…" Leaning into me a little, Eliza places a kiss below my ear and a smile settles on my face. "It's been perfect." It has been perfect, surprisingly. Once we decided to table our discussion, conversation flowed and it felt like there wasn't something hanging over our heads. Something as huge as a potential move to London.

"You're welcome," I reply. "I promised you dinner when you graduated, and dinner is exactly what you got."

"I didn't want that conversation to ruin the mood, though." She sighs. "And I feel like it did…I'm sorry."

"No, it didn't." I try to reassure her. "I just don't know what to expect. You know…in our future?" I know she says nothing is going to come of this, but that shouldn't be the answer to this situation. If there is even a slight hint that she wants to do this, then she should. I'll still be here for her when it is all over. I'm not sure I could do a long distance relationship, but I'd do anything for her so I'd give it a try. _God, I'd try so hard._

"Our future hasn't changed." She tightens her grip on my hand. "I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, Arizona. I promise you that." Taking a right, our home comes into view and it calms me a little. "This home is where I'm supposed to end each day. With you. In our bed."

"But…"

"But nothing." She pulls me in a little closer. "This isn't going to become an ongoing discussion. It's not a big deal."

"I just feel like I'm holding you back," I admit. "You're young and you have so much potential. Just…if you believe that it's what you should do, then do it." Maybe this is where the age gap could become a problem. I mean, I've done all of this. I've moved around and followed what I wanted for my career. Eliza is only just beginning with all of that and all I can do is stand on the sideline and watch. Watch and pray that this all turns out okay.

"Arizona…"

"No, I just need you to know that I'd understand, okay? If a few weeks down the line you decided that you'd made a mistake in not taking that place, then do the right thing. Do what you believe is best for you."

"And what about you?" She deadpans. "What about us?"

"We will _always_ be us." I smile. "I'm not going to disappear and fall off the face of the earth."

"But we wouldn't be together." She furrows her brow. "How can you even be okay with that?"

"I'm not…but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't think about this." We head up the drive and I slip my key into the lock. "All I'm asking is that you think about it."

"I've thought about it." She states. "And it's not happening." Stepping into our home, I close the door behind us and move into the kitchen. " _You_ are where I belong. Wherever you are…I will be."

"I love you." She turns to face me as we both reach the kitchen. "I love you so much, Eliza."

"I love you, too." She leans in and presses a kiss to my lips. "I couldn't ever imagine my life without you, and no internship anywhere could pull me away from you. Down the line, we may decide that we want something different for us. We may decide that we both want a fresh start outside of Seattle. That will only happen if we both agree on it. If we decide to pack up and live our lives elsewhere, then that will be _together_ and I won't settle for anything less, okay?" She gives me a knowing look and I know that this conversation about London is over. I know it was over before it even started back at the restaurant but I needed her to know that she had my support if she wanted to go. She had to know that I was on her side in all of this.

"Okay." My dimples popping, I'm thankful that she has just said that to me. I wouldn't ever stop her from pursuing anything she wants in life, but I won't lie…I was worried about what was to come when she told me about her internship offer. I was worried, but I'd have figured something out. She's right, though. Whatever the future holds…it will still include us being side by side and loving each other unconditionally. "Now, how about we open that champagne?"

"I thought you'd never ask." She rolls her eyes playfully, her arms wrapping around my waist. "What do you see in our future, Arizona?" Studying my face, I give her a genuine smile. Honestly, I just see her, but anything else that comes along…I'll take. I'm not scared of anything that could come where Eliza is involved. Nothing whatsoever.

"Happiness." I sigh. "Complete happiness."

"You think we could get any happier than this?" She raises an eyebrow. "I mean, we already make people sick with our public displays of affection."

"Yeah, well those people can kiss my ass." I laugh. "I want heart-stopping happiness with you. So much happiness that I make myself sick, not everyone else."

"Sounds like fun." She throws me a wink as she releases me from her grip and heads for the bottle of champagne that is chilling. "You know what else could be fun, though?"

"Mm? What's that?" I narrow my eyes.

"You, in our bed…naked."

"Now that sounds like my idea of fun." I agree. "But that dress has to go. As beautiful as it is…it still has to go."

"And you can do the honors when we get upstairs." She licks her lips as she prowls towards me. "If you'd like?"

"Oh, I'd love…"

"Well then…get your hot ass upstairs so I can have my way with you."

Heading for the staircase, a slight sadness settles inside of me. I know it's pathetic and I know I'm just being stupid, but I'm going to miss Eliza being my student. It was all kinds of hot. Everything about how we met was hot. I don't expect any of that hotness to lessen, but it's the end of a chapter in our lives. In our relationship. We're about to head into the unknown, and I cannot wait. "You know…" I turn to face her. "I'm going to miss being called Professor Robbins by you."

"Oh, beautiful…" She gives me a huge smile as she takes my hand in her own. "You will _always_ be Professor Robbins to me."

 _Yeah, she's totally right. I'll ALWAYS be her Professor Robbins…_

* * *

 **And that's a wrap…**

 **Reviews are welcome as always, guys. Thanks for all of your support and awesome motivation for this fic. It's been an absolute pleasure to write.**


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